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Author Topic:   Rejection central
Lucia23
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posted September 05, 2008 10:40 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lucia23     Edit/Delete Message
Everyone--I went through my whole life having great luck romantically--and now, over the past year or so (after ending a long-term relationship), I've been rejected FOUR TIMES. It's hard on a Lioness.

Does anyone have suggestions about how to get through this next stage? What do you see in my chart?

Lucia, born 8/14/1974, Cleveland, Ohio,USA 5:50 pm.

(I can't figure out how to post the chart...could someone please post it?)

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deuxantares
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posted September 05, 2008 10:42 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for deuxantares     Edit/Delete Message

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Lucia23
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posted September 05, 2008 10:50 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lucia23     Edit/Delete Message
Thanks, deuxantares!!

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blue moon
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posted September 05, 2008 11:21 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for blue moon     Edit/Delete Message
The Pluto effect? He's Inconjunct your Venus.

His reversal back into Sag has caused agonies for a few Lindalanders. Maybe things will ease up a bit for you when he shifts into gear back into Cap at the end of November.

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Lucia23
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posted September 05, 2008 02:00 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lucia23     Edit/Delete Message
That would be nice, blue moon!

I just keep finding myself shocked and disappointed lately. I've been wondering how to get to the point of feeling okay about everything. For a while a month or so ago, I was happy being on my own. (First time in my life I've been single since I was a young teenager.) But then I got together with a guy and I thought we both really liked each other, and now I'm unhappy/lonely again.

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CoralFrequency
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posted September 06, 2008 01:30 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for CoralFrequency     Edit/Delete Message
The only reason you were not rejected for that many years is because, as you mentioned on other threads - you were married and not looking.

Everyone gets rejected. It's not that unusual (nor should it be painful because it's only normal that this happens sometimes). I really don't think this has to do as much with looks and attractiveness as it does with - whether or not the person thinks they click with you or whether they can see themselves with you.


What one individual finds attractive/beautiful is different to what another would find attractive. So looks are not something to go by. I know many guys who are put off by certain girls who are seen as typically "beautiful" - because personality wise they leave them cold.. while I'm sure there are other guys out there who would find those girls appealing.

It's all in the personality match and the chemistry between two people rather than general looks/attractiveness. So it really says nothing important about YOU - if you're rejected. It just says that you're not that person's cup of tea. I'm sure you're great as you are and there are others who would like you.

(I'm mentioning this because you said on a different thread that it made you question your attractiveness)

Maybe it's the Cancer placements getting extra affected by this. I actually think Leo as a sign is usually quite thick skinned, even though they tend to have a large ego.. but Cancer placements can feel uncared for easily. Cancer is probably the most sensitive sign when it comes to these things.

Try not to take things to heart so much and maybe discriminate more in your choice of a partner before you fall in love/like. If this is just about dating (other than the Scorpio dude).. like guys didn't call back and stopped dating you - then a question is, where do you meet them? and did you REALLY have anything at all in common with them?

You may be trying too hard to be with someone at the moment. I don't think the average person would get rejected 4 times in a row simply because they wouldn't fall in love/like 4 times in a row and lay things out there. I think you're rushing into things and picking the wrong people.

Give yourself some time to get to know someone, find out if you actually have things in common and whether they're your sort of person and then see whether they feel the same.

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Lucia23
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posted September 06, 2008 12:08 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lucia23     Edit/Delete Message
Hi Coral!

The problem is just that there's a huge disconnect between what I THINK is going on and what's actually going on with these guys.

I dated for SEVEN years before getting into a committed relationship with my ex. I do think that when you are an attractive teenager, you are received differently than when you're a nice woman in your thirties. I got a LOT of attention then, all the time. The reason, looking back on it, that the thing with the Scorpio made me question my attractiveness was really that he acted just exactly, EXACTLY like all those teenage boys who had desperate crushes on me but were too scared to do anything about it, but would then come out and confess their feelings. And I was reading his signals wrong because I had all that past experience of being perceived that way (when my ex met me when I was 18, he said his first thought was that he would never have a woman that beautiful.) I was used to guys having to adjust around intimidation. As a much more ordinary-looking thirtysomething, I AM perceived differently. Which, in the end, is just fine...it just made it even harder for me to understand the Scorpio's signals. I mean, I really believed he was deeply infatuated with me, and scared to act! And I'm a bright and intuitive person, accustomed to my perceptions of things being spot-on, so it was very disorienting.

