posted August 11, 2008 06:59 PM         

i am so confused. i want to be with him but i want a fresh start so it doesnt get messed up again. he seemed really confused last night but cold on the phone last night.

he only said we should just be friends because his dad a therapist said if he wasnt sure where the relationship is going he shouldnt lead me on. normally he says his dad is not nice and always uses psychology to manipulate people. i don't know why he didn't say we need to talk instead.

im really confused. im not being a psycho ex and just i will see him because we have a class together but i did not return his call and im not going to for a while. im gonna try to get over it and brace myself if it turns out he meant it, and if he didnt to try to start over when ive worked on my sanity a bit.

is there any hope here. any cancers have any ideas or anyone can help me.

please email libraraindrops@gmail.com if you would like his birth info

posted August 11, 2008 07:03 PM         

And us crabs go by our feelings and they change quite rapidly.

I would try showing affection without overdoing it and crying and stuff why dont u try talking about ur geuwine feelings too i love hearing how people feel its nice to know where u stand even when ur breaking up with someone.

------------------
ASC: Virgo

posted August 11, 2008 07:10 PM         

belgz...thank yeah i definitely am more detached than him after all i am a libra sun, sag rising with uranus rising in the first house. he is of course a cancer sun with scorpio rising and neptune on the ascendant! he does have a libra moon but he is more emotional than i am. my leo moon is interesting to me because i am so romantic and warm but i am scared of ego shame so i detach when its iminent.

update: he just texted me saying U gonna call me back?

posted August 11, 2008 07:41 PM         

I dated a cancer for 3 years so I know the out of no where random mood swings. I still think they are unacceptable. He needs to respect that you have feelings too.

As for a fresh start. I think the best way to do that is to give each other as much space as you can (and that can be reeeally hard) I mean not speaking/hanging out for a week or two and its pretty nice if you are the one who is always busy. Not really blowing him off but too busy to see him so that he will start to panic, omg is she with someone else, omg does she not miss me etc.

As for the dad thing that might be the case but he had to know that if he says that it implies a break up. So that had to cross his mind, so if he wasn't 100% sure where its going he would try to figure it out or it was his responsibility to talk to you about it rather than risk your feelings and break it off out of the blue. I think you need to take a step back from him and let him come to you.

I definitely think there is hope there. In fact many relationships fall apart and fix up . I have been told many times that after heartbreaks its not the same blah blah...while that is true it does not mean the relationship is not strong or in some way beneficial, sometimes even improved. I will drop you an e-mail. I am hardly an astrologer but I will look at your charts, maybe there is something new I will notice.

I really understand though...I am the queen of tough relationships and many at LL will know how many of my own upset posts I have made...I will provide my best astro insight to the best of my ability and also my advice from experience and reading.

As for reassurance...i disagree...why should he get the reassurance while you get your emotions toyed with. I think not...don't text him...see him in class...and very Libra like point out how you were too caught up, you are terribly sorry (insert big nothing is wrong smile) i know it sounds flaky and fake but he threw you off balance, he needs a nice shake too...and its not just the Scorpio moon talking

posted August 11, 2008 07:57 PM         

Yes and no matter how hard it is (and it is hard) please try to enjoy your break and not think about him too much. You will feel better.

My bf and I had this for months...where he would randomly tell me he needs a break for a month, a week, etc to see where the relationship is going and I am left standing, waiting for him to decide and thats a 2 year relationship...good guys sometimes do bad things...I cannot say i was totally proper during that time...I should have shut him off, moved on and not taken him back....but im weak and I did...we are pretty good right now (or for now) but I know what you are going through.

You are def on the right track with the both taking time to think. And make sure when you get back together you tell him its clean slate and if he wants it as such...I actually suggest if hes interested in working on it writing out a list of "demands" but make sure they are reasonable...like little things that really annoy you about each other so you could trade...ie I told my bf I will stop nagging him if he stops coming late (he usually shows up 2 hrs late when im waiting). And it really worked well for sometime...

posted August 11, 2008 09:09 PM         

I am not sure when I learned this but I have learned that I do not have to have his love returned for me to care about him. The fact is, I can't control my feelings so I will not repress them in fear of seeming "weak" or pathetic to myself or to him. I know also that I have passed the stage of playing games with any man on earth, so I wouldn't be able to spite a person (or to give a person a staged wake up call by frightening him) just because they did not meet my expectations and desires. Basically, he should be afraid when there is a reason to be afraid, not because you are acting as if you do not want to speak to him anymore, but because you really don't want to speak to him anymore.

