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Author
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Topic: Personality clashes with authority figures: guess its not really related to astrology
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InLoveWithLife
unregistered
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posted January 17, 2007 06:00 PM
 
Hi,it seems tht i just cant take 'authority', ie someone telling me what to do and how to do it. and when to do it. i really need a LOT of freedom. and it wud hv been good if i was working alone, but i am a student, funded by a professor, and he can dictate wht i shud be doing. somehow i think the issues come up when i don't really respect my boss in other ways. i think i need a very confident and cheerful person. it is only such people tht i can 'obey'. at least that's my experience till now. (i can be a slave to people i admire  ). this prof i work for, who i am guessing to be a virgo/cappy, seems to be constantly worried. he has that nervous energy. its like he is always mentally calculating my efficiency. i knw its all my imagination. truth is i guess i am very lazy. or may be i find my work too boring. i mean i just don't know whether i am right or wrong any more. i try to put myself in the other person's shoes, but all i want to do is tell them to RELAX. and i guess my relaxed air is wht gives them the impression tht i am not working. that and my inability to bluff....or boast.  i like to go into the depths of a subject. most of the times i get the feeling that he sets very tight deadlines for me. when i talk to a more experienced phd student in my lab, he tells me thr is no way i cud do wht he has told me to do in the stipulated time. i consistently get the feeling that he expects more and more from me. it is really depressing. today i had a very important exam and i think it went ok. people study for it for months. i studied for 2.5 weeks. that too during the holidays, which are supposed to be a break from school anyways. but when i went today to tell my prof that it went well, his reaction almost made me cry. the first statement tht came out of his mouth was ' so now r u ready to put more time into research' - as if it was fcking research time i had 'wasted' in studying....it was my PHD QUALIFYING EXAM for crissakes! i think i need to discipline myself. that is why i keep meeting these kind of people all the time. yes, there must be a message thr. but its so hard to 'obey' whn i dont respect the person who is giving the 'orders' !! ILWL p.s. sorry for the rant.... IP: Logged |
InLoveWithLife
unregistered
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posted January 17, 2007 06:06 PM
i guess i like to work for the 'fun' of it...and he takes all the fun out of everything is the problem. or may be i am just making excuses. i think i have an overactive imagination, somehow i get the feeling that i am being judged all the time. other people in my lab also face the same situations, but they take it in their stride. and i sit and get depressed over it. i get the uncomfortable feeling of being 'watched'
*edit* sorry i just can't stop...have to get this all out of my system 
ya, so i constantly get the feeling tht his levels of expectation are HIGHER for me than for my other labmates. he always keeps telling me that. and i find that UNFAIR. he keeps telling me i am an intelligent student, so he always expects more from me. does he expect me to become a workaholic like him and sit there in my office during weekends, like him? i am sorry but i just can't do that....i need those two days to myself. to lead a LIFE. which he doesnt seem to know much about. he doesnt hv a single photo of his family in the office...i dont even know if he has a family!! ( i think he does). he is so work, work, work and i DON'T want to be like him. IP: Logged |
Azalaksh
Knowflake Posts: 982
From: New Brighton, MN, USA
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted January 17, 2007 08:04 PM
Hi ILWL ~Here’s a {{{hug}}} a pat on the back, and a rousing “Atta-Girl!!” for flying thru your exam 
I think you’ve been given a HUGE compliment in that your fussy and jittery prof tells you that his level of expectation for you is higher than your labmates!! He KNOWS you’re head and shoulders above the rest, therefore he expects you to do better than them and sets loftier goals for you (you lucky thing, you – you coulda just been average ya know, and kept your head down, instead of looking like a swan in a flock of ducklings  ) – ie, you brought this on yourself  You mentioned that he “takes the fun out of everything” – ah, but you gave him that power, maybe?? Could you not work “for the fun of it” – your own *personal* enjoyment – no matter what Prof. Killjoy says/does?? I don’t think you will EVER be like Prof. Fussbudget – I saw your b’day cake pics ;-) Perhaps your natal Uranus trine Asc could be contributing to your angst – here’s a blurb on that (dig the last paragraph ) from http://www.manic-raven.com/astrology/Uranus_Aspect.htm quote:
Uranus Trine Ascendant:
Expressing your individuality is exceedingly important to you. The respect of others is assured because of your unorthodox conduct and originality, which you use to explore every variety of the truth. This brings you into contact with people in a highly unconventional manner. With your pronounced spontaneity and love of freedom you should look for a profession which allows you to work independently. Because the planet Uranus is concerned with the future, you actively and intensively participate in its development, whereby you are primarily concerned with the research and development of concepts for individual freedom. Strong intuition as well as your creative potential should be put to use in disciplined activity. Maybe you would enjoy learning more about Astrology or some similar field, which would bring you closer to the freedom and truth you are striving to attain.
