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Author Topic:   Cancer man
Meduza
unregistered
posted March 28, 2008 04:35 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Cancer men

I am a sag girl, he - a cancer. We’ve known each other for a while and have gotten very close over the past 7 months. We have very strong feelings for each other, but remain friends because there are a myriad of things we have to resolve in our lives first (career, school, ailing relatives, etc).

We live in different states, used to hang out back in the day before we both relocated. We have a great bond and a great friendship though.

I feel like I can truly trust him, he has let me get VERY close to him, but we met a couple of months ago (he requested and arranged it) and his demeanor was very different than the emotionally charged emails. He seemed a tad distant at times, not all the time, but at times. Until he got drunk. Then, he was very open and emotional. That confused me. Granted the circumstance were very weird and restrictive, and I know how guarded he tries to appear, but still…

Also, I read somewhere that cancers tend to idealize and live out their romantic fantasies long-distance and say things they don’t mean for the sake of living the dream. Can anyone tell me more about this?

He fell in love for me while we knew each other in person, and I am not easily manipulated, I think I would figure it out easily if he was being deceitful. Just trying to examine the situation objectively.

Also, he comes from a vey dysfunctional background, very unstable, unstructured… How would that affect a cancer male?

Now, I realize that there is not a single description that fits all cancerians, that we are all individuals, but just trying to learn as much as I can.

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writesomething
unregistered
posted March 28, 2008 04:37 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
WHY GOD WHY...AVOID AVOID AVOID

(sorry personal experience talking here)

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Meduza
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posted March 28, 2008 04:50 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
hahaha, what, avoid cancers in general or what?

or did you think that his inability to open up unless drunk was a sign of his lack of maturity?

the circumstances are a tad strange so cetain things are not as bothersome as they would have been under normal circums...

even if we dont work out and nothing happens, we kick it well as friends, so i m cool. just trying to learn more about human nature is all...

used to detest cancers, now they thrill and fascinate me.

it would be useful if you provide some details or more in depth insight....

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Skybound_Piscean
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posted March 28, 2008 04:51 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Jaysus... these Cancerian men are really in great demand these days!

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writesomething
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posted March 28, 2008 04:59 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
med- sorry for being vague. im kind of bitter right now. im trying not to be...really. the cancer ive dealt with was in a league of his own.truly. anyways...he was a master of manipulation. hes so d@mn insecure, always trying to make me jealous, i mean one time, i was in his apartment, and some girl he has been seeing calls,(we werent together at the time or anything) of course..."he has to #$)#$*#$( pick it up in front of me...right?" i asked him, why did u pick up the phone? hes all what was i suppose to do? not pick up? she was going into detail about cleaning her sheets because he made them dirty(GAG!)...he was laying his head near me...this p1ssed me off.
this is a great example of a cancer. doing sh1t like this constantly.
another one, is telling me his landlord broke the mirror closet in his apt because she jumped him? WTF?
yeah stupid immature BS.
or how his friends husband just left and he thinks she wants to have sex...
why do i need to know about these people? why does he always feel the need to SHOW ME HES DESIRABLE? hes so bad about it, seriously, i cringe because i dont need to know how desirable a man is if i love him.
but whatever,
if you want a cancer, good luck,
youre going to have to play some games,
but also make him feel like a princess(seriously).
oh and what they do to you, u cant do to them, otherwise youre wh.re.
one time, i called a guy friend when he was with me, he said something stupid about it. i was thinking WTF? you just had a convo with some girl u r having sex with you jacka@@.

okay, look, im bitter, but with bitterness you find truth especially concerning matters of the heart.
ive rambled on, im sorry, but hope my experience of hell has helped you.

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Meduza
unregistered
posted March 28, 2008 05:07 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
thank you for sharing.

my cancer is totally different, but reading all these message boards made me a tad paranoid - u know how restless sags are...

I feel for you... NO ONE pulling this **** is worth your time or energy.

Feel free to talk to me anytime. If you want to.

