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Author Topic:   Please help! A Cancer and a Pisces
whalepiscean
unregistered
posted November 07, 2007 09:35 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hi all!
Thanks in advance to anyone who can help or offer advice on this matter.

I am a Pisces and I have been in love with a Cancer for 3 years now, and he has been in love with me. If anything, he has loved me more than I love him, and that's saying something! We have always been there for each other, and I have been like a family to him since he is without them most of the time. We have had a great relationship, we are soulmates, we are best friends, I can't emphasize enough how great we are together.

We were supposed to get married in a few months ( he proposed and he was the one who insisted that we hurry up with the wedding), when out of the blue, he snapped. This was about 2 weeks ago. He said he was tired, had given up, and wanted to break up and move on, and that he felt his family wouldn't accept me as a wife so there was no point. He did this in a text message while I was away on holiday. When I got back the next day, I confronted him and he broke up with me in person. He gave no explanation. He just said some rubbish about our families not getting along, as if that matters when it is us who will get married, not them!

I haven't heard from him since. He appears to be having the time of his life now, partying and going out all the time (according to people who have seen him), while he has left me devastated, heart broken, and left to deal with the mess he left behind, what with having to tell everyone the engagement is off. I do not know what happened, we weren't even going through a rough patch. I wonder if there is anything in the stars that indicate why a Cancer would be behaving this way at this time.
Can someone please look at our charts and see if there are any clues? Or any clue about our future?
Any help would be appreciated.
Thanks!

Me: Born March 7th 1982
Kuwait City, Kuwait
4:00 am.

Him: July 5th 1980
Banbury, England
10:30 am

Thanks again!

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cancerrg
unregistered
posted November 07, 2007 12:30 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
i feel sorry !
from a general persepective , all this doesn't have do anything with him being a cancerian .

i would rather advice be strong , life might have more great things in life .
cheer up !

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whalepiscean
unregistered
posted November 07, 2007 12:35 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thanks Easier said than done, but I'm trying!
Since you're a Cancer can you just tell me this: If you initiate a break up after a serious relationship where you were in love, is it easy for you to move on? How do you cope? Do you face it, or deal with it later? Do you find yourself clinging to the past?
Sorry if I'm imposing I'm just trying to understand..

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Isolaede
Newflake

Posts: 15
From: Sunny CA
Registered: May 2009

posted November 07, 2007 02:17 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Isolaede     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Dear Whale:

I am SO incredibly sorry this happened to you. Cancer or not, what this man did to you was unforgivable. I know Mercury was in retrograde during the time of your break up which tends to muddle the heads of people, and since it went retro in Scorpio, another water sign, your Crab may have been extra confused. And family is vital for crabs. If we don’t think our parents like our significant others, it hurts us a good deal. But to make a promise to you in the form of a proposal, and then call it off like that… that’s just horrid.

Were you guys fighting at all? Do you think he was hurt over anything – or do you think there’s any chance he found another woman?

I wouldn’t worry to much about his going out and partying. Honestly, when I’ve been broken up with, the only way I can cope is by going out and being incredibly busy. Otherwise I go crazy with grief and sadness.

But as for the rest… from what you’ve told us this guy sounds like he isn’t worthy of you. His actions were very disrespectful and unloving, and even if you could make things right again, I’m not sure I’d wish that on you. I think you deserve better.

