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Author Topic:   Have a difficult relationship with a Gemini
tinasparkle
unregistered
posted October 17, 2006 11:46 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hello all,

I have a very close family member who is a Gemini and although we have always had a close bond, we also have a lot of conflict. I often feel that she judges me, makes me feel that she is superior and that things in her life are more important than mine. I also feel that she makes everything in our discussions about her, that she often blames me for unhappiness in her life when in fact I could not possibly be responsible. When we argue, if I contradict her or point out that something she has said is incorrect or I have not actually done the thing that she is accusing me of,she retaliates by saying I am trying to make her the bad guy and she can't ever talk to me about anything. I find that I feel blamed,invalidated and "one-upped" a lot and yet, when we are getting along, she is my best friend and I love her company. I was wondering if perhaps there is something in her chart that could help explain what I see as really selfish and self-involved behavior. Her chart is as follows:
Sun Gemini 2.02
Moon Aquarius 27.28
Mercury Taurus 22.52
Venus Gemini 29.35
Mars Leo 14.59
Jupiter Libra 18.10 R
Saturn Cancer 21.27
Uranus Gemini 16.37
Neptune Libra 6.00 R
Pluto Leo 9.39
Lilith Sagittarius 1.59
Asc node Gemini 20.54

Thanks.

Tinasparkle

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Anita41
unregistered
posted October 17, 2006 01:28 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Sounds a bit like my gemini ex boyfriend.
It was so annoying how he could one minute be the best friend ever who I confided in, and the next he would use it against me and judge me for being who I was. And I always felt hurt and tried to explain how I didnt mean this or that,
as he was some kind og king who deserved all my energy. Ack!
Im glad Im older now.
He was very manipulative. Made others look bad and himself like someone who it was sorry for.
Extremely selfish.
One time we were out drinking one beer.
He wanted another, but was broke.
He asked me to borrow him money,
I said no, because I was short of money myself. He became so rude and sarcastic to me.
Is that selfish or what?

I do believe its the gemini and also the leo mars here..

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tinasparkle
unregistered
posted October 17, 2006 02:27 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
It's not quite that extreme, but it sounds like oyu know what I am talking about. It all feels more manipulative than rude or cruel. I feel like it is born out of insecurity and that she is trying to overcompensate by making everything about her. For example, over the weekend a friend of mine opened up to both of us about the fact that he has a stutter. He has been to speech therapy and it has improved, but it is still a part of who he is and he still has insecurity about it. I think it took a lot for him to open up about that and yet all the while he is describing what he goes through, she kept saying things like, "I really don't notice it and you don;t really do anything that I wouldn't do" "I do that..." At one point I actually had to say that I thought what he was talking about was different so she would stop it. Later she asked me if I thought he understood that she was trying to show empathy and understanding by example. When I pointed out that I felt that he may have felt invalidated, she went nuts and refused to talk to me. She does this alot. When ever I contradict her or point out a way that perhaps she has made me feel bad, she says "I just have to walk on eggshells with you, I feel like everything I say to you is wrong, I just can't even talk to you, you always have to make me the a**hole". It makes me crazy. Is there some way that I can learn to deal with her behavior or things that I can know that will make it more managable? Help!

Tinasparkle

P.S. I am a Sag Sun,Moon,Mercury with a Cancer Asc. if this helps.

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Anita41
unregistered
posted October 17, 2006 02:35 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
She sounds really nuts like you say,
when she reacts that way to you saying your true opinion in a nice way.
But also, she cant be that old?
It doesnt seem she has much ground in reality. Very selfabsorbed.

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tinasparkle
unregistered
posted October 17, 2006 02:43 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I don't know that she is nuts necessarily, just really insecure and it comes out in this manipulative way. As for not that old...I think she is a young soul, however, in actual age she is older, she is my mother.

Tinasparkle

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Thethirdbenjamin
unregistered
posted October 17, 2006 03:00 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Gemini Guy here.

Well I can’t rally comment on Gemini gals, but what I can say is she seams a lot like me.

I think the problem could be the fact that she feels that she knows more than those who give her advice. It’s not an ego thing its just she might have had a bad experience listening to people.

Have you given her advice before? Maybe she fells unhappy that you caused her problems after listening to what you might have suggested. Only to find that your advice is wrong..

