posted October 11, 2007 02:37 PM              

I'm a cancer and I am in a wonderful marriage with an amazing virgo man. We have a beautiful, sweet, funny little leo daughter. You could say I have everything I could ever need to be happy. I do!! But there's a nagging little thorn in my side that won't ever go away no matter how hard I desperately try. My first love, a beautiful pisces boy.

Believe me, I'm not the cheating type. My mother cheated on my father and it was so devastating. Sometimes however when my thoughts get away from me, it might as well be cheating. My husband even knows and he is so sweet to put up with it. I think it gives him something to try and conquer. It's very unfair of me. I married my husband because I love him deeply and knew he would take care of me and be the perfect man to start a family with. But most importantly I married him to move on from a heartbreak that I sometimes feel I will never get over. But life goes on and so I try.

I met my fish when we were both 15 through work of all things. I know it sounds completely crazy but I had this dream about him before we met that was so powerful. I woke up and declared to my mother that the only way I would ever have a chance with him is if I learned how to play guitar. He was a musician and I was at the time a singer planning on being a music teacher when I "grew up". A year later after a long serendipitous turn of events he heard my demo tape and immediately I got invited to go on tour with him. I got a record deal offer after my first show and have been a recording artist ever since. We became very close the next few years. I didn't want to be aggressively pursuing him. I knew he knew how I felt. It was pretty obvious. I felt at the time if I established my relationship with him as someone he could trust then I would be far better in the long run. As we got older and sex seemed to occupy our minds it got more and more difficult but I stood by and watched him go through different girlfriends (and visa versa) and he always came back to me. We were both working so hard that we would rarely see each other in person but there were always emails and late night phone calls. Then he got his first serious girlfriend. I was crushed, so what did I do? I dated a string full of guys (I always compared to him) and no one came close. It was my passive way of rubbing it in his face. "Look what you could have!" as if somehow it could remind him that I was a woman and not just his friend. It finally worked. He and his girlfriend were having troubles and he came crying to me. "You are so much more mature than her. Why was I ever with her?" So began our shy courting process. We had been friends so long that moving into a romantic relationship was not an easy thing to get used to, for him anyway. He comes from a very religious family, you know "no sex until marriage" b.s. He was so scared of his family and doing the right thing. He was also very insecure. The dynamic he has with his family is a strange one. I remember one night him running into the street yelling, "we're gonna set the world on fire!!" what a thing to hear from your lovers lips. I believed it.
I had to leave town for work over Valentines and was going to be gone for a few months. I was so comfortable with our relationship I never thought I had to worry. We would catch up here and there but things were definitely weird. I felt like I was put directly back in the "friend" seat as soon as I left. Without my knowing he had ran into his ex. They started having sex and he got her pregnant. Remember I told you of his overbearing family and their religious views? Well a shotgun wedding soon followed. All this was happening and I had no clue. I was out of the country. The night before his wedding I got an email at 3 in the morning from him saying "Be careful with the boys, don't pull on their heart strings too much. One day you're gonna hurt someone." What the hell did that mean?? Well I found out the next afternoon when people slowly started to hear words of their wedding. When I found out I was physically ill for weeks. Months later we happened to be in the same city an we finally met up. His eyes lit up at the sight of me and I tried to pretend that I never loved him. What a mistake. He invited me to dinner to meet his wife. I walked in on a seven months pregnant Capricorn. Ooooh was she cold to me! She knew exactly who I was and probably womanly intuition she knew I loved him. She paraded that belly around. Keep in mind, I had no idea she was pregnant before I walked through that door. He could barely look at me. He stared at the floor. I got up to go to the bathroom and cried. On my way out he stopped me to say "I'm not saying what I did was right but I am going to try and do the right thing."