The tNN is just about to depart your 9th house (higher learning) – possibly causing some emotional dissatisfaction…. tChiron is trining your nSaturn/Jupiter conj in the house of information gathering (don’t know if that has anything to do with your discontent)…..I for one am truly impressed that you’re headed for a Ph.D!! Dr. ILWL, here we come!!  Zala IP: Logged |
SLAYER
unregistered
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posted January 17, 2007 08:13 PM
I can understand you that you are going through a difficult process in your life. I think you professor wants your goodness. He sees you different than other people which is something very honourable. This means he values you and your skills. This is pretty obvious. You should be proud of yourself rather than being upset. It should be a great opportunity for you to improve yourself for the better. I dont say you are not right. Ofcourse he might be pushing you so hard, and because of that you might not spend your spare time for your personal needs, so consequently you might feel stressed out naturally. This is very normal and understandable. However you let yourself in to a more depressive state by having such thoughts. I am also having a tough process in my life at the moment, but i know i have to study very hard, in other word bury my head into books to be much more happier and more comfortable in the future. One day you'll be thankful to him for pushing you so hard, because you wont be able to deny his contribution to you in where you will be. I hope you feel better now.------------------
Sun-Aries
Moon-Taurus
Leo rising. IP: Logged |
Heart--Shaped Cross
Newflake Posts: 0
From:
Registered: Nov 2010
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posted January 17, 2007 08:38 PM
People will use you to get whatever they want
if they think you are the type to "take it".
You need to speak up for yourself,
let him know your limits.
He hasnt fired the others for having limits,
so he wont fire you.
Maybe he doesnt expect you to take it,
or to meet his near-impossible deadlines,
and is just testing you to see what he can get.
Hand in a project late next time,
and he will probably start to lengthen your deadlines.Just my 2 cents. Sorry you are having a tough time.
Congrats on your phd exam!!!
That's awesome. Seriously.
Its a true accomplishment for anybody,
but for someone who loves freedom
and has a distaste for authority,
it is truly remarkable.
That's what I think. IP: Logged |
SLAYER
unregistered
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posted January 17, 2007 09:00 PM
Hey HSC,
Maybe he is not really taking advantage of her. I know it can also be the situation you mention, but sometime masters push their apprentices' limits to make them more experienced, and powerful like themselves. IP: Logged |
Heart--Shaped Cross
Newflake Posts: 0
From:
Registered: Nov 2010
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posted January 17, 2007 10:24 PM
Hey Slayer,I didnt mean to imply that he was necessarily consciously taking advantage. I mean that he is testing to see who she is. I doubt he sees it as using, or taking advantage. He may suspect that it borders on that, but since she is not complaining, he probably figures its okay. I'm sure he feels that, if she will put up with it, that is her choice. I think it is one of those things where, in order to find someone's limits, we have to push them too far. As long as she does not complain, he may assume that he is not putting undue stress on her. Some people are work-aholics, and he may assume that she is one of them, if she allows herself to be cast in that role. If she objects, though, he will probably adjust to that and ease off. If, on the other hand, he ignores her protests, and threatens her with demotion or something (while accepting less from the others), then he would be consciously using her. Still, he would find a way to justify it to himself (people never think they are doing anything wrong). Somehow I doubt that his motives are altruistic and designed to bring out the best in her, but, I dont know. You are right, it is possible. In any case, I do believe that we have multiple motives (some more admirable than others) for almost everything we do. What you suggest may be one of his motives. Either way, he probably assures himself that it is the primary one, whenever he begins to suspect that he may be too hard on her. IP: Logged |
SLAYER
unregistered
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posted January 17, 2007 10:36 PM
I guess she has to figure out first whether her professor is sincere or not, then she may undergo a questioning about how she feels with the situation, and choose a path at last. Thank you for the reply. ------------------
Sun-Aries
Moon-Taurus
Leo rising. IP: Logged |
InLoveWithLife
unregistered
