posted November 25, 2007 07:52 PM              

• Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.

• I wonder what the most intelligent thing ever said was that started with the word 'dude.' 'Dude, these are isotopes.' 'Dude, we removed your kidney. You're gonna be fine.' 'Dude, I am so stoked to win this Nobel Prize. I just wanna thank Kevin, and Turtle, and all my homies.'

• I was in a store and I saw a pocket dictionary and that made me laugh because it's such... a specific item. I don't know that many words and I'm going out... and I have pants. Perfect!

• I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.

• 'Sort of' is such a harmless thing to say. Sort of. It's just a filler. Sort of - it doesn't really mean anything. But after certain things, sort of means everything. Like after 'I love you' or 'You're going to live' or 'It's a boy.'

• I think that when you get dressed in the morning, sometimes you're really making a decision about your behavior for the day. Like if you put on flipflops, you're saying: 'Hope I don't get chased today.' 'Be nice to people in sneakers.'

• I feel stupid when I write the word banana. Its like, how many na's are on this thing? 'Cause I'm like 'Bana... keep going. Bananana... damn.'

• I was making pancakes the other day and a fly flew into the kitchen. And that's when I realized that a spatula is a lot like a fly-swatter. And a crushed fly is a lot like a blueberry. And a roommate is a lot like a fly eater.

• I was stuck in traffic and I looked in the mirror and in the car behind me there was a couple having a horrible argument and right below their image it said "Objects In Mirror Are Closer Than They Appear". I just thought, man I hope so because she was pretty mad.

• A lot of people don't like bumper stickers. I don't mind bumper stickers. To me a bumper sticker is a shortcut. It's like a little sign that says 'Hey, let's never hang out.'

• I noticed that there are no B batteries. I think that's to avoid confusion, cause if there were you wouldn't know if someone was stuttering. 'Yes, hello I'd like some b-batteries.' 'What kind?' 'B-batteries.' 'What kind?' 'B-batteries!' and D-batteries that's hard for foreigners. 'Yes, I would like de batteries.'

• Canoe + waterfall = I don't go camping anymore.

• I think it's interesting that 'cologne' rhymes with 'alone.'

• I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that's 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says 'go outside.'

• I was at the mall the other day, looking for a job / girlfriend / pretzel.

• A quick way to start a conversation is to say something like "What's your favorite color?" A quick way to end a conversation is to say something like "What's your favorite color... person?"

• I hate seeing people that look like you. Especially if God's living by the motto 'If at first you don't succeed'.

• There's a small but important difference between peeing in the pool, and peeing into the pool.

• I bought a dictionary. First thing I did was, I looked up the word "dictionary", and it said "you're an ******* ".

from Stephen Phelan, Sunday Herald (the Scottish paper)

"Demitri Martin, a comedian with a particularly enquiring mind, may have already known this before he studied history at Yale. But when he went on to law school in New York, where you're supposed to stop asking questions and start memorising statutes, the think-bubbles kept popping up above his head...

"I was waking up with that feeling of dread," recalls Martin over the phone from his personal "museum of unfinished projects" in Brooklyn. "I was thinking 'Oh man, I gotta go to that class on constitutional law and I just don't want to. I wanna go to the park.'"

Almost everyone feels that way, almost every morning. But one day Demetri Martin really did go to the park, and didn't come back.

"Something was telling me just to leave," he says, "and not to worry about the future, about money, about what people think. It was so liberating to listen to that voice."

"He is an acknowledged "nerd" with a natural instinct to over- analyse - he's worried that last year's Fringe show was "too presentational, not enough like a real conversation," he's worried his answers to my questions are "too earnest, too meandering" and might read like "extracts from strange-self help books". But in using his intellect purely for fun, and applying his obsessiveness to a genuine wonder at the world, Demetri Martin is a very good influence.

"I guess I wake up and think about what I can do that I will enjoy today. I think of it as a simple activity-based thing, an incremental approach to happiness." (read the rest here. http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_qn4156/is_20040808/ai_n12589965

posted November 25, 2007 07:56 PM              

thought I was in Free For all.

posted November 25, 2007 11:42 PM              

Thanks for posting- regardless of which forum!!

posted November 26, 2007 02:41 AM              

He is a fellow Sun/Saturn paralleler like me.

But, I'm sure his dry sense of humor is more influenced by his mercury/venus/saturn parallel...

Along with the Mercury/Mars square, and his Mercury/Jupiter trine (in the geocentric world anyway)..

posted November 26, 2007 06:28 AM              

Thank you for the giggles and full blown laughs 26taurus!

Never even heard him before...