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Author Topic:   Would this be totally mean and cruel?
AgeofAquarius
Newflake

Posts: 1
From: UK
Registered: Jul 2010

posted February 02, 2007 05:06 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for AgeofAquarius     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
If I cut off communication with someone, i.e, change cellphone number, job, etc., etc.?

I've been dating someone for about a year (Pisces)and I think they lost (or maybe never had) that loving feeling. I ask if he still feels "it" he says yes but my intuition is saying its gone and he's just stringing you along. I can't take the hurt anymore and I usually just disappear, now you see me, now you don't but I feel I owe him more than that. My question is would that me cruel?

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Atlenta
unregistered
posted February 02, 2007 05:39 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
No, that's what alot of people do..
If it serves your purpose for having some time out by yourself, its okay. Seeing them might not allow space for you to think it through, if you need more time. And you also have the right to have your own space when you want to.

Of course the best thing would be to talk it out with the person. But alot of people dislike confrontation, and that's what they do. Disappear for a while, to see how life without the other party is like. But usually not for too long, and you have to be prepared with the other person's reaction - the relationship might have changed course for every drastic action you take.

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Lauren
unregistered
posted February 02, 2007 07:23 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I try to talk to the person because I think it's important that things get closure. However some people refuse to let it go or close things. When there was no way to reason with the person I did cut off contact. They left me no choice.

I agree with Atlenta, a lot of people do cut contact.. but if you feel very guilty about it, it's probably not good for you to just leave it. I think you should send him a short email from an anonymous address, explaining the way you feel. Tell him in no uncertain terms that you are cutting off contact.. but let him know that you wish him all the best and you sincerely hope he is happy. Then delete the email address.

I think that's better than him suddenly realizing he has no way to contact you, not knowing why.. At least he'll know that it was your decision and that you don't harbor negative feelings towards him.. it's simply what's best for you right now.

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alanabelle86
Knowflake

Posts: 40
From: Somewhere over the rainbow
Registered: May 2009

posted February 03, 2007 06:50 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for alanabelle86     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I don't think so. Personally, it's the only way I can deal with things like that. I can only move on if I exclude and almost "erase" the person all together

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Kamots
Knowflake

Posts: 30
From: Cascais, Portugal
Registered: May 2009

posted February 03, 2007 09:15 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Kamots     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
AgeofAquarius,

I know the situation you're in hurts like b*tch, but I think you should be careful with what you do here, for your own sake...

Beside that huge pain of feeling in the cold and unloved, the fear of confronting the other person with it in such a way that he might understand the dimension of the problem, it seems to me that you might be very angry with him as well... All these factors point to an easy way out: running away and "forgetting about him". Truth is, it's not so simple. Cause if you love him and "abort" him like that, you'll be "aborting" an important part of you along with it, as well as your chance to confront your fears and grow as an individual.

Now, I don't want to seem judgmental, cause I don't know the Pisces guy, so I don't know if he loves you and deserves your love back, but I think everyone deserves a chance to open their eyes and change to become a better person. That guy needs to undestand he is going to lose you and that he is really breaking your heart. But in order for him to understand that, you're going to have to show a lot of vulnerability, which is something not many people like to show to someone who hurts them. Disapearing is as mean and cruel to him as it is to yourself, despite being "safer". You don't owe him anything, but you owe yourself the chance to be loved back by those you love.

All deep relationships bring pain and difficult obstacles, one day or another, and if we run away from ourselves all our lives, then we'll gain a state of "not suffering" (consciously)... but will we really be alive?

Take care. I'm with you.

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Ling
unregistered
posted February 04, 2007 10:19 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
When i broke up with this guy (who discourteously hooked up with a girl few days later to mend his bruised ego), i tried to maintain contact but apparently, he wasn't that keen on it despite going on about friendship and how i will always be this special person in his heart blah. It's as if he didn't like the control i had over him... I cried my heart out one nite, got over him in a week. He just was a better bf than a friend, and it means more for me to date a better person.

He would intentionally be freaky sentimental about his new love on messenger. It was an immature attempt to hurt me. It was an eye opener into his character. I never block him off since. It was unnecessary cos he no longer matters in my mind, and that is what's most important.