I'm not over him but I want so badly to be. When he first met my husband he pulled him aside and said, "Don't ever hurt her or I will have to track you down." Well my husband almost killed him then and there! We are a part of each others lives. It's hard to avoid. We are still in touch. He'll call and tell me he thinks about and misses me. He runs into mutal friends and gushes about me saying he wants to meet my daughter. I can tell he is miserable. He loves his children (yes, he has more than one now) but it's my instinct that he feels the same way I do. Every time I feel like I am over him something will happen and he gets his spot right back in my heart.

Again, I would never cheat on my husband. But you have to imagine the guilt I am carrying around. Secretly loving someone and holding hope for the right time when we will be together.

I feel like everything happens for a reason and it's just too much of a coincidence how tightly our lives are intertwined. I would not be doing what I do for a living had it not been for him. Is that all he came into my life for? or is there more?

Help. He's in town soon and wants to "catch up."

My birthday is July 2nd, 1983 Phoenix, AZ at 1:32 P.M.

His is March 14th, 1983 Tulsa, OK birth time unknown

posted October 12, 2007 01:50 PM              

Cancer's are dear to my heart..but I know how you guys deal with love. You are afraid to have closure with him!

It's time for you to release all of what you have been holding back and confront him, not talk but confront him and tell him everything.
Get it out of your system and no matter what he responds with, know that you have let go of an enormous emotional burden and now you can open up your heart to your husband who has been patiently waiting
Do not give any more of your heart to the past.
I am sending you positive love energy!!!

------------------
Lola Monroe

"...the darkness is coming...do not weep as you have sown what you now shall reap..."

posted October 12, 2007 03:00 PM            

This is definitely a tough one. I know because I have fallen for 5 separate beautiful Pisces men and they are extremely tough to catch. Only 2 actually consumated our relationship, the others all had some issue or another and it was like hell trying to figure them out. I've given up on the whole lot of them, don't wanna see another Pisces come down the water spout.

I looked at the synastry between you both and you are both being beaten by the karma stick around this one. You both have the Pluto-Saturn conjunction and it opposes his Venus in Aries. In Linda Goodman's last synastry book, she says that when Pluto opposes or squares Venus, there is the possibility of unrequited love. I didn't want to believe it because I had an incredibly strong attraction with someone and we had the square. Yes, unrequited.

Your Saturn also opposes his Venus, Saturn can be like glue, but it can also prevent love from being consumated when it is the conjunction, square or opposition. I've had that, too, and it sucks.

There is a fire Grand Trine between your Venus in Leo, his Venus in Aries, and both of your Neptunes in Sagittarius. The symbolic suggestion is that you romantically mesmerize each other, practically hypnotize one another. So you are under each other's spell.

I gently say this to you, and you can gently tell him. In order to respect and save your marriage, you must say goodbye to each other for good. It may very well be that you did come together so he could usher you into the music business and from the looks of your chart, you are number one at what you do. Part of Karma can be that one person needs to give the other person something. He gave you a smooth path into the industry, you owe him nothing more.

Pisces can be martyrs as well, and he has definitely lived up to the stereotype in terms of relationships. That Pluto-Saturn conjunction opposite is Venus in his own chart speaks volumes about relationships in his life. Heck, he pulled in a Capricorn wife, Saturn rules Capricorn. I'll bet you dollars to donuts she's older than him.

You both have free will, declare the karmic debts paid or null and void. Yes, you will both always love each other, but now you both need to file that away into the "Universal Love" file and let that love express itself in other ways. No more phone calls, no more emails, really let it go.

It may try to come back many times, but declare your intention to the universe that this has to end for your sake, your husband and your daughter.

I'm really sorry this is happening to you, I've been there and I know it's not easy. Good luck to you.

Geocosmic Valentine

------------------
"Everybody is a star!"

posted October 12, 2007 10:42 PM            

Then I read what Seeing Starz said and thought - yup, all is right with the world again. Some people on this site, are mentally sane. Thanks.

Some, do not appreciate their lives. They have food/money/a roof over their heads/ a family/a nice life.. and have nothing better to do with their time then create drama - because I guess they are bored - from their lack of *real* problems.

