posted March 04, 2008 02:48 PM            

I don't know how to be vulnerable. I freak out at the thought of revealing person stuff about myself, especially if it has to do with emotions like love. Even with my parents, who show nothing but love and affection for me, it's hard to return the affection, even though I definitely love them.

I have an especially hard time when in relationships... a man saying "I miss you" or "I want to see you" gives me anxiety, like, "oh no, do I have to say it back?". And then there's the constant trust issues, I think every man wants me because of my appearance, and all they want to do is sleep with me... so I cringe when men complement me, or look at me, my gut reaction is "shut up" or "stop it".

I have gotten a lot better with friends and family, I can give them hugs and cry (rarely) around them... but it's still hard to say the words face to face. I can *write* the words, I can *show* it: through birthdays, gifts, thoughtful gestures, etc. that I love them, but saying the words is really hard.

In the back of my mind, I don't want to love someone more than they love me... which is so silly, and irrational, but I don't know how to make myself think "the whole point of love is to be vulnerable and have someone mean a lot to you"... cause I just think "well, if they leave me, then I'll be devastated, and weak...".

Wow, even reading this post, I realize how rediculous and messed up my thinking is... I just wanna know if anyone has any experience with overcoming these aqua barriers?

posted March 04, 2008 06:44 PM            

No, you're not required to return anyone's sentiments, but it should maybe give you cause to reflect whether you'd like to return the comment.

Sure a guy may want to sleep with you, but your accepting a compliment doesn't mean you're going to sleep with him. Nor does it mean that his compliment was supposed to lure you into bed. It's disheartening for a guy to know that all you see in his interaction with you is a desire for sex. Of course if alcohol is involved the situation gets a little more questionable, and it may be safer to be stand-offish.

posted March 05, 2008 11:50 AM            

I'm really uneasy about relationships in general... the idea of intimacy or expressing my emotions freaks me out... things can be going great with a guy... but the second he starts saying things like "I miss you" or "I can't wait to see you"... I clam up and go all sarcastic and distant... it's really not because I'm not interested, I'm just not comfortable saying those things so early.

And in the back of my mind, I automatically think: "What are his intentions?" "Why is he saying this?" -- ya know? some guys say it because they think girls like to hear it... not because they genuinely mean it... and i'm really not the type of girl that wants to hear insincere compliments or gestures, ya know?

Ah well, not the end of the world, sometimes I just feel being an aqua even confuses me! I'm like "I like this dude, why can't I just express that?"... all my friends would swoon at cutesy "i miss you" nonsense... while I just freak out and say "he's weirding me out!"

<3 being aqua. ha

posted March 05, 2008 02:23 PM              

I don't buy this - air people don't have any emotions business. Sure we are not all affectionate and show it but we all have feelings ! Seems to me you are scared of showing yours even when you like a bloke? What good does that do you ?

Once again I am probably speaking out of turn but have you recently split up with someone by any chance ? If so you could be projecting your ex onto other men and blaming them and you don't know you are even doing it. But this will just blight your own happiness in future.

You didn't answer my question about hard aspects to your moon. Perhaps hard aspects to your Venus or Mars as well ? My advice is to read up on your natal aspects. Could give you some vital clues. Don't latch onto the first thing and say it must be your Aqua. Because it isn't.

posted March 05, 2008 04:22 PM            

Venus - Aquarius - house 12
Mars - Pisces - house 12
Moon - Gemini - house 3
Moon Quincunx Mercury
Moon Trine Venus

Is that the info you were looking for?

And to answer your question -- No, I haven't recenly split up with anyone. In fact, I haven't had a serious relationship in about 3 years... and my last real feels for a man ended poorly, but we're fine now...

I definitely have major trust issues...my mother was (is?) a "functional" alcoholic, so there has always been a lot of secrets and guarding in my life. I've never said it out loud, to anyone..and my family doesn't "talk" about it (except for the "uh oh she's loaded tonight" comments). I can recognize that a lot of my relationship "issues" probably stem from this...

As for a low self esteem, perhaps when I was younger I had esteem issues, but don't most adolescent girls?

maybe he does mean the things he says, but I really don't know how to accept or believe them, without thinking there is an underlying motive... in fact, the more he says these things, the more un-trusting I get... ahh i dunno...

maybe it's not a matter for astrology, maybe i need a psychologist! ha

posted March 05, 2008 06:15 PM              

I was just testing you and you came thru with flying colours ! Ahh.. you have touched me. Think I have a better understanding now. You didn't have to reveal details about your situation to me but I am glad you could confide. I aim to try to help and understand if I can. I don't like people self destructing (you are most definitely not). Sounds like you have your head screwed on properly.

