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Author Topic:   Midlife crisis and romantic affair
MariaSole
Knowflake

Posts: 24
From: Italy
Registered: Oct 2007

posted October 02, 2008 02:56 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for MariaSole     Edit/Delete Message
Hello all!
I am going through a difficult period of my life.
This is my natal chart: http://i37.tinypic.com/2wgdixf.gif

This is my actual, serious, partner chart: http://i19.tinypic.com/6lsgmqf.gif

And now the problem:
my life is very normal and ordinary, I gave up to everything to live a simple family life. but inside me I feel I missed something important. Passion and burning love, I didn't experience them since I met my actual partner.
I respect him, but still, there are so many times in which I'd prefer being alone.
I lived my life to please others, and never myself, it seems.
though I am tempted to throw it all, I am 42, and I know very well the risks of it, having already been through a divorce very young. I am not even financially independent, always for having dedicated myself to the family and having left my work as a fashion model, acting, and everything for that.

Recently I am in touch again with a man met 22 years ago. Yes, 22 years!!!
It was only a night of passion,we were terribly attracted, I had a catwalk in a northern italian city and there we met.
But then, I returned home with my 1st husband, my 2 children (now they are 24 and 23 yo almost), he lived in another distant city, and never met him again.
He told me that once he tried to call me at the phone, a man answered and he never tried again, not wanting to create problems to me.
I have thought about him sometimes, but you know, 22 years elapsed.

And now he found me through facebook, and I couldn't believe it was HIM.
Actually he told me to have never forgot me and to have kept trying to find me through all these years....
Very romantic uh?
Although we both built our lives, families, our souls seems to have never really parted...
Yes, we are both stuck in our ordinary lives and idealizing this story a lot, but it makes us feel so better (though up to now it's only virtual).

Here is his natal chart:
http://i38.tinypic.com/2wqg84p.gif

What can you see in my horoscope? Should I go on, or better not fall into this?
I am terribly attracted but also scared to jeopardize my life (which hasn't been so exciting since I re-married).

Please tell me what you see...

thank you!

MS

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koiflower
Knowflake

Posts: 1258
From: Australia
Registered: Jun 2008

posted October 02, 2008 03:13 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for koiflower     Edit/Delete Message

Are the birth times correct for all three people?

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MariaSole
Knowflake

Posts: 24
From: Italy
Registered: Oct 2007

posted October 02, 2008 03:21 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for MariaSole     Edit/Delete Message
yes, they are absolutely correct.

Me: 8-8-1966 h. 11.30 (italy, palermo)
Partner: 3-16-1967 h. 19 (italy, rome)
him: 7-4-1964 h. 9.15 (genk, belgium)

here you can see better my partner's chart: http://i38.tinypic.com/6gx8p3.gif

my sinastry with partner http://i38.tinypic.com/2nas76v.gif

and with the other man http://i35.tinypic.com/vo6h36.gif


(how can you show pics inside the post?)

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bunnies
Knowflake

Posts: 559
From: U.K
Registered: Mar 2007

posted October 02, 2008 03:27 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for bunnies     Edit/Delete Message
Ah Maria! EVERYONE i know....without exception...goes crazy at 42.
It feels like the last chance to make the life you want.
I can only say do what feels right in your heart but DONT!!!! be deceitful.
If you want this man then have him but don't decieve your husband.
Say "Sorry baby, but I have to leave and pursue a crazy notion but I cannot lie to you"

Here's the thing. You will never know if you do, whether it was right or wrong because we don't have the luxury of seeing the other outcome.

But your children are grown up.
This is your life now and time for you to make adult decisions.

But don't have an affair. And flirting and contacting people on the interenet behind your husbands back is as good as.

I know people will say "Oh it's harmless. If no one knows, how can it harm anyone"

But I have and will always, disagree.
I hate deceit in any form and if you are writing loving messages to someone on the net then you are being deceitful to your partner.

Do exactly what you want. That's my philosophy. But be upfront and honest about it.

