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Author Topic:   Punctuality, Toothpaste and Temper gauge
BornUnderDioscuri
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posted February 11, 2007 07:48 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for BornUnderDioscuri     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
More of Stella Hyde's Darkside Zodiac fun

Aries

Punctuality - You are either 30 minutes early, raring to go, and incandescent that everyone else is late, or you turn up 4 days later at a different venue and are outraged that the expedition went without you.

Toothpaste - After a 5 minute rant in the bathroom when you throw everything out the window lookinh for your tube of toothpaste, you finally find iit in the laundry basket. You hammer in flat with your bare hands.

Temper Gauge - 0 degrees to boiling point instantaneous, and occurs roughly every two minutes because people just won't do what you tell them, and you've lost the keys/hammer/remote control/plot.

Taurus
Punctuality -You are never late; you have never been late; you will never be late. People in Switzerland set their clocks by you, train companies call you for advice.Strangely, everyone else is always late meeting with you.

Toothpaste- the Taurus toothpaste tube always lives in a toothpaste tube cozy on the third shelf down and is always rolled up from the bottom. If anyone moves it- let alone squeezes it in the middle - you kill them.

Tempter Gauge- 0 degrees to boiling point in about 6 months, but on a regular five-year cycle. Much earth-shaking; small buildings fall down; you gore everyone within reach. Ten days later people armed with chocolate can approach you.

Gemini
Punctuality- You-re rarily late (you'd hate to miss any good pickings), but never stay long since you are usually on your way to somewhere else that you think might be more interesting, or stuffed with classier celebs.

Toothpaste- You have a shiny new electric toothbrush "borrowed" from somewhere, and toothpaste picked up from unguarded retail displays - you didn't pay for it, so why should you give a damn how it's squeezed.

Tempter Gauge - 0 degrees to boiling point in five seconds, inventive invective, blistering bitchery, then back down again in two, mostly because your attention has wandered off. You prefer to get even, not mad.

Cancer
Punctuality- You are never on time for anything; who'd want to see you? Who'd even notice you weren't there? Plus, it's a classic way to control the event without appearing to-passive-aggressive or what?

Toothpaste- New moon: new toothpaste, cap firmly screwed on, tube squeezed from end; half moon: cap qite near tube, squeezed anywhere; full moon: cap lost, tube cut open; moonless night: no toothpaste at all.

Tempter Gauge - 0 degrees to snapping point in one second or several decades, depending on the Moon. Either short outbursts of unfocused tetch and filthy temper or centuries of insoluble sectarian intransigence and filthy temper.

Leo
Punctuality- There must be some mistake. Of course you are never late. How could you be? No event would ever start until you and your entourage arrive, surely? If it did, you'd flounce off right away and have it cancelled.

Toothpaste - Leos would not deign to behave inconsiderately around the toothpaste. You simple wouldn't know how to squeeze the tube from the middle; you have a little woman to do that for you.

Tempter Gauge - 0 degrees to boiling point in a nanosecond. Dramatic solar flaring and flouncing, down a notch to murderous irritation, and then you allow yourself to be soothed by a meaty tidbit thrown by a terrific acolyte.

Virgo
Punctuality- You are never, ever late; or early, for that matter. You are always exactly on time - it's not difficult,, If only they'd let you run the world, you'd make sure that DBL (deliberately Being Late) was a federal offense.

Toothpaste - In a time locked closer in your bathroom are 3 x 365 individual prewrapped disposable toothbrushes, each loaded with the precise amount of toothpaste needed for one cleaning. Only you have the key.

Tempter Gauge- In your case, the gauge gas to be recalibrated, as you maintain the constant inner seethe-rate you were born with. Although you can reach boiling point instantly if your patterns are disturbed, you never return to 0 degrees.

Libra
Punctuality-You're always late because you take so long to decide what to wear (and to tear yourself away from the mirror), but look so gorgeous, and are so limpidly, charmingly abject when you do show, that you are forgiven.

Toothpaste- You don't have toothpaste in tubes, since squeezing involves effort. You have three kinds of pump-action dispenser instead, and there is always an intimate friend around to help you choose which flavor you want.

Tempter Gauge - 0 degrees to boiling in 20 seconds, but rarely, and only if you think appearing to have lost your cool will get you what you want. You pout, flounce, toss your curls, and stamp your little foot; it always works.

Scorpio
Punctuality- Scorpios are never late. It's tactically unsound. You like to get there a bit early so that you can observe your victim arrive; then you calculate an angle of approach that ensures the sun shines directly into their eyes.

Toothpaste - You neither leave the lid off the toothpaste nor squeeze from the middle of the tube; you either use rock salt and a twig, or minimalist Japanese designer devices that disgorge paste in precisem bead-shaped portions.

Tempter Gauge - 0 degres to boiling point in 10 seconds, or several days, just to unnerve the guilty. You don't shout. What would be cool about that? You stare intimidatingly and speak with ominous quiet, to summon your henchmen.


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aquaspryt69
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posted February 11, 2007 07:57 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
BUD, these are too funny!


quote:

You don't shout.

Says who?

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BornUnderDioscuri
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posted February 11, 2007 08:11 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for BornUnderDioscuri     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Sagittarius
Punctuality -Never knowingly on time; you are either four hours late, and covered in scorchmarks, two days late because you fought the law and the law won; or don't show up at all because you are nude bobsleighing.

Toothpaste- Grab the nearest tube and squeeze in the middle until the cap pings off and toothpaste hemorrhages out and hits the ceiling; catch some on its way down, hurl tube aside, clean teeth, sling brush in sink.

