posted August 24, 2008 11:03 AM         

I am crushed and confused. I just want to talktalktalk to understand what the hell is going on. My Gemini tells me he is still in love with me, he still wants me, but "doesn't know"--I'm still trying to figure out what this means. He is afraid he won't have a partner in the relationship, but that is absolutely not true.

From the very beginning of our relationship he wanted me and stopped at nothing to prove it--and I was the one who didn't know. I was very skeptical of him. Maybe now is my chance to show him how important our relationship is. I don't want anyone who doesn't want me. And if he doesn't want to meet me half way then we're in trouble. I find this hard to believe though, we've invested too much to just give up and be done with it. I want to be with him no matter what. I think we just need time. We are both in different places now. We need to figure out ourselves first or we will just be drained and filled with resentment. But we need to talk it out or we will never get through it.

Anyone have any experience with Geminis inner conflict between their head and their heart? Does the logic always rule out how they feel out of fear? I think it would be a shame to end a relationship when the issues can be overcome and you can grow stronger as a couple.
Any thoughts would be greatly appreicated!!!
I'll post our composite to get an overall idea of our relationship.

posted August 24, 2008 12:11 PM         

Dunno really...

I found him not to know what he wanted most of the time, that is the trouble. That translated itself into unfaithfullness, so i had to stop it, because i couldn´t put up with the mess but i think, he himself couldnt figure out what he wanted.

He also had saturn in the 5th house of romance and i believed this accounted for low self-worth because he was forever getting entangled in one-nighters,etc..., but what i found most disconcerting is that he would tell me all the time all that he felt and did, and expected me to support him but still put up with his deceit...

Maybe at the end he would have changed his mind, but it seemed to me not worth the effort. I am also Sun-ruled somehow, because my moon is in Leo and i couldn´´t get round to being second in anything...

So, yes, i would say these people need constant stimuli and are very much ruled by their moods, plus they have a mischief running thru them that is probably hard to understand by other more stability-oriented signs... Also, they are afraid of being tangled up in rships because most often they do not know what they want themselves...

So, best of luck, in my experience talking didnt get me anywhere, maybe i was also part of the problem, too possessive, but i believe they need a lot of freedom and experiences, or other freedom-seeking individuals....

Luck, Marie

Gasp, ur bloke is double gemini, sun and moon if i am looking right.......

posted August 24, 2008 12:42 PM         

ww, yes he does have his sun and moon in Gemini....mercury too. I suppose that makes it a bit more difficult. I am hoping that talking to him helps--but he might be stubborn about the whole situation until he knows what he really wants. Who knows. Is it foolish of me to even try? I have some strong determination and loyalty with my Leo Sun/Taurus Moon 8th/Scorpio Mars 2nd. maybe that's a bad thing, lol!...or maybe it doesn't help that he has both his Venus and Mars in Taurus...

anyway, thank you for your input. I'll just have to see what happens and hope for the best.

posted August 24, 2008 02:32 PM         

I can relate to your partner's inner confusion. Having said that though, I am now in a stable marriage of ten years. It took me quite a few partnerships to figure out what I wanted from my 'life mate', so maybe, unfortunately for you, you are not that 'life mate' person to this guy?

I went through a lot of relationships, had a few on the go at once when i was younger and was in love with the idea of being in love.

It took me lots of 'wrong' relationships to find out what I wanted. I'm fortunate in that I met the right person in the end (my lovely lion, interestingly).

With regards to head vs heart, I don't follow my head. Well sometimes I do; but it's not an over-riding force, iykwim.

Yes, I like to UNDERSTAND my feelings, but I accept that my feelings and my head often are in a lot of conflict with one another. As I've grown older I've learned to listen to my intuition more and trust my gut and heart feelings.

I think us geminis have confusion within our own minds a lot of the time - we can see every side of every story / outcome / situation and then some, so I honestly get that your guy 'Doesn't know' - it's a confusing world in these minds of ours!

One thing I found when I was younger was that I was always concerned about tying myself to one person and 'missing out' on something better. But again, as I have matured I've been fortunate enough to realise that the grass is NOT always greener and that relationships need working at to keep the magic alive.

Also, when I was younger I was looking for a soul mate, someone who would complete who I am, and I had to realise that I am complete as I am..........I think inside every gemini is a person who is seeking their literal 'other half' and only when we realise we are complete can we give of ourselves to another.

Oh, and the talking thing. Often I clam up, because honestly, there just aren't words to describe all the inner feelings and thoughts - it so wouldn't make sense to try and shackle it with words. So give him time to figure things out, but don't put your life on hold in the meantime...........

posted August 24, 2008 03:28 PM         

My Gemini has been through tons of relationships and was never in love with anyone until he met me. I have never wanted to be so open with anyone until I met my Gem. I am very protective of my feelings because I've been hurt so much before. I've never wanted to be anything, but myself with him and that has never happened to me before. Same goes for my Gemini. He told me that he's never had to pretend with me. I stuck by him when he was at the lowest he's ever been. To me, that says something!

