posted December 12, 2007 09:07 AM              

I'm a classic example. I'm 28 and without any real relationships in my life so far. I like flirting, I like the idea that people may find me attractive, I myself find many people attractive, I've had a lot of crushes, many opportunities, but I've never really been with anyone. The problem seems to be that at some point after all the flirting I shut down completely so it's impossible for anyone to get close to me. I don't know where all this fear of commitment comes from, but I can't seem to get rid of it.
I think that I just stopped growing up emotionally after I reached fifteen :S I've read that Leo ascendants are slow to mature? Is that true?

I blame it on my empty 7th house and Neptune on my 5th house squaring my Moon/Saturn opposition. I prefer fantasizing about something than actually having it.

posted December 12, 2007 09:40 AM              

I think it's more your Venus/Uranus conjunction square your Mars. These are in fixed signs too. Although Moon sq Neptune could probably have an effect as well.

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Venus conjunct Uranus
People with a Venus-Uranus conjunction in their natal charts are usually very magnetic, intriguing, and dynamic individuals. They value friendship in love and sincerity of feelings is the most important quality for them. These are people who will turn their nose at marriage, saying that it's how people feel about each other that counts more than a marriage certificate. Although friendly and usually quite willing to make friends with people from all walks of life, there is an impersonal and noncommittal manner to them that is unmistakable. They despise social pretenses. Despite the fact that they firmly believe that popularity is much less important than sincerity, they are often rather popular people. They love to be different, and in many ways they are open-minded when it comes to love and romance. Still, they can be quite argumentative and sometimes uncooperative--even downright inflexible--when it comes to their own "inner code" and honoring it. They are not as adaptable to others' expectations of them as their freedom-loving beliefs might imply. In other words, although they easily accept many different people into their lives, they cling tightly to their own ways of living. Some fear compromise, seeing it as a loss of self or a loss of individuality. Their taste and "style" is different and original. This can extend to choice of dress as well as taste in art, furniture, movies, and so forth. Sometimes Uranus is projected, and the partners that these people are attracted to display the Uranian traits of independence, originality, unreliability, inconsistency, and freedom-loving. Ex-lovers of Venus-Uranus natives may complain that these people didn't truly value the relationship. In love and with regards to the erotic, the most appealing things can be what hasn't been done or what "shouldn't" be done. Mixing things up and experimentation are important to Venus-Uranus people.

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Venus conjunct Uranus
Aspects made between Venus and Uranus emphasise the spheres of social and intimate relationships, with the energy focus turned towards exploring the outer world through an extroverted personality.

The dominating influence will be the urge for excitement, the stimulation of the unknown and the thirst for the richness of life's experiences. You will not be an introvert; and your main preoccupation will be ensuring that your life is 'interesting', occupying yourself with a multitude of interests and explorations so that there is no time or space left for inner enquiry.

The Uranian influence is the stronger partner of the two, and its agitatory vibration will give you an inner restlessness, which you try to release in social activity and interaction with friends. However, the development of your creative, artistic, unorthodox individuality may lead to adaptation problems in mainstream society, where you react against being employed in mundane, repetitive jobs, or refuse to feel imprisoned in traditional social attitudes, beliefs and lifestyles.

You insist on being free to be yourself, and to do as you please. At times, this can reflect an immature, seemingly adolescent attitude, which can be too self-centred and lack real awareness of others. Also, your definition of your self is inconsistent and dependent on the attractions of the moment. This develops the appearance of unpredictability and lack of continuity, which others often see as a lack of responsibility and commitment.

This will affect your intimate relationships; and you will probably have difficulties in maintaining lasting partnerships, either because the relationships collapse through a withdrawal of interest, or because there are too many inner desires and conflicts which trigger stormy, emotionally distressing confrontations. These may arise because of your insistence upon having your own way, which can clash with a partner's views, needs and desires. You see your need for freedom to be important, and so you tend to resist any attempt to make you give a serious commitment. Your emotions may only be touched on a superficial level, and rarely fully engaged with another, which can also lead to periods when you are tempted to become promiscuous in a search for variety and new experience. Sudden affairs are quite possible, and also satisfy that urge for excitement and even danger, where you can express yourself even more freely than usual. Certainly your love life will have an erratic quality, similar to the flow of your sex drive, which will confuse others. Your disdain for traditional forms of relationship can lead you along many different paths; join this with the fascination that the unusual has for you, and your life could develop like a multi-coloured weaving, some colours harmonising, others clashing.