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posted January 18, 2007 01:33 AM
I am feeling so much better now 2 friends came over and i went out with them. we went to MacD's. and thr i burst into tears over some very stupid thing. i think that helped to get tht overwhelming negative feeling out. and then i came home and read all these msgs. i am feeling MUCH MUCH better now  Zala (((hug))) that first para did wonders to me ego...hehe....ya i will try to keep the fun element alive...i guess i do give others too much power over my moods :-( and thanks soooo much for Uranus...ahhh, i love that planet :-) my personal fav, i tell ya....*sigh*...ya i think i need some discipline....the universe has been sending me tht msg for a long time :-)
hehe, its funny....just a few days back i was wishing tht my life wudn't be so smooth...was kinda itching to learn my new lesson...and here it comes ! its a sign i think :-) thanks for the phd compliment....hey btw, do u think saturn in 3rd might hv done it for me :-D slayer, i wudn't mind burying my head in books...tell ya tht was my fav pastime....i love to be absorbed in books...and whn it comes to studies i always love a good challenge. i get 'hooked' to problems till i am able to solve them. its just his approach tht's driving me nuts. but i think i do need some discipline, all the same. howz it going for u, btw ? Heart--Shaped Cross (wht a lovely name, btw :-) ) i think my setting limits is not going to work. i think i hv goofed around a bit in my first year. or may be tht's just my cappy nature blaming myself for not being able to produce anything tangible during that time. the thing is, i need to feel confident from inside before i can assert myself in a situation like this. secondly, i like to test my limits too....lets see whr this road takes me. i WANT to do things in a way no one has done before....set a blazing record. tht's been my wish for a long time. as to my opting for phd, it was bcoz i was getting even lesser freedom whr i worked....and it was kinda boring....i wanted to sink my teeth into something more challenging ;-) ultimately i think i want to either become a manager, or start my own company...do sth i am really passionate abt. :-) btw, profs r not all innocent and 'sincere'...its human nature to try to extract the max output from students....hehe...the academic community has its fair share of workaholics and 'killjoys' as Zala put it ok i think i hv exhausted all my smileys by now, (why the heck does it allow only 5 or so....i like my posts to be littered with them....this is soooo inadequate) Lots of love to you guys for brightening my mood
ILWL *edit* Zala, i loved all those names u concocted for my prof...i am still laughing  Hey, did u mean the astrology stuff in the last para ?? my gosh i just noticed it....whoaaa!!! :-) :-D ;-) IP: Logged |
InLoveWithLife
unregistered
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posted January 18, 2007 03:37 AM
HSC, i loved that statement about there being multiple motives behind everything that we do. its sooo true! i realize that my prof wants me to do well (for his own selfish reasons besides the altruistic one )....but his and my style of working clash horribly....i feel so uncomfortable around him.sometimes when the pressure gets too much, i just wanna run away! (freedom beckons ) but the cappy in me wudn't allow me to give up....not until the last minute or the last ounce of my energy is left! ILWL IP: Logged |
SLAYER
unregistered
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posted January 18, 2007 06:59 AM
Hey ILWL,
I want to swith university this year. I need very high grades to make that happen. In the previous years, i was wrapped up in my inner turmoil, and i had to unravel it. Everything i felt, everything i touched... that was hell really. Time didnt mean anything, and nothing had form while i was going through it. However i cant say that i spent time for nothing. I dont feel regretful about what i had gone through in the past. It didnt kill me, so i am much more stronger now, and i owe this to those years. I copy here a conversation between Uma and PaiMei. If you think that your professor is sincere with you, remember these lines. I wish you the best of good luck. I have a wise Leo friend, and he thinks you have already passed the exam!PAI MEI: You are here to learn the mysteries of Kung Fu, not linguistics. If you can't understand me, I will communicate with you like I would a dog. When I yell, when I point, When I beat you with my stick!
PAI MEI: Let's see how good you really are. Try and land a blow. If you land a single blow, I'll bow down and call you master.
PAI MEI: Since your arm now belongs to me, I want it strong. Can you do that?
THE BRIDE: I can, but not that close.
PAI MEI: Then you can't do it.
THE BRIDE: I can put my hand through that at six inches.
