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Author
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Topic: Why do woemn do this to themselfs
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Deliverance
Knowflake Posts: 326
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted August 16, 2008 01:53 PM
  
A number of my female acquaintances are going through crap with boyfriends, I’ve also noticed that women on this & other forums are going though similar issues.Scenario: The guy is treating the woman badly, has dumped her without a valid reason, is cheating on her or beating her & the women wont leave/wont let go......the reason being " I love him." Have women been hypnotized to believe they have to be masochists stay in relationships & get treated like s**t? Where's the self respect.?? Is there a transit that can account for this level of subservience & passivity? IP: Logged |
writesomething
Newflake Posts: 0
From:
Registered: Mar 2011
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posted August 16, 2008 02:04 PM
maybe, Neptune in aquarius...idealization of humans/people in general. IP: Logged |
Kick It
unregistered
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posted August 16, 2008 02:09 PM
Im staying out of this one.  IP: Logged |
Deliverance
Knowflake Posts: 326
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted August 16, 2008 02:50 PM
Thanks writesomething!! quote:
Im staying out of this one.
Why ??  IP: Logged |
augentier
unregistered
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posted August 16, 2008 02:52 PM
How are we supposed to feel if someone we love and care about disappoints us..IP: Logged |
deuxantares
Newflake Posts: 0
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted August 16, 2008 02:53 PM
Kick It, come on.  We need your Libran take on this.  IP: Logged |
Deliverance
Knowflake Posts: 326
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted August 16, 2008 02:55 PM
augentier,The point isnt about denying your feelings. I'm not suggesting it doesnt hurt, my question is why remain with someone who hurts or disappoints you?
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MainLine ModelD
unregistered
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posted August 16, 2008 02:59 PM
Because as humans we are flawed. People will always hurt and dissapoint you...It's in the rule book.The dilema is trying to figure out if the good this person makes you feel, outweighs the bad. It's all very complicated human emotions...
Girls and boys are different..Usually the guy is so aloof and doesnt think he's being weird at all. And the girl has read every possible scenario into his "weird" behavior. IP: Logged |
BornUnderDioscuri
Knowflake Posts: 52
From:
Registered: Jun 2009
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posted August 16, 2008 03:03 PM
The reason isn't always "I love him" but it is a strong one. Very often its "I have been with him so long and he treated me wonderfully, he must be going through a phase, he can change, I know he loves me because sometimes it is SO good even if it is bad others...He made a mistake, he is going through a tough time" but all of that is more complicated...they may be lies we tell ourselves but they are very valid sometimes. But even more often its the belief that women who are single are not worth much...it is definitely not outward but a lot of people in our culture feel that way...if you are not with a man you should be pitied and even the strong career women secretly get worried sometimes...and even more when you find that one man that you really do love and feel something for, you worry that no one will ever make you feel like that and no one will be able to deal with you. And since in those scenarios the guy has usually shattered the girl's self esteem she very often feels that she cannot do better and if they break up she will be alone forever... I know it may sound silly to you and to anyone who hasn't been through this situation but it is really an addiction and should be treated as such...emotional crack thats what it is... there is a lot of underlying psychology behind it so the "i love him" its just a surface reason believe me------------------
Sun-Gemini
Moon-Scorpio
ASC-Libra IP: Logged |
Glaucus
Knowflake Posts: 5819
From: Sacramento,California
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted August 16, 2008 03:05 PM
Yeah.....I hate guys like that. It makes other guys like me look bad. It sucks to want to be with a woman, but she has problems trusting because of issues with past boyfriends that were jerks or has mother who has issues with men because her husband was a jerk. I am very frustrated! ------------------
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deuxantares
Newflake Posts: 0
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted August 16, 2008 03:07 PM
One answer could be: CONDITIONING. "Relationships" should be a mandatory course that is taught in schools from Primary to High School. It's one big area of our life and yet we are expected to go through them without the right equipment, manuals or trouble-shooting guides. IP: Logged |
BornUnderDioscuri
Knowflake Posts: 52
From:
Registered: Jun 2009
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posted August 16, 2008 03:11 PM
Also the guy is usually a great person everywhere else so you start questioning yourself...we aren't made to believe that people who are seemingly good can do bad things, and we usually don't call someone evil especially when we stay with them...so it becomes a self blame game...Must be me...I must be instigating it, I must be causing him to act this way, I must have done something wrong...its a perpetual cycle and no matter how crazy it seems (it is crazy) there is NO way to understand it unless you have been in it...and even then we find ourselves judging others, its hard not to because every situation is different but at the same time similar so women who are in an emotionally abusive relationship still judge those who are in a physically abusive relationship by swearing if they were that person they would leave...and maybe they would, but often they don't see that the psychology is almost the same...abuse is abuse, physical, mental and verbal... though in VERY rare instances the guys do change and do choose to change but its one in millions...its also really hard to admit that the person who you do everything for, who you have been for a long time (these things usually don't happen in short term relationships), the person who you really do love with all your heart and soul does not return those feelings in the least bit... but overall I have sooooo many girlfriends in these situations its insane...but its not always girls...I have known guys in the same situations....all comes down to fear of being alone...when you find someone you connect with and it seems like you are soul mates its hard to imagine that someone else will complete you in the same way...and very often the sad truth is they don't... its very complex believe meIP: Logged |
Deliverance
Knowflake Posts: 326
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted August 16, 2008 03:16 PM
I still don’t understand. I’m single & soooo proud to be. For me, being single shows that Im independent & have the ability to stand on my two feet.