The thing about my story is that i wanna share with you that blocking someone out physically does not mean you will forget him. I remember a friend once told me that to really KNOW if you are over a person, meet up again after break up to see if the feelings' still there. It's better to know than to reminisce about loses... i hate for you to realize that you have missed out on something, someone ...

------------------
Leo Sun, Aquarius Moon, Libra Ascendent.

"If you love a flower which happens to be on a star, it is sweet at night to gaze at the sky. All the stars are a riot of flowers."

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GrlyGirl20
Knowflake

Posts: 319
From: USA
Registered: Apr 2009

posted February 04, 2007 10:46 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for GrlyGirl20     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I actually really want to empathize with you but to be honest are you an adult or child? I think you should tell him how you feel, and leave it at that. Why would you go to such extremes in terms of changing your number and so on. Would he do the same to you? I think even though it is hurting you, I think you should tell him and then move on. But don't go to the extremes your thinking of...I think you need to take some time and space, and be rational about this. Think about how you would like to be treated.

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AgeofAquarius
Newflake

Posts: 1
From: UK
Registered: Jul 2010

posted February 05, 2007 09:46 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for AgeofAquarius     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thing is we had "The Talk". I asked him does he want to continue, did he have the same feelings for me as he did the first time we met. He said yes. Then I told whenever you don't want to continue just tell me don't give me the run around. He says everything is fine. However, is actions reflect the opposite.

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BlueTopaz124
Knowflake

Posts: 207
From: Portland, OR, USA
Registered: Apr 2009

posted February 05, 2007 11:09 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for BlueTopaz124     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I say listen to what your intuitions are telling you...

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GrlyGirl20
Knowflake

Posts: 319
From: USA
Registered: Apr 2009

posted February 05, 2007 12:47 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for GrlyGirl20     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I understand that you have already talked to him, and that is good and mature. But why would you go to the extreme of changing your info and your job for goodness sake!! Why don't you just end it? You talked to him, and and he seemed unresponsive. But why don't you take responsibility and end it. Don't let him decide. I know its easier said than done, but you are strong enough to not take this from him. But please be an adult and don't change your number or job just because you want to break up. I really would like to know how old you are and what are your placements are. I just wanted to add another point. Don't think that cutting off contact is cruel...you need to do whatever you need to to get over him. But changing your life, and everything to the extreme your thinking of to be honest is quite immature and foolish. Please put yourself first!!

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comica23
Knowflake

Posts: 1212
From:
Registered: Apr 2009

posted February 05, 2007 04:35 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for comica23     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Is your relationship a commited one? I mean, are you guys dating officially? But it doesn't really matter.. In my opinion, just disappearing out of the map and not letting the other person to know what's happening is unfair.. I would be honest and tell the other person that I'd either need space or even breaking up. The other person being able to accept it or not it's up to him/her. It might hurt or it might not for him/her, but it's better than not telling.

Personally, I prefer to know the truth, no mater how hard it would be for me.. it's harder for me for not knowing the reasons than to have to swallow the truth. Being left all of a sudden, being left with all the doubts.. I guess most of us knows how it feels, right? ^_^;

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Mama Mia
Knowflake

Posts: 117
From:
Registered: Feb 2010

posted February 05, 2007 04:50 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Mama Mia     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Quote:
He says everything is fine. However, is actions reflect the opposite.

His actions is what I would watch..You already said that you feel like he is stringing you on. WATCH his actions and if you have already talked and his actions don't match up with his words then I would disappear. However I would give him a chance first.

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shirty
unregistered
posted February 06, 2007 12:50 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I agree with Mama Mia -

It's so easy to say whatever you want to someone without meaning it. Or the person can mean it in the moment, but not act on it later. Action is the final step. The thought comes first, but if there's no follow through it doesn't mean much.

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AgeofAquarius
Newflake

Posts: 1
From: UK
Registered: Jul 2010

posted February 06, 2007 01:26 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for AgeofAquarius     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thank you all for the wonderful advice. Mama Mia - I'm defintly an observer, your words have to match your body language and actions, if not I'm skeptical.

GrlyGirl20: I didn't explain myself. I can be extreme but not THAT extreme. I excepted a job offer and haven't told him. Since we work next door to each other and frequently have lunch together me working somewhere else would pose a problem. Thanks for the advice anyway.

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