posted November 10, 2008 10:16 AM         

i'm in asia right now for a family circumstance. i'm asian but grew up in the west. both in Europe (where i usually live) and in the US (where i studied for 8 years), i am considered attractive, friendly, charming and witty in conversation. many people love me and not so many dislike me (i hope not!), many guys adore me both as a friend and lover. i'm not like model beautiful, but my personality helps. i love people and often live with a bunch of people who work with art, music and other creative materials...

now that sounded like an introduction at a meeting site, but what i wanted to say was... it's completely the opposite now that i'm in Asia...!

Here, first of all i'm OLD (30)!!! and my face is not their "type". and i don't know the fashion trend of this country, so i don't appear stylish (although i'd often been mistaken for being a fashion major when in the US or Europe). everything different! and my body movement is considered too violent and my behavior too arrogant to appear likable to them... my friendliness makes them suspicious of me.

in the beginning i thought i just had to bear for now, but i'm not sure how long more i will have to stay here just yet. but it's definitely affecting me more and more as the time passes. i try not to feel depressed about it, but even though i'm not like an attention ***** , the difference is so drastic! i try to adjust but it gets plain absurd like i'm pretending to be someone else... and i can never do it right like the young girls in this country.

posted November 10, 2008 10:39 AM         

In many countries, they're a lot more traditional in their views of how women are supposed to act.

America doesn't have this view of being a bunch of degenerates in the eyes of lots of the rest of the world for no reason lol.

posted November 10, 2008 11:35 AM         

Americans may have a "reputation", but at the same time they are very easy going with foreigners, well, generally speaking, compared to some countries that look down on "foreign behaviors". at least they didn't make me "ugly"!

posted November 10, 2008 02:49 PM         

been thinking of u n good 2 c u back!

posted November 10, 2008 08:11 PM         

It's no secret. There are several ways to cope with it. Google's your best friend

posted November 10, 2008 09:22 PM         

taurean_scorpion, yea i'd normally take your advice. of course i can only be myself and never anyone else, but it's gotten to the point that i just feel so left out. it's close to impossible to make any friends here. with no one appreciating me as a woman, and people looking at me like a total weirdo, i feel like i'm a 60-year old grandma! i've always been super sexual too and um, i used to think about sex 24-7... anyway with this energy i've been an artist, musician, writer etc. etc. but for the first time in my life i feel that it's something from an outer space and sexuality has nothing to do with my life. this is terrible!! i used to think when i stop thinking about it that means i'm dead! their fashion trend doesn't appeal to me either and i'm super turned off by most males i see out there also (not that they are interested in me either )...

posted November 10, 2008 09:22 PM         

i'm sure certain things won't matter anymore once i'm back in Europe. i'm just afriad that a similar situation will continue in a different context because the Saturn entering my 10th house next year followed by this Venus conjunction. does anyone have an experience? especially i'm trying to get the area of my work habit straight in the coming years, but maybe this is a bad timing... above all i'm a hyper social person and having a negative influence on my social life is a huge blow to me. it's scary. how can i see it as a positive phase?

beside Saturn, transiting Pluto has been conjunct my natal Sun and it's moving onto my natal Mercury which is my 7th house ruler. i guess this is showing some form of transformation? right now transiting Venus is actually conjunct my natal Sun, but i don't feel this that much, maybe overwhelmed too much from the Saturn thing? Pluto is also in opposition with my Jupiter, i don't really know how to interpret this. Jupiter is my chart ruler and it's in my 7th house.

posted November 10, 2008 11:46 PM         

i tried to get out to meet people before i got stuck here, but dear, how do people in this country make friends?? sometimes i feel like my existence is just text! i need real people~ curse the "no social life" transit!!

posted November 11, 2008 05:50 AM         

I'd like to say I'm hot world wide. Ha. I'd like to say that. I can't say so because it's probably not true. Hee.

posted November 11, 2008 06:06 AM         

I checked your chart (Know Two Are Alike). You cannot be NOT attractive and noticeable, you have venus and sun in the first house! I think where you are right now is just not conducive to dating or finding love. If you'd like me to look a bit into the mystery please email me your place of birth and the city/place where you are right now (deuxantares @ gmail.com).

posted November 11, 2008 06:26 AM         

Perhaps it's because you don't have a core group of friends yet, that you feel this alienation. Hang in there and be sincere to people, I'm sure your personality will shine through.