You think you're in pain? Try having both of your parents die when you are 12 years old - and being brutally raped by the person who murdered them.

posted October 13, 2007 12:27 AM            

Actually, I loved your advice as well. I was somewhat torn in my response based on my own experience. There is truly more than one way of dealing with a problem or situation. I really love your suggestion of praying for guidance about it, I also thought their could be a higher reason for all involved.

I believe our many responses are a form of the universe guiding her so I'm glad you offered a different perspective that is less like "detaching with an axe".

I also like the suggestion of asking the universe how this loving energy can be used in a positive manner that can benefit all. I hope there is because when you have love that seems as benevolent as what they have, it can be used for something wonderful and positive.

And I just love "Love". And Pisces men

Thanks again for your beautiful and wise perspective.

Geocosmic Valentine

------------------
"Everybody is a star!"

posted October 13, 2007 01:27 AM            

quote:

---

Im sorry but Im disgusted by this type of behavior.. Especially being a Cancer myself
It seems the Earth Signs are the only mature ones in this story. First off the whole meeting eachothers spouses was very wrong in the first place and never should have happened and I sympathize with your husband very much so.. If I was him I would have probably put the Pisces in the hospital if he didnt leave right then. and prolly dumped you or given you some serios tough love.. The Nerve and immaturity of both of you to carry on something like. not to mention the nerve of the Pisces to say that after the way he treats women.. and yet your still mesmerized by this Jerk-off. Props to the Virgo's Patience he prolly doesnt deserve this..

---

quote:

---

You know, I read this post.. It reminded me of this thread I wrote: http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum7/HTML/008944.html
Then I read what Seeing Starz said and thought - yup, all is right with the world again. Some people on this site, are mentally sane. Thanks.

Some, do not appreciate their lives. They have food/money/a roof over their heads/ a family/a nice life.. and have nothing better to do with their time then create drama - because I guess they are bored - from their lack of *real* problems.

You think you're in pain? Try having both of your parents die when you are 12 years old - and being brutally raped by the person who murdered them.

:edit: disclaimer: so as to not create misunderstandings - that isn't about me

---

Actually from what I can gather from these two posts, what this forum needs is a lot less hypocrites.

SS, I gotta say you're the last person to be giving rants about fidelity considering that a person only needs to extrapolate your behavior in relatiosnhips from your posts.

And Coral Frequency... making a dramatic post about drama.... the irony.

Why is it that those who are inclind to post about what people should and shouldn't be doing never ever follow their own advice for a change.

posted October 13, 2007 11:58 AM              

You know, sometimes you know what to do deep down but until your hear someone say (Or type) it out loud it doesn't hit home quite as much.

posted October 13, 2007 02:22 PM              

quote:

---

You know, sometimes you know what to do deep down but until your hear someone say (Or type) it out loud it doesn't hit home quite as much.

---

Here's a trick taught to me by my practical Libra sister:

When you are in a bind, and you need to make a big decision, take out a sheet of paper and at the top write "Pros" and "Cons." And then go through the situation and write every single pro and con you can think of.

When you are finished, take a look at the paper. It's usually pretty obvious what the best decision is.

Sometimes when we review situations in our mind, we get "stuck" on just a few aspects ("I love him" "I know he still loves me"), and we overlook all the other factors that might help us make a better decision. Seriously, if you and the ex hooked back up, you would be looking at things like "Paying for a divorce," "Selling our house," "Dividing up furniture," "Arranging child visits," etc. Maybe the cons would be worth the pros? Maybe not? That would be up to you.

posted October 13, 2007 05:17 PM            

quote:

---

should and shouldn't be doing

---

posted October 13, 2007 06:23 PM            

quote:

---

(If you find it dramatic, it's also your prerogative to post that - as much as *you* like)...

---

And believe me, you will be getting plenty of prerogatives in return but I do respect the fact that you are willing to accept responsibility for what you say.

I have my one simple rule uno about online threads; Don't post personal views since you can't exactly expect to get coherent advice from complete strangers who may or may not know of your personal experiences.

