posted December 01, 2006 03:11 PM            

Short story:

Meeting and breaking relationship with my ex, I now know, more than ever, that it HAD to happen. I felt and I still feel emotions for her, but now it is not any obstacle for something new, especially now and in last few months.

2 years almost passed, with my internal changes and battles inside me, about relationship with her and others, analysing things, me, and others, asking questions "What I am?" and "What is good in me and what is bad?". First time in my life I spent this time as some interspection and analysing "What I really want from partners and relationship".

I give in last months chance to met somebody, and tried it, letting things in my life as they come, but at beginning or after some time all broke apart, without reason.
I dont reflect my past, no...I met some woman, with whom I know I can and could start all over, without problem. But No...I can't.
So I asked lately myself one question:
"Even as I learned everything what I can as common person from my past, and went through some "cleansing" inside, why, I can't move forward, as life has purpose keeping me here?
So, Is it because I must be here for HER?! Because If I start again something new, she will after breaking her relationship be alone and lost? As I am the one I have to save her?
As it sounds ridicoulus from side of this Cappy, after so many things and time that has passed it really sounds like nonsense, but sometimes as only explanation...

Regarding transits, I had Uranus conjucting Moon (10' Pisces), and I felt it.
Now and in next months I have:

Uranus square AC (15' Sagg)
Saturn oppositon Venus (past?!!?!?! EX?)
Jupiter conjucting AC (new beginning with who?) (15' Sagg)
Neptune conjucting Venus (idealism about love and saviour attitude?!-EX?) (19' Aquarius)
Pluto conjucting Mars (25' Sagg)

Not to mention that this December I have most planets on AC...usually my relationship started then.

She on the contrary, has:

Uranus opposition Saturn (13' Virgo)
Saturn square Uranus (19' Scorpio)
Jupiter transiting 5th house, conjucting Vertex on (15' Sagg)
Pluto conjucting Mercury (25' Sagg)
True Node oppositon True Node (excatly on 15th December)

So...even I am meditating and keeping peace as much I can, things are confusing. So, regarding everything I wrote before, what is here then? Is life is "giving" a new start with PAST?
Must I be here for PAST? Would I have a "little love"?

Thank You,

K.