posted August 17, 2007 04:52 AM            

"Aquarius contravenes Cancer via Mars: When you get home from work you will find a note on the mantelpiece. It’s from your cat, explaining why he left for a better offer. The note doesn’t explain why he took your goldfish with him."

"Pluto bernankes the Sun: A dark cloud will fall on your bank account today. A storm cloud will pour rain on the bank and a leak in the bank’s roof will spill three drops of water into the central computer. A short circuit will remove three dollars from your account. Naturally, you will be charged for an overdraft."

"Mercury squabbling Jupiter in Cancer. You will have a difficult day. The coffee maker at work doesn’t work. The boss won’t get a new one, won’t fix the old one. Bess, in the next cubicle, will undergo severe caffeine withdrawal symptoms. Really severe. She’ll be arrested. The local Starbucks shut down overnight after a raid by ATF agents. The nearest good coffee is three miles away. You will make it through because you’re smart enough to go to the drugstore across the street and get caffeine pills. Since you won’t tell anybody that’s what you did, you will get a promotion because you’re the only one who keeps a cool head during the coffee crisis."