posted January 13, 2007 02:19 PM            

It's like if everything is going well, I feel unbalanced and I have to wallow in self-pity, and think of all my regrets/mistakes, and separate myself from the world and just be depressed..

It's like I have to explore the darkest, most painful hollows of myself every now and then, and it hurts so bad but I mean...it's almost necessary because without it, I tend to get lost..it's hard to explain..

But would this be something Saturn/Neptune/Pluto kind of thing?

I have Mercury/Saturn in the 12th, Neptune in the 1st, and Moon in Leo, 8th, Sun conjunct Pluto, and I have Moon/Mars/Pluto t-square in my chart...Neptune's a singleton in Earth... there's nothing else I can think of right now really

I know I have problems with showing my real emotions from people and saying what's "really" on my mind (meaning like I say what I think, but its never what I reallllly wanna say). I tend to bottle everything up

I'm all over the place with this. It feels so, odd and wrong sometimes but idk what do you guys think? does anyone else ever feel like this?

posted January 13, 2007 06:50 PM            

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Sun in Libra
Moon in Cancer
Jupiter in Cancer
Venus in Virgo
Mars in Cancer
Ascendant in Cancer

posted January 13, 2007 07:16 PM              

Always thought it was because of the abundance of Scorpio planets in my chart.

The only 12th house placement I have is Chiron in Aqua.

The great thing is it allows for freedom of emotion....i dont bottle things up...

I get down, cry, wail, sing, lament etc etc and then I feel better again....

posted January 13, 2007 07:23 PM              

Do you mind posting your data? I would like to look at a few asteriod placements.

posted January 13, 2007 07:42 PM            

October 26, 1986
Hartford, CT
9:43 am

sueg, exactly..sometimes it feels like being dominated by water and all, that the free-flowing of all emotions has a healing effect that solidifies my sense of reality. White earth-laden folks have their tangible sense of reality, and airy folks have their concepts, knowledge, and perceptions..and the fiery ones have their idea that "reality" is what they're going to make it/experiencing at the moment...it sometimes seems like us water signs confirm our sense of reality by whatever we "feel" it is.. to me that sounds very much like a Neptunian thing...

what do you think?

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"Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere" - MLK Jr.

posted January 13, 2007 07:43 PM            

Here's that thread that GN mentioned: http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum1/HTML/011863.html
I'd like to glance at your chart too -- do you want to post it??
I have a book by Bil Tierney called "Alive and Well with Neptune" -- I'll dig it out and see what he has to say about Neptune in the 1st.....
Neptune transits don't seem to knock me for a loop as much as others I know -- possibly because of my Pisces Moon in strong aspects, or because natally I have Sun conj Neptune.....
Just from what you wrote I think you might (still ?) have some Saturn activity going on too.....

posted January 13, 2007 07:51 PM            

------------------
"Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere" - MLK Jr.

posted January 14, 2007 02:17 AM              

I knew!

I felt it in my gut when I read your first post.

Yes, I suspect what you experiencee is a combination of your Saturn, Neptune and Pluto. And all of these effected very heavily by transit. Pluto bring about that cyclic quality of "die" and go dwell in som "underworld" while Saturn brings a sort ed fatedness/karmic quality to it. Neptune makes it both more deep and more nebulous, adn because it's a singleton you may have this sense of "wandering" or profound spiritual restlessness along with it. Yes, I very, very familiar with all of this.

But my hunch was that a particualr, rarely looked-at asteriod was playing around behind the scenes, adding something to the mix, and I was right! Allow me to introduce to you asteriod Anubis, #1912.

In your chart, Anubis fall in a very critical place, making it significant in your chart - in your 8H, at 13 Leo 10 conjunct your Leo moon by less than 3 degrees.

Intrigued? Oh wait, there's more!

Your moon is also a singleton - only major planet in the social houses (Chiron is a minor planet). AND this Moon-Anubis conjunction also tightly trines your ASC.

So what does this have anything to do anything? Well, Anubis was the ancient Egyptian God of the Dead, often portrayed as a jackal or dog figure. He's parallel to Pluto in myth, but has Saturnine and Neptunian overtones too. Anubis in myth was very powerful, controlling the cycle of life and death, birth and rebirth. He's somewhat ambiguous, neither good nor bad - just really, really powerful. Which kind of makes him scary. Also, Anubis is such an ancient god in myth, it is as if he has no origin - that only adds to his ambiguity and his strange influence. So if Anubis figures strongly into your chart, you tend to feel it, adnnot only that, you're first inclination is to be afraid of Anubis' presence in your life, because you cannot be sure if it's good or bad. (BTW I have Anubis conjunct my MC and Mercury, my chart ruler - this is how I know about this asteriod.)

Anubis in astrology is a Plutonian type asteriod, but like I said above, has both Saturnine and Neptune qualities as well. For Anubis to really be significant in a person's chat they need two things:

- Anubis is strong aspect to a personal planet or an angle

- significant Pluto plus either Saturn or Neptune (or both) ithe way of house placements, aspects to luminaries, and/or singleton

You, like I, have all the of above. Welcoem to the Anubis Club!