The best advise I can give you is have hope. This door in your life seems to be closing, abruptly and cruelly, but life I think has bigger and better plans for you. No relationship I’ve experienced has ever ended without opening doors for better experiences. The relationships I’ve had have taught me about love, made me a better deeper person, and ultimately made me more capable of being a better partner to the men that came after. Most importantly, every relationship I’ve ever lost has opened the door for deeper loves. I know it’s so hard to imagine when you are in the middle of loss. If you’d told me I could find someone more ideally matched for me back when I was with my first “real love”, I would have laughed. But there it is. So, my best advice to you, dear Whale is this: Have faith that life has a bigger plan for you. That every experience you have is preparing you for great things – and indeed great loves. Be grateful for what you learned from this man, but be at peace that your relationship ended when it did for a reason. Ultimately, I believe your relationship ended so you’d have new opportunities for happiness. I know you can’t see it right now, because you are in the middle of walking this path in your life. However, I promise you, there will be a time in the future when you look back over all the roads you’ve walked and realize there was a bigger plan in motion in your life – you were just too involved to see it at the time. You’ll look back with clear eyes and realize that every adventure, and tragedy you experience was simply preparing you for where you stand then.

*Huge hugs* My thoughts and prayers are with you dear lady…

Isolaede

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Mama Mia
Knowflake

Posts: 117
From:
Registered: Feb 2010

posted November 07, 2007 02:35 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Mama Mia     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hi fellow Pisces, I feel bad about your pain and I can almost feel it through the computer..I have not pulled up charts for you guys, but I think that he got cold feet not to mention he will be going through his Saturn retrun if not already..If you don't know its a period in a persons life where they really begin to figure out things find themselves so to speak. There is no telling what kinds of thoughts has gone through this man's mind. I know that its hard to get on you prolly don't have the closure you need to move on, but in due time it will all come out. Mean while take care of yourself try some yoga and good stuff like that to keep your stress and anxiety level down. Surround yourself with good friends and people that love you and will help lift you up. Prayer moves mountains..Wisihing you well...

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mantoinette
unregistered
posted November 07, 2007 03:43 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
hi all. you guys are great. some of you on here are also helping me with my cancer situation. check it out. my post name is mantoinette. anyways, too girlfrend. i think he got cold feet to. i think it could have something to do with family and i too in my situation is thinking that his frends may be saying things to him to make him not want to communicate with me. i hear they may be easily influenced. say email me and maybe we can share each others sotry in detail. since my frend is a cancer to. mantoinettelemail@yahoo.com. im in need to talk too.

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whalepiscean
unregistered
posted November 10, 2007 05:09 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Isolaede: Thank you so much for your reply! You are right about him being confused. We were not fighting at all, in fact we were all excited, planning a holiday together! But when I was gone for one weekend on a holiday of my own he questioned our entire relationship, which really hurt because it has been the best relationship either of us has been in, and I have never questioned anything. I know that family is important, but my Cancer has never been close with his, as his parents are divorced and live in different continents, his dad is an alcoholic and his siblings are married so they are busy with their own lives. He always considered me to be his family so to stab me in the back like that was unbelievable!
I'm am sure there is no other woman, as we are togther all the time; I would have sensed something like that. But since the break up I hear his newly divorced ex is all over him and I think he's enjoying the attention, although he always told me he was never attracted to her and they only dated for a month several years ago.

I ended up contacting him yesterday, after 2 weeks apart. I had a moment of weakness and wanted to see how he was coping. I haven't been doing too well and I thought he must be a bit shaken too, seeing as I was the 'love of his life' afterall. He was VERY rude to me, told me to leave him alone, shut the phone then sent about ten messages insulting me. It was like talking to a completely different person! Stuff like: " You thought I wouldn't leave you. Well I f***ing showed you didn't I! And I am so over you now, I have moved on and I cannot believe I was ever gonna marry someone like you. My family is related to the Royal family of Jordan and your origins don't compare to mine so my family would have frowned down on you!"
And: "Just you wait and see. I may not be much now, but 3 years from now I will reach the top, from the degree I earn to the salary I make to the woman I marry. I don't know where you will be in 3 years but I know where I will be and it will be looking down at you!!"
They were horrible messages, some too explicit to write here but I was SHOCKED. He was writing as if I was his enemy, as if I had dumped HIM, as if we are now competing to see who can have a better life! I am a doctor and I have a high salary already while he is struggling, but I never made him feel inferior about it. I always encouraged him to improve himself and his career, I gave him so much love, I supported him as best I could. I don't have a mean bone in my body so I couldn't believe the hate he felt towards me. Had he been hiding it all this time??
What do you make of it? Sorry if I have rambled but I am so confused and hurt, it's like my life is falling apart. I really appreciate what you wrote about doors opening, it's one of the only things that made me feel a little better. Thanks again