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Natural111
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posted March 28, 2008 05:33 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Ahhh, Cancer men have been the topic of the board since I started! And just about every lady on here had one to navigate! As I do myself...STILL! I mean we talked yesterday and he's stil cryptic as ever. BUT, although he hasn't changed I have...

Here's my advice Maduza, and this applies to all men, not only Cancer (and wait until you here my reasoning to why we get stuck on this Cancers) but first, the expressing himself emotionally when he's drunk.

From girl to girl, this is what I've learned. Even though at the moment he expresses it, he more than likely truly does feel it, never take what he says and run with it. Because it's not a real state of being. When a person is intoxicated, that person is a different person. I mean, every guy I've been with told me he loved me when he was drunk. But when he's sober, he remembers all the reasons why he's afraid to be with me. So, we as women have to fight the urge to believe all that we NEED to hear about being needed by a man when he's drunk. If he can say it sober, then take it in and bases all your decisions off what he says and does then. Not while he's intoxicated, it's not who he is normally.

And the second part to why I think we get so attached to Cancer men... Because I think they have a way of making us feel like they need us. The truth is, for the most part, we don't need men. I mean we really don't. They need us! What we need is something to love, take care of, to nurture. I mean, have you ever heard of the "cat man"? And I think Cancer men have a way of exploiting that, not consciously of course but as the persons they are. I mean, last night my Cancer text me and asked this question: " so how does one 'figure it out?'"¨ I mean, like, what the ****! What does that mean??? And then when I told him to look deeper into himself and not be afraid to get what he really wants. He writes me back and says, "you said, deeper" :-)". Smiley face and all. Because these guys don't want to heal! They want to keep making you think, he needs you!!!!

LOL!!

Sorry, let me reel it back in.. LOL!

Anyway, so, yeah, I think Cancer men can be toxic if he's not sure he wants to spend the rest of his life with. Because he'll need you the most while he's deciding.

Okay, I guess another Cancer man is forthcoming next week, then next month, and so on!

But gosh, don't they make you feel so good, when you're feeling them!?!?!

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Meduza
unregistered
posted March 28, 2008 05:45 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Natural111,

I understand what you are saying, but i dont find it applicable to my situation.

i think some women thrive on being needed and feeling the things you describe. i think i am very different in this regard, and our relationship is more of a kindred spirits type of thing. we are not even in a relationship anyway. neither of us is really ready for one. he has told me about his feelings while sober too.

As for the rest, refer to my previuos post.

Thanks for your perspective.

Your words are very wise though...

I honestly think he is head over heels, but reading up on the sign bothered me. Typical sag, I guess. restless.

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bluegreyeyes
Newflake

Posts: 15
From: New York
Registered: May 2009

posted March 28, 2008 05:58 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for bluegreyeyes     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
And the second part to why I think we get so attached to Cancer men... Because I think they have a way of making us feel like they need us. The truth is, for the most part, we don't need men. I mean we really don't. They need us! What we need is something to love, take care of, to nurture. >>>>

wow.... great insight...so true.... for all men, but yes, i definitely see it in cancers.

i also am having a weird experience with a cancer man... don't get me wrong, i'm actually enjoying every minute of the rollercoaster ride, but it's just hard to figure out. and this is coming from an aqua!

i can't describe how spot-on all of the posts and stereotypes about cancer apply to the man i'm hanging out with... especially the "nuturing" part. he does this strange whine-y boy voice when he wants something... and it doesn't bother me. i mean, he's a 30 year old man talking in some juvenile baby voice...and i don't find it repulsive? but, i think it's because i like that he needs something... ya know? maybe it shows vulnerability... or sensitivity...or both. i'm have a "caretaker" personality, so i thrive on it...

oh cancer men... they are fun ones, aren't they?

------------------
*Christina*
Aquarius SUN
Gemini MOON
Aries ASC

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mblover
Knowflake

Posts: 111
From:
Registered: Apr 2009

posted March 28, 2008 06:11 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for mblover     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Cancer Man and Sag Woman relationships are highly complicated. Sag woman really desires some actions.. she is an Open Book and really wants to get things done as part of the relationship (wouldn't it be great to have sex outside on the Adventurous location?). Problem over here is that Sag woman's quick need to express optimism and ask direct questions confuses Cancer man because he takes a very cautious approach during early stage of the relationship.

