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Author
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Topic: *LONG POST* Scorpio Wife/Cancer Husband....having problems....
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rahunter78
unregistered
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posted November 28, 2006 05:13 PM
 
Hey everyone! I'm new to the forum but I love astrology and have always been interested in it. I hope someone out there can give me some insight to help with my relationship with my husband.
I am a Scorpio, and my husband is a Cancer. We have been friends for several years, since high school really. Back then, he was in a long term relationship with my Capricorn friend, and they had a very tumultuous relationship that lasted for YEARS. Still, they were always together. Back then, I never really thought of him that way (although he is very attractive), but whenever I would visit my Capricorn friend, it was this Cancer that I would ultimately find myself sitting outside and talking to for lengths of time, feeling like I could...well, relate to him well, I guess. But again, no attraction....(I always thought of him as my Capricorn friend's boyfriend.)
Fast forward through the years....this Cancer guy, though sweet and loving, has a strong drug addiction, which ultimately led to getting my Capricorn friend hooked on drugs and ultimately led to him going to prison. Granted he was never a mean evil person, perse, he just had this affliction called "drug addiction" and would do whatever it took to get his fix, even illegal things like stealing or selling. I was never a part of ANY of that, being very strong minded and against drugs, I actually stopped hanging out with both of them as a couple, and continued to live my own life, dating, and having other friends. I thought they were dangerous and lethal, both to themselves, and to whoever they came into contact with. Then the Cancer guy got arrested, and the Capricorn girl...well, she ultimately moved on.
Now....the Capricorn girl, who I had been almost best friends with, she turned to rehab and got help, and we started hanging out again. But she was ALWAYS talking about drugs, and dating various people. She began dating two different guys at a time, all while her Cancer boyfriend/soon to be ex, sat in prison.
After awhile, she went back to drugs again, started doing them with her partner at the time, and I once again stopped hanging out with her. She was becoming ruthless and not at all the person I had initially started a friendship with back when we were in our early teens. It wasn't the same, and neither was she, she became dangerous again, and again...I stopped hanging out with her.
Fast forward again....I get a phone call one night, from the Cancer....after four years, he had been released from prison. He called and asked me if we could meet up for lunch, which we did. At first I was afraid to tell him where I lived, but then decided I would go ahead and meet him at a local bookstore. When I saw him, for the first time in four years, I saw him under a light I had never seen him under before. Something about him just glowed to me. We had lunch, and had one of the best conversations we had ever had...just bonding in this really immediate, unspoken way. I just knew what he was going to say, and he could finish my sentences. I empathized with him completely. He was telling me that after spending 4 years in prison, he has come to realize that life is too short, and was appreciative of the trees and squirrels, etc....something very sincere about him struck a chord in me.
A couple of nights later, we were out with some friends, and I was just...attracted to him. I grabbed his arm, and we went back to my apartment, both drunk. We sat in my living room, and before I knew it, he was asking me if he could kiss me, and then we were, and it was MAGICAL. Here was this Cancer I had known all as my youth, though he had been troublesome, and we were kissing and bonding in a way that I had truly never experienced before. We literally fell in love instantaneously, and within two weeks we were telling each other we loved each other.
After a heady romantic courtship and dating, he proposed to me, and I said yes. I had my reservations about what I was getting into, but at the same time, I loved him. So we were together for a year engaged, and then I found out I was pregnant. Within three months after that, we got married in Hawaii on the beach, picture perfect.
Now...shortly after I became pregnant, I began to get very moody. I am a very deep loving person but when I get angry my words can lash out like venom, especially when I'm hurt. In this case, I was experiencing imagined hurt and powerful mood swings, and my usual stable self was overcome with this bitchy moody person. I took some of that anger out on him, and like most crabs, he retreated into his shell. This went on for the first couple of months of pregnancy, where I would find myself saying horrendous things that later would make me go, "My god, I can't believe I said that! that was cruel!" and yet it came spilling out of my mouth like water. (My mother, a Sagittarius, was very cruel in her words to me growing up, so this may have been a relapse of mine.)
