posted August 19, 2008 11:19 AM         

gawd, so glad someone is on the same wavelength...he says i am ridiculous and that this site is for networking.

posted August 19, 2008 12:06 PM         

If you get a moment check out the site modelmayhem. look thru the porfolios and then tell me if you think a woman should be cool with this.

posted August 19, 2008 12:10 PM         

If not, perhaps you're over-reacting. I'm a photographer and nudity in fine art photography, if done in a non-pornographic way, is completely normal. The human body can be beautiful. Perhaps he was just commenting on models' photos from an artistic point of view. I don't know him or you, I'm just putting an alternative possibility out there.

posted August 19, 2008 12:23 PM         

you may be right.

I know for a fact he talks to women on line. One time he responded to a person on line the same day as we broke up and was telling her his life story and gave her his number and said he wouldn't mind hanging out. this happened in 15 min.

It happened to be someone I KNEW!!! they ever met but he says now that he thought it was someone spying on him and he wanted to talk to find out who they really were. I said to him "why would you give out so much info if you thought someone was spying? like where you work, hang out etc..."

posted August 20, 2008 02:42 AM         

quote:

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I know for a fact he talks to women on line. One time he responded to a person on line the same day as we broke up and was telling her his life story and gave her his number and said he wouldn't mind hanging out. this happened in 15 min.

It happened to be someone I KNEW!!! they ever met but he says now that he thought it was someone spying on him and he wanted to talk to find out who they really were. I said to him "why would you give out so much info if you thought someone was spying? like where you work, hang out etc..."

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posted August 20, 2008 03:04 AM         

quote:

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I told him i am upset and he says he is furious at me for looking at what he writes to people to "network" his side photo biz.

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If you did that to me with my photo business (getting ideas) I would be furious. Privacy!

I don't know him, but if you can't handle his job, best you split. He obviously feels offended, but witholding intimacy is not good and he has retreated into his shell.

posted August 20, 2008 03:14 AM         

if he really claims to have made those comments from a professional point of view, then why the secrecy?

if its a networking site/professional site, then i'm guessing everyone can anyways see your comments, right? correct me if i'm wrong. and why should he get defensive? does not sound right...

even if he really was being professional, he shud not have gotten so defensive and angry. maybe i have the typical arien anger, but i would be FURIOUS!!! in fact i think he should have told you himself that he commented on those models in a bid to get work or whatever.

posted August 20, 2008 03:19 AM         

sorry but his excuse about trying to find out who this person was sounds very flimsy.

posted August 20, 2008 07:22 AM         

The site is setup so you can see what people comment on.

If anyone has the time go to the site you will see what kind of stuff is on there.

model mayhem is the name if you google i.There is everything from legit photos from pro photographers to amateur ones from guys with cameras getting amateur teenagers to pose nude to porn stars.

It disturbs me that he comments on some things that do not seems appropriate. he doesn't say anything lewd but its the fact that he is writing to these people. He is very poetic and i saw that he wrote a poetic verse to an 18 year old in the UK that was standing naked in front of waterfall. It was clear she was amateur somebody got her to take off her clothes.

I saw it and said "What can this teenager in the UK do to help you start a photo biz?" He said that I do not understand and that someone can happen to find his comment and then find him to look at his work> Ok, I said I get that but really, what are the odds that he will get work? I suggested that he put his time into target marketing the audience he wants to take photos of locally. Like perhaps find a listing of people getting married etc...

Just knowing that he is sitting around looking at people artistical nude or in porn photos is disturbing. I thought he was a really nice guy.

I just wonder how many women out there would like knowing there guys are looking at suggestive photos and commenting or sending poetry to them and knowing that their guy is communicating to them. To surf porn is more of a fantasy, this is different to me but he says I am wrong. Just knowing that he is emailing a college girl because he met them by looking at a website showing them naked and that they are will to pose for free for him to build a portfolio bothers me. he just said i am uptight.

posted August 20, 2008 03:17 PM         

i hope you get the meaning !
i can't say about your cancer's behaviour regarding sex but as a man i understand a fact that men love porn .
And men see commitment in a different light as compared to women .

So rather than blaming him , better try to understand .
May be he is hurt in someway , its his way of showing his feelings .

posted August 21, 2008 06:00 AM         

quote:

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if he really claims to have made those comments from a professional point of view, then why the secrecy?

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My thoughts exactly.

quote:

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"What can this teenager in the UK do to help you start a photo biz?"

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You're absolutely right.

I don't think the main issue here is him watching artistic nude photos, but the fact that he makes unnecessary comments directly to those women in the pictures (poetry??? seriously??) and gets defensive and secretive about it. And that he doesn't seem to think it's necessary to take his girlfriend's feelings into consideration at all.