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Mars square Uranus
The square will be felt as an inner tension: you are torn between the Uranian search for freedom and a deep need to feel safe and secure. This is a clash between the familiar patterns of the known and the siren call of the potential of the unknown.

This is likely to be felt as a fear of commitment and risk. Whilst you will be attracted towards greater freedom, with the possibility of creating a context where you can be more fully yourself, the likelihood is that you will resist the impulse. As you analyse your options, you prefer to play safe, as you cannot obtain these cast-iron guarantees that you would like as to the future success of your choices. This inner frustration that is likely to build up can cause stress, as a part of your nature is being denied and repressed.

You are liable to feel some emotional unease, where you are afraid of allowing full emotional expression, or even properly acknowledgin your emotional nature. It is a fear of 'letting go' that is the root of this difficulty, where emotional or material losses are to be avoided if at all possible. This may have arisen through childhood experiences of loss which deeply affected you, or though a pattern developing that too strongly identified your self with people or possessions, so that with any withdrawal or removal of them from your life, you felt that you were losing part of yourself.

You will feel that you need to keep a tight control on life, trying to ensure that chance and predictability are fended off; in this sense, you accept the more grounding energy of Mars, whilst denying the unsettling but potentially liberating energy of Uranus. You apply the Mars energy in terms of conservation, ensuring a protection of your resources through prudent and cautious organisation. You intend to apply yourself diligently to your objectives, even if you expect that they will take longer to achieve without taking risks; the problem is that for varying reasons, your intentions often fail to be realised, perhaps through an impatient Uranus unravelling those attempts at persistent effort. Or your interest wanes as you reach a point where a more risky decisive step has to be taken. When that journey of a thousand miles requires the taking of the first step, you may decide not to travel anywhere, preferring established security.

Yet you may find that you are willing to allow the Uranian impulse to move freely in your life. This could initially arise as a result of a phase of denial where some external circumstance beyond your control throws you into a period of confusion and turmoil. Redundancy or the sudden collapse of a marriage could be triggers for Uranus to break through that dam. Certainly, it will not be denied expression for all your life, and that side of the square will need to be accepted and integrated.

There is potential that even while maintaining your relative control you could safely begin to open up to new horizons, to explore other interests, to expand and liberate your limiting conception of your nature and life. There are strong foundations there, and you should be able to build efficiently upon them. TO achieve those ambitions and personal desires, you will have to take some risks at some point, If you are not committed to achieving them, then it is unlikely that you will ever succeed, because your focus and energy flow will be too diffused and unconcentrated to generate the necessary momentum. That erratic will-power needs to be drawn through into a regular consistent direction. If you can succeed in liberating that inner frustrating tension, you would be surprised how effectively that energy could be applied to reach your aims, instead of clashing within you. Your personal relationships would also improve as the stress began to disperse, and you felt that a great weight was lifting away from your shoulders. Releasing that pent-up, potentially violent energy could mean the dawn of a new era of personal creative enrichment. To free yourself from the restrictions of this square aspect, you have to open up to life's insecurities and risks. It's your choice.

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Moon square Neptune
The main challenge facing you with the square aspect is that of discrimination between reality and unreality, between fact and fiction, and the consequences of confusion when these are not correctly perceived and established within consciousness. Volatile and tidal emotions and feelings are often intertwined with your imagination so that your perceptions are clouded by personal bias and fantasies. There is a tendency to change experiences in your own mind so that they fit more acceptable emotional patterns, yet through distorting real experiences and re-creating your memories illusion spreads until your accounts of the past and reality are at odds with those of others. Attempts to warp realities, especially those concerning others, are never welcomed and are a source of conflict within relationships. Insisting that you are right - even against the recall of several others - will eventually generate antagonism, as no-one enjoys having their reality and memory threatened by others, even if they are family members. Alternatively, you may resort to imaginatively building inner landscapes to escape into that are populated by personally satisfying fantasies; the dangers here lie in their intrusion into everyday reality.

