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Author Topic:   Messed up love life
Astra
Knowflake

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posted September 03, 2008 06:01 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Astra     Edit/Delete Message
I don't know what it is, but I always end up getting stalked by any guy I date. On the first date, they seem perfectly normal. But by the third date, they're completely obsessed by me and follow my every move. These creepy guys I dated were all from college and were physics or chemistry majors. They were all very intelligent, quiet with a good sense of humor. It's just really creepy. What in my chart is causing all of these super clingy and stalker-like guys to enter my love life?

Here is my chart:

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Kick It
Knowflake

Posts: 1032
From: Leeds
Registered: May 2008

posted September 03, 2008 06:09 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Kick It     Edit/Delete Message
A better question is why do you pick them?
Physics or chemistry majors? All of them?

I was having a look at stalker type stuff and Pluto was the obvious part that came to mind, but somehow managed to work it out as Neptune, due to the wording of the description.
People you date is 5th house. You got Taurus there, with its ruler Venus opposite Pluto and square Moon. Thats seems the likely place to look.
Although, Capricorns are said to be not very trusting of blokes, so do you think it is possible that you have overreacted?

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Kick It
Knowflake

Posts: 1032
From: Leeds
Registered: May 2008

posted September 03, 2008 06:27 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Kick It     Edit/Delete Message
Clingy is a word attributed to (negative) aspects of Cancer. You got Cancer on the 7th, so maybe why you attract them...possibly as partners. Best of luck!

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CoralFrequency
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posted September 03, 2008 06:40 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for CoralFrequency     Edit/Delete Message
Gotta watch those physics/chemistry einstein boys. You never know when they'll disect you and pick you apart to find out if you *really* like them.. only to realize they've murdered you in the process. *oops* it's all in the name of research! lol

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CoralFrequency
Knowflake

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posted September 03, 2008 06:42 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for CoralFrequency     Edit/Delete Message
On an astrological note, yes Cancers are big on physics. All watery men I know are.

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Astra
Knowflake

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posted September 03, 2008 07:16 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Astra     Edit/Delete Message
Kick it:

I didn't go out and pick them; they picked me. I was a biology major with a minor in chemistry, so we all had similar classes.

These guys were definitely stalkers or on their way to becoming one. One of them called me at 3 in the morning to say that he really missed me despite the fact that we had just eaten dinner the night before. I also had told him that I a very important exam the next day so that I did not want to talk to anyone (including him) except if it was an emergency. I hardly think calling someone at 3am just because you miss them is an emergency.

Another guy had a freakin shrine dedicated to me! My friend told me she saw something that looked like a shrine at his apartment while she was returning a textbook. At first, I thought she was kidding or perhaps mistaken, but when I dropped off some food for him, I saw the shrine. There were so many pictures of me and I don't even know how he got those pictures since I don't post any of my photos online and I immediately delete all pictures from my camera after printing the pictures.

Another guy broke into my apartment. When I returned home after a late class, he snuck up behind me and said in a really creepy voice, "Guess who?"

Another guy proposed marriage on our second date and was surprisingly serious....

CoralFrequency:

Lol. I will never date another chemistry or physics major as long as I live. It's such a pity because I really love physics and chemistry and it's nice to talk about these subjects with someone else.

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CoralFrequency
Knowflake

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posted September 03, 2008 10:01 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for CoralFrequency     Edit/Delete Message
That's seriously creepy.

I wonder why.. hmm you must be a psycho magnet.

If they do bother you in the future, I suggest clearly telling them to stay away from you.

I'd go as far as talking to the police about it if incidents like that were repeated, where someone breaks into your apartment. That's just messed up.

My Venus is exactly conjunct yours, although I think I'm born the year after (because my Taurus NN conjuncts it as well, whereas your NN is further in Taurus).. but I still have the Venus/Pluto opposition. Astrologically that aspect can attract Plutonian/obssessive types. I've had similar experiences but nothing THAT invasive.

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librasunleomoon
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posted September 03, 2008 10:24 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for librasunleomoon     Edit/Delete Message
Venus opposition Pluto is practically the definition of psycho magnet

I have read that the key to this is learning to get a good grip on its strong energy and focus on high standards for relationships

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Astra
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posted September 03, 2008 10:46 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Astra     Edit/Delete Message
I have two sets of standards that a guy must meet in order for me to have a long-term relationship with him: the first is a preliminary set of standards, which are more basic and superficial. Basically, I demand that the guy be intelligent, educated, physically attractive, easygoing and have a good sense of humor. All of the aforementioned creepy guys met these preliminary standards on the first date.

