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Author Topic:   Cancers and their Anger
sinderlou
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Registered: Jan 2007

posted August 24, 2008 03:49 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for sinderlou     Edit/Delete Message
The man I have been seeing for 2 years just left sat afternoon for a business seminar that starts this monday. he was meeting up with the other men he works with saturday nite. We have been disagreeing on some things and now he has left on a 7 hour trip and I have not heard from him. I don't know when he is coming back and i don't know if he made the trip ok or what hotel he is in. I can't help to feel worry over this.

One of the last things he said was that i did not understand cancers. that they go into their shell and need their space. I didn't know he would do something like this. i think it is cruel. Am I suppose to be patient because this is a cancer way of things? I don't even feel like we are together and he asked me if i would stop by in a few days to water his plants. He wouldn't give me details on his trip so i told him i doubted i would drive 40 miles to do him that favor.


I keep thinking I am paranoid and that he will cheat on me but he has not been intimate with me. Our sex life is really great but he says he cannot be with me in that way when he is upset. I wanted to be with him to try to make things better but it has been 2 weeks now and he left and may be gone until who knows when. I am so freaked out, i don't even know if he made it ok. it was a 7 hour trip. The actual seminar doesn't start until Monday.

Any recommendations? Is this just a cancer thing? i am starting to feel obsessed about this situation and him. I am seriously wondering if there is something in our charts that is making me feel these strong obsessive emotions because i have never in my life felt this way.

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lalalinda
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From: nevada
Registered: Jun 2005

posted August 24, 2008 04:03 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for lalalinda     Edit/Delete Message
Yes it's a Cancer thing but then Sinderlou you are a Pisces (right? )
Pisces can handle/understand the depth of still water.

I really don't know how to explain it except that they're not happy until you've got the blues too.
(perspective from a fire sign)

It will pass, they don't leave.
You just feel so up in the air about everything.
Everything should be fine when he gets back.

good luck sinderlou

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sinderlou
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posted August 24, 2008 04:48 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for sinderlou     Edit/Delete Message
lalalinda-

thanks so much for taking a minute.

My feelings are so deep for this man and it makes me so vulnerable. I feel like i would go live in a paperbox with him. I never felt like this in all my life and I am no spring chicken!

I think I am really in love and he knows how to manipulate me. But I think there is something really scary about the cruelty of leaving me hanging not knowing if he made it to his destination. He said he forgot his charger but gawd, they are like 10 bucks in walmart?

I keep hearing about the fact that cancers never truely leave but I know for a fact the last girl he dated was a 2 year relationship. She was also a cancer. he dumped her and never looked back. He has a sag moon and I really wonder if that warps the true nature of a cancer sun.

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Natural111
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From: Los Angeles, CA, USA
Registered: Sep 2006

posted August 24, 2008 05:04 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Natural111     Edit/Delete Message
From what you write, it appears that there are some control factors at play here on his part that seems to come from nurturing and not nature. I mean, a man using sex as a way to control you. And then saying give him space because he's a Cancer and needs to go into his shell, oh but please water my flowers.

He sounds like one of those controlling men. Believe me, he's not cheating. He's loving how he's making you feel.

What I'm about to say is easier said than done--I know it because I had to do it go through the process to live by this very question I now ask myself when dealing with men.

You have to ask your self, are you worth more to yourself, than to allow yourself to feel as powerless as he's making you feel. As, unhappy as he's making you feel. There's no powerless party when love is truly involved. Him or you. When it's love. Or, even "like".

As your riding out this relationship just be aware of how you're feeling every step of the and keep asking yourself am I comfortable with is, and DO NOT allow him put the blame on how you're feeling on YOU. Controlling men like to do that because they hide from their own character.

Look... desire sex with someone who totally wants to have you...Don't remember how good it was. It can be good with someone else who wants you body and soul. Believe me, I know. Hey--you're not married to him!

He can water his own plants!

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sinderlou
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posted August 24, 2008 05:22 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for sinderlou     Edit/Delete Message
wow, thanks for what you have written natural!

This is really giving me another angle to look at. I never saw him as controlling me before. i guess its differnt when you are the actor and not the spectator here.

Come to think of it, he says I try to control him and that women have a natural advantage over men just because they are women.

at this time, i have still not heard from him. I checked on line and see he has not been on there. i am going to assume he is alive and well since it will drive me crazy to think something happened and our last words were filled with tension.

I am just sitting here going back and forth wondering if i should go get my things or leave them there.

Bottom line is after 2 years of dating and me staying at his place 2-4 nites a week, he should know what he wants from me.

maybe if i talk with him about this power issue that has been brought up, it will help resolve some problems.

Another thing that comes to mind is that he does not get along with his mother at all. he has not spoken to her in years. Not a holiday, nothing. I have read that cancers that have issues with their mothers can have issues with there girlfriends/wifes.

Can anyone else help shed some light? i am just trying to understand this man.