His excuses are very poor and it's quite shocking how he's treating you in this. He should show more respect to your feelings instead of telling you stay away and shut up.

posted August 21, 2008 09:18 AM         

nightjar
i totally agree with all that you said

posted August 21, 2008 09:38 AM         

get used to what? him being secretive?! or watching porn and making it out to be business?! or getting used to not getting any answers or not communicating?! maybe he should get used to being more mature....and being answerable! and communicating...

sorry...but thats honestly what i think he shud be doing...i think u seriously need to talk this out with him.

posted August 21, 2008 04:23 PM         

Tell him how it makes you feel uncomfortable and you want a more serious relationship. If he doesn't agree to your wishes, simply end it.

posted August 22, 2008 07:13 PM         

I’d have felt the same way if I found out my boyfriend (now fiancé) was leaving those kinds of comments on girls profiles. Heck, I’d probably be a little po’ed that he was looking at all. But I’m the possessive type. ; ) But seriously, what he did is a breach of trust imho, and if you are in a relationship there really should be nothing hidden. He should live his life in such a way that you could be standing right next to him at any given moment, and he’d have nothing to hide. He shouldn’t be having any conversations he wouldn’t mind sharing with you. Complete transparency is a key element in a successful committed relationship – this is straight from the mouth of my pre martial counselor to your ears. ; )

Now, I can tell you this – men in general can be a little clueless when it comes to things like this. Even men that have been in dozens of relationships can still be SHOCKED by the fact that some of their blatantly silly and thoughtless actions are misconstrued by their partners. Haha.

I found my Cancer guy when he was 37, and he was a veteran of dozens of relationships. I thought that would be he was well trained ; ) but let me tell you what… we had our share of issues in the beginning.

For example: He kept his dating profile up long after we were dating, and regularly browsed and saved off girls profiles. He also used to go hang out and watch TV alone at his ex-girlfriend’s house on a weekly basis. He invited the same ex-girlfriend on a road trip to his family Christmas event. ROFL. Once he shared some personal and intimate details about our relationship with some chic he used to have a crush on msypace, asking her for advice. Only she responded as a public comment, thereby letting the cat out of the bag. Now, when confronted, after a nice big emotional blow up, he did everything in his power to make these things right. And in retrospect, I truly believe he did ALL of this without any ill intent. LOL not that you’d convince me of it at the time. However, after enough of these, I just came to the conclusion that he was a clueless guy that had spent most of his life single, or in more casual relationships, and he needed time to learn and adjust to being in more committed relationship with me.

I think women are just born knowing how to be in relationships – men need time and a LOT of patience. I don’t know why. ; )

I can tell you this too – most men don’t respond well to us getting angry and yelling at them. It’s SO hard not to in situations like yours, and I sure haven’t mastered this zen like art yet. But ideally if you could go to him and tell him calmly why those kinds of comment hurt you, you’d get a much better response. Men get defensive though when we get mad, and that’s what starts the really crazy fights. So just try to keep calm and express yourself in a compassionate and honest fashion. Tell him why the comments hurt you – don’t assume he’s going to know.

I also wouldn’t assume he’s denying you sex to hurt you. Although it sure sounds like it – Cancers really have a hard time with intimacy when we’re hurt or angry. You guys need to work this crap out before you’ll be able to have a healthy sexual relationship again. My Cancer looses his sex drive any time anything goes wrong in his life – even stuff that has nothing to do with me. Haha – and I’m a bit voracious so it can be tough. I found if I dress up the way he likes and jump him, he’s generally responsive. ; ) I hate being the aggressor, but hey a girl’s got to do what a girl’s got to do, and Cancer men like to be pursued.

posted August 24, 2008 10:48 AM         

Isolade- you seem to have a really good insight on the cancer male mentality. I could relate to some of what you are saying.

Right now, the situation is that he left for a business seminar in washington dc with lots of guys of work. he left early sat morning and on his way driving his phone died and he forgot his charger so I have not spoken to him since. there is still tension.
he is being weird and secretive and he even mentioned to me that I do not really understand how cancers are and that they have to be secretive. is this true? He didn't even tell me when he was coming back from washington. I have no clue where he is staying or if he made it there ok.

I am baffled. Is this truely normal for cancers to do things this way if they are upset? It just angers me and confuses me to no end.

posted August 25, 2008 01:35 PM         

ps: this is just my point of view...it is NOT a fight! would love to hear what u have to say as well cancerrg! (felt the need to say this coz have had a lot of ppl misunderstand me of late!):::

hahahahahaha.........
when i read it , i just got reminded of myself .
been there ,done that and felt all that .
i know , so dont worry i dont pass judgement on people like that .