The Cancer was mortified and hurt, and we went through spells of not speaking to each other, or fighting, or crossing our arms and looking away in pain, but yet we always came back to each other too, it was like we couldn't stay away from each other. Even though the fights were so bad, (and I especially hated it when he would try to mend situations by laughing or poking fun at me, that just made it WORSE)...we always managed to hold hands or just hug and instantly it always felt right.
I gave birth to our daughter in March, and it was a blessing. My Cancer husband was nurturing at first, and then seemed to be backing away a little, which was suprising. I had noticed he had been drinking more, smoking more, then he got ludicrous ideas of selling drugs, which I instantly shot him down for (I think he was frustrated with having a criminal background, and was looking desperately for ways to make money)....then he stopped. or so I thought.
This last November we went to NYC for my birthday. My sweet Cancer and I got on our plane and headed, talking about the trip, and when we arrived, we went to my aunt and uncles house and went to bed, prepared for the next day.
That night, at 4 am, I awoke to my Cancer husband snoring loudly. I tried to wake him up but couldn't. After waking up my family and several attempts, he started turning blue and my uncle called 911. I was in shock and had no idea what was going on. He was put on life support at the hospital, and had aspirated in his sleep, causing his entire right lung to fill with gastric fluid and catching pnemonia. After blood tests were taken it turns out that he had O.D'ed on a mixture of drugs, including morphine. After talking to one of his friends, I found out that he had been hiding an addiction to narcotics from me for OVER A YEAR. The entire time we were in NYC, I was in the hospital worried...until finally I took the next flight home back to our daughter, and he went directly to Texas afterwards to "get help." He went to a few meetings, then convinced me that he would never touch drugs again, and after spending time with my sweet Cancer husband, he explained his addiction to me, and that the reason he had hid it from me was out of shame and fear of losing me. Now we are back to the cycle of him looking for a job and fighting. Out of anger and hurt I lashed out again, saying venomous things that were mean and hurtful....and now he's retreated back into a shell again, not speaking to me, not talking...and that's where we are now.
What should I do?
IP: Logged |
Venus
unregistered
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posted November 28, 2006 05:50 PM
Dump him, he doesn't deserve you.Venus
x IP: Logged |
jane
Knowflake Posts: 1277
From:
Registered: Jul 2009
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posted November 28, 2006 06:16 PM
I'm sorry about what you're going through. I can't tell you what to do, b/c I'm not comfortable giving that kind of advice. And if I were in this situation, I'm not sure what I would do. Since there's a child involved, on the one hand I wouldn't want to end the relationship without trying more to make it work (with counseling, both as individuals and as a couple), but on the other hand, I wouldn't want to raise my child around a drug addict, and the harsh truth is that drug addiction is a serious battle that takes more much more than good intentions to win. I would probably leave, tell him to get his life in order and to get back to me then. If there weren't a child involved, I'd probably give him another chance (as long as he went to counseling) and hope that he didn't mess up again. But, in this case, I'd just end it and hope that he could get his act back together, not only for your sake as a couple, but for his own and for his daughter's sake.IP: Logged |
thedividedsky
unregistered
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posted November 28, 2006 06:18 PM
I commend you for being strong during this crazy time for the both of you. Drugs, when abused, can be absolutely devastating. (you know that already)I have been involved with a man that was heavily addicted to drugs. The pain, for me, never ended, until I was finally strong enough to move on. (after 2 years of him being on again off again) Even though this person was somewhat a "soulmate", when the drugs started, his soul was no longer shared with mine. I know this may sound aweful and very scary, but moving on is the only way for you and your child to live now. Addiction is a disease, and for some, it takes YEARS to learn how to live without the drug. And some, never fully recover. You need a lover, a father, and he can not be that for you now. I do feel for you, it is a very depressing thing to see the darkest sides of life....and something to learn from. I am sure you can find another "soulmate" out in the world. There are so many magical people walking around, looking for the same. Remember, he can only help himself, you CAN NOT help him stay off of drugs. I tried, and let me tell you IT CAN BE A LOSING BATTLE. stay strong. IP: Logged | |
Lindaland
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