So I honestly don't know what to think. I just feel very strongly that I need to follow my insticts. If we ended our relationship, I know it would be a mistake. I just keep wondering and my anxiety is getting the better of me. *sigh*
thanks for anymore help.

posted August 24, 2008 06:21 PM         

Like you, I've also given Mr Gemini a lot of space (but not always felt like he acknowledged or appreciated this), and been supportive and I'm very loyal too; and at three years this is the longest relationship he's been in.

The indecision seems to be a panic response to commitment and giving up their freedom. The best thing is to let him just get over it.

posted August 24, 2008 07:49 PM         

quote:

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The indecision seems to be a panic response to commitment and giving up their freedom.

---

posted August 24, 2008 09:54 PM         

The odd thing is, the whole conflict started with my Gemini because I suggested living on my own--he got really upset and said he was insulted. I told him, if I wanted to experience living on my own, it would be now before we got married. He gave me the silent treatment. When I tried to talk to him and say I'm sorry he told me he was so depressed that he couldn't move and he didn't know what to say.

so a week goes by, he only talks to me through txt messages. When he does talk to me in person, he says he thinks we should separate. So at this point, I am totally bewildered thinking, what is going on?! that's it? why throw it all a way over this? I've thought maybe he wanted to take control of the situation so he wouldn't get hurt. I told him that I want to be with him and we shouldn't give up. I asked him to give me another chance bcause it's not worth it to throw it all away.

So now we are taking a break. We used to talk everyday and now it's totally different. I just hope it all works out. Maybe he is hurt and doesn't know how else to deal with it--other than being alone to figure out his own thoughts. I don't know.
Sorry for rambling. I appreciate everyone's input.

I guess a part of me feels abandoned and the trust that took 4 years to build has been damaged.

*LL

posted August 24, 2008 11:15 PM         

Yeah well my Gemini can be incredibly immature. After it happened the second time (or was it the third, I can't remember now), I pointed out his pattern of behaviour and told him I would NOT go on holiday with him again if he was going to have this reaction every time. Since then, every holiday has been free of that kind of drama. We were having a Venus square composite Uranus transit at those previous times and it was destabilising to say the least.

posted August 24, 2008 11:42 PM         

Then we ask are self if thats what we wanted or do we want something else, then the
situation changes again.

Grandmothermoon,

I was going to say pretty much the same thing.

Lovely Lioness,

Sounds like he might be overreacting a bit, give him some time, he probably realizes
you have worked throught a lot with him and it's hanging in the balance in his mind.

Keep texting so he knows your around, but give him some time and space to make up this
mind, I'm not him so I can't say for certin, but he will most likely decide not to end
it.

GeminiLover,

posted August 25, 2008 08:08 AM         

I think he has been letting a lot of resentment build, never letting me know how he feels about things that bother him. He said he has felt himself slowly detach from the relationship. But I obviously, I still have a hold on him otherwise he would have just dismissed everything and walked away. Which, in my opinion, would be pretty shallow considering what we have gone through up to this point.

One of the hardest parts about this, is I can't talk to him everyday. He's my best friend and I tell him everything. And now, we're re-intrducing ourselves to each other. It is really strange. I am going to give him his space, but I don't want it to be all for nothing. I think he is testing me.

Ttb, thanks for the input...I think you are right, but wondering what will happen is torture!

posted August 25, 2008 11:48 AM         

Any thoughts on the this?

posted August 26, 2008 12:37 AM         

Well lovely lioness, I'm not saying by any means that things are going smoothly - it seems like there are always bumps in the road really. But he just happens to have moved past that particular phase of uncertainty. So I think perhaps, it's almost better not to analyse them - and simply realise that they go through phases that are theirs and theirs only... Well, mine is an Aries 12th house moon though, so he needs alone time to figure things out. With yours being a Gemini moon I suppose this just intensifies the confusion and indecision - I'm not sure if I'm reading the chart right, but it looks like his moon trines Pluto? If so, then he has some extra intensification of his Gemini moon to deal with. Even the trines from Pluto have enough of a kick to make a big difference/added dimension to the personal planet, IMO.

In my mind, there's nothing wrong with each of you taking time for yourselves by living separately for a while, and it doesn't have to affect the relationship. But he obviously feels rejected and hurt by it. My Gemini said a couple of years ago he might want to get his own place - and yes you guessed it, I was the one who felt hurt because I felt like he didn't enjoy living with me and I took it as a personal insult. But these days I'm the one thinking it would be kind of awesome to have my own place just to myself. But really, what lies at the heart of both those instances isn't so much that we needed to live separately - it's really, I think, more of an issue of getting a little more time to ourselves and not being in each other's face all the time. He has Venus in Taurus, so he's likely very loyal to you and maybe he felt a bit destabilised by your suggestion? I just noticed that you have Venus in Cancer, that's a nice pairing with his Venus in Taurus IMO! It seems as though you should be making a home together.