Astrology is about understanding yourself and how you react and then understanding how this affects others. You do not need a shrink ! Maybe just some support as carrying alot on young shoulders. But maybe you are the sensible one ?

I think you already know alot of the answers already which is pretty impressive for someone younger. Perhaps you have "cut off" to cope which is a shame when you should be partying. Alot to deal with when you are not meant to be the "adult" but you are being forced to play that role due to your situation you find yourself in.

I say all of this as I have a niece who has grown up well rounded despite in the past my mum having to tell her on the phone to pour wine down the sink (when she was only 6) as her mother was out of it.

Be strong I know you are capable. And try to have some fun to let off steam !

posted March 05, 2008 06:53 PM              

I have just realised you have Mars in Pisces and Gem moon placements like me as well. Plus I have Venus in the 12th like you but in Cap not AQUA.

You have Mars and Venus in the 12th. Read up on the 12th house. I have Sun and Venus there. But the 12th people seem to have to always look after other people or in terms of showing empathy which is reinforced with the Mars in Pisces.

So to cut a long story short - you look after others

Hope this makes sense. Then speaking as one who feels the same. It's your Gem Moon that questions everything and tries to make sense of it. Eureka. Someone born to look after people and then question why you have to do it and why don't people help themselves.

Am I making any sense ? I can say this as I have these placements as well.

posted March 05, 2008 07:16 PM              

But you see, she has alot on which she shouldn't have to deal with right now but she is coping admirably.

posted March 05, 2008 08:01 PM            

But whatever....

O, and "constructive" is a judgment term upon a highly personal issue I would advise YOU to not guess what another individual is looking for....

just another facet of the corruption of the "youth" of society...

posted March 06, 2008 12:58 PM            

I've heard several people make comments on my 12th house... as in, I will have a hard time overcoming or embracing them...they will stand as an "obstacle"? I will look into them more...

I definitely am a "caretaker" type of person. Certainly... I think taking care of people is the easiest way to show affection, rather than saying the words or whatnot, which I'm not totally comfortable with.

But yes, I do sometimes question why it's my responsibility (Obviously I *choose* to make it my responsibility, but I digress..). I'll clean my apartment, and make homemade meals for my roommates, and then get frustrated and think "WHY CAN'T THEY HELP OUT? WHY DON'T THEY CLEAN OR COOK?" Even at my job, I feel such guilt when I take a day off because someone might "need" my help... I feel like I'm abandoning them. Ha, they are grown adult lawyers and I'm just some 25 year old secretary, why would I be needed? But I do tend to look after their affairs and keep them in order.... Ha.

And yes, I agree, at the end of the day, I must learn to accept both my flaws and attributes... sometimes it's difficult because the people around me can't understand my reactions so it makes me question myself I guess?

Thanks again for all your input!

posted March 06, 2008 04:24 PM              

Also, everything you said about being a "caretaker" applies to me too, and I work in a law firm too! Crazy

posted March 06, 2008 07:48 PM            

bluegreyeyes and Soulflower_13,

You are both speaking my language. Especially the law firm thing!! LOL. I am the perpetual mother for everyone I come in contact with. I just want to "fix" or "take care of" everyone around me!! Of course, I have a weird, sarcastic way of doing it, so as not to attract attention to the fact that I'm doing it, but it does wear on me. I do all these things, then (well, I have a 5th house Leo moon, so no shock here) am like, "hello? didn't you just see what I did for you? Oh, wait, don't say anything about it... It will be embarassing. I was just doing my "job" "

WEird.....

Anyways, I repeat my original post. If you are being yourself, then who cares? If YOU think you need to change your behaviour, then work on that. Don't let other people make you feel like your way of dealing with emotional issues is "wrong"... that's just crazy!!

Light to you, sister!!

posted March 07, 2008 12:13 AM            

I think growing up in an abusive household could exacerbate this part of your personality. I can relate to that, too. (((bluegreyeyes))) With your mom being how she is, you needed to have that gap between experience and feeling. If you directly felt your environment, life would've been much harder. In that sense, your emotional detachment is a gift and has served a significant purpose in your life. And it will continue to be a gift throughout life.