Lindaland
  Astrology
  Hilarious Zodiac descirptions (Page 1)

Post New Topic  Post A Reply
profile | register | preferences | faq | search

UBBFriend: Email This Page to Someone!
This topic is 2 pages long:   1  2 
next newest topic | next oldest topic
Author Topic:   Hilarious Zodiac descirptions
Xodian
Moderator

Posts: 275
From: Canada
Registered: Apr 2009

posted September 28, 2007 03:22 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Xodian     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Simply hilarious! .
http://www.astrologyweekly.com/humour/funny-horoscopes.php

Just reading over the Libra segment:

quote:
Libras eat a lot of ethnic food from cultures they don't understand.

I wouldn't call it ethinic food Lol! but I am the only one in my family that actually ate a durian (which I must say tastes wonderful! Kinda like eating custard while sitting ontop of a deficated toilet seat LOL!) My brothers wouldn't evenb come near it... Pfft; Some macho fire and earth signs they are.


quote:
They single-handedly started the cappucino movement.

Correction; ICE-Cappucino movement Lol! I seriously got addicted to that stuff; used to drink it three times a day during my first two Uni years.

quote:
You are the reason butterfly hairpins and parachute pants have made a comeback. Next on the list is those big jam shorts. You probably never threw out your old pair. Hang on to your Winger t-shirt too.

What? No overalls? LOL! I think I was the only one in my high school who started wearing them during the summer on a regular basis.

I had a name for the look; "Black Stallion meets Denise the Menace" LOL!

IP: Logged

BornUnderDioscuri
Moderator

Posts: 49
From:
Registered: Jun 2009

posted September 28, 2007 11:50 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for BornUnderDioscuri     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Gemini
Everyone loves a Gemini because everyone loves a schizophrenic. You like to think that you are a half-and half mixture of Socrates and Michelangelo, but in reality it's more like Prince and Bea Arthur. You are progressive, outgoing, and one of the most popular rides at Cedar Point. However, you can and will negate all of this by the time you're finished reading this sentence. Geminis drive funny cars. They often drive them into trees or buildings. Geminis are pushy and overbearing. They pick fights with small children and moon people at weddings. They like to use Libras as punching bags. A bisexual Gemini is a walking double date. The rest are hermaphrodites. Geminis vandalize their own houses. Geminis use far-fetched analogies to describe philosophical concepts. Geminis rarely compete in the Olympics. When they do, it is usually pool or air hockey. Frogger turns up as well. Geminis are always on some sort of medication. This medication is not always legal. Gemini is Latin for "I'm okay, I'm okay." Geminis speak very loudly in order to be heard. This is unfortunate as they are nearly always talking to themselves. In fact, they often pick animated arguments with themselves in the bathtub. The most famous Gemini in history is Orville and Wilbur Wright. Geminis are frequently abidextrous, which means that they can pick both sides of their noses at the same time. The Gemini is essentially nothing more than a paranoid Aquarius.


lolllllllll

IP: Logged

yourfriendinspirit
unregistered
posted September 29, 2007 12:06 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:

Sagittarians are born adventurers. They like smashing spiders with their bare hands and trying to walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night with the lights out. They would sooner sustain crippling injury than do anything the easy way.

I love to play the walk in the dark game!!!
So true, I used to imagine deeply what it would be like to be blind to the point of practicing as a young child.

quote:
Sagittarians love to entertain their friends, family, and total strangers.
Yep! Totally me! I've often times entertained total strangers to my family and friends horror, LOL!

quote:
Nearly every Sagittarian was born into the wrong gender.
Totally agree! I shoulda' been a guy, LOL! I just don't get all that -emotional, drama queen, girly crap.

quote:
The Sagittarius is incapable of being unhip.

Enough said!

Xodian, thank you for sharing these silly scopes. I quite enjoyed them.

------------------
Sendin' love your way,
"your friend in spirit"

IP: Logged

MoonDreamer81
unregistered
posted September 29, 2007 12:14 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Too Funny!!I needed a good laugh w/ all the negative energy that's been bouncing around LL these days!!

TAURUS:

"You're very earthy, which may mean that you don't shower as often as most people."(I beg to differ!!!)

"The Taurus is a strange bird because he or she holds grudges about things that never actually happened. This may stem from the feelings of inadequacy resulting from being beaten out for first in line in the zodiac by Aries."

"Taureans are impatient and pushy. They are in a tremendous hurry to get to the nowhere that they intend to go to."

------------------
S:Taurus
ASC:Gemini
M:Scorpio
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be Kinder Than Necessary,For Everyone You Meet Is Fighting Some Kind of Battle..."