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alvarella777
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Posts: 504
From: Europe
Registered: Jun 2007

posted August 24, 2008 06:04 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for alvarella777     Edit/Delete Message
Hey Sinderlou, I happen to be a Cancer-Sun as well - and Cancer-Mars - AND Sagittarius Moon (like your guy).

When I read your story, how he behaves, that instantly rang a bell with me. I feel bad to see (read) how you are feeling now ... because sometimes I may behave in the same way as this guy does ... and I really don't mean no harm by acting this way! But I do know that a certain degree of ... say: evasiveness or erratic behaviour can irritate or frustrate other people very much.
Whenever I learn this, I regret my - maybe "self-centered" - ways...

Honestly: I don't think that this guy is "manipulating" or "controlling" you deliberately - maybe this is rather your own perception. I mean: That you FEEL manipulated/overpowered.

But I honestly think that a Sag-Moon is very (!) far away from "manipulation" or: "doing things behind your back". This would be the opposite of Sag-Moon's nature. This is straightforwardness, in this sign.

You surely do know that the Moon is Cancer's ruling planet ... So the Sag-Moon is a very important factor in that Cancer-guys's astrological line-up - it's his "personal ruler".

Since I have that strange water-fire-combo myself, I pondered a lot about its impact. I described it in another thread already: FREEDOM and TRUTH and SINCERITY are extremely important to these types. They even can act "righteous" sometimes.

And ... there might be a certain degree of "naivité" to it - I mean: I tend to act self-centered sometimes - but I never do mean any harm, I do this with a very naive approach. I just NEED to detach myself from people or places sometimes - so that I can be stronger/better afterwards again - to gain strength again.

Yes - Cancer/Sags might seem "demanding" as far as respect goes: I mean: Respect for their need to be independent. They feel caged in and hampered very quickly.

Moon stands for most personal emotions and the way one nurtures other people or wants to be nurtured - which is especially true for Cancers (since Moon is extrastrong with this emotional Sun-sign). Having the Moon in Sagittarius this means: People like these are pretty independent - and definitely do need a lot of space to work through their inner processes. They feel nurtured if they are granted their "free time" - and they nurture you by spurring you on to be your most authentic self, always. The Sagittarius-streak takes away a lot of the clingyness often claimed as "typical" for Cancers.

They really crave to be respected, they need a lot of fresh air to breathe and sometimes they just need to get away - and don't want to hear or read a thing from "back home". This is necessary for them to reload their (inner/emotional) batteries. "Home" is important for Cancer - with Moon, the ruling planet in Cancer, "gettin away from time to time" feels like "being home". They are at home in the world.

And they expect you to be independent as well. They crave equality in a partner. They want you to be the best you can be - on your own, as well as with them. That's a way to make them feel safe: When you can be whole on your own, just as good as when being with them.

Of course, Sag is a fire sign. But, other than Leo or Aries, they are fiery in a more cerebral way. I don't think he'll "cheat" on you.

He really "doesn't mean it" ... as far as I would rate his behaviour from experience with my own behaviour.

Yes - Cancers are demanding. AND they are cardinal - really the "doing" type, full of action. Now combine this with the fiery and freedom loving Sagittarius ... And you get it.

"Freedom" does not at all mean promiscuity! More like "if you can leave me alone for a while and make my experiences and let me live full scale ... then I know that you love me, then I feel safe and happy with you."

Hope this helps.

Despite of all the prejudices concerning "clingy" Cancer: These Cancer-Sag-types are quickly turned off by clingyness and by emotional black-mail. They admire courage and adventurousness - and be it only mantal courage and adventurousness.

They mean what they say - and they can be pretty righteous or even stubborn with that, and not very patient...

Hope this helps.
Trust him.

Types like these are NO pretenders at all, they've got the foot-in-mouth-disease, and if he ever wanted to "get rid off you", he wouldn't be able to help, but TELL YOU right away, because he couldn't stand to "pretend".

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sinderlou
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posted August 24, 2008 06:24 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for sinderlou     Edit/Delete Message
alvarella777

thank you thank you.

I am sitting here going crazy and you have given me real insite from a personal perspective.


I am so glad that you were able to explain the the can/sun + sag/moon.

it is such a contradiction . i say to him that i think he is 2 people sometimes.

so right now he is in washington dc with a bunch of 20 something 30 something single guys from work and you think I shouldn't worry? I hope you are right.

He and i haven;t been intimate in over 2 weeks and i have tried to be close to him but he says he is mad and when he is upset he can't be intimate. this is another thing that I have never experienced from a guy before.

any other guy would gladly want to try to forgive for a little tlc but he will not. he is as cold as a fish. that is another reason i am thinking he may cheat on me in washington.

a few of my friends say washington dc is a party town and the women are pretty loose with lots of strip bars and stuff. I just am thinking geez thanks for telling me that, now i know for sure is popping bills down somebodys g-string.

Add on the fact I have not even gotten a text mess saying where he is or that he made it. I have not heard anything. don't know when he is coming back either.

