posted September 06, 2006 02:56 AM            

i'm about to go to bed, but my ex-husband, who was an emotional train wreck, was a pisces. he was so needy and demanding and manipulative, i felt constantly drained and suffocated by him.

he was an emotional octopus!

he had sun, mars & venus in pisces and an aries moon. also, his saturn was exactly conjunct my ascendant. i felt constantly oppressed by him in a myriad of ways.

then, the man who has most recently devastated me, was also a pisces. he has scorpio rising and a virgo moon.

i have never been so hurt and devastated and felt so rebuffed by someone i thought truly cared about me and was truly my friend. i thought he at least cared about my friendship, even if he didn't want to be with me.

we weren't able to be together since he moved to LA to pursue acting, and prior to that i was still somewhat tied up in my marriage. he would constantly spin sh*t to me about he regrets everything that happened between us, how he dreams about me, hell, he was even trying to get me to move into his house on the pretense of being his roommate... i mean i could go on for days. i never reciprocated, i showed him friendship, but i was very wary of him because he hurt me before... but he was so adamant about me being the woman of his dreams all this CRAP.

it all came to a head when he was coming home for a few weeks and we would be in town at the same time. i invited him to this event where he could meet my other friend who is very well connected in acting circles and could help him. i wanted to do everything to make his dreams come true, i can't even explain why i have so much goodwill and kindness towards him. i invited him as my friend, i didn't expect anything in return...although our history and our feelings were always bubbling under the surface, i invited him as a friend.

he was the one making all the grand statements.

anyhow, he ended up telling me he was in love with me and had always been.

i cant tell you how elated that made me, i felt liek all my dreams were coming true. i could never get this man out of my head and i always felt CRAZY for it, i always tried to get him out of my system, thinking he couldn't POSSIBLY feel the same or even 1/10th of how i felt... but apparently he felt it strongly enough to say it and say he'd always loved me.

it put me into a tailspin. i felt so giddy and validated. i felt like... whoah... so what i've been feeling all this time, how i have never been able to forget him, it was all for a reason!!!

well. HUMPF.

then he proceeded to avoid me all friggin week and act like a complete @sshole. i wrote him an email asking him to be honest and if his feelings had changed to please just be honest with me, that he knows he can just be honest with me at any time, i'm not going to flip out, but i need to know if he meant what he said.

he ignored my email.

i stayed out of his way and sent another one 5 days later, again just asking for him to please dignify me with a response and let me know how he feels, that whatever he has to say i will appreciate his honesty and if he finds it hard, just to remember how once he felt like he could say anyting to me, he felt like i understood him and thats still the case. i told him i would never hate him or be mad at him for being honest with me.

i did get mad after sending that email and called him and left and curt voicemail message asking if he was just going to ignore me. it warranted a text message back promising to respond to my email that night, but he was at his dads... and how are you???? i wrote back "i'm ok".... and waited...

he never responded. that was july 10th and i haven't heard from him.

i can't tell you how much turmoil i went through and how much it hurts that he doesnt even give a sh*t, he can just turn his back on me like its nothing, that he doesn't even value my friendship... hey... i'm an aquarian... that sh*t HURTS THE MOST.

i feel so rebuffed.

i feel so angered. all this time, he's always told me that anything i need, anything at all... ANYTHING... just to tell him, he would be there... and look how he treats me???? i want to slap him thinking about it!!!

if he wasnt sure about how he felt, i wish he would have kept his big fat mouth SHUT instead of pushing all this in my face and then pulling the rug out from under me. it's sadistic. it's so cruel.

my ex was a emotional octopus... this fish is an emotional terrorist. he's an emotional stand up guy.

this is the second time he's "stood me up" emotionally.

even that would be okay if he could have just been straight with me, but he is of too **** weak character to be a man and admit that he made a mistake and said something he shouldn't have and let me know what the deal really is.

i wish i could just forget it all.

anyhow.... thats my pisces story. i am truly friggin' DONE with them. no more pisces, ever again.

i literally could not live through another one!!!!!

so much for keeping it short and sweet because i'm going to bed... lol...

hope that helps you in some way.

posted September 06, 2006 09:45 AM              

Wow...I can see so many similarities...