PAI MEI: And you could shoot a man from a rooftop with a scope-sight rifle, if you so desired, but this is not what I asked. What if your enemy is three inches in front of you, what do you do then? Curl into a ball? Or do you put your fist through him.
PAI MEI: It's the wood that should fear your hand, not the other way around. No wonder you can't do it, you acquiesce to defeat before you even begin.
PAI MEI: You are to go into that pit, and catch that rat, with your bare hands. If you catch the rat, I will deem you the victor, and tonight you will dine on bird. But, if you can't catch the rat by sundown, I'll deem the victor the rat. And because of the disgrace to my student, I will be forced to kill it. And then I will force you, to consume his body. Because to be my student, you must develop a taste for victory.
THE BRIDE: I acknowledge defeat at the paws of this rat. However, I will not eat this filthy vermin. What I will do... is consume his victorious heart. But tomorrow, you kill a big bird.
PAI MEI: How does victory taste?
THE BRIDE: Bitter.
PAI MEI: You still fight better than you speak. Finally, a woman who understands what's important.
IP: Logged |
tuxedo meow
Newflake Posts: 21
From: gulf coast texas
Registered: Aug 2009
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posted January 18, 2007 11:08 AM
At University I was frequently frustrated- I love to learn and would NOT 'skate through'-Books were and are my mentors and learning and really using my mind sometimes freaked out various professors-esp. if I wasn't doing my learning their 'way'-
I do not personally know you but love you from here at LL-i am proud of you! You go ahead and use your brain your way! Of course they don't call some subjects "disciplines" for nothing! You all ready know knowledge is power and words are weapons and the pen is mightier than the sword etc!
Sometimes learning and accepting different approaches to the discipline is good mental exercise! Think of it as a Pilates program when you are used to aerobics and maybe it will help!
The tears are cleansing toxins. Also your brain uses energy so (not my business but still) try not to eat junk food before, after, or during studies. The myth is 15 pounds per semester or 35 pound per degree or something like that!
Hang in there kiddo! Keep us up-to-date, ok?IP: Logged |
misterhank
unregistered
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posted January 18, 2007 11:35 AM
I agree with ILWL...I have a love/hate relationship with authority figures. They always too strict & too demanding. I always need freedom and independence. That seemed to be my number one priority. ------------------
Hank Campbell
Far Rockaway, Queens, NY
*Sun: 8th House/Leo, Moon: 3rd House/Pisces, Venus: 8th House/Leo, Mars: 6th House/Cancer, Jupiter: 8th House/Leo, Saturn: 8th House/Virgo, ASC: Capricorn
"I'm an independent human being who is trying to survive in the harsh world." IP: Logged |
misterhank
unregistered
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posted January 18, 2007 11:36 AM
I agree with ILWL...I have a love/hate relationship with authority figures. They always too strict & too demanding. I always need freedom and independence. That seemed to be my number one priority. ------------------
Hank Campbell
Far Rockaway, Queens, NY
*Sun: 8th House/Leo, Moon: 3rd House/Pisces, Venus: 8th House/Leo, Mars: 6th House/Cancer, Jupiter: 8th House/Leo, Saturn: 8th House/Virgo, ASC: Capricorn
"I'm an independent human being who is trying to survive in the harsh world." IP: Logged |
misterhank
unregistered
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posted January 18, 2007 11:37 AM
Excuse my double posting...Slow response time... IP: Logged |
InLoveWithLife
unregistered
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posted January 18, 2007 04:58 PM
Slayer:i know exactly what u mean and what you r going through. this is exactly the situation i find myself in. last year this is precisely wht i was doing....i had a hellish 2 yrs period in which i just somehow dragged myself along and made it to where i am now. this is precisely the reason why my prof got the feeling tht i am not serious, bcoz last yr thts the kind of state i was in. i just had to unravel things for myself. so hang in there...i hope it gets over soon. you will make it ! hey, how did your leo friend know this about me? i mean how does he 'know' things? i am just so so curious and i loved those words from Kill Bill. i think i shud watch it again. Tuxedo: thanks a lot...it means a lot to me. yes, i too like to go deep into things! 15 pounds per semester...omigosh!! u hv scared me  MisterHank: I know wht u mean...but i am thinking if this is happening again and again may be i need to learn from this situation, and not respond in the way i always have ILWL ILWL IP: Logged | |
Lindaland
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