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whalepiscean
unregistered
posted November 10, 2007 05:13 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Mama Mia: Thank you so much for your kind words! I have been praying day and night to help me get through this. YOu're right I should take up some yoga, and meanwhile, I am trying spend more time with my friends and family.
When do people go through their Saturn return? And does it make them change their priorities or the way they lead their life. I'm sorry I don't know much about it..

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whalepiscean
unregistered
posted November 10, 2007 05:20 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Mantoinette: Yes it sounds like a classic case of cold feet but I just don't get it because he was the one in the rush to get married! I was the one telling him there was no rush and that we should save some more money first. That's why I don't understand why when the time actually came to get married he changed his mind!
If you read my post to Isolaede I contacted him and he was SO MEAN! I think his dad has been saying bad things about me, although I am not a bad person at all, and his dad never took the time to know me. He is too busy with his alcohol and his new 28 year old wife to care about his son's love life.
Please tell me your story I would like to help, since their might be some hope for you. My relationship on the other hand seems to be over for good. I have been with this Cancer for 3 years and my father is a Cancer so I hope I can help
Sorry for the late reply btw.

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seveneieghtorange
unregistered
posted November 11, 2007 11:52 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hi whalepiscean
First of all I am very sorry that you are going through a horrible time in your life. I have been through breakups before, and although none of them like yours, I can feel your pain when it turns out that the person you thought you knew has a different side.
I can't say much as to WHY this certain cancerian of yours is acting so strange (or actually, more like scared); but I am a cancer and maybe I can tell you a story that kind of relates to yours, maybe you can note little things from his actiona through a cancerian's eyes (me).
I am involved with a pisces, and just like you, he is sweet and gentle. We have been together for almost 2 years now and we have gone through many rough patches in our relationship. Like your cancerian man, my parents DONT approve of my pisces man because he is just a barber; he never graduated college and working in a barbershop is the only means of his living (and although they earn quite a lot to support a decent sense of life, my family is very high end and they look down on anyone that doesnt have any money or assets).
For a cancerian Im very restless and you always hear about that cancer girl that always had her long term boyfriend, lived with him, bla bla bla, but I was never one of these canncer girls. I was always the single one, always on the prowl and I have a huge fear of being abandoned (my first relationship I was abandoned with no word whatsoever, he just left) and being decieved. Those are my two greatest fear in any relationship that I built a fortress around me and I am convinced that even if people get close, they cannot ever get THAT close to me and therefore will never hurt me in any chance that they can get. And yes this includes mr pisces. My parents dont help with this either because the first time they saw him they said he would pass me along like nothing and treat me like dirt. And even if I have my own mind, my parents did everything for me growing up and Im regarded as the baby of the family. Whatsmore I have a fear of their "Warning" coming true and they will be right and I will be embarassed in the end so their little warning notes stick to me till this day....
The thing with us cancers is that we exaggerate a lot of people's slights into "wow, he meant to do this to me to hurt me! i will never let him see the vulnerable side of me again!", and this is what I think everytime me and my pisces have a fight. We've been going through rough patches now and my anger and frustration of him never living up to my highest expectations keeps building up and building up that I explode every once in awhile. I have tried to break up with my pisces for over 4 times since the past 4 months because I have increasing fears in my head that in time when I get comfortable and relaxed with our love, he will decieve me and then leave me all alone and I will have to pick up the pieces of myself...so why not just get it over with now and leave him before he leaves me? Just the thought of that is very real to me (or actually, to all cancerians..we're afraid of things that are so silly to other people) that I am already ready for battle everytime we fight or spend even a day apart. I constantly say things like "I bet you're with someone else, who is it this time?" and really vicious things that really hurt him but it is like I am daring him to fight with me, I am right and I WILL be left alone.