Once a guy meets my preliminary standards (I really sound like a snob!) and after I get to know him a bit, I check to see if he measures up to my next set of standards, which goes more in depth and focuses more on the deeper aspects of their personality, their interests and whether or not there is something there besides just a physical attraction. So far I haven't met a guy that meets these second set of standards.

My friends say that I'm far too picky, but can you blame me for being a little choosy especially considering the type of guys I run into? I think I'll have to add one more requirement for my preliminary set of standards: guy must be declared perfectly sane by a licensed psychologist and present a document proving their sanity.

The problem is that initially these guys are able to meet my preliminary standards. However, I can't really tell if a guy meets all of my standards for a long term relationship until I know a bit more about him.

I just looked at astro.com and apparently I have a T-square involving the moon, venus and pluto. I assume that isn't good...

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astroleolady
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Posts: 442
From: In the ęther
Registered: Mar 2006

posted September 04, 2008 01:21 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for astroleolady     Edit/Delete Message
Obsession is ruled by Neptune, the 12th house, Pluto, and the 8th house. You have your 7th house ruler, the Moon, square to an elevated Pluto on the MC. The 5th house ruler, Venus (the lover or partner) is opposite Pluto. The ruler of the 8th house, the Sun, is in the 5th house. The Sun (men in general) is opposite Uranus, which can indicate the men in your life are unusual, erratic, and upsetting. Mars (men in their 20's) is opposed by Neptune in the 12th house.

Scientists are ruled by Uranus and Jupiter. Also, the 9th house, Mercury, Virgo, and Saturn can play roles. You have Sun (men) opposite Uranus and Sun trine Jupiter (humour). Your 9th house ruler, Mercury, is in your 5th house of love affairs and is conjunct your Sun (8th house ruler) and opposed by Uranus.

Yes, you do have a T-Square with a Venus/Pluto opposition and a focal point in the 1st house, the Moon, which is ruler of the 7th house. That doesn't have to be a negative, if you find the right person to compliment the energies in your chart. Having been what you have been through in the past, I don't blame you for being choosy about potential suitors. That's a very wise move. Best of luck to you.

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blue moon
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From: U.K
Registered: Dec 2007

posted September 04, 2008 02:23 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for blue moon     Edit/Delete Message
Perhaps librasunleomoon scanned the post and chart and honed in on Venus OPP Pluto?

If s/he did that makes us two, because that one stood out. There is probably more too it, but that is a clanging bell.

On a second glance I'm also drawn in to the Mars/Neptune Opposition. Neptune is powerful there in it's own house.

Being on close terms with a Mars/Neptune person, I can pass on his comments that this is an aspect that gets easier with time. But it does seem like there have been more than one relationship where he has been the victim of deception, and maybe has not helped himself by being a little impulsive and naive.

This may not be like you, but I think maybe reflecting on this aspect and how it effects your life might be helpful, possibly. I do it on the negative aspects of my chart, sometimes the oppositions are the hardest ones ~ I think, what is that all about? Where Neptune is involved, clouding the issue, it can be tricky.

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blue moon
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posted September 04, 2008 02:50 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for blue moon     Edit/Delete Message
quote:
One of them called me at 3 in the morning to say that he really missed me despite the fact that we had just eaten dinner the night before. I also had told him that I a very important exam the next day so that I did not want to talk to anyone (including him) except if it was an emergency.

You are a very reasonable person.

I think your reponse here is reflecting the Moon in Capricorn. It's your instinctive response on being woken up. Your inherent calmness and rationale has the capacity to defuse unpleasant situations. But I think, here, you could have sent a stronger message of disapproval.

So this makes me think on the T-Square. I'll have to think about it for a while but with the Moon being at the apex, we are heading somewhere down this route.

Just a suggestion, but adjusting your preliminary standards might be something to consider. There must be some possible way of doing this so that you can filter out at the first hurdle men who have a potential to become stalkers. Right now it reads like you are filtering out men who don't look handsome discussing physics. Maybe that could be secondary? Just a question, a suggestion, it's not for me to say.

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amowls
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From: Richmond, VA USA
Registered: Dec 2007

posted September 04, 2008 03:17 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for amowls     Edit/Delete Message
DSC in Cancer, Venus opposite Pluto.

Plus your Sun is in Gemini, a sign that does not like clinginess in the least, so you may view any action as "stalkerish." Those guys may not be inherently stalkery, but you view them as that.

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23
Knowflake

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From: Outside, to watch the nightfall in the rain
Registered: Aug 2006

posted September 04, 2008 03:30 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for 23     Edit/Delete Message
A lot of chemists and physicists usually have one bit of pluto in them and a lot of them have a cap element too. And speaking from experience, most of them are freaky like you say It's not nice but its the truth. A friend of mine also had a similar problem and she was picking up some wierd chemistry students herself, one cornered her in a lab after her prac and pretty much professed undying love to her which she had no idea about. She is Cancer sun in 7th conj saturn, Cancer DC. Luckily she escaped and got with an engineer.

