posted March 10, 2007 05:17 PM            

We often take breaks (usually me) when I just need to be away from everyone for a while. While I've been on one of these breaks for about 10 weeks now, she had grown close to her current Aries boyfriend. She's 27, but she's never had a real relationship up until now. He kind of gave her the runaround at first, initially telling her that he didn't want to be in a relationship, wanted to see other people, etc. I told her that if a man says that right off the bat, he usually means it, and that it was her choice whether or not she wanted to continue seeing him. It's an honest and upfront approach on his part, and seems respectful, but basically it means, "If I hurt you...don't blame me, cause I told you right off the bat." Well, she continued to see him. A couple months later she told me that he told her he loved her, and didn't want to see anyone else. He said he was just confused in the beginning. She was happy and so excited...she began spending most of her time at his house.

Her grandfather had been helping her pay her bills while she was going to school. He passed away in early February, and she knew that she couldn't afford to keep her apartment, or continue school after the current term. The Aries told her that she could move in with him, and he said he'd help her to pay off some of her debts while she looked for a job. She started slowly moving her things to his house. She had moved about half of her things, when, just this morning as soon as she woke up...he told her he didn't love her, never wanted to get married, and never wanted kids. OUT OF THE BLUE!!!!

Now, I found it rather curious myself, after him initially telling her that he didn't want a relationship, to turn around rather quickly and tell her something completely different...but I gave him the benefit of the doubt, and I figured anything is possible. Should have trusted my instinct...not that she would have listened at the time. In the weeks leading up to this he had bought her a necklace, told her he figured they'd be married in a year, how much he loved her, etc. He really layed it on thick. But now, to turn around and do this??? I feel so awful for her. She just lost her grandfather, she has no where to go, no money, no job yet...I mean, it's awful. I loaned her some money so that she could keep her apartment at least until the end of the month...but I just can't believe the nerve of this jerk!!! He told her she could stay with him for a while...said he wouldn't let her live on the street!!! How friggin' nice of him! I cannot believe this guy. Really. She's a Cap moon, and this is the first time in her life that she's ever REALLY put her heart on the line for someone...and THIS happens. I'm just amazed. She'll probably rent a storage unit for all of her things, and move back in with her mother for a while. I told her the sooner she gets away from him the better. It's a dangerous situation if she stays there. She loves him, and I do think he cares about her, so it's very possible that with his guilt, they could easily slip back into a relationship...but he no doubt would pull this stunt again down the road. I just feel terrible for her. No one deserves to be kicked when they're down like that. I've had some jerks myself, but never anything this bad!

posted March 10, 2007 05:48 PM            

Only a really selfish person (commitmentphobe) could say all those things to someone and make them move in, and then recant. I would never take such a step unless I was a thousand times sure I could follow through. Active avoider commitmentphobes lave a string of broken hearts in their wake. I bet she is not the first.

posted March 10, 2007 06:14 PM              

I have been in her shoes twice. I am a leo and I've been burned twice by Aries -
I have great chemistry with them and I have a few friends who are Aries but I will never date one again.

The first one just broke my heart - he said all these things and then changed his mind later on. But the second one - that was the ultimate "mind f**k" - I was with him for 2 years - he asked me to marry him in front of my whole family at my birthday party. A month later he had some "girl" young enough to be his daughter moved into his house with a huge rock on her finger.

I had a talk with him a few months later becuase a situation arose and he left me HIGH & DRY - he denied ever saying he loved me or asking me to marry him

I almost had myself comitted except for the fact that I had my friends to support me - if it wasn't for them I would have thought I was losing my mind.

Please tell to stay as far away from him and to get out of that house.

Be there to support her no matter how annoying she may get - If I didn't have my friends during that time, I don't know what I would do.

posted March 10, 2007 07:47 PM            

soconfused - I'm in complete shock at your story. Complete shock. I cannot believe people can be so incredibly cruel, and I'm so sorry you have those painful memories in your past. I didn't want this to be an aries male bashing thread, because I do happen to know of two that are very good men. I'm sure they can have their pain-in-the-ass days, but I'm not married to them! It does sound though, that these unevolved ones are quite a heap of trouble. The venus/mars Arien I dated said and DID some very similar things to what my Leo friend's did to her. For instance when she said that he told her he didn't want a relationship and wanted to see other people - that was a BIG red flag for me, known from past experience. Like Venus said, you have to learn what the red flags are, and walk away when you see them. Ariens sure do love the conquest, and it really is an obstacle to keep them interested. It kind of makes you wonder if solar, lunar, venus, or mars Ariens can ever stay committed to anyone long term.