P.S Most men turn into Mr Couch Potato after 2 years. I know!!!!

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blue moon
Moderator

Posts: 4700
From: U.K
Registered: Dec 2007

posted October 02, 2008 03:30 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for blue moon     Edit/Delete Message
You need to use a host website like 2and2net.

The other man synastry has a Cradle configuration. I have one with my brother, it always makes me smile. It is so fitting as our main relationship was as children.



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bunnies
Knowflake

Posts: 559
From: U.K
Registered: Mar 2007

posted October 02, 2008 03:38 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for bunnies     Edit/Delete Message
Sorry Maria. Reading that back it sounds a bit radical.
I have visions of you charging off into the stormy night with just a small bag, tossing your pashmina over your shoulder crying

"It's no good Antonio. I have to be true to my heart. Don't try and stop me!!

Never been able to be a shades of grey woman me!

Might have something to do with be being Aquarian, Leo rising and Mars Moon and Venus in Aries. WHOOOOSH!!!!

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MariaSole
Knowflake

Posts: 24
From: Italy
Registered: Oct 2007

posted October 02, 2008 03:46 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for MariaSole     Edit/Delete Message
Hi Bunny,
yes I hate being deceptful too. But there couldn't possibly be another way.
Do you think that if I'd say "okay, now I am gonna for a ride outside, experience some fun with a man met 22 years ago, then will let you know if I come back or not", would be a piece of cake?

Maybe you haven't looked carefully at my hubby's chart...
His ruler, Mars (in Scorpio) is opposite his venus (in Aries)... so yes, highly sexed, but also difficult to assimilate balancing his needs. His Sun in Pisces conjunct Chiron doesn't help either.
His 7th house Aries with venus there as well...

I think he didn't play fair either up to now.

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MariaSole
Knowflake

Posts: 24
From: Italy
Registered: Oct 2007

posted October 02, 2008 03:58 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for MariaSole     Edit/Delete Message
quote:
I have visions of you charging off into the stormy night with just a small bag, tossing your pashmina over your shoulder crying
"It's no good Antonio. I have to be true to my heart. Don't try and stop me!!

LOL, exactly... ahahahah that was really a funny image!

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MariaSole
Knowflake

Posts: 24
From: Italy
Registered: Oct 2007

posted October 02, 2008 04:02 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for MariaSole     Edit/Delete Message
about the pics... I used tinypics.com and got the url where my image is hosted...
but how do I show it here?
should I use a code like [img] ?

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koiflower
Knowflake

Posts: 1258
From: Australia
Registered: Jun 2008

posted October 02, 2008 04:05 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for koiflower     Edit/Delete Message
You and your partner:


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koiflower
Knowflake

Posts: 1258
From: Australia
Registered: Jun 2008

posted October 02, 2008 04:06 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for koiflower     Edit/Delete Message
You and your old flame:

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koiflower
Knowflake

Posts: 1258
From: Australia
Registered: Jun 2008

posted October 02, 2008 04:13 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for koiflower     Edit/Delete Message
I don't advocate affairs, but I do understand the power of synastry and the effects it can have on ones life.

Here are two pictures. Which one represents your partner and which one is your old flame?

Both are beautiful in their own way, but each brings to you a different meaning.

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MariaSole
Knowflake

Posts: 24
From: Italy
Registered: Oct 2007

posted October 02, 2008 04:32 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for MariaSole     Edit/Delete Message
You know, in this moment I'd rather see the first one as my old flame, a pacific oasis in the middle of the storm I am with my actual partner...

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koiflower
Knowflake

Posts: 1258
From: Australia
Registered: Jun 2008

posted October 02, 2008 04:47 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for koiflower     Edit/Delete Message

quote:
in the middle of the storm I am with my actual partner...

sorry to be really really pedantic with semantics, but do you mean that you feel like you're in a storm with your current partner?

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MariaSole
Knowflake

Posts: 24
From: Italy
Registered: Oct 2007

posted October 02, 2008 04:57 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for MariaSole     Edit/Delete Message
yes, we are always fighting, every day.
for the least things.
I feel trapped.