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Lucia23
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posted September 06, 2008 12:36 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lucia23     Edit/Delete Message
I haven't fallen for anyone hard since the Scorpio...I just keep being shocked and uncomfortable and confused because I clearly am not on the same page as men I meet, I don't understand how this stuff works, and I am usually very used to being able to trust my perceptions.

I'm not looking for a relationship right now, but I want to hang out with and make out with people I like and am attracted to who are not my ex-boyfriend, and have some fun.

So, I agreed to go out with a Capricorn I met at a party. We shared a sense of humor and I was attracted to him, and he acted like he was very attracted to me. We went on FOUR dates and I couldn't get him to touch me. I'm not someone who makes a first move that way, but like all Leo women I know how to send signals. We "drifted,' (well, HE did) and then I learned (in a weird coincidence) that he had gone out with a woman I know a couple of years ago, before we met. She is ten years younger than I am, and apparently he was very sexually aggressive with her. I don't understand why he didn't want to make out with me before "drifting", but, whatever.

Then I started hanging out with a Scorpio I had collaborated on creative work with. We developed an intense friendship, quickly, and at this point I think I was more blatent about my attraction, or at least we are naturally more touchy with each other. We hung out day and night for weeks (including him sleeping in my spare room), and we went to movies, plays, restaurants and parties, and he also NEVER made a move. (We stopped hanging out for a bit, I think out of sexual frustration, but we're still friends.) But, why did HE never want to make out with me??? We went to a party recently and everyone assumed we were together. Anyway, he's beautiful and I like his friendship.

This latest situation--a Gemini I've known casually for two years, and I thought there had always been an attraction between us. We started talking more and hanging out, and then we hooked up, which--FINALLY! He's the first person to kiss me other than my ex in over a decade. He said, "I really like you," and "I've been wanting to do that every time I saw you for two years," and "I really want to see you again." And then he emailed me that he wanted to get together, and asked me what my schedule was like...and I told him when was good for me, and he wrote back a nice, cute, friendly email...

And then on the day we were supposed to hang out, he texted me, "Mind if we cancel tonight?" And then he never got in touch with me again.

Before that he was always very cool and polite. Anyway, I thought that he really wanted to hang out and that we liked each other.

In each of these cases, I have a wrong idea of what's going on...these guys have all seemed really into me, and it turns out they really aren't.

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Lucia23
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posted September 06, 2008 12:41 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lucia23     Edit/Delete Message
Anyway, I just really want to make out with someone beautiful, and be touched, and have that in my life! It seems like so many people have that...and I've never felt before like it wasn't an option.

And, yeah, lots of people don't click with each other enough to have a grand passion that lasts 15 years. But I'm not used to people not wanting to hang out with me when they have the chance. It's a big change. I would expect there to be two or three cool guys really into me.

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Lucia23
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posted September 06, 2008 12:41 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lucia23     Edit/Delete Message
Oops, double post.

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Unmoved
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posted September 06, 2008 01:32 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Unmoved     Edit/Delete Message
I'm sorry you feel badly about this. It does sting being rejected but there is good that comes out from it, i.e. The more you get rejected, the less you feel it's sting. And like in sales, when a customer turns you down, it is usually because they don't need the product not that the product is bad. Don't take it personally. Their rejection had to do with their needs, not because you lack anything in particular.

I get rejected all the time. not just in my personal life but in my career too. So, you're not alone. In fact, you're part of a brave club that is courageous enough to put themselves in a position to be rejected. It takes bravery to open yourself up to that level so be proud that you are not a coward because cowards never put their necks on the line.