Answers to your questions.


"""Also, I read somewhere that cancers tend to idealize and live out their romantic fantasies long-distance and say things they don’t mean for the sake of living the dream. Can anyone tell me more about this?"""

I believe this is inaccurate. Fantasies are Piscean things and Long Distance is Aqurius thing. Cancer men are highly possessive and they need their lovers all the time. In fact, this is a negative point that both of you don't live close by. I would not expect him to move in with you unless his Family and Close Friends are not at his current location.

One interesting thing is that Cancer Men (and Women) are amazing at expressing their deep inner feelings through emails or letters (My Cancer GF doesn't tell me lot of lovely things directly in person or on phone, but when I receive her text messages, she melts me with amazingly romantic things). They generally don't express or speak these feelings because they have a subconcious fear of hurt. And, in my view, it is very difficult for a Sag woman to remove this Cancer fear because it takes a lot of Emotional Healing and it's not an open book approach. It takes indirect way of telling them that they are completely Secure with you. You will offer a lot of love and there is no Hurt.

"""He fell in love for me while we knew each other in person, and I am not easily manipulated, I think I would figure it out easily if he was being deceitful. Just trying to examine the situation objectively."""

Cancer men are highly emotional. A little bit of Care during first few dates, talks about family and good food at Home along with Movie will make them fall in love for you. Of course you being a Sag, you are highly analytical so you are right that you are not easily manipulated. Yet, everything you described about him getting drunk and not being open tells me Cancer Manipulation (Generated based on Subconcious Fear of Insecurity and Rejections) is working quite well here.

Cancer Men should never be judged objectively. Because they never have objective or rational views of a relationship. This is one reason why Aqua, Gemini or Libra women tends to get confused because they can't rationalize Cancern Men.

"""Also, he comes from a vey dysfunctional background, very unstable, unstructured… How would that affect a cancer male?"""

Does he have Moon Conjuct Pluto or Pluto in the 4th house? Where is his Saturn and Moon? Dysfunctional background especially Father/Mother relationship impacts Cancer Men significantly. If Parents were divorced, then Cancer Men are even more cautious in expressing their feelings. More light can be brought by removing the subconcious Insecurities and Fear of Rejections or HURT.

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heart cakes
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posted March 28, 2008 06:14 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
hahahaha.. how funny. cancers are crazy.

i especially love this: "but also make him feel like a princess(seriously)."

someone on here, a cancer guy i believe (either cancerrg or seeing stars) said that cancers men are basically women with guy-needs.. that kinda sums it up for me.

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Meduza
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posted March 28, 2008 06:20 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
thank you, mblover.

agree with most of what you have to say, and truly appreciate it. the more I write, the more my doubts subside. As far as his openess and withdrawal are concerned, I now think there is no deceipt there. the circum were just very weird.

it certainly makes sense. he def has some issues which doesnt bother me that much. i only know he was born in July 14, 1974, I think.

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Meduza
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posted March 28, 2008 06:25 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
oh, i agree with you guys that cancers are like little girls. feminine sign, right?

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Natural111
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posted March 28, 2008 07:03 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Oh, yeah, and my new pet name-- Cupcake!
LOLOLOL!!!!
You gotta love him though... you simply do.
I have to tell you this about him...My cancer man...if he thinks he's going to hurt you in any way, he'll back off. He won't even sleep with a woman who's putting all the moves on him, if he thinks that in the end, he's going to hurt her. And I think it's true that if deep down he didn't have strong feelings for you, he wouldn't waste his time. Because I think Cancer men, if all else fail, they have their mommies to nurture them. LOL! I mean, really. My cancer left LA and now he's closer to his mom and had done some DEEP healing.

But he's wiggled his way into my heart, and I do love him, however superficial that love may be and I wish him the best and happiness for the rest of his life!

