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Author Topic:   female cancer-pisces personality involved in abusive relationship
kate_julia
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posted April 17, 2007 06:06 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Could anyone shed some light on why a cancer/pisces girl would stay in an abusive relationship? Any comments or ideas are appreciated..

lost,
kate.

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Taurus80
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posted April 17, 2007 10:46 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Taurus80     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
maybe if you give your birth info, it would be easier for someone to look at your chart..

((((((kate))))))))))

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MoonDreamer81
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posted April 17, 2007 10:49 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Having been in an abusive relationship for 7 years myself(Thank God it's over!!)...all I can say is maybe the Cancer tendancy to nurture is what is keeping this person there.But yea...a full chart would help!

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S:Taurus
ASC:Gemini
M:Scorpio

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luna*tic12
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posted April 17, 2007 12:10 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Cancer/Pisces is a whole lot of emotion. It's a general assumption I would make that any Cancer/Pisces person has low self-esteem, and doesn't think they are worth all that much. The Cancer tendency to want to nurture and the Pisces tendency to be a healer [and a doormat] could very well combine to make somebody who would stick around in a relationship where they are being treated badly.
My 2 cents...

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Cancer Sun/Leo Moon/Leo Rising/Sun and Moon in 12th House.

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kate_julia
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posted April 17, 2007 06:07 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thanks for your replys, the birth data is
25-06-1987 10:35pm wonthaggi, australia.


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kate_julia
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posted April 17, 2007 09:03 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Maybe i should be more specific..
I met a guy around a year and a half ago...10.april.1970 5:05pm melbourne.aus.
We feel in love quickly and everything was wonderful...Cut a big story short...

His life is extremly unstable and he takes his frustrations and stress out on me, i feel alot for this person and have so much compassion for him.

He yells at me alot and makes me feel very pressured/guilty about everything i do that does not contribute to his happiness (like seeing a friend).

I am in a veeeeeery tricky situation because i dont like burning people and i know that when everything is going ok with his life he can be wonderful person and i understand that he just needs help.
Any comments regarding charts would be much much appreciated. thanks everyone

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MoonDreamer81
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posted April 17, 2007 10:04 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I can't really interpret charts...but I can offer some advice!I met my ex when I was 18 and we also fell "in love" quickly.Men like this will do whatever you let them do!And don't think you can change them because you can't,anymore than me giving you advice will change your mind if you are not ready!!He's gotta want to change himself first of all or he will just keep putting you through this.I completely understand what it is like to be put down day after day and night after night and think that no one even cares!I hope it doesn't take you 7 years to get the strength to leave like it did with me.If you wanna talk....here is my email MoonDreamer81@yahoo.com.

Hugs,
~Stephanie~

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S:Taurus
ASC:Gemini
M:Scorpio

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Happy Dragon
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posted April 18, 2007 11:02 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
** .. He yells at me alot and makes me feel very pressured/guilty about everything i do that does not contribute to his happiness (like seeing a friend). **

sounds like your his scapegoat ..

** .. and i understand that he just needs help. **
many a gal has fallen into that trap .. and been abused as a result ..

some text regarding Pisces here .. maybe have a read ..
~ http://www.happydragon.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/jkbx/audiofls.html ~
and .. maybe take a look at the 'emotional vampires' link .. ( same page )
but don't let it freak you out ..

i shall take a look at that birthdate .. the april one ..
( edit 4/19/07 )

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Happy Dragon
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posted April 18, 2007 12:38 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
( edit .. post deleted .. data error .. )

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Happy Dragon
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posted April 18, 2007 02:55 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
( edit ..4/19/07 )

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doubtingthomas
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posted April 18, 2007 04:39 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
deleted

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doubtingthomas
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posted April 18, 2007 04:51 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
deleted

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kate_julia
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posted April 18, 2007 08:53 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
thanks you all veery much, i just realised a very big stuff up in my typing!! hes birthdate is... 10 april 1979!-[not 1970 like i wrote,,,damn) at 5:07pm melbourne time. (I think hes ascendant is 29degvirgo.)
I really appreciate all the links and comments all of you have done for me Ive lost alot of my friends and i dont really have much to do with my family for other reasons.. so you guys are some of the only people i really have to talk about this stuff at the moment


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kate_julia
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posted April 18, 2007 09:08 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Happy D - thanks so much for that reading i am very embarrest that you took the time to do that for me, and i had wrote the wrong year but what you wrote was interesting nonetheless!

Doubting T - I truly hope that you can get out of your situation as soon as possible. Thankyou for sharing your story with me, it is true that you must be very careful with love and making decisions when someones heart is involved - especially if that person has a unstable mentality.
Its time for me to be very serious now. I wish all the best for you and even though i am a stranger on the other side of the world i really honestly care for you.

