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Author Topic:   Can you handle the truth?
ScorpGirl
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posted March 29, 2007 05:18 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I ran across this and found it very entertaining and somewhat true. Though, I am a sun cappy I am more of my ascendant so of course Scorp fit me better than cappy....fun read nonetheless!!


SCORPIO
: Why is your life so difficult? Because you are still repaying the bad karma you earned the last go-around, when you were Torquemada's rack-master during the Inquisition.

Your exaggerated nature provides extremes of every kind. Compulsions and obsessions explode within your psyche. A startlingly large number of you either become geniuses, or sink into the lowest depths of depravity. You latter types make ideal mates for Pisces.

Your favorite TV shows are reruns of Dark Shadows and you wear a Barnabas Collins ring on your forefinger. You love to point randomly at unsuspecting strangers and mumble gibberish. Your moods range from irritable to ****** off, and you frequently sulk, brood, intimidate, spy and cheat. That's on one of your good days. Unlike Taurus, who is blind to his faults, you are acutely aware of your flaws, but excessively proud of them. For instance, you like to wear a minipicture of your mug shot on a gold chain.

Being a fixed sign means that your emotions and opinions rarely change. You are kindly described as "still water runs deep". You more closely resemble a boiling cesspool of hydrochloric acid. Your metaphorical stinger is always poised for attack and you are supposedly known for vicious verbal barbs. In reality, most of you are merely cantankerous bores who constantly posture and gouge lines in the dirt daring others to step across.

You are so private even your relatives don't know your unlisted phone number. You have a NO SOLICITORS sign on the barbed-wire fence around your property, and anyone attempting to reach your front door will need a map and a flashlight to make it through the overgrowth. You are so paranoid that you think Alcatraz would be a safe place to live.

Scorpios have bumper stickers that say things like, "My child sells drugs to your honor student." You are chronically terse, and have Bad Ass, Son of Bad Ass, or Mother of Bad Ass tattooed on your neck.

You keep a police scanner on the kitchen table to track the movements of your friends -- both of them. Instead of family pictures, your refrigerator is covered with magnetic business cards of lawyers, therapists, and bail bondsmen. Inside is a mishmash of variety ranging from mashed potatoes to granola bars. Your eating habits swing as wildly as your emotions, from Spartan bark eater to comfort-food junkie.

Scorpio is the sign of the prosecuting attorney, psychopath, Mafia negotiator, and more-parts-than-you-were-prepared-to-lose surgeon. Scorpios also make good stalkers, astrologers, and psychics; however very few of you are in the latter profession because you refuse to acknowledge your clairvoyance.

You follow Scorpio Adam Ant's views on sex. He said, "I like sex. My songs are about sex ... sex is my life. I just find it the most exhilarating experience, and I think it should he done on stage." You'd join his band if you could.

You are the most intense of all signs. Telling you to learn to go with the flow, or to lighten up, is ridiculous. Control is your forté. Learn to use it on yourself before running over your children, friends, and lovers with your steel-belted emotions and you'll quickly discover that most people like to be around you because of the sheer force of your personality.
http://www.bemyastrologer.com/sun_sign_downside.html#scorpio

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solar_third
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posted March 29, 2007 06:39 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I thought this was quite amusing (and true);

quote:
Pisces have every psychological and psychosomatic illness known to man and participate in medical research trials more often than any other sign. You love the attention and use the twenty-five dollars to buy wine.

However, I could have been done without the patronising insincerity in summation of every sign interp, but it was fun nontheless!

Thanks,

S_T

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misterhank
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posted March 29, 2007 04:37 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I have a really bad feeling I'm going to have bad comments when I post this...

LEO

Everywhere you go you command attention. That's because you are usually carrying a gun. You vie with Aries for the Most Obnoxious Human award and pick arguments in sports bars just to show everyone who's boss.

You are the first to aid friends and family in times of need and just as quick to announce to the world how good hearted you were to offer assistance. You assume control of every situation where more than one person is gathered. In an elevator you position yourself next to the door and push the floor buttons. At the grocery store you instruct the bag boy how to pack the sack.

Your idea of a good career is any profession in which your title is longer than your business card. Leo is the sign of the grade-school teacher, TV wrestler, karaoke champ, and floating crap game organizer. Lions also make good hair stylists, actors and conga line leaders.

You don't do solitude. Instead, you head for the nearest party, arriving fashionably late so you can sweep into the room offering your fingertips and air kisses to your loyal fans as you head to the center of the action. Your nature is so theatrical that you can't bear the thought of being just one of the crowd and you will stand on your head or someone else's back, to grab the spotlight.

Your home is your castle, where you rule by intimidation. You spend your evening scolding your family, yelling at the dog, and hanging up on your mother. Your temper is like a solar flare. It flashes out, singeing the ears of the hapless person who dared to disagree, then dissipates just as quickly. Because you have selective memory, you think you are calm, cool and collected and will beat the hell out of anyone who disagrees.