Tempter Gauge- 0 degrees to boiling point in a nanosecond. Red mist, loud shouting, violent rampage, possibly with weapons (which include your bare hands), then you canter off in a different direction, and forget all about it.

Capricorn
Punctuality - You always arrive 30 minutes early, to impress important people and make underlings feel insecure, unless the inner goat has seized control, when you won't turn up at all because you are busy corrupting innocents.

Toothpaste - It is a truth universally acknowledged that the Capricorn toothpaste tube is always tightly rolled from the bottom up. When it's finished, you unroll it, cut it open, and scrape off the last smears.

Tempter Gauge - 0 degrees to boiling point in one second (although you have high Latent Tetchiness levels and are easy to rule). You never forgive a slight and, if shown disrespect, will charge at the offender and headbutt them into a ravine.

Aquarius
Punctuality- You refuse to follow anyone else's agenda, so never turn up on time, or even on day. People blame it on your legendary but suspect absentmindedness, but you know it's your way of controlling the situation.

Toothpaste - You don't use toothpaste, mostly because you've usually lost the tube (last seen as a bookmark), but clean your teeth at the lab with the handheld sonar gun. They glow a bit in the dark, but it's a good look.

Tempter Gauge - 0 degrees boiling point in .0001 sec since you do not suffer fools gladly, but like to give people a chance to defend themselves. No red-faced shouting (not logical); just cool insults and deletion of offenders from your database.

Pisces
Punctuality- You're not late as such, but you get lost, can't remember where you're going, or what day it is. It's whoever you're meeting's fault for putting you under so much pressure; stop off at a bar for a consoling drink or several.

Toothpaste - You squeeze from the middle and leae the cap off, but are usually using a tube of shaving gel or hemorrhoid cream because you don't do small print; blame the bathroom's owner when you throw up.

Tempter Gauge - 0 degrees to boiling point in a minute or two, building up a good head of steam to drive the whine engine, which can go for weeks at a time but not in any logical direction; often runs off the rails or over innocent bystanders.

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BornUnderDioscuri
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posted February 11, 2007 08:12 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for BornUnderDioscuri     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
hehe Stella Hyde is awesome, she got me into astrology.

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InLoveWithLife
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posted February 12, 2007 02:45 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
BUD, i loooove this stuff !!!

btw, i think i am quite taking to pisceans...they r sooo cute !!!

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Arnicka
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posted February 12, 2007 03:22 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
thanks, born. hate to say that i completely fit pisces stereotype for getting lost while driving..every time i inch on the freeway i always have the nagging suspicion that i'll end up 3 states over in 10 minutes. map quest was made for me.

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Xena
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posted February 12, 2007 08:28 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
"Toothpaste" happened to me this morning...but with a computer file that had hidden itself inside the wrong folder on my computer...also my beloved purple sketchbook that I had left under the scanner...and also an entry form for a trade exhibition, which I shifted from the scanner on to the floor a couple of nights ago.

I hate it when I "tidy up" - or have to move things around - can never remember where anything is.

Xena
Sun Aries, Moon Pisces, Asc Virgo

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Dulce Luna
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From: The Asylum, NC
Registered: Apr 2009

posted February 12, 2007 09:41 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Dulce Luna     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Really funny! especially this one about me...


quote:
Tempter Gauge - 0 degrees to snapping point in one second or several decades, depending on the Moon. Either short outbursts of unfocused tetch and filthy temper or centuries of insoluble sectarian intransigence and filthy temper.

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jane
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posted February 12, 2007 10:30 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for jane     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
LOL! Those were so funny. When it comes to punctuality and temper I'm more like my Scorpio ascendant. But I'm my Sag self when it comes to toothpaste. Almost feels like someone was spying on me...

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amisha121877
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posted February 12, 2007 10:43 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
i'm a sag - i really enjoyed that. i'm either late or early but hardly ever on time but i'm getting better at it. i also have a temper. hey - i know i can't be the only sag that doesn't seem to 1)keep my clothes clean for a whole day (aka drop food or something somewhere on me) or 2)can't go without semi-tripping at least twice a year (i say semi- because at this rate, i'm use to it and always seem to just catch myself)

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InLoveWithLife
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posted February 12, 2007 11:35 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I'm a cappy...of course i always arrive early. not to a party tho. (then i'm late). but if its an interview, an appointment, i am always early

toothpaste - its sooo true !!

just friday i almost ripped open a tube to get to the last bits of the clay facial

gosh so i do act like a cappy !!

but hey hey as far as temper goes, i am more like aqua. (mars in aqua) cool insults - aren't those the best (or worst, depending on wht end u r at)

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lodan
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posted February 13, 2007 01:01 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
ha ha, that was too funny about the fish....although i dont leave the cap off...

ur really good...

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AcousticGod
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From: Pleasanton, CA
Registered: Apr 2009

posted February 13, 2007 04:05 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for AcousticGod     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hmmmm... (I'm a Capricorn with Virgo Moon and Gemini Ascendant)

Punctuality- I can see a combination of influences, but it's true that I'm seldom late. I'm most often on time, though, so maybe I resemble Virgo there.

Toothpaste- No description completely fit me except the first Cancerian one. I squeeze from the bottom. I never, ever role, and I always put the cap back on. It's very nice and dignified the whole life of the tube. Oh, and I would never break open the tube to fetch the remnants. I generally buy a new tube before the old one runs out.

Temper Gauge- I don't even get the first sentence. Latent tetchiness levels? I can be in a "tetchy" mood at times, but not always. I think I go with the Scorp description on this one. I have an 8th house Sun, and Mars in Scorpio. I am one to go into a slow burn (as I've read it described elsewhere). You'll very seldom get an eruption from me, but I'll always let you know when you should keep your distance.

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