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doubtingthomas
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posted April 18, 2007 09:47 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Right back at you KJ. I will think of you too.

I also have no friends, no communication with anyone. I have alienated my family because of my marriage. I don't think very many people who are not in our situation know what it is like to not have a conversation with anyone, not be able to pick up the phone and call someone or have lunch with someone because of the problems it would cause.

Anyway .... on to good stuff. Here are two pages that I have read about soulmates ... being the same energy ... this is what you have to find.

Read this: http://www.wisdomsdoor.com/logs/1999/logs990426.shtml

http://www.borntoinspire.com/id60.html
"It is in sharing your growth process with the one who has the <b><u>same energy</b></u> you do, the one with whom you fit so perfectly, that you are able to see that process in action. It is then that
you experience that heaven-on-earth feeling and, together,experience the perfect fit again."

http://www.tonyasomers.com/soul.htm
"Pay attention to RED FLAGS!

That's our own intuition talking to us. Unfortunately with a soul mate, often times we choose to ignore all the warning signs. Often we don’t even like this person when we first meet them, but we allow this lesson into our lives anyway. Yes, it makes us stronger and hopefully we learn not to repeat the same relationship mistakes, but the Universe will continue to bring us these soul mate lessons until we learn.


The truth is, a soul mate will always come into your life with major KARMA for you to deal with. The good news is you don’t have to play. You can choose to not engage in the lesson (hopefully, because you've already learned it). If you choose to stay and play, be sure to hang on (mostly to your sanity), because this is when the roller coaster ride starts and all the games begin!"

DT

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Azalaksh
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Posts: 982
From: New Brighton, MN, USA
Registered: Apr 2009

posted April 18, 2007 10:08 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Azalaksh     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Sorry, one more thing. It isn't that I haven't tried to get a divorce. I have tried talking about getting a divorce several times. Once was about a year and a half ago when I told him I wanted a divorce. He got out the gun. And for about 4 hours it was me begging him to calm down and me promising that I wouldn't leave ...
Think about it.
doubtingthomas ~

I feel for you in the position you’re in. Been there, done that. Not exactly the same but close enough to make my stomach do flips, with my teeth clenched and my breath held when I read what you wrote. btw, you CAN get away if you really want to…..
I don’t want to hijack kate_julia’s thread with scenarios that **may** be beyond the scope of what she is dealing with, but it’s a real possibility that she might end up like you or I. DT, please read HD’s Emotional Vampires thread in FFA – here is the link: http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum10/HTML/001973.html
If you want to discuss your situation, you can write me, my e-addy is at my Profile. Suffice to say, when my ex stuck a gun to my head one night, it was the last straw and I took our year-old son and left him. I got help – and so can you – you CAN get away from your nutcase of a spouse and have a life again!!!

kate_julia ~

quote:
He yells at me alot and makes me feel very pressured/guilty about everything i do that does not contribute to his happiness (like seeing a friend).
First, do you believe in what they call The Golden Rule?? Apparently your Aries does not. How much time, precious energy and love do you really want to invest in someone who doesn’t treat you well??
quote:
His life is extremly unstable and he takes his frustrations and stress out on me
It’s not YOUR fault that HIS life is unstable. It’s not very mature, is it, to punish other people for the way YOUR life has turned out. Sounds very much like my ex – he was in control of very little in his life, it made him feel powerless, and that made him mad. It made him feel strong to manipulate or terrify me…..
If you stay with this….. person….. eventually he will make sure that you HAVE no friends
I am curious why you feel that everything you do **must** contribute to Aries’ happiness?? Why does he think he deserves that kind of servitude??

I do not mean to sound harsh, but perhaps you should meditate on what Love really means to you – how you define true affection and caring. It doesn’t sound to me like you have “fallen in love”…..
And I’m also curious if you feel like you have the power to “save” Aries with your “love,” from his unstable and stressful life…..
It gives me such a wrenching pain to see other women walking the same road I did….. sometimes I just want to scream, “RUN!!!! Get away as fast as you can!!!!” But we all have our own learning to do, and we must do it in our own way and in our own time….. It’s sad for me to ponder that some women in these types of abusive relationships may not live long enough to learn the lessons they came into this lifetime to learn. I was lucky enough to get out alive – I hope you are too.

Zala

PS: Just saw you posted DT -- will read now.....

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MoonDreamer81
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posted April 18, 2007 10:14 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Those are some great links dt!!Thx!!

