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Author Topic:   Problems with a Leo friend...help!
CrankyCap
Newflake

Posts: 0
From: Ohio
Registered: May 2009

posted November 15, 2006 12:38 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for CrankyCap     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hi all,

I am at the absolute end of my rope, and I don't know what to do or how to handle this situation. I have a very close leo girlfriend that I've known for over 10 years. The problem is that this relationship is in NO WAY reciprocal and I do not feel that it's a very healthy friendship for me...in fact, I don't think it has been for quite some time.

My friend has A LOT of problems, to say the least...health issues, mental issues, fear of abandonment, neediness, etc. Because of this she's always found a very sympathetic ear in me, and I've always been compassionate toward her and never wanted to hurt her because she had such a "fragile mental state." The thing is that over the years she has become extremely posessive of me, jealous of my other girlfriends or boyfriends that I've had - even my family members. For instance, if I told her that my brother came over and we watched a great movie, she'd be upset with me because I hadn't watched it with her instead.

She's an extremely loyal friend to the point that if my car broke down in the dead of winter, I know I could call her to come get me and she wouldn't think twice about it. However, when it comes to any significant other in my life I don't trust her as far as I can throw her. She's openly flirted with every boyfriend I've ever had, and I know if any of them had ever given her any signals, she would have jumped on it. She did mess around with a guy that I was smitten with in college and later told me about it flat out - when she KNEW that I had been seeing him and adored him.

She's extremely insecure. She's battled with bulimia for years. Even though she has a nice figure, and although she dresses well, she usually hides it with big, baggy clothes. She refuses to wear jeans, shorts, or even short-sleeved shirts. She's EXTREMELY promiscuous. To the point that it's dangerous. She's been indulging in this type of behavior for 10 years now, and shows no signs of stopping. If a man so much as smiles at her, she's out in the parking lot...or wherever with him getting screwed. Her stories shock and amaze me, and would put any episode of "Sex and the City" to shame. Married or attached men do not phase her. Condoms are never even so much as an after thought to her.

This kind of leads up to my current situation and issues with her. Sorry that was so long, but I wanted to give everyone some background here...

She and I are such very, very different people. I had some wild party days in my late teens/early twenties but I've since settled down quite a bit. I've either always been in a monogamous relationship with someone, or I've had a pretty quiet, and private single life. She NEVER, EVER lets go of lovers. Never. At the same time though, she's never had a significant give-and-take long term relationship either. She has no ability to get close to people on an intimite level, and is extremely guarded. She never reveals her feelings to the men that she's cared about. She has always just used sex as a way to get close to them, but of course, because of that, they use her for sex...and only sex. She will sleep with men for years, but they may only call her once every 3,4,6 months...when they want to get laid. She gives them what they want, and will never drop them. Sex is on her mind ALL THE TIME. When she calls me she just goes on and on about this guy or that guy that she's sleeping with and tells me the twisted fu*ked-up stories that go along with them. And she can TALK!!! I've never, ever met anyone in my life with a motor on their mouth like this. I NEVER get a word in. I can be on the phone with her for 2 hours and say maybe 5 words. Mostly it's just manic babbling too...boring conversation. Stuff I don't care to hear about.

She's currently having a fling with an Aries guy who is still living with his stripper girlfriend (he tells her he sleeps on the couch and no longer sleeps with the girl...yeah, right), he lies when the girl calls him while he's at my friends house, he has an illigitimate child somewhere that he never sees...I mean, REAL winner. However, in the last week and a half, she has also slept with two other men - both of which she's been seeing on and off for months, they're just "regulars" that call when they want to get some. Keep in mind she uses protection with NONE of these men.

Last weekend she and I went out for a drink. My pisces boy called me when he was on his way downtown to a hockey game and asked if I might want to get together later in the evening. I said maybe. The relationship with him is new, and still very exciting, so I told my friend that I was debating about whether or not I should go downtown to see him later. She looked disgusted. She said that I have "always been one of those girls that just dumps their friends when a guy comes along." She also told me that every time I've been in a relationship she never heard from me unless something didn't go right. She said, "I'm not like that. My friends come first." I apologized to her and I did feel bad for a while but then I thought about it...what girl doesn't do that??? Isn't that the natural progression of life? You don't "marry" your friends. You don't make commitments to them in front of God and everyone else as your "life partner." It's not like she and I are 16 anymore - we're 27. She also told me that I shouldn't "make myself available to him every time he calls." I told her that maybe she was right, so I didn't see him that night, but he ended up calling me at 2:00am and told me wished I had come downtown. So, I thought to myself, why play games with this guy? Why not just be myself and SEE HIM when I want to SEE HIM??? I was irritated with her all weekend after that.

