posted October 11, 2008 12:35 PM         

1.) What house placements and aspects are indicative of someone who is likely to be very clingy and totally dependent on others for emotional and other types of support?

2.) Similarly, what aspects/placements are associated with attracting such people?

I'm asking because the only women I seem to attract are those who are so emotionally needy that they drain nearly every ounce of energy out of me; I'm trying to put a stop to this pattern once and for all (impossible?)

posted October 11, 2008 01:15 PM         

Taurus, Capricorn & Aquarius are usually the most self sufficient.

Aspects - Moon Conjunct Venus. These cats cant be on their own.

posted October 11, 2008 01:15 PM         

Basically, strong Cancer placements can indicate dependency, particularly if they're placed in the 4th or 7th house.

Moon in Libra also can make someone dependent since there is an increased need for relationships (unless it aspects Uranus or something).

Also, be careful of the vibe you're sending out. If you come across as very strong and very masculine, you may attract more needy females. Try to be more lighthearted and on the first date, have the girl make some decisions, even if they are small ones. For instance, after going out to eat, ask if she wants to see a movie. If she says "yes," then ask her what movie she wants to see. A dependent girl will expect you to make all of the decisions, even very simple ones.

On the next date, try asking her for her opinions on various topics. Bring up a current event (avoid politics and religion for now) and ask her what she thinks about it to see whether she can do her own thinking without hints from you. Make sure you ask her for her opinion before giving yours otherwise she may just be trying to agree with you.

Good luck! I have the same problem attracting needy and stalker-like guys, so I'm going to try to take my own advice.

posted October 11, 2008 01:17 PM         

Though, you have to look it at from the flipside too. You might have a lot of "I NEED INDEPENDENCE" placements, and you might view any act as "clingy".

posted October 11, 2008 01:43 PM         

Dependence is usually because the other partner does not communicate or assure them enough, or keep stringing them along. Security in a relationship depends on both partners, and to call the other dependent is a form of projection, because, really partnerships are reflection of the self. One party is vulnerable enough to show their dependent side. I believe that everyone likes their individuality. Dependence is based on esteem issues. Supreme confidence can be seen (projected) with strong jupiter or uranian aspects (Aquarius or Sagittarius), but they are really just a front, for these happy signs (their insecurity can be seen in other different ways)..

posted October 11, 2008 01:59 PM         

I have Sun,Mercury,and Venus in Scorpio along with Moon in Pisces....so I am a very watery type of man.

I have no problem with a clingy woman,but the thing is that I wouldn't view her as clingy any way. I love women that are emotional,deep,intense,and sensitive.

posted October 11, 2008 02:09 PM         

quote:

---

lol.. oh really?
I'm incredibly independent and my moon is conjunct Venus close orb
but then i'm not a cat, I'm a lion!!!!

---

Are you independent? Me too, good for you!! Perhaps you have other aspects in your chart that show independence? what's your Sun sign? Are you a Taurus, Aquarian or Capricorn?

All of the Moon Conjunct Venus people I know have difficulty being single, or when they are they either obsess about their past partners/love or become depressed when they're alone.

posted October 11, 2008 05:49 PM         

I was accused of dependency by an ex, but this was an Aqua sun, Sag moon who was paranoid about his personal freedom and space. Needless to say, I told him he was welcome to all the space he needed, and got the hell out!

ps. I have moon conjunct venus in gemini, and have no problem being on my own.

posted October 11, 2008 08:33 PM         

I agree with Atlenta. There are naturally dependent people but communication issues can create dependency. When people don't communicate with me on how they're feeling, it creates suffering. I have to wonder what they are holding back and how I can fix everything. But I don't mind people depending on me too much. It's when they're naturally dependent that I tend to block them from latching on in the beginning. You can just sense the cling.

posted October 11, 2008 10:00 PM         

I think that in terms of the Moon/Venus conjunction Deliverance was talking about, maybe this aspect isn't indicative of a dependent person, but someone who attracts them. I have an exact Scorpio Moon/Venus conjunction in the 1st house and I'm very capable of living by myself, but of course it's modified by being conjunct Uranus too.

I can see the Cancer/4th house link that Astra was talking about. My current relationship is with a woman who has 4 Sag planets in the 4th house (Moon, Jupiter, Uranus, and Neptune): she is very indecisive, always needs my opinion for everything, doesn't like to go stag to any event, and loves to mother me (to death!).

Oh, and Astra even though I'm straight, most people think I'm gay: my feminine streak is very prominent. As Atlenta said, what you project is what you get back, so maybe that's part of the problem? Perhaps I should be more masculine?

Amowls: Yep, water is definitely in play. Not just on my part because of my 4 planet Scorpio stellium, but also because I attract water-influenced people. I just wish I could attract more Earth-influenced women because I get along with Taurus and Capricorn very well. As for those Pluto/IC links: Pluto is naturally the winner. Every synastry or composite has Pluto as a major planet. Must be my very prominent Scorpio/Pluto energy in action.