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Kick It
Knowflake

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From: Leeds
Registered: May 2008

posted September 04, 2008 06:11 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Kick It     Edit/Delete Message
Astra, you choose to go out on a date with them. Which means you choose them. Just like they choose you.
Im afraid I might have to stop this thread as I might run into another one of those too obvious but dont seem to get it arguments.
You pick them!

I am right. I am always right. Bow to my greatness. Thank you!

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Lucia23
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posted September 04, 2008 07:19 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lucia23     Edit/Delete Message
Astra, I have a couple of non-astrological observations.

It sounds like (from you list of criteria but also just your way of writing about this) you are enormously Serious about relationships before you even start them. Now, I'm someone who doesn't believe it's even possible to be too picky, so that's not the problem. But it sounds like, instead of organically and open-mindedly exploring a wide variety of different kinds of relationships and friendships and letting them evolve day by day, it's very clear to men from the get-go that you're in search of a Relationship-with-a-capital-R.

More laid-back men who are able to get to know you as a person, rather than fit you into a creepy fantasy slot--the very men who are most actually compatible with your charming 5th House Gemini self--will pick up on that crazy-serious weightiness to what you're looking for, and feel dispirited and bummed out by it. Crazy creepy stalkers who are looking for an instant Relationship-with-a-capital-R will be overjoyed. (A disproportunate number of cute science guys fall into this category, sadly, because a lot of them were too busy achieving academically to experiment in high school with rebellious activities or have sex with pretty girls...I know this is a horrible stereotype, but in my experience there's truth to it--so you get these guys whose experience with real girls is very limited and who have built up a lot of fantasies.)

Remember that the ascendent governs how we start things...how we express ourselves in new relationships and new situations. With your double-Capricorn whammy, I think you might be putting out a vibe on your first few dates that is actually not very true to your deeper romantic nature...which is all mutable Gemini and fiery Aries Venus and doesn't give a rat's ass about Capricornian issues like the preliminary standards a guy initially meets, and likes to be excited and turned on and have fun and live in the moment. (And also adores people who can have long, deep, witty talks about physics and chemistry.)

My solution for you would be to enjoy a wider variety of deep, platonic friendships with straight men...and after you know them deeply and well, either hook up with them (if you've fallen in love by then), or date their friends. Guy friends you love will hang out with cool, trustworthy men to date, so you'll have a bit of a preview of whether they can meet your second set of standards. Then, if things don't work out, you'll have a new lovely friend to talk shop with...instead of a psycho with a shrine.

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blue moon
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posted September 04, 2008 07:33 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for blue moon     Edit/Delete Message
There is no need for me to dissect the T-Square after Lucia's excellent post.

I will only add, as an apex to the T-Square, the Moon expresses how you can run into trouble romantically. As discussed above, maybe a more forthright way of turning down suitors you are not interested in would eliminate some of your problems.

Using your T-Square to your advantage might help. You sound calm and unflappable, the kind of person who would cope well with working in the emergency services and/or dealing with distraught and potentially violent people. Finding an avenue to express this tendency in your nature that doesn't disrupt your personal life too much might help you.

Just a suggestion. I have two challenging t-square myself, and have over the years have tried to work with them to put my energies into more productive avenues both creatively as a private individual and in my professional life. I've tried. My success has been variable.

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Kick It
Knowflake

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From: Leeds
Registered: May 2008

posted September 04, 2008 08:13 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Kick It     Edit/Delete Message
Top post Lucia!

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Kick It
Knowflake

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From: Leeds
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posted September 04, 2008 08:15 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Kick It     Edit/Delete Message
Top post Lucia!

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Kick It
Knowflake

Posts: 1032
From: Leeds
Registered: May 2008

posted September 04, 2008 08:56 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Kick It     Edit/Delete Message
I like this conversation because I had two stalkers recently.
I was meeting a friend for the first time and we travelled back to his city on a train.
I found a lass sitting on her own the seat opposite and took an instant dislike to her. I think I growled or hissed like a cat. Now if someone did that, you might think them a bit nutty....anyway.... I go on holiday to China a few months later and find this same person wanting to meet up with me. I spent the next two weeks with this person and her mate. Everything I did, they wanted to do. I wanted to go to a place, they did. I then decided I wanted to not go to that place, they the same.
Talk about clingy!
To say she was manipulative is an understatement.

I didnt like her on first sight and I was correct in my assumption of her.

