posted December 15, 2007 08:15 PM              

I waited for his call tonight and when he hadn't called by 6:30, I called him. When I asked him if we had plans because I'd been invited to a Christmas party, he said he'd just gotten home AND HADN'T EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT PLANS! Then, he tried to invite himself AND HIS 12 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER to the party!

I explained to him that half our dates have been with his daugher (not the first time I'd mentioned this) and I wanted to get to know him better since that is the purpose of dating! He tried saying that his life has been very busy!

I responded that my life was busy as well but, that I wasn't used to men calling me last minute for a date, or waiting around on a Saturday night for a call! He said I might had seen him, again he hand't thought about it but we could have all probably just hung out. Nope, I'm an adult, it's too soon for play dates and I'm used to being COURTED, not taken for granted.

I was VERY gentle and VERY calm! But c'mon, he hadn't even thought about making plans? AFTER he was the one that said we'd see each other?

Yeah, I don't think so...he was simply ticked that I didn't wait around for him last night and his comment: "I didn't even think about making plans" was to spite me!

He said he hadn't seen this coming and that I had caught him off guard! But, he said alright and I wished him well.

Not four minutes later, he emails saying "you should have told me this face to face last weekend, Aria!)

What? I ditched on the spot because of his devil-may-care attitude TONIGHT! Because he had the nerve to say he hand't thought about making plans with me AND, because he invited himself to a party and tried to push his daughter on "us" again! I'm NOT even going to respond!

You girls were absolutely right! Scorpio (this one....not all of them) didn't get his way and finally found someone who wasn't going to be a door mat, the strategies didn't work so the stinger came out swingin'

I'm SO glad I got out of this before getting in any deeper! THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, KNOWFLAKES! THIS WAS A DANGEROUS SPECIMEN AND YOU GUYS HELPED ME SEE THAT. YOU'RE AWESOME!!!

posted December 15, 2007 09:10 PM            

Is Nicky Hilton your sister by any chance?

Geezzz leave the guy alone. He has a daughter.. If he wants to hang out with her and you don't like to be with both of them - stay out of it. God! What's he done wrong? Oh no.. he invited himself to a Christmas party with his daughter.. wow! I've had jerks in my life before but *nothing* compares to that LOL Give me a break.

posted December 15, 2007 09:20 PM              

However, that isn't exactly how the Scorpio stinger feels. Trust me.

posted December 15, 2007 09:23 PM              

quote:

---

the strategies didn't work so the stinger came out swingin'

---

That wasn't the stinger. You'll KNOW the stinger. You got off very easy.

I'm wondering if you maybe don't want a relationship right now? I say this because you keep picking annoying, non-committal men, who happen to be very into their daughters.

I agree he should've called earlier and it sounds like he wasn't that into you. Find yourself a less intense, less closed-off male. Maybe you should stay away from water signs...

Coral - why Nicky Hilton?

posted December 15, 2007 09:53 PM            

Sorry but.. I still don't understand what he's done wrong.

If someone called me at 7 or whatever, I'd probably invite him out to meet my friends - if I was already out (WITH his daughter, and all).. If my friends had an issue with it - They can bite me.. Because if I liked him, it wouldn't matter to me and I'd want to see him.

What's the big deal with calling at 7? Maybe you came across as spontaneous and he thought you wouldn't mind.. Maybe he just called to chat and see how you were. Is it compulsory to want to go out every weekend? I understand he said he wanted to last weekend - but things change in a week. He could've forgotten what he said or maybe he didn't feel up to it.. but wanted to give you a call anyhow..

posted December 15, 2007 10:05 PM            

Sorry it didnt work out. It sounds like he's not even sure why he's being dismissed, lol. Maybe there's a miscommunication? Its important to make clear what your expectations are (and not expect men to read your mind). Perhaps when he said, "you could have told me this last week" what he meant was, "you could have told me what your expectations were"?? Regardless of what sort of deferential treatment you are used to from a suitor, this guy probably deserved a chance. Scorps can be charmers, but they can also need time to open up, and then you may find them more generous partners than most guys who give a lot in the beginning. If he didnt come on like a seducer, it could be a sign that he doesnt play games, and thats a good thing. Sounds like he's just a layed-back, very busy (i.e. distracted) guy, with a daughter to look after, and he, for some reason, assumed you were low maintenance. Of course I can understand your point of view, wanting time alone to get acquainted, and expecting advance notice. But all that can be worked out, if you communicate, rather than just expect and react. And, yes, sometimes things do need to be said more than once. Have a little patience. Asking if he could go to the party isnt such an imposition, is it? At least he wanted to see you, right? Could it be there are other reasons you are not interested in him? Oh, and I agree with the others; that was definitely NOT the stinger. You got off easy.

posted December 15, 2007 10:10 PM              

If someone were to tell me that my son was not welcome to tag along, GOODBYE!

posted December 15, 2007 10:12 PM              

I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you didn't read my prior post on this guy (or see the his chart.) You might want to do so before comparing me to an immoral, spoiled celebrity brat.