Anyway, Meduza, continue on with him. I guess the ladies here are saying just slow down, endure because it's generally a long haul with a Cancer man, and it's an enlightening road. And at the end, you'll know more about him then he'll know about you...Well, I don't know, I think he knows a lot about me too, actually. But I'm a whole nother story!!!! Or ISSUE. LOL!!! But he loves it!

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bluegreyeyes
Newflake

Posts: 15
From: New York
Registered: May 2009

posted March 28, 2008 07:05 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for bluegreyeyes     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
oh, i agree with you guys that cenacers are like little girls. feminine sign, right?>>>>


haha. what "gender" is aqua? i have a hunch it would be masculine...

my friend (not into astrol) has had that theory for years... that a more feminine guy will go for a more masculine (emotionally tough?) girl... and vice versa...

i'm not sure how that plays out in reality though

------------------
*Christina*
Aquarius SUN
Gemini MOON
Aries ASC

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Ranti
Newflake

Posts: 4
From: Chiang Mai THAILAND
Registered: Apr 2009

posted March 28, 2008 09:43 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ranti     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
There are things about Cancerians that make them not as charming one on one as they are with bigger audience or long distance. One of that is they tend to expect you to be able to read their mind or body language, may be because they themselves are good at it.

Sure, it can be quite annoying to see someone so expressive suddenly shut down when you two are left alone but there's a tendency for that so you will have to learn not to take it personally.

Also, being shy and insecure means at the beginning they will constantly test you, consciously or subconsciously. If you can put up with their somewhat erratic, inconsistent display, you'll pass the test and get yourself one of the most caring lover there is.

bluegreyeyes: it's obvious, Cancer men are helplessly attracted to Cappy, those 'Saturnian old men' in pretty young girls' disguise

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Meduza
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posted March 28, 2008 11:01 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thanks Ranti! So is it true that cancers like a challenge, a woman that is not always easily accessible, readily available?

Just curiuos?

I am very indep, and I think that a woman should always maintain a balance in her life, not devote her entire time and energy to some dude (which is not to say that I am not giving and loving and attentive).

I am very open with this guy and so is he, but was just wondering if he needs more of a challenge. But hell in my honesty and utter brilliance, I am already a challenge regardless of how open I am ; )

Never was into games and am not planning on changing my style. He can either take it or leave it, and he seems to take it and ask for more.

Anyway, just curiuos about your feedback. Sorry about the rambling.

Also, is it true that they want what they cant have and once they have it, they're done? I realize ppl are different after all, but am curios about your observations.

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Seeing Stars 7.21
Knowflake

Posts: 137
From:
Registered: Apr 2009

posted March 29, 2008 12:51 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Seeing Stars 7.21     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Meduza


Im a Cancer Male and have also had a very unstable background and my homelife is a sensitive subject. If anyone I am likely to understand your bf (or whatever he is to you) the best. He is prolly very insecure on top of the insecurity of being a cancer. Its easy for him to say things in emails because they dont require direct confrontation. when he is with you (sober) its prolly difficult for him to talk feelings and emotions because he is afraid. But yes Im sure when hes drinking its much easier for him to be lovey dovey. makes sense.. everything has its pros and cons.. yes he might be a little erratic and guarded at times and a pain in the ass to understand but if you manage to have the patience with him and make him comfortable then I have no doubt in my mind he could make you feel like the happiest girl alive

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Ranti
Newflake

Posts: 4
From: Chiang Mai THAILAND
Registered: Apr 2009

posted March 29, 2008 01:10 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ranti     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Like he said!

Okay... back to your question

Is it true? I think yes, but from what you tell us it seems he already decided you have that quality. For me a true Cancer won't bother making so much progress unless he already feel you worth it. No need to add more challenges really, better focus on how to confirm to him he has made the right decision.

For balancing, I completely agree with you but being understanding is more than enough, no need to take it to the point of devoting your life lol. Remember, early in any long lasting relationship there are barriers to break which require devotion from both sides. There's nothing wrong with being yourself and be open but to expect no adjustment at all might not be realistic. The interesting thing is to see for ourselves whether or not the change will be worth it, then you can decide.

