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Author
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Topic: addicted to bad men!
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pixie22
unregistered
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posted November 01, 2008 09:57 AM
 
I read somewhere in my chart that people are attracted to me because they think I can help them.
My first long term boyfs- was abusive, violent and then switch to being really sweet and caring.
Then I was with a drug addict, who again didnt want to be like this and would be lovely in every other way.I dont really care about them anymore, im over thinking about them. But my new boyfriend is an alcoholic and has always cheated on past girlfriends. I dont know if i can deal with the heatbreak again by standing by him, is there anything in his chart which can make him change, I know he can be the perfect boyfriend if the alchohol wasnt consuming him, and I would hope to be with him forever. Does anyone else have experiences with any of this? or can help me !! for Paula (female)
born on 13 June 1984 local time 3:45 am
in Gillingham, ENG (UK) U.T. 02:45
0e33, 51n24 sid. time 20:13:36 for Peter (male)
born on 22 Feb 1984 local time 1:27 pm
in Camberwell, ENG (UK) U.T. 13:27
0w05, 51n27 sid. time 23:33:15 Thank You!!! IP: Logged |
Deliverance
Knowflake Posts: 274
From: Comin' in good, like a DJ should
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted November 01, 2008 11:34 AM
IMHO, you cant change him, he will change if & when he's ready to change.In regards to his chart - Jupiter/Neptune signatures can have problems with will power. He has a Pisces Sun in the 9th house & Neptune conj Jupiter in the house of heath - this shows that his addiction is effecting his health, it could also point to liver problems (Jupiter in 6th)
Mercury in Aquarius square Moon/Mars/Saturn in Scorpio could point to mental anxiety & unresolved issues in childhood (particularly with mum) Your 7th house Moon conj Uranus could point to your attraction to/attracting unstable partners.
Chiron on your asc could suggest that partners perceive you as the healer - the one who can fix all of their crap. This group might be of interest to you http://www.al-anonuk.org.uk/ It's difficult caring for someone who has substance abuse problems, you have to be there for them when times are hard - but primarily take care of your own emotions & well being. There's a fine-line between offering support & being an enabler/co-dependant to their addiction. Good luck Pixie IP: Logged |
Kick It
unregistered
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posted November 01, 2008 11:40 AM
I dont think that is something he will change. His 1st (self) and 12th (alcohol/drugs) rulers are in square, which can indicate problems as stated.I guess to look at the 11th house for the end of an addiction (12th from the 12th) - which is Venus. If you do speak with him about it, make it just before Venus returns in early Aquarius. Although if you cant put up with it, someone else will! I say dump him! IP: Logged |
pixie22
unregistered
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posted November 01, 2008 12:11 PM
thanks,
I didnt mean can i change him, I know he has to do this himself, and he wants to. Iv told him i wont see him whilst he carries on going down hill, but i will still give him love and support over the phone. If he makes an effort - hes going to the dr on monday - then I will see him. He does have unresolved issues with his mum, being that she is an alocholic and ex herion user. If partners percieve me as a healer, its not necessarily true? Iv ended up being pushed to my limit and splitting the relationship in the past. I really wish I could help him.. he has only been drinking heavily for the past couple of months and not working etc just laying in bed all day.. is there a point, looking at his chart that this will end soon? Kick It
- when is venus going to be returning in aquarius? IP: Logged |
Deliverance
Knowflake Posts: 274
From: Comin' in good, like a DJ should
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted November 01, 2008 12:20 PM
Jupiter exiting his 6th into his 7th might help on the health front. I find that Jupiter transits can sometimes cause laxity.
Mars & Pluto will also conjunct his Neptune, not sure if this will help or exasperate his drinking, but I think there will be a noticeable change. The transits will be exact at the end of December.His progressed moon's in the 3rd/4th house, is he seeing a counsellor? he could be receptive to a talking therapy - if he isnt perhaps you could strongly advise him to do so. IP: Logged |
pixie22
unregistered
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posted November 01, 2008 12:25 PM
ok thanks, thats a bit more positive, i had a feeling christmas time there would be some kind of change. thats jus the point i give him to get bored of himself!IP: Logged |
MyVirgoMask
Knowflake Posts: 3483
From: Bay Area, CA
Registered: May 2009
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posted November 01, 2008 12:34 PM
Pixie, probably pacing things slowly is the best thing to do especially since you know you are vulnerable...as long as you let things unfold slowly and keep your eyes open, then you will remain alert and have less of a chance of repeating past mistakes. Don't be afraid to take space when you need it if something doesn't feel right. That way it's not too drastic for you, feeling in over head in a situation where you don't completely trust the other person and you're not sure if it's your past, or their past, your relationship to each other. Things can be intense in a good way if you pace it slowly... I know it's not astro advice/opinion, but it's just a few words from the heart and I hope you don't mind  ------------------
"The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. " IP: Logged |
pixie22
unregistered
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posted November 01, 2008 12:40 PM
thanks, that is good advice, 
Im quite good at seeing the bigger picture and wont be completley ruled by my emotions, all though i dont always listen to myself - but i will try and take each day as it comes. IP: Logged |
Kick It
unregistered
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posted November 01, 2008 12:50 PM
Have a look yourself. Not here to change your nappy. You can learn at the same time..lots of fun.IP: Logged |
pixie22
unregistered
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posted November 01, 2008 01:03 PM
sorry!
there was no need to be rude, i thought seen as you said it, you might know!