The Fishman, as I call him, first started living inside my brain in 1986. He flirted, he teased, he professed to be totally sincere...and there it sat. We were in highschool. I kissed him once, and he didn't ever call. I'd be at school with him, first period, every day, and he never even hinted that we were a couple, so I just moved on to someone who seemed more interested in me. Oh, there was longing, there was stuff I was feeling very deeply, but it never came to fruition.

FF to 1995. He finds me in our hometown, I go out with him, even tho I was dating my future virgo hubby. He says he is moving to the keys to become a boat captain, and would I like to run away with him. I chose to stay with the virgo. AT the time, I needed that kind of secure person in my life. Fishman would come to the restaurant I worked at and just sit there, looking all sad and pitiful...then he left....and it never occured to me at the time that maybe i had let my one chance at hooking the fish slide by me...until...

FF to 2005. I am doing laundry...folding it, to be exact- and WHAMMO! Like a comet, he's back inside my head. I swear to God, he LIVES in there. Because of his occupation, he has no home...so I think when he thinks of home, he thinks of me, and I swear to God, he just dwells in there, rummaging through everything...

He can totally read me which frustrates me to no end. He always seems to know what is in my head and I never know what is in his. Well, that isnt true. I do know, but because of who I am, I need reassuring. I mean, I only see him like, maybe once every few months. Right now, it's been since May! and it will be until November atleast. And then, it's only for a few hours. It's not like I am trying to have a relationship, here. It's just that ...well..I don't know what it is....I'm pretty sure its a soul friendship. It's just that I am a Leo, and it takes feeding to keep a fire going.

He does so many similar things, emotionally. I vary between thinking he has zero feelings, then, racing, trying to keep up with all the emotions that pour out on occasion! It's a confusing place, and the assures me it's equally confusing to be inside his head! lol!

Love love love him, just for who he is on his own. I think that might be the Pisces man lesson. He is one to love from a distance. Definately NOT marriage or long-term material. They are lovely, beautiful, live for the moment people. They will listen to you endlessly. When they pop up to the surface, they'll give you fish lipped kisses...It's just that you have to leave them there, in the water, to be all swimmy and cchanging....the very things that make them lovely also make them impossible to posses. They cannot possibly be there when you need them-it's not in their nature. It's not that they are bad, it's just that they are incommunicado sometimes. "Hold me when I'm here, love me when I'm gone"....like that song says.

A lion cannot hold a fish out of water without killing him. sad but true.

posted September 06, 2006 10:39 AM            

Well there is not much I can touch on with this but I have a lil bit to add to this.

VenusD: Girl I am so sorry that you are still struggling with this and yes it does take some time to get through this. He really has some issues mainly being a commitment phobe. He has all the signs. What really makes me see this is when you talked about the more you rebelled and kept it freindly the more he wanted you. That is one sign of it along with the other stuff that you said. Just know that the one thing that he wanted so desperately is the one thing that he feared the most. This type of man can really mess a woman up. She has to keep in mind that the real issue lies in his mess not her's. I had a bout with this one time. This guy was the same way and it took me a minute to know that it was him not me. I took my power back and I was better. Now I know better because I know who I am and no one can put their issues on me. Just know that it is him not you let that be your guide into helping you heal.

LeoLy: In all honesty I think this fishman of yours is a bit confused and confusing for you. But you have somethings going on too that may contribute to him being this way. You mentioned marriage or you are married. How do you expect him to reveal his true feelings to a married woman. Us Pisces can be very protective of our feelings. I think that you should just be happy that you guys are just friends because he does not seem to me to be able to offer a woman any kind of stableness and security. As bad as we want things or certain relationships rather we seek guidence by GOD or not we have to trust that we are right where we should be.

posted September 06, 2006 11:00 AM              

And yes, he has said that he hesitates to express his feelings because i am taken. why? there's no harm in the expression! it's not like we are going to cross the line. never have before. he has a leo moon, so he needs to express himself for validation on some level! he can't deny that one.