In a romance you have all the finesse of a sailor returning home from a twelve-month cruise. You'll go home with anyone who has great hair. The next day, you bore your friends with tales of sexual conquest that everyone knows are lies. What you don't know is that, secretly, everyone hopes you get eaten by a crocodile.

Your checking account serves as a clearing house between your paycheck and creditors, and you've filed for bankruptcy so often you're banned from using credit cards until 2052. Your favorite game is Follow the Leader, with you at the head of the group. But, instead of Captain Courageous, you're more like the captain of the Titanic. You never know where you are going and invariably lead everyone to disaster.

In real life, John Wayne was a Gemini. However, every role he ever played was pure Leo. Always strong, sometimes arrogant, his characters always knew just what they wanted and just how to get it. So do you.

You are lively, sincere, and elegant. Your independent nature is most contented when you are fighting for a cause, or an underdog. However, since your vices can be as large as your virtues, you need to learn to redirect some of your powerful energy. Give your attention to others versus calling it to yourself. Focus on taking time to understand more and criticize less, and not a sign in the zodiac will be able to resist you. In the meantime, anyone who wants to wrestle with the Lion will soon find out that you are still King of the Jungle.

------------------
Hank Campbell
Far Rockaway, Queens, NY
*Sun: 8th House/Leo, Moon: 3rd House/Pisces, Venus: 8th House/Leo, Mars: 6th House/Cancer, Jupiter: 8th House/Leo, Saturn: 8th House/Virgo, ASC: Capricorn

"A gifted mind needs a gifted heart to sympathize others who are in vain."

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InLoveWithLife
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posted March 29, 2007 07:17 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I loooooooooved this !!!!!!!


CAPRICORN
You invented the phrase "politically correct." You think you are a classically chic success magnet. Actually, you are a dedicated social climber, who knows just enough about manners to eat with a fork and not blow your nose in public. However, you are such an accomplished ******** artist that you successfully fake your way into the highest social circles.

The quest for power drives you as forcefully as it does cousin Scorpio, however because your emotional nature is in hibernation, you suffer none of the Scorpion's passionate derailments on the way up the corporate ladder. Your business philosophy is that of the early railroad magnates. Kill what you can't buy off and stay on schedule.

An unusual number of your sign have the same taste in food as your symbolic counterpart -- anything and everything. You equate exotic with animal parts that no one else will eat and are famous for inviting family and friends over for a home-cooked meal, then refusing to tell them what that is on their plates. A Capricorn invented the term chef's surprise.

You are slow to anger because you consider yourself so superior to the rest of humanity that you rarely lower yourself to hold a two-sided conversation. You disregard any opinion except your own, and the most others can expect is a sour-faced glower and flick of your wrist as you dismiss them as blathering fools for whom you have no time.

You are the late-bloomer of the zodiac. Astrologers kindly say that yours is the sign of reverse aging. What this really means is, as a child you sold tickets when your cat had kittens and played Foreclosure instead of Monopoly. And, when you reach the old folks' home your nickname will be either Baby Jane, because you swish through the halls in your tutu, or Letch, because it's finally dawned on you what playing doctor really meant in fifth grade and you're trying to make up for lost time.

You are so conservative that you are two steps right of survivalist. You think fellow Goat Rush Limbaugh should be president, and you burned your Barry Goldwater campaign button when he publicly announced his support of gays in the military.

Capricorn is the sign of the business tycoon, urban legend, hermit, Pope, and party pooper. Goats also make excellent personal shoppers and self-employed hit men. Ever the traditionalist, the latter subscribes to the work ethic of if you want something done right, do it yourself.

At home you enjoy sitting on your four-thousand-dollar sofa (the one Libra couldn't afford) sipping rare wine and quietly conversing with friends. The facts that you have to strain to hear them over the crackling plastic cover and your bottle of 1969 Thunderbird has a rather piquant flavor doesn't bother you a bit. You are too busy pretending the portrait above the fireplace is your great-great-uncle John, whose blood was so blue he signed the Declarataion of Independence with it and no one was the wiser.

You also have the strongest will in the zodiac. The only thing holding you back is yourself. Once you reconcile your emotional needs with your drive to succeed, nothing on Earth can stop you. In an argument there isn't a sign in the Universe that can top you.