IP: Logged |
Kick It
unregistered
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posted November 01, 2008 01:07 PM
Apology accepted. No naughty step for you today.IP: Logged |
pixie22
unregistered
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posted November 01, 2008 01:09 PM
sorry? i wasnt aplogising! I dont know what makes you think i am a baby! Your the one that is acting immature, I thought seen as you were replying to my post you were a helpful personIP: Logged |
Kick It
unregistered
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posted November 01, 2008 01:21 PM
All the best in helping your partner.IP: Logged |
bunnies
Knowflake Posts: 422
From: u.k
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted November 01, 2008 01:50 PM
You know Pixie....and I hate quoting modern expressions but I think this one fits
Addicted to bad men."How's that working out for ya? I think you have answered your own question and you are hoping that someone might come up with a different response when you really already know the answer. You are definitely not a baby. Most people run a mile from people with problems but you try and help and that's wonderful. Only problem there is for you. You may forget OR worse, never know what a non dysfunctional relationship is like and get so used to cleaning up after other people, that you will assume that role for the rest of your life. What about you? How about your needs?
Why do these people attach themselves to you? Because you are strong and they hang on to your coat tails.
Here's how to be really strong.
Tell him you don't want to hear the blah blah "My mother is an alcoholic so I can be one and shift the blame to her" excuse. Give him ONE chance to redeem himself, to attend AA to stop drinking and grow up or tell him you are leaving....and mean it. You are not attracted to bad men. They are attracted to you.
Sorry but there are better people for you to expend your powerful energy on. Don't waste it trying to save people who just want to coast in your wake.
Good luck xx IP: Logged |
Azalaksh
Knowflake Posts: 986
From: New Brighton, MN, USA
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted November 01, 2008 01:51 PM
Kick ~You remind me of me  http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum1/HTML/019803.html My mother used to do the most awful thing to me when I was a child!! I would be reading a book and ask her, "Mom what's (such-and-such-a-word) mean?? She would hand me the dictionary and say, "look it up." How annoying that she wouldn't just TELL me, with no effort on my part!!  IP: Logged |
pixie22
unregistered
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posted November 01, 2008 02:04 PM
bunnies -
Thanks for being honest, I know you are right, I know exactly what i need to do, but was hoping someone would give me another answer! It has helped though talking on here, seen as i dont want my friends to know the details of whats happening!
I have been stronger today, and told him that he needs to sort himself out before I can see him, It was passing my mind that I could maybe see him tonight but am second guessing that now, seen as i know that isnt going to help~! and he needs to suffer consequences before he will realise the effects! IP: Logged |
23
Knowflake Posts: 250
From: The Strand
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted November 01, 2008 03:29 PM
I haven't read anything in detail and I will probably be rehashing what others have said and say that this is far beyond and astrological problem.You have noticed that there is a trend in your life that is a problem for you. Q: Has there been a history of this in your family regarding this type of behaviour? Was your dad a good role model? It is common for children of difficult parents to replicate these problems
Q: Do you have good self-esteem? If not, is it linked to the above? Often if we don't feel worthy ourselves, we seek others make us feel unworthy. You really won't be able to change how he is. Mr 23 was a grot when I met him and he still is notwithstanding how much cleaning I do around the house. He is the only person who can help himself, change starts with him. You really need to move on, maybe even get help (social work, psychologist in trying to see where it comes from and improving your self-esteem) and make a conscious effort to find someone better. IP: Logged |
Happy Dragon
unregistered
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posted November 01, 2008 03:35 PM
* pixie22 *re: ..
Peter (male)
born on 22 Feb 1984 ( this be some info without birthtime included at the moment ) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
the links below relate to various parts of his chart ..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ** he has only been drinking heavily for the past couple of months and not working etc just laying in bed all day..**
he does currently have a Neptune transit on .. it conjoins his Mercury placement ..
could be a case of mental escapism .. potential depression .. the Sun sextile Neptune natal aspect ..
a potentialy 'easy path' to escapism thru drugs 'n alchohol ..
even if 'clean' the 'sextile offers an easy route to drop back into the addiction
( as a Piscean .. his Sun ruler is Neptune )
~ http://www.happydragon.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/jkbx/nept.sun.html ~ Sun square to Chiron nataly ..
