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Author Topic:   Oh well...
sag_girl
unregistered
posted December 21, 2006 11:51 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
So I finally gave in and called cancer guy - again, so unlike me. Gosh, I'm really starting to resent this guy for getting under my skin so much. lol

Anyway, we chitchatted for a little while and I brought up the telling him to never call me again thing and then the changing my mind thing and that I'm not usually so crazy lol Well, he reiterated the "I'm not looking for anything serious, but would like to see you" thing. Oh well, guess he IS wanting just the sex thing Sadly, I was really liking him and that's rare for me. I always have the best of luck. lol

I just don't get why all the talk about "you know you have me," "a girl can tell when a guy is all about her by the way he looks, and I know you know," and when I talked about my pickiness and the guys I DIDN'T fall for, he said, "would you date ME?" WTF?! I guess that was all beer talk. The way he looked at me and touched my face/hair and watched me smiling while I slept (woke up to it) - WTF is that about??!!

Gosh, I know he's being honest and honestly, I wouldn't mind the FB thing since I've already been there, done that and he is GREAT and I am wanting to move - sorry if TMI lol BUT I'm afraid bc I was starting to like him and also I don't want to feel used. Also, if he was just wanting a sexual relationship, he really shouldn't have said/done the things he did - I guess he's a player?? Or does he like me and is just taking it slow/playing it cool?? PLEASE cancers or those who have DATED cancers, HELP ME!!!

Thanks so much! :-)

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eatbooks
unregistered
posted December 22, 2006 03:26 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
just because he touched your face, and looked at you with intensity doesnt mean hes in love, or wants you and only you...sometimes people get caught up in the moment and idealize situations, and thats probably what happened...

if he says he doesnt want anything serious, take it at full value, any guy no matter HOW scared or slow he wants to take it will tell a girl hes smitten with he doesnt want anything serious! (come on, think about it)...

its hard to be realistic and objective when its so subjective, esp coz you like him so much...

i say let it go, or be friends and thats all..but theres no cryptic message in the bottle here, he doesnt want you in a romantic way..

good luck.

------------------
your pain is my pain, is that love?

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23
Knowflake

Posts: 250
From: The Strand
Registered: Apr 2009

posted December 22, 2006 04:15 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for 23     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Personally I think the fact that caresses you like that means that he is very tender towards you in some way. I'd take it real slow or keep your distance. You have to make up your mind whether you want it to start in the first place. However, a guy to stroke you like that when you are asleep means to me he really has some tenderness and intimacy in a nice way. I have never heard of a guy otherwise do that except in a committed relationship (well certainly in my and friends' cases).

Now we need some male opinions here.

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OzMeg222
Newflake

Posts: 0
From: victoria, australia
Registered: Aug 2009

posted December 22, 2006 04:28 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for OzMeg222     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Oh I wouldn't be so blunt about that eatbooks, every situation is different.

I was in the same situation for almost a year with a pisces-boy who said the same things and acted the same way as that cancer. Of course we had extinuating situations that in both our minds had us fighting against it but we'd always end up back together one way or the other.

Its also taken us a long time to get to know one another properly and we now appreciate one another on a level so much deeper than pure physical compatibility. And that has made the physical component so much better and more intimate.

I still don't know if it'll happen for us properly but I know in my heart we care very deeply for one another. I think the intensity we've had all along scared both of us but now we've stepped back and have become friends as well it actually seems workable, better than workable even. We are both what each other is looking for (just in a slightly different package) which is a nice surprise! We're just not your typical couple which doesn't seem to matter anymore- to us or anyone whose opinions matter.

Don't push the cancer, if you want more than the FB thing stay away from him. If he realises he wants you he will come to you.

Trust me on that one, its the one thing I'm certain of.

For a long time I thought that if we kept seeing each other casually he would one day realise it was more, but it was only when I stepped back that he came after me and now treats me the way I want and deserve.

Good luck!

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sag_girl
unregistered
posted December 22, 2006 08:45 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thanks eatbooks. I appreciate your honesty. What I don't get though is it wasn't just the hair thing. He would hold my hand, touch my knee in the car, kept asking what happened w/my prior relationships and what kind of guy I'm interested in and he didn't act like an FB in that when he came over he would stay all the next day and one time 48 hours.

Also, he saw me 3 weekends in a row and called me on a Wednesday to make plans for going out on Friday. Does that sound like he doesn't want anything serious? I am usually a firm believer in if they say something, listen - BUT his actions seem to show otherwise. He also couldn't stop talking about how attracted he was to me and when his friends were over, kept following me into the kitchen for kisses. The way he looked at me and things he said just made me FEEL like he liked me.

Also, his friend talked to my friend at a party saying the cancer was really liking me and was confused why I didn't want him to call me anymore (see my prior post for background info). Why would he do that?
Could I have been completely wrong and you think he was just trying to ACT like he cared to play me?

