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Author
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Topic: Lost & Confused
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Xena
unregistered
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posted August 06, 2007 04:53 PM
 
Right now I can't stop thinking about my work - that's all I seem to be interested in - and am introverted to the extent that it's affecting my relationships. It's like I'm too selfish to let myself go completely and just relax and enjoy myself. I need an awful lot of *me* time and don't especially feel like socializing. Being in a partnership demands a lot of time, a lot of giving, and, as I have 2 books to write by next April and have to make money otherwise, I am just totally work-obsessed - I guess my work defines me. I am guilty of not giving enough attention to people when I'm in this mode...it's like some sort of self-flagellation. People say I almost wilfully seem to punish myself (as I also follow a fairly strict diet). I've had a few disappointments regarding work/creativity, as in getting the work I want, over the last couple of years. The way I deal with it is just to do more work!!... because it takes my mind off things. I am not in the mood to go on holiday or do anything *fun*! I recently met a lovely guy who was 90% fantastic but for me the physical attraction wasn't *quite* enough, and I feel really bad about it, as the rapport we had otherwise was great and he was, shall we say, a big fan of me. We've agreed to remain friends but I don't think I shall be able to cope with looking for another relationship for a very long time, because it brings with it certain responsibilities. The thing is that people get together so they can do things together as a couple - I'm actually happiest doing things on my own because having someone else, or lots of other people, around all the time becomes too much of an invasion of my personal *space* and I get very fractious (this is one reason why I wouldn't want kids). Perhaps this comes from having been free to come and go as I please since my separation from Mr. Aqua 2 years ago (god, is it really that long?) and maybe I'm just not ready to settle down yet? IP: Logged |
Azalaksh
Knowflake Posts: 982
From: New Brighton, MN, USA
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted August 06, 2007 05:16 PM
Hi Xena ~It almost sounds like you're apologizing and feeling guilty for not wanting to be in any kind of relationship right now..... And it also sounds like you think you SHOULD make an effort to be in a relationship now, which is causing your "confusion"..... It's OK that you want to concentrate on your work. And it's OK that you're enjoying your freedom from Mr. Aqua  Pendulums swing back and forth between the extremes -- so do humans. The trick is finding the correct balance (somewhere near the middle) FOR YOU. Right now, the right thing for you is concentrating on your work -- your SELF-EXPRESSION. I wouldn't worry about "not feeling like socializing." I daresay there will come a time when you feel more like socializing than working (let me know if my prediction comes true in a couple years  ) You write that people get together to do things as a couple. Well, you were part of a couple for a long time and didn't really get to do things OUTSIDE of being a couple, so this swing towards solo activities is not unexpected nor unacceptable..... We each need varying degrees of "space" -- and for each of us, at least from my own POV, that need for our own personal space varies over our lifetimes -- sometimes we require more space, sometimes less. You're just in a Work Mode right now, hon -- I hope you can cease feeling guilty about spending all your efforts on yourself at this juncture. IP: Logged |
AcousticGod
Knowflake Posts: 4418
From: Pleasanton, CA
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted August 06, 2007 05:41 PM
I relate to needing my own time as well. I'm not well suited to entertaining people for long periods of time. I need time to immerse myself in what I'm all about.If you do go for someone, you should try to make it another highly self-sufficient type. IP: Logged |
Xena
unregistered
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posted August 09, 2007 05:09 PM
Hi Zala, Is it Saturn you're referring to?  - as I feel a shift, not unlike the one I felt 2 years ago. Although this time, I've gone into *work* mode and am also reading more books - and making sure health checkups are up to date. I also got offered a place on another Masters' course - yay!! This time I am better financed and hope to be able to see it through (and I do actually think it's a course that's more suitable for me). I was extremely creatively frustrated over the past couple of years - creative projects have been very slow to get off the ground... so I'm hoping to see an end to this soon. IP: Logged |
MUSTANG
unregistered
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posted August 09, 2007 05:13 PM
Do you have plantets in your 12th house? Or even transiting your 12th house?------------------
Sun Aqua, Moon Sagg, Asc Taurus IP: Logged |
Azalaksh
Knowflake Posts: 982
From: New Brighton, MN, USA
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted August 09, 2007 06:10 PM
quote:
Is it Saturn you're referring to? - as I feel a shift, not unlike the one I felt 2 years ago.
Could be tSaturn moved into your 12th house 4 degrees ago.....
and I note tUranus almost EXACTLY conjunct your Descendent. tUranus conjuncted my Dsc in March 2003 -- it's been a strange but exciting time for relationships of all sorts -- for instance, I've made some fabulous new friends.....I wonder if the "shift" you're speaking of could be attributed more to your Mars Return than to Saturn changing houses about every 2 years?? Mars returns to 29 Gem approx Sept 28th, so you could say Mars is in the "12th house" of its current 687+/- day cycle..... PS: Congrats on the Masters Course!!  IP: Logged |
Xena
unregistered
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posted August 10, 2007 06:58 AM
Ohhh, the tr. Saturn makes perfect sense, since I've been feeling *quieter* for roundabout that amount of time. I am so introverted right now, but quite happy. 12th House influence could underline why I'm having no particularly concrete expectations right now.I was wondering if there would be some challenges when Sat. went into Virgo, as it will square or oppose most of my placements at some point. Apparently we shall be experiencing a Mutable Grand Cross later on this month - hmmm, I have one in my chart. I'm also glad you put a positive spin on Uranus CJ Desc. Astro.com sees it as Uranus Opp Asc., which gives it a more, er, confrontational flavour...! I do get affected by Mars shifts, so you could be right about the Mars Return, but Saturn *gets* me as well... when it reaches a certain point, things *ping* into place. For example, I got my first publishing deal bang on my Saturn Return. Now was that not odd? IP: Logged | |
Lindaland
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