If you did - then you're entitled to your opinion since I don't feel like explaining myself all over again! I simply deserve better - and it has little to do with his daughter who I came to care for a great deal.

posted December 15, 2007 10:34 PM              

Somehow or other, I've come across like a wicked step-mother to be. PLEASE, flakes...read my prior post on this man and take a look at his chart posted there.

As for his child, I'M A TEACHER! I LOVE what I do and a large part of that is the fact that I get to hang with kids every day!

He's a FULL TIME dad who had NO problem pursuing me with a VENGEANCE (and leaving his daughters with his parents two doors down) during the first three weeks of our courtship.

It was only AFTER I got a taste of his self-centered, egotistical, and manipulative personality that I began to have doubts...hence my prior post which included his chart.

As for his girls - I spent half of our dates with one (the other, I never got to meet) and I enjoyed her company. However, Dad didn't even ask me if I was ready to meet her before he highjacked one of our dates and brought her along! It was a premature move on his part - afterwhich, he tried to include her in just about EVERY date. Still, that had little to do with tonight's events. It was his arrogance and disregard for my OWN life that brought this about.

As for the expectations we both had going into the relationship - they were completely and utterly clear!!! That wasn't the issue either.

Putting his sign aside (so as to not offend any Scorpios who don't fall into this category) he is a manipulative, overly-confident, egocentric man and has to control EVERYTHING from his surroundings to his girlfriends. Sorry...I'm nobody's doormat!

Making plans and not calling the night of the date to discuss them is RUDE. Having your girlfriend call you that night to find out what the plans are and having him say: "I hadn't even thought about our plans, just go to the party," is inexcusable!

Inviting himself and his daughter to a party without being asked? Inexcusable and ill-mannered. We're NOT teenagers. This is a formal cocktail party not a keg party!

The "he's not that into you" doesn't wash. He came on like a bulldozer and I could scarcely breathe! It was when I asked him to PLEASE give us time to get to know each other before telling me that he was going to "own all of me" that this behavior began!

And, why the hell am I defending myself? Oh, I'm a Gemini...gotta communicate it all. That must be it!

posted December 15, 2007 10:36 PM              

quote:

---

Mustang,
Sorry but.. I still don't understand what he's done wrong.

---

The real problem is that he sounds like the last guy aria was with - at least I think it was aria. He was a cancer and did the same stuff to her.

quote:

---

The "he's not that into you" doesn't wash. He came on like a bulldozer and I could scarcely breathe! It was when I asked him to PLEASE give us time to get to know each other before telling me that he was going to "own all of me" that this behavior began!

---

Honestly, he doesn't sound like he's that into you. When I think back, the guys who really liked me always called in advance to set plans, always called when they said they would and the one's who didn't acted like this guy.

I think you picked up on this and it's why you reacted the way you did. Your ego is saying that that wasn't the case and it's about control and respect, but they're the same as someone being really into you. If they are really into you they will treat you with respect and will not be controlling.

posted December 15, 2007 10:44 PM            

I think a lot of people here responding don't realize that this is a new thread on a situation that's been in the works for a while, so I understand that you took this opportunity to let go of someone who you've been seeing for a while, there's some history behind this post.

With that said I congratulate you on sticking up for yourself and easing out of it gently. It sounds like you were clear with him about your reasons and I agree that if you are dating and haven't quite jumped into a serious relationship yet, you have every right to turn down someone who hasn't considered you by taking the time to make plans. You've already explained about his ego so it was a way of teaching him. Perhaps the next woman he dates will benefit and therefore he will benefit as well. We can only hope.

Congratulations for getting out of a controlling situation before it got worse. As a matter of fact, I think you knew he was controlling even before the psychic told you, I think she just confirmed it, but we went over this already. Well, have a great night of freedom.

Geocosmic Valentine

posted December 15, 2007 10:56 PM            

But from the descriptions in your posts - the actual facts of what he has done/said (as you put them).. I don't see him as playing games - only sort of.. definitely not what I've encountered in the past with certain watery guys who were MUCH, much worseee..
Maybe he is doing it undercover though - so his words/actions don't seem that bad when you put them on paper - but his psychological/emotional manner is controlling/manipulative in a hidden way.

posted December 15, 2007 11:00 PM              

Geocosmic Valentine: Thank you. I'm sure you're right. I should have added the conclusion to the old post. Either way, I'm glad I'm out.

posted December 16, 2007 01:55 AM              

While you may love children, there's a big difference when you date someone with kids. You say he didn't ask you if it was OK if he brought his daughter along... Well, if I were to date someone with children from a previous relationship, it is expected that children will be thrown into the mix.