23 - That's kind of what I was thinking too and I want so much for that to be the case bc I am really liking him. Do you think maybe since I have accidently been giving him mixed signals (see my other post if you want background), he is now trying to act aloof about it?

OzMeg222 - Awww I hope it happens for you and your pisces - you sound like you really care for him. Thanks for the advice too. I really appreciate it and it gives me a little hope


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thedividedsky
unregistered
posted December 22, 2006 08:49 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
OZMEG SAYS:

Don't push the cancer, if you want more than the FB thing stay away from him. If he realises he wants you he will come to you.

Trust me on that one, its the one thing I'm certain of.

For a long time I thought that if we kept seeing each other casually he would one day realise it was more, but it was only when I stepped back that he came after me and now treats me the way I want and deserve.
-----------------

BEEN THERE>>>>>>>>good advice. It worked for me.

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shirty
unregistered
posted December 22, 2006 09:21 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I agree with OzMeg as well!

Even though it may seem like you won't get anywhere if you step back, it usually works perfectly. The guy probably fears commitment so the words he said are just a safety thing. Actions speak more than words -- if he is doing the beautiful things and showing you true affection, he is probably into you.

Step back and see how he reacts.

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BlueEyes24
unregistered
posted December 22, 2006 09:49 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I agree with eatbooks. Even though a guy can ask you personal questions and act like he's into you (holding hands, touching you all the time, etc.)....a guy means what he says. So when he says "I don't want a relationship" that's what it means. There's no in between with a guy, it's black and white, even though us girls like to say they're confusing...it's only because sometimes we read too much into a situation. When a guy is really into a girl, he will want to be with her and nothing will stop him.

I just don't want to see you get hurt sag_girl, because I know so many guys who act like this but just end up stringing the other person along. However, he could be one of those rare types who really is afraid of commitment, and if that's the case I would definitely back off and let him come to you. I hope things work out for you though.

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Natural111
unregistered
posted December 22, 2006 12:52 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Ditto to what eatbooks and blue eyes said....

Been there too. And learned the hard way by reading into their actions and not their words.

And Blue Eyes advice is right on point, if I would've backed off and made him come to me in the right way, it would've turned out different. The thing is, when he comes to you in the right way, you have to prepared to handle it in the mature way. That is know what you want.

So, if you like this guy, really like this guy, or want to see how it could genuinely be, then NO, don't do the FB thing.
Because from my experience with a Cancer, they can FB and never get FB'd out. This guy can FB me forever!!!! But how does that help our emotional, spiritual and physical growth? So, in the end you may weary of him anyway, and never really get to learn what could've been.

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OzMeg222
Newflake

Posts: 0
From: victoria, australia
Registered: Aug 2009

posted December 22, 2006 09:35 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for OzMeg222     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
My pisces and I could've stayed FB's for ever but I always knew I wanted more. I was scared for a long time that if I backed off he'd forget all about me, but that was the wrong thing to think cos if that happened obviously he wasn't into me anyway.

I even tried seeing someone else, he did too. I thought it was over for good but he came chasing after me and doing everything I'd ever wanted him to- and so much more I was amazed. He made me fall in love with him again, but with the reality of him not the fantasy I'd had of us as a couple.

His friends treat me the same way your cancers friends do, they always have. So back off from him. I didn't tell pisces-boy I was backing off cos I wanted more and he wasn't going to give it to me, I just backed off. If he wanted someone else he could've but he hasn't he still wants me.

Trust your instincts, stay away and see what happens. GOOD LUCK!!!

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Natural111
unregistered
posted December 22, 2006 09:57 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Ozmeg!

CLAP, CLAP, CLAP, CLAP, CLAP....
With me standing!!
And bowing!!!!!
Applauding your reply!!!

This is a very good string.
Great advice for Saggirl, and others!

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23
Knowflake

Posts: 250
From: The Strand
Registered: Apr 2009

posted December 22, 2006 10:56 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for 23     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Well I'll just adopt ozmeg's advice and say that her advice does not only apply to one sign of male. All males will come after you if they want you, thats just a biological fact. Maybe you should try this as well.

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OzMeg222
Newflake

Posts: 0
From: victoria, australia
Registered: Aug 2009

posted December 23, 2006 07:24 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for OzMeg222     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Well it took me almost a year to figure this stuff out! Its our 'anniversary' on the 14/1 LOL. He only started chasing me properly in october once I'd backed off completely and even seen someone else.

Its been hell, don't go through as much heart ache as I did.

Good luck! And thank you all so much for reinforcing what I've done, I feel so strong and confident about us now. He seems amazed by so many facets of my personality its fantastic. I just hope we can get it together properly now, we still have a lot to overcome. I'm 7 years older than him and have 2 kids, he still lives with his parents (but not in the house) and has grown up in a small town where he has kinda always done what is expected of him. Luckily he's discovering I fit the mold there, and am loved and accepted by those he highly respects.

Wish us luck!!!

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