Then she calls me last night...worried that she might have an STD. She was trying to talk herself out of it, saying "I couldn't possibly have an STD because I just got checked last month and I haven't slept with anyone new???" Are you kidding me??? How, how, HOW can she possibly think that she's the ONLY one these guys are sleeping with??? Especially when some of them only see her once every couple of months. I was besides myself with disgust. I do not know what to say to her. She's been my friend for a long time, but this relationship does absolutely nothing for me. Only my damn sappy non-confrontational pisces moon forbides me to say anything to her. What can I do??? How do end a friendship, or if not end it, point out all the inequalities without severly hurting someone's feelings? I know this has been long, but any help I can get would be sooooo appreciated. If it helps, here's her birth info:

8/5/79 Akron, Oh. I can't remember her birthtime, but I know it was early in the am...she has a Leo ascendant. Mine is 1/2/79 6:43pm Pontiac, Mi....if that helps.

Thanks everyone who takes the time to read this LONG post!

-CC

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libraschoice7
Knowflake

Posts: 174
From: the city so nice they named it twice!
Registered: Apr 2009

posted November 15, 2006 01:05 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for libraschoice7     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Wow, you two do sound very different from each other. Sometimes when you meet people when your younger there seems to be a common bond there and friendships happen and everything is great you feel the best of buds. But unfortunately with time people change, and it sounds like you changed for the better(personal growth)while she stayed the same(some people never change which sucks). I think you have to ask yourself if the pros outweigh the cons of this friendship. It doesn't sound like your happy at all with her and how she is, what you could try doing is sitting down and actually tell her how you feel about the situation, that might help. But it is still just a friendship which depends whether or not you really want to continue putting up with her so call disturbing behavior. If you feel the friendship is hampering you from meeting a decent guy and a having a relationship than I would seriously call it quits. There is no reason to sacrifice your own personal happiness for someone who is like that.

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scorpluv
unregistered
posted November 15, 2006 01:22 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
CC... Can you say TOXIC RELATIONSHIP?!!! jeez, this girl has a gaggle of issues that are none of your own. I know what it's like to have a friend that.. how do i put this nicely... drains the life out of you... but in the end, you are only hurting yourself and they never learn how to stand on their own...She seriously needs the help of true professionals... You've done what you could for this person but it seems like its just time to let her go... I believe that in the end, you will both be better off... She will never learn how to love herself if she doesn't want to and it seems to me that she doesn't care to... Your too good of a person to allow for someone with obvious self-esteem issues, bring you down on their burning ship... It is fair to anyone... If you'd like my advice, tell her straight out how you feel and kindly suggest that she seek professional help NOW! I'd hate to seem insensitive and all but that's just too much of a burden for anyone to handle... Bottomline... You deserve more than that... I hope all turns out well, in time she'll thank you but in the end, I believe that this relationship has reached as far as it can go... Eventually her insecurities will really invade your life and that's fighting conditions... lol Best of luck and keep me up to date on everything... TTFN

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Azalaksh
Knowflake

Posts: 982
From: New Brighton, MN, USA
Registered: Apr 2009

posted November 15, 2006 02:08 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Azalaksh     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Cranky ~

I won’t even look at the charts. This Leo pal of yours hasn’t grown up – you have. Time to say goodbye. It won’t be easy – you’ve been there for her and she probably won’t let you go without a lot of scenes and grief. But let go you *must* (I am a Pisces Mooner too so I understand how hard this can be). This person is a psychic vampire – sucking your life energy right out of you. Her values are warped. Her common sense is non-existent (not using condoms).

And this was the clincher:

quote:
She said that I have "always been one of those girls that just dumps their friends when a guy comes along." She also told me that every time I've been in a relationship she never heard from me unless something didn't go right.
So now she tries to guilt you into being her “friend”. She needs a chastity belt and a psychiatrist more than a friend. Is this the type of person you would be proud to know??

Wishing you luck, patience and strength ~
Zala

PS: If you need some help with "goodbye speeches" you could probably google the phrase, or someone here might have a good one that they've used..... probably just laying it out would be the best thing -- short and sweet, something like:

"Leo, we don't have the same values any more. I don't agree with the way you are living your life, but it's your life -- I just can't be a part of it anymore. Please see a professional about your addiction to love-less sex and please don't call me anymore." (or something like that ) What do you think??