GirlMercury: Yes, you are correct too, in that I think that dependency often shows a difference in relationship expectations. However, even when I communicate that I am looking for a companion to experience life at its fullest, all I get are the women who want to use my energy as their own personal crutch because of their low self-image.

It's really funny because they all pretend to have wonderful self-esteem and independence, yet they all have strong Jupiters (two conjunct the ascendant and one exalted in the 4th house and in Sag) that Atlenta said are simply a front for underlying troubles.

I just can't believe that I didn't see these patterns beforehand. No, scratch that I do believe it as Virgo is a strong influence in my chart.

posted October 13, 2008 01:53 AM         

Wait, so you are highly effeminate? I thought that perhaps you were being too masculine, so you were attracting clingy and indecisive women who were looking for someone to make decisions for them. But this doesn't seem to be the case after all. My only other guess is that maybe they're letting their guard down around you because effeminate men just come across as being very supportive so these women feel like they don't have to be strong.

The next time a girl asks you to make a decision for her, then just say something like "I'm more interested in hearing what you think." If she makes a poor decision like choosing a boring place for a date or picking an awful movie to go see with you, then try not to show too much disappointment since that will discourage her from making future decisions. Of course, if she insists on going to a place that you don't like, then you should be honest about your dislike of the place, but do it tactfully. Say something like "It's not really my style, but it's great to do something for a change."

posted October 14, 2008 01:04 AM         

The way I see it, overly dependent people don't feel responsible for their own emotional welfare. They expect to be coddled. So maybe you're a very giving, kind guy, very strong emotionally (Plutonian ). And girls who need a hero sense & are attracted to that, and on some level you like playing that heroic role for them.

posted October 14, 2008 12:19 PM         

I agree with you on the effeminate point though, woman do seem very comfortable with me and they tend to let their guard down much sooner with me than with other men.

posted October 14, 2008 02:12 PM         

I went to a friend's place. He reported my car stolen pretending to be my father. We can all imagine how that could have ended.

The thing is, these people become clingy and scary when I'm not interested in them. It's their insecurities that increase or It's my rose coloured glasses that come off. When once I found being called 10 times a day nothing to comment on, the same actions later became something to frown upon.

My point is, this behaviour could have been something you didn't see in the beginning and if that's the case, you might have enabled the cling or, they sense you pulling away and become clingy. Obviously, you shouldn't stand for anything that makes you uncomfortable.

posted October 14, 2008 05:48 PM         

I do fine with people who have ideas and are motivated to take action to achieve them. Yet, as I've said I attract the opposite, which I guess is a good thing since they aren't totally psychotic and wouldn't try to blackmail me!

posted October 14, 2008 06:17 PM         

When they try to flip it around,
and make the contrary argument...

Suggest that there is a corollary,
an opposite, to every great truth,
but, that every truth has its time.

The truth of what you think and feel should be acknowledged and respected,
before the focus is shifted to its opposite in an attempt to balance.

Ask her to be patient, and see if she can repeat your point back to you,
to show she has understood your perspective, before "demolishing" it.

Also, we tend to encourage dependency by being overly sympathetic.
Dont be afraid to put up boundaries, and let her know when you feel drained.
If she tries to guilt-trip you, tell her you are sorry, but you need time.

Often, women deal with their stressful emotions by talking,
while men tend to withdraw and seek quiet or distraction.
Its not necessarily that women are more dependent,
but, that they just deal with things in this way.
For them, it is often envigorating to talk and listen,
so, they may not understand that it is "draining" you.

Remember, also, that dependency isnt always a bad thing.
It feels good to be needed, and cared about so much that,
if you were not there, life would not shine so brightly.
Nothing is perfect. Every relationship lacks something,
but we tend to only see what our current relationships lack.
As they say, the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.
Ask yourself if you really would prefer someone who needed you less,
and was less disturbed by your absence or inattention.
You might think that you want someone more independent,
only to find yourself equally frustrated with the problems that brings.

posted October 14, 2008 07:42 PM         

Btw, it doesn't have to be a watery influence. My sister- libra asc, sag sun, aries moon, venus cap, mars virgo- dumped plenty of guys to finally find someone equally clingy

posted October 15, 2008 06:59 AM         

I have seen other kind of dependent person: people who have all planets right from Meridian they depend from other people.

Other example: my friend, she has two planets right and eight planets left: she is doing all alone. She can live alone (until now, 32 years old) and there are no problems.
She is double Cancer (Sun and AC) with Moon in Taurus: everybody would think she is some housewife. No way!

I think it is not good to be dependent from other people. Unfortunately nobody can change his Natal Chart.

Buena