posted October 24, 2006 06:36 AM              

And what makes it more interesting is that I'm a Scorp rising, which indicates that my chart ruler is pluto (and maybe mars), and therefore the contacts are supposedly more intensified?

I'll appreciate it if anyone can tell me your views/intepretation on what this whole thing seems to be indicating.

I know I've always had a dark side...and when I was a child I was often suicidal...but I've slowly learnt to not feel so out of place most of the time...though even till now I feel manipulative (mostly in my relationship) and I am so trying not to feel this way. It would be a valuable insight to me if I can understand this plutonian influence better.

posted October 29, 2006 01:41 PM              

If I'm not mistaken, you have what's called a Fanhandle, or something very close to it. Information on this seems quite limited, as I'm having trouble researching it online at the moment. But from what I can gather, the Opposite point from the Stellium plays a crucial role, and is NOT to be thought of as negative in the common way we usually view Opposites.

Instead, it is an area which allows for pronounced talents or gifts. The Stellium is strong, yes of course. In the 6th House means the area of life you will place a lot of energy towards. But the Pluto in the 12th Opposite this is even more powerful, and a place you can find hidden resources, which you already have.

Since you are a Scorpio Rising, everything about this Pluto in the 12th becomes well known to everyone around you. Perhaps, everyone around you knows your hidden talents better than you do.

What is your feeling on this so far?

And, do you feel you are emotionally available to others at the drop of a hat, or do you feel more inward than you'd like?

posted October 31, 2006 10:46 AM              

Sun-Pluto = abuse in general, esp abuse of the Spirit--perhaps being abused because of who your father is---like discrimination of some sort
Venus-Pluto = sexual abuse
Venus-Mars = battering

posted November 01, 2006 03:36 AM              

I used to think that I was like an open book, and that I would be totally upfront with how I feel...I guess that's the Arian part of me. However, as I age, I realised that there is this part of me that remains hidden, even to myself. Sometimes I just don't understand how I am feeling myself.

I was suicidal as a kid, I wasn't physically abused, I remember wanting to die a lot, mainly because I felt as though I didn't belong to the world. Once in a while I will get a strange disjointed feeling, it is like I would feel as though I am an observer, and then it would feel like a shock when I realise I am the subject of my own observation. It is hard to explain, to put it in words.

When I was in my teens my suicidal tendencies were magnified, because my mother was verbally abusive and I just felt like the world didn't understand me. More importantly, I couldn't figure out the meaning of life, and I could never see what is the purpose of human existence. (Even till now I still have question marks over our existence) I felt that since I wasn't interested in life, I might as well just die.

As I entered adulthood I realised the wonders of synchronicity, that everything has a purpose, I began to understand and appreciate my difficult childhood. Still, I don't get the meaning of life but since I cannot end it as I want, I might as well enjoy it to the fullest.

Every now and then I still get bouts of severe depression, crying episodes for no reason, and there're times when I'll just feel dark and destructive. That is why I am trying to understand my chart better, to see if there is a way I can learn to channel these energies into better use.

posted November 01, 2006 11:02 AM              

Connections to Pluto (transformation, also death) indicate an intense awareness of the death and rebirth cycle of life. People with these connections often have to "die" in order to be "reborn"...they also are intensely aware of death and the consequences of death. Suicidical thoughts can be a possibility if they don't allow themselves to go THROUGH the "rebirth" process in their lives.

Transformationally,

posted November 05, 2006 05:44 PM              

Thank you for your honesty and for sharing.

A lot more people think about "death & dying" than you would suspect. Some hide their fear as workaholics, some are alchoholics, some bury themselves in electronic forms of communication, and some need sex sex sex and more sex. Some behind the wheel of a nice car, or behind the veil of expensive clothes & jewelry - whatever fills the void.

None of the above seem very promising. I have a feeling that none of the above would apply to you. Think about that, and begin to awaken your awareness of your own integrity.