You might not realize it now but all this has made you tougher. Also, when you get your feelings reciprocated in the future, this experience has just made it certain that the experience will be sweeter.

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deuxantares
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posted September 06, 2008 05:59 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for deuxantares     Edit/Delete Message
unmoved

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Lucia23
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posted September 06, 2008 07:41 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lucia23     Edit/Delete Message
Thank you, Unmoved! I like the idea that it takes some bravery to get rejected.

I just wish my old intuition would kick back in and things would start making sense. Like, with the Gemini...I really believed he liked me and wanted to see me. I had no intuitive twinge at all to indicate otherwise. It's like if I were a salesperson, and for years if I was absolutely certain a customer was gonna buy the product, it meant s/he was gonna buy the product...and now, I see all the same "sure signs" and then, shockingly, no sale. It's just weird!! My gut and perceptions used to be very trustworthy, and then...no longer.

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23
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From: Outside, to watch the nightfall in the rain
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posted September 06, 2008 07:53 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for 23     Edit/Delete Message
I think its the transiting libra stellium squ moon/DC (moon is ruler of DC) and mars is conj t-saturn as well, which means frustration in the sexual arena (8th house). The stellium will move on pretty quick. The saturn might stay a bit longer. I know in synastry venus squ moon may mean lack of apprecation or the feeling of it between partners, it might have a similar meaning in a transit in a natal chart. Otherwise, t-merc and t-mars squ moon might have left you emotionally angry about the situation.

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Lucia23
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posted September 06, 2008 09:36 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lucia23     Edit/Delete Message
23, all those squares to my moon make a lot of sense also with my feeling that my intuition hasn't been right.

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LadyNeptune
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posted September 06, 2008 09:48 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for LadyNeptune     Edit/Delete Message
The eclipse just opposed your sun and mercury. It could be that.

tPluto is just about opposing your DC. That could explain the last year, since it's a slow moving planet.

Do these men know of your ex? Could he be saying something to scare them off?

Could you be coming on too strong? Maybe you're sending out mixed signals. Do you talk about your ex to these guys?

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astroleolady
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From: In the ęther
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posted September 06, 2008 10:57 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for astroleolady     Edit/Delete Message
Lucia,

You've had transiting Neptune (the dissolver, illusions, delusion) in the 2nd house (your self-worth) opposing natal Sun (men, ego, inner personality) in Leo (pride, romance, self-assurance) in the 8th (sex, support from others) house going in and out of orb since the spring of 2007. The Sun is also the 8th house ruler.

At this time, there can be great difficulties in dealings with men. You can be living with rose-coloured glasses on or they can. It's a time of illusions, delusions and misunderstandings. Because Neptune is the dissolver, the men in your life can fade away at this time. The good thing is, this transit will be finished soon... in February 2009.

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Lucia23
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posted September 06, 2008 11:43 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lucia23     Edit/Delete Message
Thanks, everyone. It looks like in a couple of seasons, things will hopefully have cleared up some for me. In the meantime, hopefully I'm learning some good lessons.

I don't think I'm coming on too strong--each of these (non)relationships has been very different from the others in terms of how I've acted. I might be sending mixed signals, though! The only one I've discussed my ex with is Scorpio #2 (the one I'm still friends with.) And the Gemini has seen me with my ex a couple of times a long time ago. But my ex moved away and doesn't know any of these guys.

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Seeing Stars 7.21
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posted September 07, 2008 12:03 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Seeing Stars 7.21     Edit/Delete Message
Its ok Lucia. I'll go out on a date with you we'll go to a theme park or carnival k?

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BlueTopaz124
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posted September 07, 2008 12:11 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for BlueTopaz124     Edit/Delete Message
It's tough after a break up, that's for sure.

You're right about letting a couple of seasons pass...it really takes a while for the energy of the old relationship to work its way out and to really be gone. Then you will be able to look at a new guy with fresh eyes and be ready again.