IP: Logged

kfn327
Knowflake

Posts: 150
From:
Registered: May 2009

posted September 29, 2007 01:47 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for kfn327     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
"Aries hate listening to Scorpios talk because they take pride in being even more self-centered. In fact, much to the Scorpios' dismay, you are the biggest pricks in the zodiac."

HA!

IP: Logged

EighthMoon
Knowflake

Posts: 102
From:
Registered: Apr 2009

posted September 29, 2007 10:15 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for EighthMoon     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Made my day, Xodian!!!

"Piscean women wear long floaty dresses and enormous amounts of unusual silver jewelry. On hikes. Pisceans claim to love the stars, but the only constellation they can find is the Big Dipper. If they cannot find it, they cry. You remember what you were wearing on March 3rd, 1981 but forget your own address. You have no sense of direction. The people you find going in reverse at 70 m.p.h. on the expressway are usually Pisceans."

Hysterical!!!

IP: Logged

SattvicMoon
unregistered
posted September 29, 2007 10:27 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Good ones!

IP: Logged

Aquafaery
unregistered
posted September 29, 2007 11:22 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
"Aquarians have out-of-body experiences on a daily basis. If you are talking to an Aquarian and he or she zones out, consider the conversation hopeless. He or she is talking to the guy three feet away from you."

So true. LOL

------------------
Sun - Aquarius, Ascendant+Moon - Leo, Venus - Pisces, Mars+Jupiter+Saturn-Virgo,
Married to Capricorn.

IP: Logged

Happy Dragon
unregistered
posted September 29, 2007 11:35 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
~ http://www.psychics.co.uk/astrology/homepage_dark_astrology.html ~
.. check the herb listing .. :-))

IP: Logged

aquaspryt69
unregistered
posted September 29, 2007 11:45 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Too funny! Though I don't agree with anything it says about Scorpio, the Sagi one is a little too close to home!

quote:

Sagittarians are loud and have no social graces. They seek to offend. Sagittarians usually have nicknames like Thunderpooper or Vomitus Maximus. Animals and small children love Sagittarians. This is unfortunate since adults usually hate them. However, Sagittarians make excellent circus freaks and vagrants.

I don't seek to offend as much as I used to, but I still seriously lack social graces. Tact? What the hell is tact??


IP: Logged

aquaspryt69
unregistered
posted September 29, 2007 11:51 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:

Everywhere you go, laughter and comedy ensue. This would be great if you were trying to be funny.

LMAO!!!!

quote:

Aries hate listening to Scorpios talk because they take pride in being even more self-centered. In fact, much to the Scorpios' dismay, you are the biggest pricks in the zodiac.

I think I almost hyperventilated from laughing so hard! My English co-worker is an Aries. My God, you talk about someone who can be a total prick when he wants to be!!!

IP: Logged

Dulce Luna
Newflake

Posts: 7
From: The Asylum, NC
Registered: Apr 2009

posted September 29, 2007 02:14 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Dulce Luna     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Likewise, you can stretch one pair of underwear out for almost a month.

Ewwwwww, that is SO not true.


quote:
So much for buying the world a Coke - they would breast-feed the world if they could. This trait is not gender-specific.

OMG


quote:
Cancerians coin their own words to describe philosophical concepts. This is why it is no surprise that George W. Bush is a Cancer.

That's funny coz my cancerian dad will do that same thing that GWB does with the coining stupid phrases and stuff as if they're golden while we all just .

IP: Logged

Virgo/Aries75
unregistered
posted September 29, 2007 02:41 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Soooo funny!!!

But how come the stuff for "Virgo" never matches me?

I wish I were that clean.
My home is a wreck right now.

IP: Logged

RainbowDay
unregistered
posted September 30, 2007 04:09 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
HAHA, thanks!!

"Aquarians are the only people in the zodiac who can play volleyball with themselves. And they frequently do."

LOL...

And this one too!:

"Aquarians hang posters of rock stars on their walls. Scorpios hang posters of famous disasters on their walls. Capricorns hang posters of great mathematicians on their walls. Pisceans hang posters of unicorns on their walls. Leos hang posters of themselves on their walls."

IP: Logged

Betelgeuse
Knowflake

Posts: 33
From: England
Registered: Apr 2009

posted September 30, 2007 05:50 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Betelgeuse     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
About my own sign GEMINI :P