~ http://www.astro.com/astrology/in_wounding_e.htm ~
potential for self-harm .. but also self-healing .. Sun in Pisces ..
~ http://www.happydragon.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/jkbx/sign.pisces.html ~ some more about Chiron in this article ..
~ http://www.happydragon.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/jkbx/s.e.vns.chrn.html ~ Mars conjunct Saturn nataly ..
~ http://www.happydragon.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/jkbx/saturn.mars.html ~ Mercury square Saturn nataly ..
~ http://www.happydragon.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/jkbx/saturn.mercury.html ~ Saturn in Scorpio .. http://www.happydragon.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/jkbx/sat.scorpio.html Saturn in Water signs and houses ..
~ http://www.happydragon.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/jkbx/sat.water.html ~ Saturn in the Birth Chart
~ http://www.happydragon.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/jkbx/strn.aspcts.html ~ Venus square Pluto nataly ..
~ http://www.happydragon.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/jkbx/s.e.vns.plt.html ~ North Node in Gemini ..
~ http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum1/HTML/007992.html ~ Sun trine Pluto nataly ..
he could use that to change for the better ..
alternatively he could easily use that to manipulate and control to get what he wants .. these aspects are wide-ish in 'orb'..
his Jupiter and Lillith are also 'sextile' nataly .. ( another 'easy path' .. )
Uranus and Lillith are 'square ' nataly
Sun and Lillith are 'conjunct' ..
N.Node and Lillith are 'square'nataly
N.Node and Uranus are 'opposite' .. other current transits of note ( apart from the t.Neptune conjunct natal Mercury ) .. in close 'orb'
t.Chiron square natal Saturn .. strong potential for feeling wounded and depressed
t.Uranus trine natal Mars ..
( check for t.Uranus trine natal Moon as above calcs do not include birth time )
( also ditto for tSaturn sextile natal Moon )
tSaturn sextile natal Mars ..
and also 'sesquisquare natal Venus ( that's a 'harsh' minor aspect as far as i know ) t.Jupiter 'sextile' natal Saturn ..
'n at the moment for a day or two .. t.Mars conjunct natal Mars .. " interpreting transits" .. howard sasportas
~ http://www.happydragon.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/jkbx/h.s.transits.html ~ main page to most of above links ..i.e. more astro tidbits ..
~ http://www.happydragon.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/jkbx/audiofls.html ~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
re Sun - Neptune aspects generally .. potential for escapism .. self-deception .. manipulation .. potential for artistic abilities .. potential for public speaking ability .. ** i'd have to double check these so could be mistaken .. ** ( no time at moment to trawl thru sites for info )
some "Sun-Neptune" ppl ..
Sarah Palin .. Barak O'bama .. the pastor he was/is connected to Pastor Wright i think the name be ..
and i think Tony Blair .. he comes to mind 'cause when he became PM .. and astrologer friend commented to me ..
'wonder what he's going to do with his Neptune potential' .. IP: Logged |
scrappydog
Knowflake Posts: 451
From: Texas
Registered: May 2009
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posted November 01, 2008 03:56 PM
Pixie, I have the same problem as you, I have been terribly addicted to bad men. My first husband was actually the man that molested me when I was 11. YES I was so confused I actually married him when I turned 17. He was an alcoholic and an emotional sadist, unfortunately he is also my only child's father. He abused me and cheated constantly for 5 years before I got out. My 2nd husband seemed so sweet at first, he was so kind and romantic, even though he had been to prison for 10 years, I lied to myself and comvinced myself he had/would change. Within one year of the relationship he was a hardcore drug addict, he exposed me to aspects of life I'm still trying to forget. He also started beating me after two years. I stayed with this idiot for 5 years also, lying to myself just like I did with the 1st one. Point blank-I just wasted 10 YEARS of my life on jerks who never loved me in the 1st place. I get sad when I think of the fact that I'll never get those years back. Now I tell myself why be with someone and be miserable? Sh*t I can be alone and be miserable by myself and not WRECK my life doing it. I also have Chiron conj. my Asc. but I never thought of this having to do with my relationship problems. Interesting. I have Venus and Jupiter debilitated in Virgo squaring Neptune in 8th and Venus is my chart ruler AND ruler of my Sun. I'm desperately trying to change this pattern myself. Just know that he will NEVER change for you and you don't deserve to waste 1 day of your life. Try as hard as you can to control your emotions and even sympathy and compassion, you have to be strong and think rationally with your head. I know how you feel as I have this same problem.IP: Logged |
heart cakes
unregistered
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posted November 01, 2008 04:17 PM