I can relate also to what it must be like with both of your busy schedules. I've been very busy too with my job, which has been stressing me out a lot and the hours I've been working are just stupid. Meanwhile he just started a job where he's working nights a lot (until 6am) and he's always very busy with his music (hey we're both in a relationship with Gemini musicians!) and his genealogy research. So it's weird because I do feel like while we're in each other's face sometimes with domestic-related routine stuff, at the same time we don't get enough quality time together. So if you're in a similar position, maybe you do need to live together and keep yourselves stable and sane by creating a safe and cosy domestic life?? I could be wrong, but I think that me and my Gemini would do better if we could do that (currently we live with flatmates and have barely any time just to ourselves, either personally or as a couple).

posted August 26, 2008 10:44 PM         

GemLover, that is interesting what you said about phases. I think that is very true. Usually once he organizes his thoughts he can make a clear choice. We actually talked on the phone last night and had a good conversation, but I ended up getting all emotional. He kept saying he didn't know. The only thing getting in our way is he doesn't think he'll have a partner when we get married. He thinks all the stress will go on him and he will have to take care of everything. I told him that wasn't true and being on my own was a good way to prove it. Then, he said, "I don't know, we'll see." He says he wants to be with me but doesn't know if it can happen. He told me how much he loves me, how attracted he is to me. How he misses me and things we used to do. Why is he letting his fear take over?

He told me he doesn't feel like there has been any change or growth. He feels like he as in the same plac he was two years ago. Not true at all!!! He's had major changes...his job, his work, his car, his growth as a drummer. He must be really confused! I told him we were both going through a ton of crazy changes all at once right now and it will probably help us be better as a couple.
I think we learn more together than we would apart. I said I love you, he said I love you. And that was it. I felt good about it. I understand more where he's coming from now. And the communication is still open, but I can tell needs space to process everything. Waiting is torture! I just need to keep myself busy, so I don't stress over it so much!!

My intuition is telling me we'll get through it, but I hate the uncertainty.
I've thought about writing him a letter if he wouldn't talk to me, but he keeping the lines of communication open.

...yeah, me telling him I thought of living on my own really shook him up. You know it's funny you mention Cancer/Taurus being a good combo to set up a house together. We are both very domestic homebodies in many ways. We look to cook, stay in, watch movies, play cards...kids have come up a lot with us too.

That's neat that we both are with Gemini musicians. I think we started to take each other for granted and forgot how to have fun together because we don't have time to be together! We used to have a lot of fun, but he went through a really difficult time two years ago and it hasn't been the same since. I don't want him to give up because he is afraid. Anyway, thanks for any more help. I really appreciate hearing other peoples thoughts on Gemini behavior.

Oh! What kind of intensity does the Moon trine Pluto aspect bring? I thought that was a more harmonious aspect?....well, I guess with Pluto there's always going to be a little tension.

posted August 26, 2008 11:49 PM         

Looking at your synastry chart, I noticed that your Gemini man is under or has just completed a Saturn return in the 12th house and Capricorn rules his 5th house of love affairs.

If you haven't already, I would read up on transiting Saturn through the 12th and Saturn returns. It maybe of some help to you and him. Saturn in the 12th can be depressing, a time of fear and of great confusion.

posted August 27, 2008 12:24 PM         

Got Gemini, yes I did live with my Gem for a while, but I didn't have enough money to help with everything so I moved in with my parents (shudder) to save money for us.

He feels like I didn't want to live with him and do my part. I understand why he would feel this way, but that is completely untrue. I didn't have any money and no job so I felt helpless and dependent on him, which I really hate. I want to do this so he knows I am my own independent person who can take care of things when times get rough and help him out when he needs me....through everything. He told me emotionally I am there 110%, but he doesn't know otherwise. He needs to know he can count on me. Now, I don't know what thats going to take because he is so unsure. He needs to SEE progress or he wont believe that I'm capable. I know it will be different because I want to change. We are both unhappy the way things are going and it's good to recognize it now. We can grow and change together by being aware of the problem. It's very frustrating because I just want him to have a little faith...but maybe he can't now, maybe I've ruined everything. *sigh*

Anyway, sorry for the long explaination. I'd love to hear your opinion being that you are a Gemini yourself.

posted August 27, 2008 02:29 PM         

You wanting to move out said many things to him on many levels. Us Gem sun and Mercs are extremely logical in our approach to dealing with situations like these. One plus one NEEDS to add up to two and if it doesn't, then we can quickly see that something is wrong that is not being expressed or said.

If I were him, I'd be thinking along these lines. We are living together, then all of a sudden she wants to move out and she gives me some nonsense about wanting independency and not wanting to be dependant? Yeah right, something else is up. What am I doing to drive her away or what is the outside force that is pulling her away?

Continued.....

posted August 27, 2008 02:38 PM         

I do know though, having had 5 mothers, 2 of whom were a gemini and aquarian.. and l have to say they were cold, unloving and never cuddled or gave me hugs.

posted August 27, 2008 04:24 PM         

I disagree I think you constantly change,,,,growing together or apart. I can't see how getting further away from each other would make things closer. Of course that is just my opinion. Unless it makes you realise just how much you love that person and that you do not want to live without them.

Time will tell, I wish you the best. Gemini's can be flighty and hard to pin down and not open enough to give leo the open hearted love they truly crave. see this leo wants it all, lock stock and barrel. part of you just wont do.