posted April 15, 2008 06:36 PM         

My first time posting to the boards, but I could use some advice...

I work with & have completely fallen for a lovely Cancerian man.
The downside; I'm Aries, he's a lot older, more importantly - he’s already married.

Their marriage is apparently on the rocks, but they're still together so I am really trying to keep my distance.

He's affectionate with me at work social functions (although he gets quite nervous around me in the office,) but after a few drinks there’s a bit of secret hand and hair stroking. In meetings we get very little work done as we end up saying almost nothing with words, but speaking volumes with eye contact and we occasionally exchange innocent, but fun & cheeky emails during the day. In spite of this flirtation – I don’t feel pursued – I even doubt sometimes that he has any interest… until I’m in a room with him again and I see a light in his eyes and feel the sparks…

From reading a number of posts in this forum I am beginning to understand that;
*When Cancer has chosen a mate they tend to hold onto them for life. (i.e – he’ll never leave his wife)
*Apparently Cancerians are fond of email and text message flirtations without ever following through & developing the relationship in person..?
*Cancer likes the other person to make the first move & it could take a very long time if it's left up to him (not a problem for an Aries woman, but I’m not willing to do so while he’s still attached.)

I’m so frustrated & I feel like I’m in limbo! I’m really trying to be patient (a quality it seems I’ll need if I'm to be with him), but I need to know if this is likely to go anywhere or if I have to nip it in the bud.

posted April 15, 2008 09:07 PM         

Now, Ophelia, I've always been pretty opinionated and I'm not gonna change now... so take this for what it's worth, from an opinionated Scorpio:

Stay away from this kind of flirtation ... learn from my experience. I ended up marrying that older guy (18 year difference) from the office who was so miserable with the wife (and by the way, trust me, she really was no prize, nobody from his family liked her and she was truly rather cruel to him). There is a point in time when the difference between 28 and 46 is no big deal. But project the same people ten years down the road and the woman is 38 and the man is 56. Things (depending on the individuals, of course) can change - people's health and vitality can turn on a dime, and do you really want to end up with a man who can't keep up with you and wants to just rest and relax while you're still bouncing around? I'm just saying... it's not quite my situation yet but we're definitely going down that road, and it's sad. Also, as much chemistry as you have initially in the "honeymoon period", don't forget that a generational gap can really present numerous issues in terms of approach to life, types of friends one likes to hang with, etc. That injects a different set of problems into the equation.

posted April 15, 2008 09:13 PM         

This is the reason when their partner leaves, they spend minimum one year with a psychologist because - hope and past memories - never goes away from Cancers. They never quickly move onto next partner after divorce and sometimes spend five to ten years before marrying again.

posted April 16, 2008 03:37 AM         

Thanks especially Jugular for sharing your experiences.
It's really interesting to hear from someone who chose this path...

The potential problems you are describing have all played on my mind. I know there will be some serious slowing down on his part in years to come, whereas that's a long way off in the future for me.

I'm sorry I allowed my eye to rest on him in the first place because my gut tells me he's not about to make such a big decision any time soon...miserable though he may be.

I have tried to talk myself around and shake the feeling off a few times now, but it seems that each time I do he senses it - and sends an impeccably-timed email or drops in for a chat with that look in his eye...

posted April 16, 2008 08:18 AM         

There could be some other progressions/transits at play.

Who says his marriage is on the rocks, btw, him?

Common sense would say don't mess with this because he is both married, and a co-worker. That spells trouble! But it's easy for me to say sat here on my swivelly chair. Life is often more complicated than that.

posted April 16, 2008 10:35 AM         

Blue Moon is this the info you're looking for?? (Don't be too harsh on that swively chair of yours!!)

Zodiac in degrees 0.00
Sun Aries 14.53
Moon Capricorn 13.26
Mercury Aries 25.08
Venus Taurus 20.14
Mars Aries 29.45
Jupiter Sagittarius 10.49 R
Saturn Scorpio 2.21 R
Uranus Sagittarius 8.55 R
Neptune Sagittarius 29.14 R
Pluto Libra 28.31 R
Lilith Aquarius 2.05
Asc node Gemini 28.09

Placidus Orb:0
Ascendant Pisces 27.56
II Taurus 17.57
III Gemini 11.45
IV Gemini 29.17
V Cancer 16.40
VI Leo 9.50
VII Virgo 27.56
VIII Scorpio 17.57
IX Sagittarius 11.45
Midheaven Sagittarius 29.17
XI Capricorn 16.40
XII Aquarius 9.50

posted April 16, 2008 03:51 PM         

There is a very sensitive soul behind that cheerful man. I would say leave him alone.

posted April 16, 2008 10:22 PM         

Hey those are interesting and good points Jugular.

posted April 16, 2008 11:33 PM         

I genuinely don't want to hurt this soft, gentle & lovely man, or his wife (of course he's with her for a reason) I just wonder why we're so drawn to eachother if we're not meant for eachother in some way...

Mblover- I am impulsive- there's no denying it, but is there really so little depth in my chart?

Silverbells I don't think I would be happy for this man to leave his wife for me. I don't know that I could trust a man who would cheat on his wife, never mind him trusting me for being with a married man. If something was to happen between us, I would hope that it be after he has come to some sort of decision in relation to his unstable marriage...

As it happens, there are a number of issues arising in work that are making me reconsider my job and even industry... It may be time to make a break and move away from my work with him and the company.

It's just that I have this feeling that I'm supposed to be around him & near him...