The women I know seem to jump into relationships BEFORE they have a strong sense of self & subsequently attract people who will use & abuse them.I would never ever let a man treat me badly. I wouldn’t say I’m a confident person, I just have a lot of self respect. It’s so upsetting seeing brilliant, strong & bright women turn in mush because they have allowed themselves to be deceived by their partner.. Why is there so much fear about being alone? I would rather drink acid than allow a anyone to treat me in the way some women accept on a daily basis. I'm not saying all men are bad, there are probably some great ones out there. I agree that conditioning is a huge factor in this, but as adults shouldnt we challenge our conditioning?
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Kick It
unregistered
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posted August 16, 2008 03:17 PM
Last time I got into this subject on here, a few weeks ago, there were a lot of feelings aimed in my direction. I know better.IP: Logged |
Glaucus
Knowflake Posts: 5819
From: Sacramento,California
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted August 16, 2008 03:21 PM
As a man, I have been in same situations as women. So it's not just women getting screwed over by men. It's also men getting screwed over by women. It's usually highly sensitive men like me that get screwed over because we are too nice,too "weak",too emotional,"feminine"or other things that might suggest that we aren't manly enough. Then we get passed over for those manly types. A lot of those "manly" types treat women like crap.it gets worse when all men are looped together,and so they judge you by your gender and not by the content of your character. ------------------
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BornUnderDioscuri
Knowflake Posts: 52
From:
Registered: Jun 2009
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posted August 16, 2008 03:23 PM
Glaucus - sometimes its not even the guy, sometimes its the dynamics of the relationship. And I hate to say this but very often both people have a personality disorder or some kind of family history to perpetuate this...People with either a disorder or some kind of hard family history seek out (subconsciously) people with the same experiences and thus it gets spun out of control. Its not a 100% but very often. Though I know what you are talking about...My mom doesn't trust men because my father was a looser (and shes a moon in Scorpio rising Scorpio) and obviously I don't trust men either...though I am too trusting for my tastes...I let my guard down and do get hurt (ie this guy who i thought was my friend for past 2 days...ugh)... IP: Logged |
amowls
Newflake Posts: 4
From: Falls Church, VA, USA
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted August 16, 2008 03:24 PM
ITT feminist rant:Guys do it too. Some women are aloof, some men are clingy/can't let go. Everyone is different, it's not just women that stay in ****** relationships (if you couldn't tell, my Moon is in Libra). Astrology gives good reasons for this. Men & Women with Venus in Pisces for example, will want to stick around and "martyr" themselves because they believe that love is about sacrifice (I have Venus in Pisces, I would know). Some of you may not understand it, but I do. It's not helpful to call people that are treated badly in relationships "push overs" or "pathetic" or call them cowards for being "afraid of being alone." What if the man/woman fell you in love with, a person that you would DIE for, turned out to be abusive? What would YOU do? Can't you understand why it's hard to leave? Neptune aspects will also do it. Or 12th house action. IP: Logged |
deuxantares
Newflake Posts: 0
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted August 16, 2008 03:27 PM
Kick It, ah yes i remember it now! LOL
http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum1/HTML/018533.html IP: Logged |
Glaucus
Knowflake Posts: 5819
From: Sacramento,California
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted August 16, 2008 03:31 PM
Yeah.....I have Moon in Pisces square Neptune. My Moon trines 12th house ruler(Sun in Scorpio). My Venus in Scorpio parallels Neptune. I also have Pisces Descendant.I also have Neptune square Venus/Midheaven midpoint, Mars square Venus/Neptune midpoint,and Venus semisquare Neptune/Node midpoint. ------------------
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Deliverance
Knowflake Posts: 326
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted August 16, 2008 03:44 PM
Im also very Piscean
Im also very sensitive - I therefore ensure that I have adequate boundaries to prevent myself from becoming a victim. For the record, I'm aware that men go though similar issues. The reason I directed this to women is because all of the people who I have personally observed going through this are women. IP: Logged |
BornUnderDioscuri
Knowflake Posts: 52
From:
Registered: Jun 2009
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posted August 16, 2008 04:11 PM