A Cancer man, of all the people, is so nurturing he''ll most likely take you for whoever you are, like any mother does her child. Just don't forget to, at least in earlier stages, make sure he see as much good side of yours as the bad side.

For your last question I believe it's true to all human really . Any relationship will change with time, so are we. I'd rather call it growth. Of course there are ways to cope with that and develop it to a positive direction. One's partner are never done with us unless we let it be, and, being cancer, it takes a lot more than usual to let go.

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cancerrg
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posted March 29, 2008 02:21 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
:::someone on here, a cancer guy i believe (either cancerrg or seeing stars) said that cancers men are basically women with guy-needs.. that kinda sums it up for me.:::

I'll put this in a new perspective , if you want to woo a cancer , think what a woman likes -respect,no cheap thrills, commitment-and you have to the key to understand cancer man .

why people have problem understnding them is , we tend to associate them with genral men behaviour .

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cancerrg
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posted March 29, 2008 03:27 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
::: have to tell you this about him...My cancer man...if he thinks he's going to hurt you in any way, he'll back off. He won't even sleep with a woman who's putting all the moves on him, if he thinks that in the end, he's going to hurt her. And I think it's true that if deep down he didn't have strong feelings for you, he wouldn't waste his time. :::

Exactly!
well personally , i have known some woman who had interest in me , if i had wanted i could have used them but i didn't .
on the other hand , i am still to overcome emotions for someone with whom i shared a very platonic relation . if i tell these things to my male friends , the typical reaction would be - you are an idiot to be missing such a free treat(first case) and waste time on someone who is already gone .

that gives an explantion to strong feminine side of cancer men .

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Meduza
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posted April 02, 2008 01:38 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thanks for all the replies. Very helpful....

The cancer species is sure fascinating.

Funny thing is, I know he has been re-reading some of my emails (and they were very routine and non-emotional)for the past 2 days, but hasn't responded back. How very cancerian : )

I am in no hurry, I like things as they are right now - fluid and loose. I know we have a strong bond and much love for each other. If it's meant to be, it will... If not, being able to share so many things with someone is pretty great in itself.

I have also read that cancerians are very loyal and non-flirty, but I doubt that (based on observing previuos cancers that i've known. not dated, but known). It seems to me in that in their utter insecurity and misguided romanticism they are very capable of hurting the ones they love.

I have also known a cancer who in the presence of a stunningly beautiful lady was dismissive of the girl he claimed he had feelings for (he also found her very attractive). They weren't in a relationship and the girl he was salivating over was an "exotic dancer", but his actions were not in line with the image of the sensitive, shy, guarded cancer. He was all over the dancer, even trying to "proposition" her. It was kind of funny. Not for the object of his affections though. She was also into him. Maybe I am weird or dont know any better, but it woudln't have bothered me as much considering the situation.

Is that for attention, stemming from insecurity? Or maybe he was just being a guy : )

Again, I realize that people are above all individuals and cannot be judged solely based on their sign....

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hidey
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posted April 02, 2008 02:14 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
writesomething - its nice to know someone else has had such a terrible experience with cancer males as i. well, its not nice...at all...acctually. but it makes me feel less alone. the cancer male i dated for a year was extremely insecure, selfish and manipulative. his ascendant was virgo, as well, which didnt help at all.

------------------
sun - gemini
moon - libra
asc. - scorpio

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Meduza
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posted April 02, 2008 02:23 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
sorry to hear that hidey... I am a firm beliver that whatever doesn't kill us, makes us stronger. At least, I hope so : )

how do you know so much about his aspects, houses, etc? Based on his birth date? Do you need to know the exact birth time?

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Meduza
unregistered
posted April 03, 2008 01:04 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Update

So in his latest email he implies he often thinks about us being together (wich he has talked about before), but is, "again, pretty good at not doing anything about that". Ranting in a typical gloomy cancerian manner.

Granted, there are a ton of factors that prevent us from moving forward right now, but is he fishing, hoping for me to make a step and assure him that I want that too? This is like a science project, I swear. I like this, for sure.

Again, thanks for all your feedback, guys.

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