Sometimes, single parents don't have an option. It's either bring the kid along, or don't go out at all. If you can't take that, well then that's just you. Some can handle it, some cannot. But you just can't come into a mother or father's life and expect to get to know 'just them' with out the kids involved until YOU are ready for them. They were there before you, so you either deal with them, or date someone without kids.

As a single parent, I would never hide my child. I can understand some saying "wait until the time is right to introduce the suitor to the child" -- but then what if they don't get along?? Then I've wasted all that time falling in like with someone, only to realize that it will never work. Better to take the bull by the horns, present my case without sugar-coating it, and if the person still likes me, my child, and my situation, well then they have my utmost respect.. and a shot at my heart.

posted December 16, 2007 02:18 AM              

Aria knows what she is looking for, how she wants to be treated and what she expects from someone while dating. The great part is, that she is able to recognize what she doesn't. I don't necessarily feel that these are to be discussed with the person you're dating. I think everything should be left to 'flow' (naturally) and both be given the opportunity to OBSERVE each other. I really do believe that it is almost pointless in DISCUSSING what your expectations are with the other person. I mean, what if knowing what you're looking for, they aren't sincere simply to appease you and your alleged needs? I am not talking about the obvious questions, like "Do you wants kids?", "Are you looking for commitment?" I am talking about everyday communication: plan-making and etiquette. How stupid would it be to say "Now, if you DON'T call me Saturday night even though you are telling me NOW you want to do something, then I will get angry." Ha ha! Or, "When I text you, I EXPECT that you text me back!". Or, "When we make plans, I expect your daughter NOT to tag along." Who the hell would say that!?

This man has shown himself (in Aria's eyes and most here at LL) to be self-centered, possessive, arrogant and pushy. In my opinion, I think what he did was rude. Even IF you have children, I feel that if you are DATING, you should be able to differentiate 'dating time', 'daughter time', and POSSIBLE 'date and daughter time'. If she is a teenager, why on earth would he want her tagging along on all of his dates??? Wouldn't she either be old enough to watch herself while her father is out, OR be more interested in being with her friends and appreciating the fact that her father HAS a date with a potential, future female role-model?

Does anyone see my point?

posted December 16, 2007 02:37 AM              

I'm not arguing for her to give him another shot-- if she dislikes him, well fine... It just reminds me of certain times in my own life where I felt like having a child seemed to turn quite a few guys off. I've had to cancel a few dates because of things beyond my control.

As far as a 12 year old tagging along, I too feel it would be a bit bothersome, but to play the devil's advocate, I can see his point.

I feel like he was maybe using her as a way to weed out the 'unworthy' so to speak. I respect him for that. And look, it saved them both a lot of heartache.

Just my opinion.

posted December 16, 2007 03:06 AM              

Plus, regardless of whether he was testing her or not, his behavior was inexcusable and not what Aria was looking for. His plan-making etiquette didn't measure up.

posted December 16, 2007 09:28 AM            

This is the first I heard of the situation but I think you did the RIGHT thing. It isn't that you are being mean, rude or anything like that, you are TIRED of his inconsiderate behaviour.

Why should you be put out because he can't get his crap together, like a real adult, and make solid plans with you? I think for others to make you the bad one because you didn't just say "Oh sure, let's all go out now since Mr. Scorp called late, didn't have the decency to set something up or leave a message the night before, oh and yeah, please bring your daughter".

Nope.. you are worth a hell of a lot more than someone who is going to make you the "last minute plan" when nothing else is available.

A man that is interested and mature will make plans and stick to them come hell or high water.

posted December 16, 2007 09:59 AM            

What if his date (I'm not saying you specifically, Aria) would have made a big deal about it in front of the child? If he's "using" his daughter to weed out women, that's pretty messed up on his part. He should be protective of his child's feelings.

I got on my brother about introducing his son to every girl he went out with. It was too much for my nephew and was confusing to him as to why these women were in and out of his life.

From that point on, he only introduced them after he'd been dating them a while and was serious about them...and everyone was happier all around.

But as to the point of the obligations of single parenthood...yes...the kid comes first every time. Even if you have to break a date.

Aria...this isn't to say you made the wrong choice. I think you'd do better to find someone a bit more easy going as Mustang mentioned.