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CrankyCap
Newflake

Posts: 0
From: Ohio
Registered: May 2009

posted November 15, 2006 03:17 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for CrankyCap     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thanks for your comments guys. Zala & Scorpluv - you guys hit the nail right on the head, that's exactly how it feels "DRAINING!" Zala, you were also right on about the guilt thing. She tries to use that on me all the time. You know what the sad part is too? You all kept saying how she badly needs therapy...she's been in and out of therapy for YEARS already, and has been prescribed tons of different meds - although I never really noticed a difference. People have been telling me for quite a while that I just need to cut the ties but it's sooooo hard for me! LOL...Scorpluv - if only I had some Aries in me!!! Funny thing, Ms. Leo went to Michigan with me last month for my cousin's wedding. We drove up there early on a Saturday morning, and I planned on leaving the reception NO LATER than 10pm because it was a 4 hour drive back and I knew I'd be tired and doing all the driving. Well, leave it to Ms. Leo to attach herself to the ONLY single guy at this entire friggin' reception. She hooked up with him around 9pm and didn't even come back to the table where I was sitting. I'm sure my face turned red and I was openly fuming to my mom and my aunt. I was saying, "She can't take one freakin' night off and not think about what's going on between her legs! I'm the one that has to drive!" I was so ****** . Well, lol, leave it to my Scorp-Aries aunt to remedy the situation. She looked at me and said, "I'LL go get her." Well, I don't know what my aunt said to her but she came back pretty fast and seemed a little bit shaken!

Honestly guys, I know you're right, I don't know if I just need to gather up the courage or what. She had actually befriended a Gem girl a while back and after a few months the Gem wrote Ms. Leo a long letter explaing to her almost exactly what you had said Zala...basically "I don't agree with how you live your life, this isn't a good friendship for me...can't talk to you anymore." And she gave her back her house key. Leo called me all distraught over it. The whole time though I was thinking, wow, if only I had the guts...

How can I possibly work up the cajones to do this???

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scorpluv
unregistered
posted November 15, 2006 03:33 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Swallow your fear and just do it... Scorpio-Aries speaking here... lol As FDR once said, the only thing we have to fear is fear itself... Don't allow for her to play the damn mind games w/you.. You aren't one of her booty calls!! I know it's hard as hell, but maybe just writing the letter as Z suggested would be your best viable option.... That way you can tell her what the deal is and you don't have to be involved in a uncomfortable, demoralizing situation... If you confront her face to face, try and keep your wits about you... You'll do fine... and if that doesn't work... LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE will do quite nicely... lol It seems as if she has a passive-aggressive disposition (I HATE PEOPLE LIKE THAT) which she'll just use your actions and words against you... Don't give her the opportunity! She's evil and must be destroyed! lol j/k And if all else fails, do to her what the other losers do, just stop calling. Cut off all contact, don't respond to her, eventually she'll get the point. Just do yourself the favor and get her out NOW dude, before it's too late... Love, love, love, love, love... SL

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Motherkonfessor
unregistered
posted November 15, 2006 06:06 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Here is the epitome of unevolved Leo.

Just walk away Cap. Don't look back. It doesn't get better, it doesn't get easier, and this "friend" (sorry I cannot consider this person a friend) will keep sucking away at you.

I feel as if I have some experience with this one.. having had a similar type Leo for a lover the past 10 years.

Playing devils advocate: Do you feel the need for a confrontation, thinking it will bring closure? Do you really need closure? What good would it do? Obviously Leogirl doesn't think there is anything wrong with her lifestyle. Years of therapy and a dozen meds haven't changed anything- do you believe your choice to leave her life will make any difference?
Her one redeeming quality, you say, is loyalty. This isn't loyalty to you- its a support for her blighted sense of self. Its a great Leo quality, yes- but I have heard it described by **** *d up Leo as- "well, I have to be loyal.. these people put up with all my bullsh!t." Thus, your existence and/or importance in Leo's life is not for YOUR sake, because you deserve good things- its for THEIR sake.

Its a shame- I love Leos. I love my friends too. We would all like to be the people that are loyal to folks, stick with them through thick and thin, help them with their issues.

Seriously Cap, just let this one go.
Sorry if this sounds harsh- it just my opinion- albeit a rather biased one.

good luck
MK

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