Gemini is a mutable sign, although it is virtually impossible to mute them. Their element is air, and they are in their element when they ******** . Gemini’s are known for their duality. The one twin Castor generally being a life master. While the other twin Pollux generally being full of bollox. Gemini’s are the communicators of the zodiac – they will communicate and communicate and communicate and communicate… and then you die. It’s not that Gemini’s talk too much, they just don’t stay silent for long enough. Gemini is a sign of intellect, or rather, as a Master Salesmen, that is how they have marketed themselves for millennia. The truth is that a Gemini is about as intellectual as a small Mongolian Platypus, a species which incidentally has direct blood relations to George W Bush. A Gemini will often possess pearls of wisdom on a huge variety of subjects. For example, they will know how many electrons orbit the nucleus of a Hydrogen atom. What they don’t tell you, is that they have no idea what an atom is, most thinking it’s either a fruit or a part of the human anatomy – the atoms apple. Unfortunately for society, Gemini’s are extremely sociable creatures. Their tendency to change the subject in a conversation borders on murderous. Their changeability has nothing to do with curiosity – their DNA is simply encoded with a chemical that is designed to annoy and eventually destroy other mammals. Gemini’s are the embodiment of Sarcasm. They wield wit as if it were a Sword of social Samurai. Unbeknown to them, most people wish they would impale themselves onto that sword. Gemini’s are highly unpredictable. At 11.31pm they will propose love and marriage, at 11.32pm they will be analysing Kasparovs greatest chess game (pretending to know what’s going on), at 11.33pm they will accuse you of wanting a divorce and at 11.34pm they will tell you they want to marry Kasparov on a giant chessboard made out of rose petals. Gemini’s tend not to handle emotional intimacy very well. If you ask them how they feel, they will usually respond in binary – “0110001100010”. Gemini’s don’t understand binary, but they once read about the word in Gossip Weekly and became experts within seconds on the subject. A Gemini is a joy to have at a party, an affluent social butterfly. The joy comes from tying up the Gemini and pulling his wings off whilst he tries to convince everyone he has developed a new theory of everything.

IP: Logged

aquaspryt69
unregistered
posted September 30, 2007 09:09 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Dulce, you no like the idea of wearing underwear for a month?! Aw, why not??

Xodian, thank you for sharing this. I like going there and getting a good laugh. If only we all could just lighten up and not take things so personally and seriously.

IP: Logged

alanabelle86
Knowflake

Posts: 40
From: Somewhere over the rainbow
Registered: May 2009

posted September 30, 2007 09:29 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for alanabelle86     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I correlate to nothing with the Scorpio description lol


However the one for my Sag rising fits PERFECTLY hahahaha esp. about being born in the wrong gender..oh man

IP: Logged

rusalka
Newflake

Posts: 6
From: spain
Registered: May 2009

posted September 30, 2007 10:31 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for rusalka     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
"Your home is like your very own Biodome, and you can remain indoors for months at a time. Despite your need to be everyone's savior, you need no social interaction. SWAT teams often show up, mistakenly thinking there's a hostage situation."

this is so hilarious!!!!!!!!!!
thank you for posting this link!!!

IP: Logged

Dulce Luna
Newflake

Posts: 7
From: The Asylum, NC
Registered: Apr 2009

posted September 30, 2007 10:35 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Dulce Luna     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Dulce, you no like the idea of wearing underwear for a month?! Aw, why not??

I dunno, its just *not* really my thing. I'm more into clean and fresh clothes, you know what I'm sayin'?

IP: Logged

NeptuneLove
unregistered
posted September 30, 2007 10:37 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Virgos are often found opening and shutting the refrigerator door, attempting to trick the light inside

IP: Logged

Azalaksh
Knowflake

Posts: 982
From: New Brighton, MN, USA
Registered: Apr 2009

posted September 30, 2007 11:10 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Azalaksh     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Only two Libras have ever been found in thrift stores.
Eeek!!!
Someone saw me!!!

IP: Logged

Dulce Luna
Newflake

Posts: 7
From: The Asylum, NC
Registered: Apr 2009

posted September 30, 2007 11:22 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Dulce Luna     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
LMAO Zala.

IP: Logged

aquaspryt69
unregistered
posted September 30, 2007 11:36 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Zala you're so funny!

They thought I was the other Libra there with you because of my dimples.

IP: Logged

AcousticGod
Knowflake

Posts: 4418
From: Pleasanton, CA
Registered: Apr 2009

posted September 30, 2007 06:01 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for AcousticGod     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
We Capricorns got short-changed, which is pretty sad because we love self-loathing humor.


.


...oooh, we're good at math. hilarious. lol

IP: Logged

Motherkonfessor
unregistered
posted October 01, 2007 03:45 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
It is easy to freak out a Virgo. Tell them they have something between their teeth. Then watch them scrub frantically at the imaginary thing.

I must admit, this is 100% true for me. I have this tooth phobia....

Thanks for this post- its awesome!!!

MK

IP: Logged


This topic is 2 pages long:   1  2 

All times are Eastern Standard Time

next newest topic | next oldest topic

Administrative Options: Close Topic | Archive/Move | Delete Topic
Post New Topic  Post A Reply
Hop to:

Contact Us | Linda-Goodman.com

Copyright © 2011

Powered by Infopop www.infopop.com © 2000
Ultimate Bulletin Board 5.46a