Then, I was talking to someone online for quite a while who seemed ok. I was coming back from the same friends house as before when she turns up on the train. This was a few months back. She had somehow reserved a seat next to me, got on and got off at the same places as me!
I only noticed her when she started a converstaion at the exit door and I recognised her.
Its like she went into my email and found my travel details as that is the only way she would have known.
It cant have been coincidence because she apparently lived in another country.

To tie in in with your stalking thing, do you not get a reaction from them, when you initially meet?
I got that with both and it wasnt good.

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Astra
Knowflake

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posted September 04, 2008 12:20 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Astra     Edit/Delete Message
First, thank you to everyone who responded!
Lucia:

Yes, you are absolutely right that I am serious about relationships. My parents had a very terrible relationship and it didn't help that my father was a very cruel man. As a result, I'm inherently mistrustful in romantic relationships This is not to say I'm mistrustful of men in general. I have many guy friends who are absolutely wonderful; they're incredibly loyal, sweet and smart. I've even known some of them since I was five years old! So why do I not date any of them? Because the physical attraction isn't there. Perhaps I sound superficial, but in order for me to have a romantic relationship with someone, then not only do I have to like their personality, but I also must be physically attracted to them. When choosing friends, I don't care at all about physical appearance--ugly or handsome makes no difference to me. Only their personality matters.

Some of these creepy guys I've dated are friends (not close friends, but friends nonetheless) of my guy friends. Around my guy friends and the general population, these creepy guys behave normally and are even charming. When I've been around my guy friends, these creepy guys behaved normally around me. They seem okay when they're in a group, but when it's just the two of us (after the first date), then they start showing off their psychotic sides. I've noticed a lot (but not all) of people let their guard down around me and some of them even blurt out their darkest secrets to me without me saying one word to them.

But like you said, I'll try to be a little bit less serious with relationships. I can't change overnight, but I'll try to improve a little bit each day. Thanks for the advice! [smile]

blue moon:

quote:
You are a very reasonable person.
I think your reponse here is reflecting the Moon in Capricorn. It's your instinctive response on being woken up. Your inherent calmness and rationale has the capacity to defuse unpleasant situations. But I think, here, you could have sent a stronger message of disapproval.

Well, I don't think my post was very clear. I meant to say that when I had dinner with this guy the previous night, I told him to only call if it was an emergency because I had an exam and did not want to be bothered by anyone including him, so my telling him to call only if there was an emergency wasn't my response to him calling me at 3am.
My response to his calling me at the horrible hour was that I no longer wanted to date him. I confess that I didn't yell at him, but I bluntly said that he crossed the line and I didn't want to date him anymore.
You are right though that I can stay really calm in intense situations, though I probably seem a little bit cold since I have a poker face most of the time. Most people can't guess what I'm thinking.

amowls:
I wish what you said was true, but sadly these guys are stalkerish. I have some female friends who are occasionally clingy, but I would definitely not consider their behavior stalkerish, so I can tell the difference between a clingy/needy person and one who is a stalker. These guys went way past being clingy.
You are right that being a Gemini, I don't like to be around clingy people. I don't mind people who have a clingy aspect to their personality, but when someone has a personality that is dominated by their clinginess, then that's when I head for the hills! Lol.

23:
That must've been scary for your friend! Yeah, some of the science students are a bit clueless when it comes to relationships. Lol.

Kick it:
What I mean by "choose" is that I don't actively pursue a guy; these guys pursue me. Having someone go up to you, ask you out on a date while all you have to do is say "yes" or "no" shows that you are playing the passive role. But it is true that I said "yes." They passed my preliminary standards, so I saw no reason at this point to say "no."

quote:
Then, I was talking to someone online for quite a while who seemed ok. I was coming back from the same friends house as before when she turns up on the train. This was a few months back. She had somehow reserved a seat next to me, got on and got off at the same places as me!
I only noticed her when she started a converstaion at the exit door and I recognised her.
Its like she went into my email and found my travel details as that is the only way she would have known.
It cant have been coincidence because she apparently lived in another country.

Whoa...that's really creepy! I swear some people really need to find less invasive ways of expressing their interest in others.
I have a really hard time trusting my gut intuition because I like to have facts or something tangible before making a decision about anything. I'm well aware that not all decisions in life can be based in cold, hard facts and logic. Sometimes your gut instinct can be a far better guide than logic. Because I tend to ignore my instinct most of the time, I didn't pick up anything on these guys. There are times, however, when my instinct about someone is just too strong and I'm unable to ignore it. Gradually, I'm trying to get myself to actually listen to and trust my gut instinct, but so far it's proving to be quite a challenge!

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Astra
Knowflake

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From:
Registered: May 2007

posted September 04, 2008 03:50 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Astra     Edit/Delete Message
Double post...sorry

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