I can see where a person wants their freedom but I think he has gone too far because he knows that i will worry. He said he forgot his phone charger and that is lame. I have been thinking this a round about way to end the relationship my pushing me to my absolute limit.

he refused to tell me anything and keep this trip a secret then expected me to water his plants???

I really see this trait as being really cruel. its like he wants to cause the utmost pain in me or he just doesn't give a rats a$$.

But if i understand correctly, you saying that this is really love on his part since he would be direct and say it is over?

You see, when i read about cancers it says they stick around too long and they are far too kind to say things to hurt anothers feelings. that is why i think he is deliberately doing things to test me and hurt me so i am the one to walk away. (thats typical cancer right/) but the sag would be direct?

What I want to know is this: Is he not phoning me because he just wants to be free or is he just wanting to hurt me and make me worry? This is important for me because I do not know if I could stand many more of these episodes if it is being done out of cruelty and inconsiderateness.

It would wreck me to deal with this on an ongoing basis.


ps - for alvarella777---what is your asc?

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26taurus
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Registered: Jun 2004

posted August 24, 2008 07:39 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for 26taurus     Edit/Delete Message
A Cancer guy I used to work with recently would get very jealous even angry when guys would flirt with me or hit on me. They were all a-holes to him. LOL

They are VERY protective when they care for you. Even when you arent their girlfriend. lol

My DC is in Cancer....don't think that has anything to do with it though.

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sinderlou
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posted August 24, 2008 07:54 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for sinderlou     Edit/Delete Message
I have heard about he cancer jealousy but i have never seen him jealous. Maybe it is because the sag moon is there.

i really think the sag moon with a cancer sun really changes the idea of what the norm is for cancer.

he does not fit the bill as a normal cancer does.

if he did, I probably wouldnt be writing about him all the time and trying to figure this man out

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alvarella777
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Posts: 504
From: Europe
Registered: Jun 2007

posted August 25, 2008 11:13 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for alvarella777     Edit/Delete Message
Hey Sinderlou - I totally sympathize with your worries. I really get the feeling that this guy isn't treating you 100% right - even though I share that Sun-Moon-Combo with him.

Still I think that he won't necessarily "cheat on you" - just an instinct. Of course I cannot give any guarantee, much depends on his Mars, Venus, Eros and other factors of course.

You asked about my ASC: It is Scorpio. Coupled whith my Mars in 8th and Mars sextiled Pluto and Mars sextiled ASC, and Vertex in sexy 8th, and P.o. Fortune in fiery Aries in romantic/fun loving 5th ... AND freewheeling Sag-Moon in 1st ... I should be a person who is a hell of a cheater - right? Always interested in sexy adventures ... BUT I AM NOT - just to give you some re-assurance in that regard.

Believe it or not: Even if I've been cheated on ... I never even "took revenge" for that, despite the fact that I had possbilities for doing so.

How can I explain: I guess it is the Sag-Moon-factor: This is really quite a moral/ethical sign ... and not SO easy to sway. Yes - Sag-Moon CAN be very flirty (so am I, even when I am inside a relationship) - but it is quite innocent, more verbal. It takes a looooon way to convince my kind to get physical - if my heart or mind is still engaged somewhere else.

For a Sag-Moon having sex with someone or experience "lusty" emotions .. it would have to "make sense" to them in a way. Difficult to explain. Or let me put it this way: Sag-Moons maybe don't feel very "sexy" themselves, as long as there is still some bonding with another person ...

They CAN take the wild ride and have sex with strangers spontaneously (I did, in several phases of my life - but only when single, when feeling really "free"). They are very, very fond of principles and a certain amount of (mental/emotional) order - and since there is still that(vulnerable and protective) Cancerian heart of that guy ... I don't think that he'd commit any foolhardiness that would severely damage your relationship - he'd tell you in advance, if he did so. This would hurt as well - GOSH - yes, this CAN hurt, such an announcemnt could come as a total surprise to you ... (I did this: I told some ex-bf of mine, very bluntly: "I guess I need to make some new experiences, the fire is out, I'm gonna leave you" - yes, and this might have been very rude. But from my point of view at that time ... It just was plainly honest.) But he would NOT do things behind your back and hide them, like: Come back home and pretend "nothing had happened"... Not Cancer-Sun/Sag-Moon-style! IF something happened or: is on his agenda ... he'd blur it out. Even BEFORE he did something "nasty" at all..., maybe.

Don't know. He's a man of course, I don't know.

Concerning "unfaithfulness": Don't want to frighten you further (the opposite is true!;-), but ... one of the surest signs of a potential for promiscuity is Jupiter in stressful aspect to Venus in a natal chart. And .... maybe also Neptune in stressful aspect to Sun/Mercury. This is my very subjective experience.

And one more thought: If all of this doesn't feel too good for you ... Listen closely to your heart, what this tells you about your overall relationship ... I don#t like it, when somebody does this to me: give me "the silent treatment".

This is not respectful, from a certain degree onwards.

All the best to you, in any case! ;-)


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