posted June 10, 2008 03:11 PM         

I'm writing to ask for your advice about my spirituality and psychic abilities.

When I was about sixteen I had a mystic/transpersonal experience which change my interests and thinking about life totaly.
Since then, I have lived a life of uncertainty becouse I stopped to know who I am?(in spiritual terms). I stopped to know what is my vocation and what my talents are.

Nevertheless, I have started to feel within me strange, inner calling for mysticism and as the result of it,i begun practice of meditation.

Currently I'm 20 years old and studing at university but feel great ambiguity about my further life. My inner, constant, impulse for mysticism become even greater during few last years and I decided that one job that satisfy me is that of being a healer or/and adviser helping people with prophesy. But what worry me is that i don't have this kind of abilities what I desire.

And my question is if you see in my horoscope any possibility for development of this kind abilities?
Can you say me something about my talents?

Or maybe my "so-called" vocation is an illusion and I shoud strive for samething else in my live?

Please let me know what you think I should do.

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In spare time I'm learning astrology but my chart is pretty hard one.
I know I have Cardinal Grand Cross involving Sun with Vesta on MC, Neptune, Mars close to IC and Moon conj. Chiron, but I’m unable to interpret it. Correctly.

Link to my chart: http://www.astro.com/cgi/showgif.cgi?lang=e&gif=astro_2gw_01_anonymous_hk.68880.28094.gif&res=100&va=&cid=8rgfile1nQ86I-u1177928175

Please help with my doubts
Thanks in advance.

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posted June 11, 2008 05:14 AM         

If you want my gut instinct response (and I did look briefly at your chart before it expired) I think you should explore the potential of your calling, at least explore its practicalities. But it isn't for me to say whether or not you should do something. However, I think it reasonable to point out that working with other people in a healing aspect is a great responsibility and should be approached with care.

It is no doubt unhelpful of me to suggest that your very doubts are an expression of your Grand Cross.

"The individual who has the this block of planets in their natal chart has the potential of feeling blocked, directionless and pulled in many directions. The Cross has a tendacy to bring the energy of indecisiveness."

http://www.indigoray.net/grandcross.html

The above page explores the Cardinal Grand Cross further down the page.

If my memory serves me well, your Sun is in Libra Square the Moon in Cancer, the Sun and Moon being two of the points of the cross.

"What people who were born with Sun square Moon in their natal charts want and what they need are in conflict." CafeAstrology.

http://www.cafeastrology.com/natal/sunsquaremoon.html

On your chart the Libran Sun forms an opposition with Mars, powerful in its own sign of Aries. The Sun Opposite Mars is a dynamic aspect, suggesting much energy but also temper. It can also be impulsive. So again I'd say explore your options carefully.

This opposition is crossed by the Moon powerful in its own sign of Cancer, opposing Neptune, a little uncomfortable in the sign of Capricorn. This aspect is one of someone able to tap into the emotions of others. But there is the potential trap of delusion:

"The Neptune opp Moon people reflect deeply on their feelings and intuitions, feeling that they are getting a great handle on them. Unfortunately, the handle that Neptune provides is slippery and the result is often delusional in nature, which sends these folks back into further contemplation and so forth."

http://astrosage.blogspot.com/2006/10/moon-opposite-neptune.html

Neptune is Square Mars, an aspect you will see discussed every now and then on Lindaland. It gets associated with deception and lack of reality. But there is more to it than that, so you might want to read up on it and feel how it fits in with your inner being. Also, like any aspect, you can learn to use it in a positive way.

"The square aspect can pose a variety of inner tensions and compulsions that are difficult to acknowledge and integrate properly". AstrologyWeekly

http://www.astrologyweekly.com/astrological-aspects/mars-square-neptune.php

All these testing aspects are forcing you to work with them into making positive achievement. It is possible. The Grand Cross is a dynamic configuration. As you suggest it is not a walk in the park, but it does not deny you success. Nobel Prize winner Albert Schweitzer is just one example of a famous and successful person with a Grand Cross on his chart:

http://www.astrotheme.fr/en/portraits/eNm95qrd29r6.htm

If I recall your M.C is Libra, but I don't remember if your Venus is in the 8th or 9th house. If you could put up your details again that would be helpful.

posted June 11, 2008 05:43 PM         

Yes it’s true what you said. Variety of inner tensions and compulsions generated from grand cross are really difficult to integrate and they bring about overwhelming indecisivness.
You write that hard aspects when overworked can give positive outcomes. I agree. But don’t you think that too many difficult aspects can make it impossible to do anything with them at all !

Venus is in the position of ninth or eight house depending on the system of housing you prefer. In Koch’s System it is in the 9th and in Placidus in 8th.
Almost every planet is in on the verge of houses -how to read it?
Chiron, Vesta, Midheaven are also involved in grand cross.. Could please say something about this?
This what you write about your gut feelings interests me a lot.
I willing to give a lot of work to become healer but I don't know if I can become a good one?

.
I know that we shouldn’t be dependent on exterior knowledge. I believe one think worth being dependant on, this is our inner awareness but currently I really need your advice. I see this is an issue that cannot be assess on my own.