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koiflower
Knowflake

Posts: 1258
From: Australia
Registered: Jun 2008

posted October 02, 2008 05:09 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for koiflower     Edit/Delete Message
You and your Partner:

Your Chiron is conjunct his Saturn - you can learn and heal together.

Your Karma is conjunct his Venus/Mars and MC - You rock his world!!! Whoa!!

Your MC on his Part Of Fortune - hmmm, I think you benefit from being with him.

Your Moon opposite his Mars - hot, yet volitile - someone can really irk the other, at times.

His Venus, Valentine and North Node are in your 7th House. You are fated to be together in quite a significant relationship (marriage).

You and your Old Flame:

Moon conjunct Moon - a very nice understanding of each other.

Your Juno is conjunct his Venus - this is the one I was looking for - the Juno/Venus connection. I tend to experience it with intimate relationships where there is a desire to make love and be committed to that person. Your orb is 6° which is a little out of range for the "OMG, I SEE NIRVANA" category, but you can definitely feel the pull of attraction. This is probably the aspect that is wanting you to scratch that itch.

Doesn't make it any easier, does it?


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koiflower
Knowflake

Posts: 1258
From: Australia
Registered: Jun 2008

posted October 02, 2008 05:21 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for koiflower     Edit/Delete Message
Your fighting must be the Moon opposite Mars. There's lots of attraction in the bedroom, but the angst between you must be tiring.

I'm not sure what a Moon opposite Mars antidote would be.

Any suggestions, anyone?

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astroleolady
Knowflake

Posts: 442
From: In the æther
Registered: Mar 2006

posted October 02, 2008 05:35 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for astroleolady     Edit/Delete Message
MariaSole,

I'm not going to tell you one way or the other what decision to make. That's your responsibility and choice to make. You may want to think out the consequences of your actions, if you decide to have an affair and your husband were to find out about it. How would he react? Can you live with your actions if you do this and can you live with the reactions of your husband. Would it end your relationship or could you work through it? Once this is done, it can't be undone.

At the moment, you have transiting Uranus in the 5th house of love affairs trine your Mars (ruler of 7th), Venus (ruler of 8th house) and Jupiter (ruler of the 3rd house) which comprise a stellium on the MC, as well as another hit on your Uranus opposition. Your natal Uranus rules your 5th house of love affairs. You want excitement and are craving change. You may want to wait until after these transits are finished to make your decision. They will all be out of orb by the third week of March 2009. Concurrently, you have a Neptune square happening. Both of these transits, the Uranus square and the Neptune square, are two of the four midlife crisis transits. Neptune indicates fear, sometimes unfounded fear, confusion, and illusions. You may feel like something is missing from your life when under this transit.

Looking at the synastry of the old flame: you have weak Saturn aspects with one another. His Saturn sextiles your Moon. Saturn indicates the glue, durability, and commitment in a relationship You have much stronger Saturn aspects with your husband: his Sun sits on your Saturn and his Saturn trines your Mercury.

With the old flame your Uranus squares his Venus, indicating exciting, instant attraction: love at first sight. However, because of the nature of Uranus that aspect can indicate that the relationship could end as quickly as it began.

With the old flame your Sun is square his Neptune, which is indicative of an illusionary situation, misunderstandings and possibly deception.

This is not to say that your synastry with your husband is perfect. No synastry is ever perfect. His Mars is opposite your Moon and square your Mercury, both of which could be very difficult to handle.

Have you ever thought of getting couples counselling with your husband?


Resources:

The Astrology of Midlife and Aging by Erin Sullivan http://www.astro.com/astrology/in_midlife_e.htm

The Uranus Opposition by Maria Shaw http://www.llewellynjournal.com/article/787

Midlife Transits – An Introduction http://www.astrologyalive.com/Midlife06.html

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deuxantares
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Posts: 1197
From: Meet Me in Sofia
Registered: Nov 2006

posted October 02, 2008 05:35 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for deuxantares     Edit/Delete Message
Hi and welcome back to Lindaland! Please pardon my Scorpion bluntness.