pixie22 and scrappy dog, i've had really similar experiences, and an attraction to these kinds of men too, which i've FINALLY broken. i am now falling for a man who is so respectful and good and genuine, and it actually scares me because i've been addicted to being treated badly, and it is more comfortable. i was abused by both parents and also was molested as a child and i think that is the root of that issue for me, and probably most who go through this kind of thing. ADDICTION is actually a good word for it.i think for me it is having a pisces SN and my chart ruler and neptune AND venus (as well as them being all conjunct) ruler in the 7th house, and my neptune in the 12th. i, too, always wanted to help these guys and took so much crap and even blamed myself for how they treated me. it started when i was 17 and dated a guy who became a junkie before my eyes. of course i wanted to save and help him, but it also set up a pattern that took 12 years to break. i think it's really REALLY important that you realize that as much as you love him (and i know you do), your love cannot heal him. in fact, it is most loving, i think, to break away from him (lovingly) and tell him straight up that he needs to change because it is hurting you (and him) and he needs to seek help on his own, and that you cannot be in that kind of situation with him any more and that it hurts you. i think there is a much higher chance of success for both of you if you do this, rather than if you stay in it with him, because he probably doesn't have enough impetus to change if you're already there for him, taking care of him. i know how much the prospect of leaving him probably hurts and frightens you.. but i really hope you make healthy decisions that put YOUR health and sanity as priority. you deserve that, and it is an essential right and need for all of us. IP: Logged |
katatonic
Knowflake Posts: 6537
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted November 01, 2008 04:31 PM
i think the last two posts come closer to the answer. the title of this thread is "addicted to bad men" and i think that is what is relevant. without judging anyone's character, which is not visible in a chart, looking at YOUR chart paula you have NN in 1st (SN in 7th) which shows a need to concentrate on your own identity and a tendency to focus on your significant other's to your own detriment. also mars conj sat in the 6th, where it is prone to spend its energy in SERVICE, neptune in the 8th (other people's escapism issues?) and even uranus conj moon in the 7th which could indicate comfort with on/off relationships...nothing that can't be worked out but i think the ticket here might be to stop trusting people with drug/drink problems to be the perfect boyfriend when cured...i have to agree with the al anon suggestion, not because you have a major problem but because even a few visits to one of these groups will help you get a handle on your own situation and probably suggest tools to help you deal better...this chart is all about the need to balance 1st house stuff with 7th/8th!! so these bad men (and i know you know they're not necessarily bad, just bad risks!) are beating down your door to help you work on YOUR "issues"! nice of them, isn't it? IP: Logged |
scrappydog
Knowflake Posts: 451
From: Texas
Registered: May 2009
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posted November 01, 2008 04:39 PM
Well spoken heartcakes. Thats exactly it, YOU become addicted to bad men and even being treated badly. A person can actually become USED TO and except being treated like sh*t if that's all they have ever known. It becomes familiar and a way of life and as numbness takes over it can seem like it's not THAT bad because you love him so much and can't bear to abandon him to his own self destruction. BUT IT IS WRONG. Anyone who is like this has got to break the pattern! These men almost NEVER change!IP: Logged |
katatonic
Knowflake Posts: 6537
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted November 01, 2008 04:49 PM
...IP: Logged |
bunnies
Knowflake Posts: 422
From: u.k
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted November 01, 2008 06:10 PM
Listen to these Knowflakes pixie. they will give you far more wise insight then any chart will.look at heartcakes. Scared because someone actually thinks she's worthy of love.
So used to accepting less that she is shocked when someone tells her what she should always have known. That she was and always has been worth so much more. That's what addicts do. They will take you down with them. it's their survival strategy. And scrappydog. my heart aches for the start in life you had. But those ten years are not wasted love. Because you did one of the hardest things ever. And that is that you broke the cycle.
That takes some guts when from an early age it's all you had to go on. It's a curse and a blessing the nurturing nature that women have.
We can't bear to see people in pain and we think we can help, but being a crutch for someone to continue a self destructive lifestyle helps no one.
So here's the golden rule.
If someone makes you feel guilty or you start making excuses for them don't let them into your life. You can be a martyr when you are old and crinkly but when you are young and full of living for God's sake.....Don't waste it!
IP: Logged |
scrappydog
Knowflake Posts: 451
From: Texas
Registered: May 2009
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posted November 01, 2008 08:32 PM
Your exactly right Bunnies and Pixie I took a look at your chart. That close mars saturn comj in scorpio worries me. You probably DO attract violent men to you. The drug/alcohol problems are coming from your Neptune oppositions to your sun and venus. They are not close, but everyone feels the planets differently and to different levels of intensity. You obviously can feel outer planets very strongly just like me. Try to find strength in all those independent gemini placements and your moon uranus conj.
You will find that deep inside you are a strong female that CAN find a level of detatchment if you try and can stand alone if necessary on her own two feet. You will discover you do not NEED a man.IP: Logged |
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