You often feel uncomfortable with your feelings and emotions as they are not easily assimilated and integrated by you, and being liable to moods you find it difficult to feel centred in any stable emotional pattern of responses to people and life. There may have been some emotionally based difficulties in your parental relationships, especially to your mother, where emotional needs were not satisfied or where you imagine failings to have occurred. You tend to resist accepting responsibility, and can display anti-social behaviour, perhaps being contrary as a knee-jerk reaction to those inner feelings of pain and disappointment regarding social expectations, deliberately refusing to express any potential at all, acting only to assert a hurt negativity.. Possibly your earlier home life was one of change, tension, stress and confusion, maybe a broken home or an unsatisfactory parental marriage whose psychic impression has been left on you. In many ways you often feel that you are holding back the floodgates from bursting open, and these can be stresses emanating from your unconscious mind caused by unresolved and blocked powerful emotions which are seeking a cathartic release. Fear can result from this, a fear which manifests itself in a variety of ways, for example that of overstretching yourself or that of allowing yourself to be vulnerable within relationships. To diminish these pressures, some alllow themselves to fall into the grip of addictions, drugs, alcohol, forms of sexual and emotional indulgences, searching for those brief periods of blankness from reality.

Yet none of this is inevitable or essential to experience. Changes can be successfully made by working with those intrinsic assets which you may have blocked so far, or whose presence you may have denied, rather than acknowledging them as gifts. Imagination is present; this can be used in positive ways. What you need to do is to build positive images of a 'new you' who has less of a chip on your heart, and who is prepared to change into a more creative and loving person.

Understanding your own nature is the first step towards being tolerant of others' weknesses and strengths, so some form of inner psychological enquiry is required. Releasnig pent-up emotional tension is essential, and should be carefully done, probably with the aid of trained counsellors or psychotherapists, because too great and sudden an emotional explosion of pressures may be more damaging than healing. Types of body work, manipulation and massage could possibly be additionally beneficial too. Acknowledging the hurt or anger in your emotions is necessary, but do not be self-condemnatory about this; accept that it is there and resolve to release it in order to allow healing to happen. Be more open and honest in relationships concerning any feelings of confusion; try not to let them fester inside. Organise your life more consciously, determine suitable directions and aims, although ensure that they are realistic and that you can persevere in any commitment needed to achieve them, perhaps starting with easier short-term objectives. Take things steadily during this period of re-creation, for change rarely happens overnight and always needs a thorough integration into the personality. Be cautious, and begin to relate more consciously with the material level, allowing those inevitable limitations to become a necessary structure for you to grow within. Work with others, so that you realise that all need support and guidance at times in their lives from others who may be perceptive on a clearer level. Believe in your own potential, and determine to allow it access into your life.

In so doing, you can transform the negative aspects of the square into positive assets. Perferably work with more down-to-earth schools of therapy, which can then ground you better, rather than following a natural tendency towards more imaginative escapism, which can result in involvement with any religious / mystical cults that aim to fly in holy skies of grandeur and hallucinations rather than experience real life. Try to keep away from attempts to develop psychic or meduimistic abilities, as these can throw you back into that confusion of reality-unreality.

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Sound like you?

I'm also a Leo ASC and have Neptune in the 5th too. What you said about rather dreaming about love than keeping it makes sense.

I also have Venus in Gemini in my 11th opposed Uranus in Sag in my 5th. These are positions that should supposedly make me flighty and fickle. Actually, I want very much to be in a solid relationship... I'm a Taurus... I value long-term stability... but I have a lot of freedom/neediness issues that I need to resolve.

posted December 12, 2007 02:49 PM              

And no matter how much I think I want to be in a relationship, I believe that I enjoy the idea of having many options to choose from, more.