I know I did the same to my mom after she gave me career advice only to be wrong, I then turned my back on her and felt nope “I’m right, I’m going my way.”

I’m in college now “going my way” and so far I’m right, I feel if I had listened to her things would be a lot difference.

I’ve listened to people in the past and they have given me what I felt was wrong, and is wrong.

I remember my sister said to me don’t invest in stocks unless you want to lose money, I thought your wrong, and went ahead anyway, and have made money.

Once again things would be different if I had listened to my sister.

I DO listen to my college professors as I view them as knowledgeable in the subject area that they teach.

The point I’m trying to make is she might feel stubborn that nobody knows as much as her, for the exception of those who can prove they know what there talking about.

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tinasparkle
unregistered
posted October 17, 2006 03:11 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Point well taken, however it doesn;t really seem to correlate to giving her advice. More often than not it shows up when she is trying to tell me I have done something wrong and I try to defend myself. Also, when I am trying to express an emotion. For example, if I have been heartbroken or hurt by something unrelated to her, she turns the conversation toward her past experiences or what is going on in her life and my problem gets lost.

Tinasparkle

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Natural111
unregistered
posted October 17, 2006 03:22 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Sounds like my aunt. Just like her. And it does come from a place of unhappiness and needing to convince herself of her own greatness and everyone else around her of that too. And of course, I've never been convinced. We never got along and never will. She can be downright evil. But, let me add, when she wants to be fun, which is out of disproportionate to the times she wants to be evil, but when she wants to fun, she's really fun. She's definitely doctor J and mister H. But she's the evil one more than the good one.

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tinasparkle
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posted October 17, 2006 03:28 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
That's it, it's like 85% of the time she is great fun and 15% of the time she is arrogant and makes me feel bad. I love her more than words can say, but sometimes I don;t know how to handle her. It gets really bad when I am dating someone or having a courtship which I am having now with a wonderful Cancer Man.
Is there a way to handle Geminis like this? I know that with my Cancer fellow I have had to learn how to understand and handle his moody behavior. What about Geminis?

Tinasparkle

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Anita41
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posted October 17, 2006 03:32 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
tina,
I didnt mean as if she was nuts or anything, sorry if I offended,
I just meant that her on off switch in a second like that is nuts behaviour to me since I have had experienced it too...
I guess this is something many of us can relate to in different ways and different people.

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tinasparkle
unregistered
posted October 17, 2006 03:39 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Anita41,

Don't worry about it. I didn;t think you were saying she was nuts. I just felt like I should clarify that I didn;t think that she was.

Tinasparkle

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Natural111
unregistered
posted October 17, 2006 05:37 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Tina, this is how I handled my aunt one year and it worked. And since then, she worked like the dickens to keep herself in line. THis was all orchestrated by me. We as the young people in the family decided not to have another holiday dinner with her. We let everyone know it was becuase of her behavior and we WILL NOT take it anymore. See, the Gemini needs people around to validate them, I think. So, my Aunt keeps herself in check because now she believes, knows that we will never take that behavior from her again. And she wants us around for some strange reason, I have yet to understand. I mean, if you're going to treat people that way, then why.... Anyway. Maybe you should try it. Whatever she's doing when your guy is around, cut her off on that aspect. She'll get the point and change. But, I could be partial here. There's not one female Gemini that I have gotten to know and liked. Not one. I think we're like fire and ice. Oil and Water. Virgo and Gemini. And to think, I have a Gemini Moon. Well, I shrieked when I saw that.

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tinasparkle
unregistered
posted October 17, 2006 07:55 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Excellent! Thanks Natural!

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BornUnderDioscuri
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posted October 17, 2006 08:54 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for BornUnderDioscuri     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I dont know if its any help but i have a close friend who is a Gemini moon in Aquarius and one of my aunts is too and while they are very fun and we get along awesomly, very often i find both of them very judgemental and stubborn. They both seem convinced that they should in some way change me or what i do. I dunno...thats just my experience

------------------
Sun-Gemini
Moon-Scorpio
ASC-Libra

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GeminiLover75
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posted October 17, 2006 10:03 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Mmm well, my Gemini boyfriend is renowned for turning rude on people. He did it yesterday because he couldn't afford a muffin and I couldn't afford to buy him one either - just like the beer scenario that Anita41 mentioned. He's not that extreme, but in the past before I knew him, apparently his behaviour was very very bad at times. However on the occasions I have seen him becoming a selfish so-and-so, I do just what was mentioned here... leave, ignore him, don't participate in what he wants. He then drops the attitude.