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S:Taurus
ASC:Gemini
M:Scorpio

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kate_julia
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posted April 18, 2007 10:42 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
It is hard to leave because i have never felt truly loved before and i really believe that he does think i am wonderful person, when he cuddles me he cries because he loves (having me there) so much.

I get frustrated with myself for letting him push me around when hes angry about something. It is like there is two different people inside his head.

The worst thing is that for some stuffed up reason i miss him when he is gone..ever since i met him he has always told me how beautifuli am everyday..i think thats why i get so cunfused/hurt when he also likes to let me know how hopeless i am.
So confused.

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Azalaksh
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Posts: 982
From: New Brighton, MN, USA
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posted April 19, 2007 12:36 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Azalaksh     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Kate ~

I don’t know if this is true in your case, but your Aries could be one of the manipulators mentioned in the Emotional Vampires link that has been posted twice above. Please read the thread. See if you spot some of the Red Flag characteristics…...

And, perhaps there ARE two different people inside his head. My ex was bi-polar….. it was EXACTLY like living with two different men – one generous, loving and fun and the other one cold, cruel and violent.

Just because he tells you you’re beautiful every day does not mean that he truly loves YOU. It’s possible he loves someone (anyone) around who reflects what he perceives as his wonderfulness back at him. You obviously adore him, so you can be easily manipulated.

Bottom Line: Aries is not treating you with the RESPECT that you deserve. If you can live with his instability, immaturity and verbal abuse (which could escalate into physical abuse) then by all means keep trying to lighten his load, clear his path and strew it with rose petals. But in your secret deepest heart, don’t you want more from a lover??

Zala

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kate_julia
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posted April 19, 2007 01:12 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
The vampires thread was a very good read. I could relate my partner very much with the 'anti-social vampire'.

Thank you for all your advice on this zala, i know that i have to leave him and stop deluding myself all the time.

We have been on/off so many times but it never holds(obviously) so this time round im going to try a new way of breaking up where im going to try to be stronger and more assertive.

(I wish i knew how to put our syn and composite up because it helps understand whats happening astrologically.)

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CoralFrequency
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posted April 19, 2007 02:40 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for CoralFrequency     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Kate,

If this person treats you badly and puts pressure on you, then he does not love you. You are a fair bit younger than he is. I wouldn't normally say age matters.. but in this case he may be using you as a scapegoat - like HD mentioned.. to work out his own issues.

Please do the right thing by you and don't let this person cause you harm. There are many men out there who will love you, exactly the way you are, without being aggressive jerks, trust me.

Besides, this guy will never learn. If the behaviour always gets him what he wants and you let it happen, he will continue to act this way, not just towards you but others in the future. He needs to know he's doing the wrong thing and people are not going to put up with it.

quote:
It is like there is two different people inside his head.

I know exactly how you feel. I've had my abusive guy experience also. I'm glad Zala gave you the emotional vampire links. It suits mine perfectly. It was stranger in my situation because I'd known him for a very long time (since we were kids) and I slowly saw him turning into a different person. Some of it was drug related but he was also abused himself. I know it's easy to get sucked in and feel sorry for the person, but this won't help them - they'll just continue the behaviour.. and it won't help you - you'll only get hurt. You need to do what's best for you and hope that he also gets the help he needs elsewhere. Counselling does help more than people give it credit.

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kate_julia
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posted April 19, 2007 04:23 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
(Quote)>> You need to do what's best for you and hope that he also gets the help he needs elsewhere.

Well said. Thanks for your advice coral, all i have to do now is DO IT.

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Happy Dragon
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posted April 19, 2007 06:20 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
~ Kate.J ~
re the year error ..
don't worry about it .. i've done it often enough myself ..
i've not read thru the posts yet ..
i shall do another chart ..
( will delete that other one to avoid confusion )

'til later
~ HD ~

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Azalaksh
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From: New Brighton, MN, USA
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posted April 19, 2007 06:40 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Azalaksh     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Kate ~

I'm glad (and relieved) that you've made the decision to try to disengage yourself from Aries. But this may be very difficult for a person with your sensitivities (I have a Pisces Moon so I feel ya). Aries will probably try a variety of methods to keep you -- manipulation, sweet talk, threats, etc. One of the best responses might be: "Aries, you don't deserve an awful person like me (use some of the names he has called you), I just couldn't live with myself if I spent one more day ruining your life. Goodbye."

I suspect that prior lifetimes and Karma are real -- and it's been written that some people come into our lives just to see if we have learned to avoid them yet.....

Zala

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Happy Dragon
unregistered
posted April 19, 2007 08:12 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
* Kate Julia's natal chart *
~ ~
* Kate Julia's transit chart 4/19/07 *
~ ~

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