whalepiscean....Im not saying that my reasons for acting the way I act to my pisces are the same reasons to why youre cancerian acts to you. But did you pick anything up from my story? Because a cancer will never break up with a person that they love and even leave someone that they love if he/she is fearful of something that is connected with that person. when fear comes into a cancerian's heart, they are broken down and do very abnormal things that they normally wouldnt do....just like your cancer man.

I hope you had a better week and keep me posted on whats going on....

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Dulce Luna
Newflake

Posts: 7
From: The Asylum, NC
Registered: Apr 2009

posted November 11, 2007 02:07 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Dulce Luna     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Wow Whale, I remember doing your synastry and I really don't know what else to say but that I'm sorry this has happened to you. I won't even excuse his behavior and I just hope you stay strong like Rg said.

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whalepiscean
unregistered
posted November 13, 2007 07:01 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Dulce Luna:
Wow you have a good memory! Yeah I remember you were very helpful when you did our synastry before. It's strange, we got along so well, and our charts had many marriage indicators.. then he just suddenly flipped, just when I thought we were fnally going to have our happy ending.. I am trying to stay strong, which is easier said than done a lot of the time, but I hope the future has something better in store for me.
Thanks dear!

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whalepiscean
unregistered
posted November 13, 2007 07:36 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
seveneieghtorange:
thank you so much for your advice dear, you're very kind

Nothing new has happened these past few days. He has made no attempt to contact me or at least apologise for his rude messages, but then again I'm not surprised, given his recent actions.

Reading you story, a lot of it does make sense and does sound like him.. However, regarding his family, as I said before he comes from a broken home, his mother divorced his father several years back, and moved to England (and they talk about once a month now) and he is now living with his father and his new wife (he can't afford to live alone right now.)His father is too wrapped up in his new marriage to notice his son, and that is why I never thought they would interfere with his love life, as they are not that close anyway. In the 3 years we have been dating, his family have never disapproved of me. In fact they have never taken the time to get to know me, so there is nothing to like or dislike about me. And if they were to look at my education or background, I AM educated, I have a good family etc etc.
However when the time for marriage came, his father and older brother told him that his weak point is women, that he needs to stop running after me, he shouldn't rush into marriage, he can do better, he needs to date other girls instead of settling, I might drive him crazy in the future because it seems I have him wrapped around my finger because he loves me so much, I don't drink alcohol so that makes me weird and I won't fit into their family.. basically loads of nonsense and no real facts.. That is what hurts, that they don't know me, judged me and HE, who knows me, listened to THEM.

As for what you said about fear of rejection, that is very very true. When he first broke up with me in a message, he told my girlfriends that he knew I would end up breaking with him in the end anyway, and he had to do it before I did. When he said that, I sent him all sorts of supportive messages, although I was really hurt by what he had done. I said stuff like: "Even though your mother left your father don't ever think I would do something like that to you, you can count on me." and "I promise I will never leave you, and I will do anything to prove it."
Over the next week, I called his mother in England, telling her that I loved her son and asking if she had any idea what was going on. I also visited his father at work (we work in the same profession)and apologized if there had been any misunderstanding that caused him to dislike me, and said that I was willing to correct any misconceptions he might have of me etc.. He basically kicked me out of his office, saying that he didn't care what his son and I did as long as we left him out of it.
Lookng back, I realise I was probably too forward, but I was his fiance, not just his girlfriend, and I went to these lengths to show him how much he meant to me. It was no use though, when my ex found out what I had done, he was touched for about a day, and for a moment wanted to get back together, but then he was gone again, this time with nothing but pure hatred towards me, That is what I dont understand, if he is the one who left me, why does he hate me so much?
What do you think?

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