You can leave your current partner if you want to look for whatever it is that is missing in your life. But do you think you will find it in this other guy? Do you think he is the answer?

Yes, it was one night both of you could not forget. But it happened more than 20 years ago. Maybe the thought of picking up from where you left off sounds "delicious" because it is a romantic ideal (hey! I want to experience that night again and again for the rest of my life), you have not really experienced living with each other everyday; what's replaying in your minds again and again was a scene with those two lovely persons and their lovely qualities sharing a passionate night.

My suggestion is: leave (if you can afford it now mentally, financially etc). But do not leave your partner for this other man. Leave to be with yourself for a while. Maybe then you will find the answer.

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bunnies
Knowflake

Posts: 559
From: U.K
Registered: Mar 2007

posted October 02, 2008 06:07 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for bunnies     Edit/Delete Message
Oh deux! Nailed it in one!
Be with yourself for a while.
How wise.

And there was bunnies. Having the poor woman dashing off into a Gothic night, future uncertain to the sound of swelling music and maybe a few flashes of lightning and rolls of thunder for good measure.

And all this after one e.mail!

Maria! Listen to deuxantares. She knows what's best!

Note to self....Jeez, cool it with the drama...I can't help it....yes you can...

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blue moon
Moderator

Posts: 4700
From: U.K
Registered: Dec 2007

posted October 02, 2008 06:25 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for blue moon     Edit/Delete Message
Deux, you're on fire today.

The one that got away ~ if we all confessed... ah, but maybe they got away for a reason. Would life have turned out better? Maybe yes, maybe no, but it wouldn't have been perfect, that's for sure.

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MariaSole
Knowflake

Posts: 24
From: Italy
Registered: Oct 2007

posted October 02, 2008 06:35 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for MariaSole     Edit/Delete Message
quote:
With the old flame your Uranus squares his Venus, indicating exciting, instant attraction: love at first sight. However, because of the nature of Uranus that aspect can indicate that the relationship could end as quickly as it began.

Yes, you are so right.
And I am aware of that.

What do I have now? A family, a husband who (says) loves me, ordinary life, daily struggles and fights, no passion at all, no desire in sex (yeah, right), no desire in this always-the-same routine.

Of course I am not ready, and I never thought it would be wise, to throw it all away, and to find myself on the streets for some nights of passion.

Yes, I'd like to spend some time alone, but with my hubby it's not possible.
It's suffucating me. I'd like to be more free, but I can't.


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astroleolady
Knowflake

Posts: 442
From: In the æther
Registered: Mar 2006

posted October 02, 2008 06:45 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for astroleolady     Edit/Delete Message
quote:
What do I have now? A family, a husband who (says) loves me, ordinary life, daily struggles and fights, no passion at all, no desire in sex (yeah, right), no desire in this always-the-same routine.

Some questions for you that you may want to ponder, if you haven't already. Please don't feel obligated to answer them now or at all, if you don't want to.

Do you still love your husband? Could you work it out with some counselling? Are you willing to live in the current situtation for the rest of your life? Or should you be looking to leave?

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deuxantares
Knowflake

Posts: 1197
From: Meet Me in Sofia
Registered: Nov 2006

posted October 02, 2008 07:05 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for deuxantares     Edit/Delete Message
Maria, here is a thread (not exactly the same situation as yours) that presents some food for thought that may be of help to you.
http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum10/HTML/003207.html

Bunnies and blue moon

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MariaSole
Knowflake

Posts: 24
From: Italy
Registered: Oct 2007

posted October 02, 2008 07:07 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for MariaSole     Edit/Delete Message
no, I don't want to leave and I wouldn't be able to. In any way.
But though, I don't feel anything for him except respect and admiration, gratefulness maybe, that's all.
All the rest is dead... if you know what I mean.

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