I don't really want anything more. Like I said above, sometimes, it's ok to love for the sake of it. it doesnt have to be love for possession. You cannot posses the fish! man or woman. That is my story, and I am sticking to it!

posted September 06, 2006 08:47 PM            

It's pretty clear to me that he enjoyed the fantasy, loves the fantasy and probably believes that's what he wants at the time, but as soon as it becomes "real"... he completely freaks out.

This type of man can really mess a woman up.

posted September 06, 2006 08:56 PM            

Oh man, I am getting angry again.

But seriously, keep your emotional distance, don't allow yourself to get too wrapped up in his words, it all seems so romantic, but he really doesn't sound like a man that can offer you anything "real"... Like you said... maybe love from a distance, with no expectations. I'm an Aquarian, I understand that

posted September 07, 2006 12:46 AM              

I always believe in idealistic love, which makes me have an internal struggle or making us unsure of ourselves. The dreamy romantic nature keeps opposing some of the ideals. It might not be similar to what both of you have described, still providing some insight in what all thoughts go through my mind. Like MM mentioned, putting yourself in someone else’s shoes … its never easy, though.

Recently I developed feelings for a married colleague (also having a kid). It was/is an internal struggle of subconscious deep feelings for her and her being married. It was a pull-push situation and pretty miserable one. One hand you feel all those mushy feelings in you, on the other hand you think about what is right-n-wrong, you think about devastating a family if any relation develops, you think about what her husband might feel if his wife deserts him for someone else, whats the future of the kid, what would be reaction of her family and many more (to cut short). I always prayed that she would not have any feelings for me, that her marriage would remain intact and my feelings go away; however sub-consciously the feelings did reside in me. Its tough for us to leave someone, whom we care or have affection, entirely. So its like we keep resisting ourselves to a situation, thinking that only good/right thing would happen by doing so; while internally we can’t just pull off the plug from our feelings.

I did come out with my feelings (probably more from the reason of being in miserable state Or getting a wrong idea that she too had something for me… however there was also a second line of thought that if she had feelings for me, I would be able to know the psychological reasons of those feelings and help her in getting back with her existing married life – I guess Pisces imagination that’s one thought of line which always comes to mind, that by knowing someone deeply or developing a bond/connection, I would be able to help that person in mending some things in their life…. I am not saying that I would be developing a bond for helping out someone, but its more of an imagination which results out when something starts building up … our thoughts run across all the possible planes). We always try to think for others (not sure if it is right/wrong), which might make us look indecisive/non-committal.

She did respond negatively, to my enquiry of her feelings & announcement of my feelings for her (I have phrased it indecent proposal – sigh, enquiring a married person about her feelings, without knowing her’s; now looks pretty indecent ).

LeoLys,
If something similar goes in his mind, he might have always tried to resist you thinking it to be “right” thing to do, while he might still have some connection internally or sub-consciously. As you mentioned 95-05, you are married; it would surely be a dilemma for him to say anything. And being idealistic of love, he might not have lost all his feelings (if any) for you.
“And yes, he has said that he hesitates to express his feelings because i am taken. why? there's no harm in the expression! it's not like we are going to cross the line.”
Hope above answers your query. I think you are being unreasonable. For me its hard to digest if I love someone, how she could be with someone else.
I think its not so easy; he would never want to be cause of a breakup between you and ur hubby. If you need him and really want him, he is there for you (provided you are alone and he also is not hooked up with someone else). When he asked you to run away, that would have been a rare moment when he showed his need for you, otherwise he would always check for your need for him and be passive about his feelings.

If you want a Pisces going through such a case, (I think) - stand firmly, communicate what you want, be there even if he responds negatively, weather the trials – as at some point his nature of going with the flow would pop-up.

posted September 07, 2006 09:52 AM              

Villy you are so right on about Fishman's feelings. Right on. It's uncanny. Sometimes he tells me how much he likes me and in the next breath, he is saying what a great family I have. He doesnt want to mess that up and neither do I. Polygamy, maybe? lol!

Fishman has been my fantasy guy for so long, I seriously doubt it would ever be so good in reality! And the same is prolly true for him. He's been searing my soul with his eyes for so long, he's probably already seen the ugly in there and so I would never live up to his ideal in the real world, even in a perfect scenario. I don't think anything really needs to change.