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LadyNeptune
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posted September 07, 2008 11:24 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for LadyNeptune     Edit/Delete Message
quote:
I don't think I'm coming on too strong--each of these (non)relationships has been very different from the others in terms of how I've acted. I might be sending mixed signals, though! The only one I've discussed my ex with is Scorpio #2 (the one I'm still friends with.) And the Gemini has seen me with my ex a couple of times a long time ago. But my ex moved away and doesn't know any of these guys.

Maybe you are giving off mixed signals then. I have been guilty of this in the past. I really liked a guy I was seeing, but liked him so much that I was a little afraid to be with him, even though I wanted to very much. He told me I was giving off mixed signals (later) and that was why we were never with one another. Since you just got out of a long relationship it would be understandable if you're giving out these signals unbeknownst to you.

I'm glad it's not the ex or you coming on too strongly. I felt bad mentioning them, but if it were them, and I hadn't, you'd continue to have this problem.

Maybe just work out how you really feel and what (if anything) is causing you to give out mixed signals.


Good luck!

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deuxantares
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posted September 07, 2008 12:35 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for deuxantares     Edit/Delete Message
My guess is it has something to do with the Capricorn ascendant and the Saturn-Moon combo. You may be projecting a reluctance to be close to the potential partner, which prevents the friendship from progressing to the next level. Usually the root of this is feelings of being unwanted or unloved by the parents (could be true or just perceived as true) or some negative experiences from childhood, which shows up in adult life in the form of contradicting behaviors.

A man can pick up clues when the woman unknowingly puts up an emotional wall to protect her heart. The wall keeps her stuck to the past and blocked off from a potentially life-enriching relationship.

You need to learn to trust, to open yourself to intimacy. But this also means you need to be ready to face rejection, which is inevitable in the early stages when you break free from the past.

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Lucia23
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posted September 07, 2008 03:25 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lucia23     Edit/Delete Message
Thanks, everyone, for the caring comments and suggestions.

I agree with both the mixed signals thing and the idea that I might sometimes put up an emotional wall to protect my heart.

The difference between now and the seven years I was single/dating before my long term relationship is that back then, there were always at least seven or eight attractive, interesting guys (often more) who were so thrilled at the prospect of hanging out with me that they weren't put off at all if my signals were mixed or if I wasn't that into them...they were willing to put a lot of energy into trying to connect with me, even if it was daunting. I had a reputation for being an ice queen, but I was also fun, funny and pretty, with great boobs.

I'm actually warmer, more open-hearted and more honest now than I was then. I think there are a few reasons things are different:
1) More fantastic people are still single at 20 than at 30
2) Back then, people were more open to just getting to know each other and having a good time...now, they think if we kiss it means we have to figure out the next ten years of our lives
3) More men are willing to make greater sacrifices/effort to be with a fun, funny beautiful teenage Leo than with a fun, funny more average grown-up Leo...or in fact, maybe with any grown woman?...because I was more of a status symbol then

deuxantares, even in all the years I never got rejected, I was terrified of rejection. I think I was lucky back then that some great people were willing to overlook my walls and be patient with me till I could trust them. The biggest struggle with the Cap-Cancer whammy in my chart is keeping my sense of humor!!! I have this tendency to see little personal things as Serious and Important like war or famine.

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deuxantares
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posted September 07, 2008 03:53 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for deuxantares     Edit/Delete Message
Yes, there is a problem with the "supply" part of the equation! Majority of the guys 30 and above are married. Some are simply not capable of being in relationships (i.e. damaged goods?). And the rest are gay or monks

Time to set your sights on a different target market! Question: Would you go for younger guys, let's say 5-10 years younger?

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Lucia23
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posted September 07, 2008 04:00 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lucia23     Edit/Delete Message
Interesting you should mention it--most guys interested in me are 10 years younger. I look young and they're surprised to learn my age.

I think the status-symbol aspect of a teenage girl is part of the issue. Now, men of all ages who are into me at all are looking to see how we "fit." When I was 17, men of all ages didn't care if we "fit", they just wanted to stare at me/touch me/be around me at any cost.

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