However, since they are personal they carry a different weight and burden for different people. Yes you have every right to question them if you want but then what will it accomplish in the end though?

posted October 13, 2007 06:47 PM            

quote:

---

You will be getting plenty of prerogatives in return

---

quote:

---

but then what will it accomplish in the end though?

---

quote:

---

We are all selfish even if most of us deny it.

---

posted October 13, 2007 06:49 PM              

quote:

---

However, since they are personal they carry a different weight and burden for different people. Yes you have every right to question them if you want but then what will it accomplish in the end though?

---

Amen to this! There's a reason we're all different and why we're all given different challenges in life. The one perfect answer for yourself cannot be the perfect end-all, be-all for someone else. That's what makes life so interesting, and people so lovely. We're all different! We all deserve respect!

posted October 13, 2007 07:00 PM            

quote:

---

he one perfect answer for yourself cannot be the perfect end-all, be-all for someone else.

---

I'm sorry.. I don't quite catch what you are referring to. Is your argument meant to imply that, I have - at some point in this thread (directly or indirectly) stated that my answers are the perfect end-all or be-all for anyone? or that I have a *desire* for my answers to be the perfect end-all or be-all?
Please quote me saying that.. or the part where you consider my words imply that.

quote:

---

We're all different! We all deserve respect!

---

And.. I'm sorry again.. but is this part of your post meant to imply that I am in disagreement to that? Or is this just you stating an extra - very obvious and generally known moral rule? I do agree to the rule.

posted October 13, 2007 09:00 PM              

quote:

---

I'm sorry.. I don't quite catch what you are referring to. Is your argument meant to imply that, I have - at some point in this thread (directly or indirectly) stated that my answers are the perfect end-all or be-all for anyone? or that I have a *desire* for my answers to be the perfect end-all or be-all?
Please quote me saying that.. or the part where you consider my words imply that.

---

Oh please don't apologize! You're the only one who knows what you really meant, so perhaps you're apologizing for being offended by your own words?

quote:

---

And.. I'm sorry again.. but is this part of your post meant to imply that I am in disagreement to that? Or is this just you stating an extra - very obvious and generally known moral rule? I do agree to the rule.

---

I'm glad you think it's general. Alot of people miss that point.

quote:

---

Or maybe it's you wanting to get involved, in something that looks like a potentially interesting '100 post in the making' thread over a non-issue - for the sake of it.. because you are bored also.

---

Hardly bored and don't care about the post mark one bit - believe it or not, I do have a life! *gasp* Perhaps those are the highlights and goals of your day?

Anyways -

quote:

---

Two, one, two, three, four
Ev'rybody's talking about
Bagism, Shagism, Dragism, Madism,
Ragism, Tagism
This-ism, That-ism, is-m, is-m, is-m
All we are saying is give piece a chance,
All we are saying is give piece a chance
C'mon
Ev'rybody's talking about ministers,
Sinister, Banisters
And canisters, Bishops, Fishops,
Rabbis, and Pop eyes, Bye, bye, bye byes
All we are saying is give peace a chance,
All we are saying is give peace a chance
Let me tell you now
Revoluton, evolution, masturbation,
Flagellation, regulation, integrations,
Meditations, United Nations,
Congratulations
Ev'rybody's talking about
John and Yoko, Timmy Leary, Rosemary,
Tommy Smothers, Bobby Dylan,
Tommy Copper,
Derek Taylor, Norman Mailer,
Allen Ginsberg, Hare Krishna,
Hare
Krishna

---

posted October 15, 2007 09:14 AM              

I looked at your charts together and something that stood out to me that hasn't already been mention is that you have a saturn quincux chiron aspect between the two of you in synastry. According to the Magi people this aspect is a sign of heartbreak and of believing and feeling you are in love until one of you is at a weak point and then heartbreak occurs.

posted October 15, 2007 10:21 AM              

My husband is August 31, 1964 Los Angeles, CA