As far as being there for my friend...I absolutely will. There is a bond between us with the Cap, as well as Leo (my asc.). Neither one of us cries openly in front of people, but we generally will around eachother. We also seem to accept sympathy from one another easier than others. I think we are more at ease with our own vulnerability around eachother. I'll never forget her holding my hair back, sitting on her bathroom floor as I got violently sick and was hysterically crying at the same time - over the Taurus (venus/mars aries). She was the only one that saw me cry when I broke up with my Pisces two months ago, and I'm the only person that saw her cry today. She was with me most of the afternoon.

posted March 10, 2007 09:43 PM              

Well, my moon is in Aries and I have never strayed in my relationships if that helps at all

I was optimistic for a while and then reality hit me in the face - but I am also self-preserving and prideful and have become very guarded.(I just have very bad luck with men no matter what sign LOL)

Offer her your couch so she doesn't have to go back there - it only mess with her head

she'll get through it - a few scars here and there but she will survive

posted March 10, 2007 11:18 PM            

OK... do you know what this prick did? He was going to be at his house in LA, so he arranges to hang out with the main squeeze on Friday (she lives in LA) and he has the other chick fly in on Saturday!!!

On top of that, the same week, he starts an adultfriendfinder.com account!!! SCUMBAG EXTRAORDINAIRE!!! ARGGHHH!!!

He tells the main squeeze he loves her. And he told the other chick how amazing she is, that he thinks he's falling for her, he's never met anyone like her before in his life... thankfully, I think she got a clue and ran for her life, because they aren't seeing each other anymore.

Add to all this lunacy, this prick had been cyberstalking ME since November. So we we're both reading each other's emails and myspace messages.

Anyhow... that was the event that made me realize... it wasn't me... it didn't have anything to do with me or whether I'm good enough or not... because that other chick was completely awesome in every way and she wasn't enough for him either. The cold, sad, hard fact is, that he is just a snivelling, callous, selfish, egomaniac @sshole... and you know what? Karma is a b*tch, dude. Watch out.

He's emailing me now and I think he's playing dumb and I'm definitely playing dumb about the email stuff... but I think he knows that I can read his email and he doesn't care. The only reason I'm even conversing with him is because I don't want him to have the pleasure of thinking he scarred me enough to hold a grudge. But I will never let him get close to me again, not even as a friend.

This is the Pisces guy with Scorp rising that has an eerily similar chart to Casanova... and he has Venus in Aries.

My point was, that it is going to take a miracle for her to feel better about this and not take it personally. When you're in the middle of it, you can't help but look at it all and think "but it was all so beautiful, why did he do this? how could h not want it too? what did I do wrong? I must have done something to put him off. What horrible flaw did he suddenly realize I have that makes me so unlovable?"... and that's the thing... after this happens... you feel unlovable This kind of thing is such a hard blow to anyone's ego and absolutely crushing to your heart and faith in people. She's going to feel bad for awhile... this kind of thing is like a terrorist attack on your heart! People like him are romantic terrorists! Killers of love.

posted March 11, 2007 12:18 AM            

The reason I finally ended it with my Taurus after 2 1/2 years was that a girl he had been seeing on the side broke into his email, and sent ME a message that he had originally sent to her. I came into work one morning to find this thing waiting for me. He was in San Francisco, I was here in Ohio, and the other girl was in Houston. Yeah, he liked his women to be too far away to be a threat. Well, karma bit him GOOD this time. I had received the email at 9:00 am, my time...waaaay to early for him to have sent it, but just about the exact time that she would have been getting to work. His password was easy too...although I had never tried it, if you knew him for even a short time you could have guessed it. It was awful. He admitted that this girl "knew" about me. Well, of course she did. That was his "out" with her. He probably said, "X, you're a great girl and I really like you, but I have a girlfriend." I BEGGED him to tell me that he never loved me. I figured at least if he said that, I could make some sense of it. He wouldn't even give me that...he actually said, "You're not getting out of this that easy...I did, and still do love you...I just can't make you happy right now." UGGGHHH!!! He moved to Brazil just 3 weeks later. Funny thing was, I sent him an email a year after that just to try and clear the air. Being so far away, I never felt that I got the closure I needed. He was seeing a girl in Brazil at the time, and I was living with someone. I told him that he'd better make da*n sure he was treating this girl well, and NOT repeating past mistakes. I told him not to let her stay too long after the party like he had with me. He never responded. Fast forward another year later. He was back in the states, and we emailed again. I asked him if I had pi*sed him off with something I said in my last email. He said that I had "stroked the flames of his own self-loathing." Found out later that once again, he was taking a girl for granted and screwing around. I knew then that it wasn't just me. Some guys are just wired this way. He had cheated on the girl he dated before me too. We're actually friends now, but it's kind of a karmic thing for me. That leopard will never change it's spots.

These types of things do have a lingering effect. I knew the MINUTE I got that email that I'd never be the same. I knew I would have trust issues from that point on. My next 3 relationships after that were with what I would consider, "easy" men. Not really stimulating enough to really keep me interested to fall in love...but SAFE. I didn't notice any trust issues with them, so I thought maybe I'd be ok. Then Mr. Pisces came along last fall. Every single ounce of hurt I had felt with the Taurus surfaced again. I could not bring myself to trust the Pisces. Whether he really was doing something shady behind my back or he was just being a "pisces"...I'll never know, but my radar was definitely set to "high." Pisces need time alone...I know this...I have my moon there. However, when you call someone for two days and don't get a response??? You can imagine the thoughts going through my head. I was a nervous friggin' wreck. I'm not proud of this myself, but I did drive by his house a few times expecting to see a strange car in the driveway...never did. He did keep active on myspace, and on a match.com account as well...the whole time we were together. That just added to my anxiety. In one way, I felt so much relief when it ended, and my constant nervous anxiety stopped. I'll tell you what, I will never date someone again that plays with any of these online hook-up sites. I have become waaaay too suspicious, and it takes a lot for me to trust someone. That was just too much for me.