People with this aspects natally tend to be spiritual or psychic "travellers" of the deep, dark regions of their own souls, as well as in the world and universe. They cannot seem to avoid this - either they are compelled or circumstances drive them. It is as though there is something int eh drarkness that they most learn and experience and then take back with them when they return ot he light. They often find themselves dwelling spiritually in some very dark places, as if searching for answers to questions they haven't learned to ask yet.

It's not uncommon for such people to be intensely interested in things like death, evil, mental illness and insanity, or the dark side of humanity. And even if they are not acutely interested in these things, they are still very senstive and aware of them. Many may sense of sort of elusive yet profound power from this awareness, yet it's an undefined power, one not readily grasped or harnessed. They sense that power intimately and may even feel immensed it, but it's a power beyond their own personal control. They are often aware that whatever the source of this power, that source lies in those deep regions of darkness where they've often travelled.

This experience of this power often leaves the person feeling transformed, as though they've "crossed over" to another realm past this life.This can make the person feel as though they are not fully living in either realm, but always, in someways, party here and partly there, like someone in continual transistion between planes of existence or between life and death itself.

There is definitely something to be learned here, although like Anubis himself, the value of these lesson are rather ambiguous. One of Anubis' lessons is to teach us how expansive and profound our reality really is. It goes far beyond the limits with which we are comfortable with, and out there in those expanses where we don't feel so "at home" there are great workings and great powers. I often feel like this is the closest I can come to to feeling the inner working of the cosmos - that in the darkness lies the heart of the cosmos, a very mysertious, powerful heart around which swell the cyclics of life and death.

Intriguing, yes, but what those it mean? I haven't clue. It seems that one of the other lessons that Anubis likes to impart upon his "chosen" is the lesson of humility, that while we may seek, we may not be entitled to that knwoledge. Some knowledge is indeed beyond us, and the most we can do in our current state to draw close and sense it in our souls and be at awe and wonder.

Well, that's all I've got for now. there's plenty of stuff int he forum and on the net about Pluto, Neptune and Saturn. I just thought I'd tell you about Anubis, since that's hard to come by. Perhaps not the answers you were seeking, but assured you're not alone in this strange experience.

PS: have you check this site out?
http://www.astrologyclub.org/

It has stuff on singletons, including Neptune singletons, that you ay wish to read. It's under Astrology Articles.

posted January 14, 2007 02:28 AM              

Please feel better alanabelle. I understand what you're saying, but can't quite put it into words.

posted January 14, 2007 11:22 AM            

aww i hope you feel better.. i tend to feel this way sometimes too, although i don't have much water in my chart..only uranus in scorpio and MC in pisces..no wait i have vertex in scorpio too..and some asteriods..lol it's like i need to feel the "bad" sometimes.. you explained it well..

posted January 14, 2007 12:15 PM            

I see that your Sun is the focal point of a T-square involving your Moon & Mars... this must be why you bottle it all up inside. Your Moon squares your Mercury and Venus too. These must be tough aspects to have; I'm sorry... ((((((erika))))))

I can certainly understand the bottling... I have a stellium of Sun/Moon/Mars/Mercury in Capricorn, and it makes me very reserved when there is a hotbed of emotion under the surface. It's rare for me to share it, but hurts when people don't understand; a real contradiction.

Whoa.. I just realized you have a stellium too, in Scorpio - Sun, Pluto (there you go!), Venus & Mercury - no wonder you say you like to 'explore the darkest, most painful hollows' of you.

I think what might help you is the transformative capabilities of Scorpio. I think therein lies your answer. Scorpionic abilites extend to this incredible, healing, transformative power; the phoenix rising from the ashes. And how can you do this? Well, I see that your Sun also sextiles your Neptune in Capricorn, so perhaps through your spirituality. Your Venus trines Jupiter in Pisces - even your loving nature activates a certain expansive, spiritual side of you, and this must be a big part of you, since Jupiter is the ruler of your Ascendant. Your Moon trines your Uranus & Saturn which are sitting in Sagittarius, your rising sign, which is a good aspect to have - most people have trouble with Saturn; I know I certainly do.

You also have CHiron in your 7th house, which might indicate healing that comes from your relationships.

There is much hope here, Erika... I think the key is just understanding how to tap into the positives in your chart to draw you away from what has been hurting you.

Does any of what I said make sense? Do you think you can do that?

posted January 15, 2007 08:04 PM            

'lanybelle, how are you doing? Are you feeling better? You sounded down when you first posted.

posted January 16, 2007 06:51 AM            

Thanks for all of your responses. The information about Anubis was amazing, it all makes so much sense. Also- the points you made, sunshine, were so accurate too! I am feeling a lot better, I suppose. Its just like I need a day every once in a while to actually feel all the weight I've been piling up on my shoulders and actually, understand and make sense of every emotion I bottle up inside. I guess it's just part of the healing process..