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SilverFairy
Knowflake

Posts: 47
From: Delaware
Registered: Apr 2009

posted October 17, 2006 10:40 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for SilverFairy     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
My best friend all through Elementary, middle and Highschool was a Gemini. Now I will say she was a very giving, and sweet person. BUT she had this whole other side to her, where she was very selfish. Wanted my time only when it was convienant for her... Example is when she started dating she just disappeared.. then would come back when it didn't work out. I'm not saying she wasn't around much... I'm saying she just stopped talking to me all together. After a few years of this I got tired of it... I just gave up on her. I also noticed that when she was single she would completely just push her way into my Relationships, and wanted all of my time... but that wasn't okay for me to contact her when she was in love... I don't work that way. I am all for giving people space and I understand lives change.. and if she needed me I would try to be there.. but there is only so much I can take before I walk away.. I ended up meeting my husband and moved.. never spoke to her again. she did kind of deserve it. I mean I wasn't going to stop my life for her... she sure as heck didn't try to be there for me! Anyway.. I do like Gemini's, and have had good experiences with both male and female. BUT i figured I could give my 2 cents on someone I knew very well.

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teaologist
unregistered
posted October 18, 2006 01:44 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
My friend has Sun, Mercury, Venus, and Asc. in Gemini. His moon is in Aqua.

He's a very well-intended guy and is keen to give advice but only on his time. He will spend hours talking about his problems, which is fine. Friends forgive that kind of repetition, right? BUT he gets noticeably impatient when he has to listen to you rant repeatedly about your own issues. Solutions to other ppl's problems are simple and logical, except to his own.

Anyway, I'm sorry tina. What is happening to you has happened to his own gf. Again, well-intended guy. I have fun times and interesting convos with him, but emotionally ... fuggedaboutit.

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tinasparkle
unregistered
posted October 18, 2006 09:28 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Wow! there seems to be a running theme here. I guess I am not the only one who has had this particular Gemini problem. Although, it seems like my exoeriences are mild in comparison to some. I'm not saying the Gemini people aren't just fabulous, but perhaps a little hard to handle sometimes. I appreciate all of you who have offered suggestions and I think the best advice is to just not play into it. Don't get sucked into the game and things should be okay. For example, I have a laundry basket in my bedroom that is perpetually filled with clothes--I iron on a need only basis--and this morning she decided that I needed to get my ironing done. She will literaly hound me until I do it and if I don't do it on her time table, she will do it for me. It seems pety, but this is a classic example of how she seems to believe that the world should operate the way she wants and it's all about her. I am a grown woman and if I want to be a wrinkly mess or have a basket of clothes in my bedroom, I can! However, unlike other times when I have been upset and suggested that I really could make that decision myself, I just ignored it and it went away.

Thanks all.

Tinasparkle

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Natural111
unregistered
posted October 18, 2006 11:47 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Yep, Tina, that's them!
The point is to get you to need her!
But, she doesn't seem as bad as my aunt.
It seems she hasn't reached her full potential in that regard.
My aunt is a Gemini socialized to be rancid. So, socialization plays a huge role in who they become. And all I know are perpetually unhappy Gemini women who want to judge the mole hill and ignore they're own mountains and mountains of problems.

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taurus/gemini cusp
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posted October 18, 2006 12:37 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for taurus/gemini cusp     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Gemini on the cusp, Aquarius moon.

Guilty as charged. Not often, but enough to drive my fella spare! I behave like that with him though, not anyone else really. My occasional bursts of self absorbed arrogance, are the thing I hate most about myself. (Add my Leo rising and there's a problem if ever you saw one!)

Try writing her an honest letter explaining how you feel. My partner does that to me when he can't quite get through and it's the quickest way to bring out some humility in me and get me to accept critisicm. Make sure you pepper it with plenty of compliments though, because she probably mostly means well when she does it. I know I do!

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