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Author Topic:   self control
kaira
Knowflake

Posts: 218
From:
Registered: Sep 2006

posted July 27, 2008 06:29 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for kaira     Edit/Delete Message
how can you improve it? and also stop from being a puppet on strings for someone to play with you?

i need power, but i'm always the one who is submissive.

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23
Knowflake

Posts: 4497
From: Outside, to watch the nightfall in the rain
Registered: Aug 2006

posted July 27, 2008 06:58 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for 23     Edit/Delete Message
Power is a plutonic issue - both to give and take power from someone. Do you have anything like pluto on the DC?

Self-control is a saturn issue as is things like self-persistence and discipline. Again, look to see the state of saturn in your chart.

As for improving yourself, look to consciously when you fall under these issues. Also look to transits/progressions maybe when you might be susceptible/good at being in control-powerful.

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Seeing Stars 7.21
Knowflake

Posts: 1301
From: New York
Registered: Dec 2006

posted July 27, 2008 09:01 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Seeing Stars 7.21     Edit/Delete Message
being in control of self and in control of others is two different things. but yes discipline and self control and willpower is representitive of Saturn. as for being in control of others and being more aggressive in social interactions look for fire and cardinal energy.

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amowls
Knowflake

Posts: 866
From: Richmond, VA USA
Registered: Dec 2007

posted July 27, 2008 10:21 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for amowls     Edit/Delete Message
I find that the people who are most power hungry are also the most at risk of falling into someone else's power.

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Seeing Stars 7.21
Knowflake

Posts: 1301
From: New York
Registered: Dec 2006

posted July 27, 2008 10:51 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Seeing Stars 7.21     Edit/Delete Message
well yea .. the most powerful people were somebodies b*tch at one time..

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CoralFrequency
Knowflake

Posts: 1432
From:
Registered: Feb 2007

posted July 28, 2008 01:54 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for CoralFrequency     Edit/Delete Message
People who are generally submissive in their day to day lives can be quite sexually dominant and vice versa.

Are you saying you are submissive in every area of your life?

Anyway, I don't think what you actually want, as in - power - is a matter of self-control. For instance, if someone had a nervous twitch that they were trying to stop - controlling it wouldn't work.. and even if it did it would only be a cover up.
You need to solve whatever issues you have - not try to control them.

Or take something else - like - a person who overeats and ends up overweight. Controlling themselves by sheer will - doesn't work.
Because there are usually underlying psychological reasons for the overeating.

Basically to be seen as someone who is a strong person - in my opinion - is to be seen as someone who is reliable. Unless you like yourself and trust yourself.. people won't feel like they can trust you, so you probably won't end up in a position of control/power.

Not sure if that made sense.

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CoralFrequency
Knowflake

Posts: 1432
From:
Registered: Feb 2007

posted July 28, 2008 02:08 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for CoralFrequency     Edit/Delete Message
quote:
stop from being a puppet on strings for someone to play with you?

Ok, for this specifically - figure out exactly what you want from your relationship with this person. Tell them in no uncertain terms.
If there is no change in their behaviour, never speak to them again.
You don't need someone in your life if they behave this way.

You have VALUE, just by being the person you are. The question sounds like you don't see your own worth and your own value. Any relationship you are in (whether it is a friendship, a familly relationship or a romantic relationship) - you bring something to the table, as much as the other person. If this is not appreciated - you simply have been wronged.
Because you have the right to be appreciated.

So if someone fails to appreciate you, respect you - and further, tries to manipulate or control you (which is actually highly disrespectful) - there is no reason to keep them in your life.

Tell them clearly - 'You have wronged me. This is over. Good bye and good riddens'

You know the line at the end of Gone with the Wind..
'Frankly my darling, I don't give a damn' - Make that your new favorite line lol

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blue moon
Moderator

Posts: 4700
From: U.K
Registered: Dec 2007

posted July 28, 2008 04:53 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for blue moon     Edit/Delete Message
Say NO.

Try it once over something simple and trivial in consequence. Then build up until you are refusing to be railroaded into doing something you don't want to do.

If you get really good you will refuse to justify why you don't want to do something to someone you feel doesn't deserve an explanation.*

Or alternatively say YES if is something you want to do and someone is trying to tell you that you don't want to do it.


* this is a real poke in the eye to bullying types, try it, it will be very satisfying.

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AcousticGod
Knowflake

Posts: 13873
From: CA, USA
Registered: May 2005

posted July 28, 2008 05:15 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for AcousticGod     Edit/Delete Message
quote:
The question sounds like you don't see your own worth and your own value. Any relationship you are in (whether it is a friendship, a familly relationship or a romantic relationship) - you bring something to the table, as much as the other person. If this is not appreciated - you simply have been wronged.

Exactly the right interpretation.

To take back power, you need to value yourself over the other person. That is what the person exploiting you does, right? They value themselves over you. They should expect to be treated the way they are treating you.

You probably will meet with some resistance at first. People have come to expect certain things from you. You may have to train them to your new boundaries. Don't get caught up in the emotion of it. Just manage it as if it were a business transaction, or relish it if you're using Blue Moon's technique.

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