This will have a lingering effect on my friend...no doubt about it. She has a difficult time with finality. She has trouble letting men go completely...which is why I'm concerned she may just fall back into something with this guy. Don't know...

Zala! You make me feel like a little kid that just got their hand stuck in the cookie jar! . Yes, it's the same one. I'd withdrawn from her for quite a while, and now...pisces mooner...just felt so God awful bad for her. I wish she could find happiness with a special someone...wish we all could.

posted March 11, 2007 09:23 AM            

How did you feel about receiving that email?

The main reason I have never interfered with the "main" one, even though I feel for her, is because she is quite obviously turning a blind eye. I mean... come on! He says he loves you, but his myspace status has never once changed from single and he's in a band??? He lives in another city from you and tours every few months... you don't wonder about that? I mean for me... if I was with someone who claimed to be my man and I had been with him for a year... I would question why he claims he's single on an internet page that is accessed mostly by acting and band groupies. I figure she obviously just doesn't want to know, cause to me, it's clear as day. In fact, I knew about her last summer... but I assumed they were just friends with benefits, or it was a relationship that fizzled... he refused to even admit to her. He was like... yeah I've been dating around, but nothing serious. I only realized how serious it was when I read his email...

Mostly I didn't tell the other women because I was worried about the legal implications. His brother and father are both cops, and reading someone's email is a federal crime and he knows the law... so I thought, I could do this... and he could get me into a lot of trouble

But I'm just wondering how you see it Cranky Cap... being somewhat in her shoes. Do you think I did the right thing? It bothers me sometimes. Because I would absolutely want to know. Living a lie like that is the absolute height of horror to me... but then, I try not to kid myself... and this woman is old enough to know better, she's 37 for crying out loud. "Single" on his profile? There's only one reason for that. To be available to other women, helloo???

Oh yeah... this guy's password was his last name, rotfl!!! Idiot.

I'm just like you with the Taurus... I don't trust, anymore. I have really low expectations. Like, I have this awesome, light-hearted quasi relationship with a Cancer... basically, friends-with-benefits... but I don't think he's seeing anyone else and either am I... (and now I know the behaviors to watch out for!) but I notice a lot of underlying insecurity in myself that I never had before. I try to suppress it and not show it, cause I don't like people like that and I don't wanna be that person... but it comes out anyway, like one night I dreamed we had a female visitor in the night and I woke up all upset demanding to know who she was and why she was here at 3am... and suddenly it dawned on me that it was a dream and I felt really silly because I just revealed all my silly insecurities to him in one fell subconscious swoop!!!

posted March 11, 2007 10:07 AM              

And to all the ladies - I think we can all realize that it was nothing we did - but by the same token we become guarded so we don't get burned again - I think it's unavoidable -

Maybe we all need some kind of cleansing or healing

I never realized there was so much heartache in the world.

I'm sure this list of stories about horrible men is only the beginning - I know of ones that are worse - so I consider myself lucky.

posted March 11, 2007 01:12 PM            

My initial reaction to it was rather calm...and I even surprised myself. Until the pieces of the puzzle began to unfold. The woman was hurting me intentionally out of jealousy. He had gone to see her that weekend - not his father. She sent the email after she had spent the weekend with him. It would have been one thing if he had lied and she didn't know I existed, but then found out about me. I could understand her "reacting" then. But she knew. I didn't understand how she could deliberately hurt a total stranger like that. She didn't know me, nor did she know how much I cared about the guy. She just wanted him for herself, and figured if she could break us up, she'd have him. Well, he had, and still to this day, has nothing but nasty words to say about her.

It was good that I found out because it forced me to do something that had to be done...but deep down I knew it was happening without having it pointed out to me. The last time I visited him in San Francisco I just *knew* he had been with someone else. I could sense it, and I could feel it. Of course, there was no proof, so I didn't say anything.

It always comes out in the end Venus...one way or another. I can see where you'd want these women to know so that they don't continue to be duped, but your intentions are much more sincere than what that woman had for me. Her intentions were selfish and vindictive. Now, this "main" girl that's with the Pisces of yours may or may not be turning a blind eye. If I EVER was to begin any kind of relationship with someone who is on myspace, or match, or whatever...once we established exclusivity I would DEMAND that they change the status to "in a relationship" or take the profile down completely. If they refuse...then you'll know. My Pisces SAID he would...but never did. And there you have it - no trust. Therefore, no basis for a solid, serious relationship. A good guy will do it.