Deliverance - every person is different. It is great that you feel that way and you are strong and independent and know your own way in life but not everyone does and many people's family's situations didn't allow them that ability...and furthermore in many cultures a woman without a guy is worth nothing..I am from Eastern Europe and while they are all for women having a career and their own money and mind its still considered a "parents nightmare" if your daughter is over 30 and not married...if she's divorced whatever, but if she was never married thats horrible...is that upsetting of course but thats a cultural belief...I disagree...many women full of self respect and confidence find themselves in these situations. It is very complicated you cannot just say oh she should dump him etc... Kick It - you should feel free to speak your opinion. People will sometiems disagree but as long as they do it respectfully it should be fine. if they disrespect you then the moderators should take care of it IP: Logged |
Love
Knowflake Posts: 63
From: Canada
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted August 16, 2008 04:15 PM
A really good book which helps to get to the bottom of all this stuff is "Creating Love" by John Bradshaw. At the end of the day, it starts with oneself and then once we have a more realistic, loving and honest understanding of who we are and what we want, we will then attract it to us.When you see a pattern in your life in terms of how people treat you, it's really just a manifestation of how you feel about yourself and how you do or don't value your self. When you change, the people around will change as well. It's energy and energy can't help but reflect the truth. IP: Logged |
deuxantares
Newflake Posts: 0
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted August 16, 2008 04:35 PM
quote:
as adults shouldnt we challenge our conditioning?
I agree. But this can only happen with education/enlightenment. The first thing needed is for the aggrieved person to admit that there is a problem. Sometimes, the person has to hit rock bottom before he/she decides it's time to make a change. Thanks to astrology i now understand people (especially myself and my exes) and relationships better. I had my share of stupid moments in  , but now that i know what i know i'm not going back that route IP: Logged |
Deliverance
Knowflake Posts: 326
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted August 16, 2008 05:17 PM
quote:
Deliverance - every person is different. It is great that you feel that way and you are strong and independent and know your own way in life but not everyone does and many people's family's situations didn't allow them that ability...and furthermore in many cultures a woman without a guy is worth nothing..I am from Eastern Europe and while they are all for women having a career and their own money and mind its still considered a "parents nightmare" if your daughter is over 30 and not married...if she's divorced whatever, but if she was never married thats horrible...is that upsetting of course but thats a cultural belief...
You are right people are different & have varying tolerance to injustice. I don’t understand why adults with intelligence bow down to subservience then blame their partner for the ill treatment. The act of staying in a destructive relationship, enables the person to treat you badly. You’re basically saying, “yes I’m crap & you can do what you want to me & I won’t leave you because you’re worth more than me.” You become an enabler. I believe in living my life the way I choose & I'm not going to do something/act in a certain way because it's what society/culture dictates. quote:
I disagree...many women full of self respect and confidence find themselves in these situations. It is very complicated you cannot just say oh she should dump him etc...
If they have self respect, why do they allow people to treat them with no respect??? Everyone has the ability to choose who they allow into their lifes, if someone is treating you badly & you choose to stay in the situation, one has no grounds to complain. I guess it boils down to how much people value themselfs & how they believe they deseve to be treated by others. quote:
When you see a pattern in your life in terms of how people treat you, it's really just a manifestation of how you feel about yourself and how you do or don't value your self. When you change, the people around will change as well. It's energy and energy can't help but reflect the truth.
Absolutely.....If you constantly attract & allow people to treat you like crap, there's a need to assess ones self worth & self belief. IP: Logged |
augentier
unregistered
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posted August 16, 2008 06:00 PM
People are going to treat you with no respect whether you like it or not..it's not something you can control, no matter how "strong" you are..IP: Logged |
Lindaland
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