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CrankyCap
Newflake

Posts: 0
From: Ohio
Registered: May 2009

posted March 29, 2007 07:47 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for CrankyCap     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
LMAO!!! These are great! Excerpts that best describe me:

Cap - Sun

quote:
You are the late-bloomer of the zodiac. Astrologers kindly say that yours is the sign of reverse aging. What this really means is, as a child you sold tickets when your cat had kittens and played Foreclosure instead of Monopoly. And, when you reach the old folks' home your nickname will be either Baby Jane, because you swish through the halls in your tutu, or Letch, because it's finally dawned on you what playing doctor really meant in fifth grade and you're trying to make up for lost time.

quote:
At home you enjoy sitting on your four-thousand-dollar sofa (the one Libra couldn't afford) sipping rare wine and quietly conversing with friends. The facts that you have to strain to hear them over the crackling plastic cover and your bottle of 1969 Thunderbird has a rather piquant flavor doesn't bother you a bit. You are too busy pretending the portrait above the fireplace is your great-great-uncle John, whose blood was so blue he signed the Declarataion of Independence with it and no one was the wiser.

Pisces - Moon

quote:
The cliché of the lights are on but no one's home was no doubt first used to describe a Fish. You will fade out in the middle of commuter traffic going seventy, wake up in the next town, and have absolutely no idea how you got there.

LOL!!! Soooo true! People I know will often pass me driving on the road and honk and wave several times...I never notice. They always tell me about it later, like, "Didn't you see me???? I honked at you 3 times!"

quote:
You don't do realism. Instead you prefer to view life from either your internal set of rose-colored glasses, or from a state of altered consciousness. Either way, you drift through the years with your head in the sand, preferring your fantasies and dragging behind you an endless line of losers you call family and friends. But that's OK with you, since it gives you an excuse to drink and ***** .

Sooooo ME!!!

Leo - Ascendant

quote:
Your home is your castle, where you rule by intimidation. You spend your evening scolding your family, yelling at the dog, and hanging up on your mother. Your temper is like a solar flare. It flashes out, singeing the ears of the hapless person who dared to disagree, then dissipates just as quickly. Because you have selective memory, you think you are calm, cool and collected and will beat the hell out of anyone who disagrees.

quote:
Your checking account serves as a clearing house between your paycheck and creditors, and you've filed for bankruptcy so often you're banned from using credit cards until 2052. Your favorite game is Follow the Leader, with you at the head of the group. But, instead of Captain Courageous, you're more like the captain of the Titanic. You never know where you are going and invariably lead everyone to disaster.

Yeah...thought that was where that came from!

Venus - Scorpio

This is what I take most from that placement:

quote:
You follow Scorpio Adam Ant's views on sex. He said, "I like sex. My songs are about sex ... sex is my life. I just find it the most exhilarating experience, and I think it should he done on stage." You'd join his band if you could.

Mercury - Sagittarius

This one's about right...

quote:
You are the most capricious sign in the Universe. The fact that your frequent midnight treks for pizza and beer clad in nothing but your underwear has earned you your own code number with the local cops only enriches the list of outrageous stories you love to endlessly repeat to whimpering friends and family.

Good Stuff! I absolutely adore Hazel Dixon-Cooper's books.

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ScorpGirl
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posted March 30, 2007 01:19 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I am glad yall have njoyed this. I absolutely loved it! I'm gonna read all of them in a bit I didn't have time to last night.

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1scorp
unregistered
posted March 30, 2007 10:27 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
It seems strange but I did recognize Leo in their description.

I read it laughing... but still with a lot of affection.

Another part that was true and had me laughing:

"The quest for power drives you as forcefully as it does cousin Scorpio, however because your emotional nature is in hibernation, you suffer none of the Scorpion's passionate derailments on the way up the corporate ladder."

It's true.

I know I'll never truly beat my Capricorn friend in an argument... just because I can get all bent out of shape and go off the deep end.

I may win as far as pointing out where they may not be correct, but after it spirals, any point I was trying to make is irrelevant. I swear he knows how to win with me and pushed my buttons on purpose to make him look like the rational one I'm laughing, but I firmly believe it's true.

However, after having to give meekish apologies all to often, I have learned to somewhat master my emotional responses... and when I do... HA! I can whip him.

I'll admit, they are few and far between. I feel like I'm going to explode inside if I hold all that energy in.

My emotional responses to things can be pretty impulsive...

_________________________________________
Scorpio sun, venus, mars, mercury and uranus
Libra moon, pluto and asc.

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TheEvolution
unregistered
posted March 30, 2007 02:56 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
This is so true.
"Your ideal vacation spot is anywhere you don't have to bathe, shave or cut your toenails."

while my virgo ascendant sees to it that i take a bath daily, i am often lazy when it comes to shaving and cutting my nails. i dont shave until i look horrible and dont cut my nails until i get hurt or someone comments about it!

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TheEvolution
unregistered
posted March 30, 2007 02:58 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Aries
"You are nearly as tactless as a Sagittarius stuffing his size-twelve foot in his mouth."

heck yeah! size 12 foot. i have two of those. i have to do with old footware cause there aint much new of that size out there!

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ScorpGirl
unregistered
posted April 02, 2007 02:12 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I read some of the others tonight I think the one for Pisces is the meanest of all lol- mostly true though as they all are.

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