So, from my experience, I don't recommend threatening and testing people to force them to admit something which they might not be ready or willing to currently admit. This is what he has done to you, BUT don't do it back.

So, as someone mentioned above, it is important to know where you stand because when you do know whether his feelings are sincere or mutual, then you will have something to work with. Also, as someone mentioned above, it is unfair that we should be reassuring people when they won't do us the same courtesy... but this doesn't mean you shouldn't reassure him. It just means that reassure him to reassure him, not for the purpose of eventually reassuring yourself.

What you feel for your Cancer man, is it determined by his feelings for you or do they come from within you? To simplify this, is your love conditional or is it unconditional? Do you need him to desire you for you to desire him? If so, then it is conditional love because it means that he has to be a certain thing for you to approve of him. (I know this may sound judgmental but read on a bit, please)...

His feelings for you only determine the dynamics of your relationship, not your feelings for him. This means that if he does want to break up with you, the only thing that you should force yourself to do is to keep your distance from him, out of respect for his wishes. Then when you have tackled that, you can deal with your feelings of weaning yourself from him emotionally. The reason I say this is because you gave the impression of feeling a little embarrassment, shame or hurt for still loving him after his appalling behavior. I say, there is nothing to be ashamed of.

So, this guy does seem flaky and testing you is absolutely immature, so if you do not like this - put distance between the two of you. His actions of testing you are quite disrespectful and therefore, if you don't like it, get away from him and let him take care of the rest because the ball is in his court (if he knows how deeply you care for him). But as far as feelings are concerned, please be gentle on yourself and do not feel like a crazy ex for having feelings for him. Love him privately within yourself, but get away from him physically because he is not being healthy for you.

The truth is: with time, if he doesn't cultivate your love for him, your feelings for him will fade. The more he confuses you, the more you will get sick of it, and the faster you will lose patience and move on. If he is not aware of this, then he needs to grow up and wake up. Secondly, with time, if he likes you in return but was playing games, he will someday have a rude awakening and realize that he loves you and it will be too late. Therefore either way, his game playing, even though it seemed like a good idea to him, is very stupid because the only result of this behavior of his is YOU LOSING INTEREST IN HIM in the end, no matter how deep your feelings for him are right now. In other words, his games will just result in him shooting himself in the foot.

So, although it might be tempting, do not stoop to his level of game playing. If you are not taking his calls, make sure that it is because you do not want to take his call, not because you are trying to teach him a lesson because lessons learned in this way are not long lasting.

If you stop seeing him, make sure it is because you do not desire to see him anymore, not because you are trying to retain your pride because pride won't serve you well in the long run. So, just surrender and let him see your true feelings. If he does not desire you after he sees your love for him, then you have done your part and are free from future regret. So, what I am saying is that there is nothing to lose by being vulnerable. There is no shame in loving.

As someone said above... Keep busy and sincerely so, not by faking being busy when you are not. Don't play games like him. Be real. By being real and true, there is a better chance of inspiring him to do the same. If you are going to act cold by playing fire with fire, the chances of him opening up decrease considerably. Sometimes, we have to act the way we wish to be treated.

I have ranted, forgive me, but as I said in the beginning, I am in a similar situation and this is how I have handled my Cancer problems - by being real.

Because I have been straight forward about my feelings, if anything happens in the future that should prevent us from being together when he wants to be together, I am not to blame. This way, I have no regrets.

If you do not play his games, NO ONE can ever say that you didn't do enough, no one can say that they didn't know how you felt and most importantly, you will never feel any guilt or remorse about "should haves" and "could haves".

So, lay your case out in the open, and let him decide what he wants to do. Call him and tell him you want to talk. Or email him if you do not want to see him. But, whatever you do, do not give him a reason to blame you in the future for any of his current actions.

Then you respect his wishes if he doesn't want you and live your life. If he wants you, you would have helped your relationship by being open. Love him from a distance if need be and one day, someone who is worthy will not risk losing you.