They might take some time to get warmed up, so their shyness might be perceived as aloofness or disdain. But it's hard to dislike someone who likes you, or makes the effort to get to know you.

With a little persistence, hope and love I hope things can get better for you.

posted November 12, 2008 05:39 AM         

hi Unmoved! oh that's true, i bet you are gorgeous in many places in the world!

yea i'm just having a hard time because it's sad to feel disconnected.

i've always had a complicated relationship with my birth country, yea i'm back in my birth country for a family circumstance. i really don't like to tell people who don't know me much where i was born, because it has a very particular impression to the rest of the world and people tend to see me as "that" as soon as they find out where i was born.

i was born in Japan. it's not like i "dislike" this place, really, i think it has a nice history and beautiful culture. but i'm not a Geisha and i don't practice Katate, and first of all because i don't live and have few family relations here it's hard to identify myself with it, and my Japanese does sound funny because i never speak it, unfortunately (but i belong to the fluent-native level, of course). it's pretty much like i'm a foreigner here. Japan is one country in the world to me, and i view myself as a world citizen than being conformed to one place anyway... anyway on contrary to how some people expect me to be (though i know you guys here wouldn't ), i am at the farthest point from being the person to "represent" Japan (who, beside prime-ministers, ambassadors and royalties anyway??). i've even been told, more than several times, "aren't you proud of your heritage?" (they were all Americans...) but when did i say i wasn't proud of it? yet how can i, when i'm not accepted nether as a Japanese nor a foreigner in the country i was born in? i know they have no ill intentions when they want to talk about Japan with me, because to many people it's a place surrounded by a fog of mystique, but i'm just as puzzled and mystified by it myself...

the whole country of Japan, this collection of islands in the Eastern edge of the world, is kinda like a small village in Europe (or in any small villages, probably). they are very cautious of people who are not like themselves. being different is one fatal step into becoming dysfunctional in the society. i have nothing "against" either Japan nor a small village in Europe, but sure it make it impossible for me. they are the most complicated people i know of.

anyway i don't care to be considered a super hot woman (i'm within the range of "normal" anywhere else anyway), but i've NEVER been thought to be a pretty type whenever i'm here for some reason... in general i get told that i'm photogenic by my friends, but i got a goofy personality so i think many people think of me as charming than feminine. sure their first impression is "mysterious" (yup, the "Asian mystique") but once i open my mouth... at least i'm seen as neither "unattractive" or "OLD"! i'm outside of the range as a woman to the people here, THAT's pretty tough... i really don't understand how the social life of Japanese people is like. i don't know how people become friends and when it comes to dating it's a complete mystery! they have this custom that's very common and wide-spread, that they go to "match-making" dinners organized by friends (with the same number of girls and boys), and find their dates that way. going to bars autonomously to find mates doesn't really exist (though it's a controversial method anywhere anyway...). it's as if everything has to go through some sort of arranged situations?

posted November 12, 2008 09:13 PM         

Japanese language itself already divides people into gender, age and status, it's not hard to link that to their culture itself. I would say it's one of the most exclusive cultures in the world.
I chuckled a little when you said they would say yes even if they mean no just to be polite and their indirectness.
The whole "masen...ka?" thing. I would behave more like I'm from some yakuza family I think because I would never fit to their polite standards.

I just watched the film 'Tokyo', it's pretty good and portrays the different types of discrimination in Japan. You might like it Actually, there are several Japanese dramas that have discrimination as their theme, can't remember their names now. One was about 30-year old lady finding love in Tokyo.

It's a great country and they are friendly, but they are quirky and inaccessible. Fitting of their Aquarian background perhaps.
Your post came across to me as sensitive and understanding and knowing, I'm very sure your inner Being is similarly beautiful. I only wish I could be your friend in Japan and we can o-hanami and eat ramen together

posted November 12, 2008 11:33 PM         

yea i'm gonna check out the movie! though it gives me a hard time, i'm really curious of this country, it's so strange! i've studied a lot about its history and culture in the past (though i forgot a lot already... time to refresh my memory).

it's not the right season for "ohanami" tho, instead the mountains are colored in red, yellow, green, purple, orange... it's SO pretty! so yes, if we'd be friends in Japan, we are gonna go sit by a mountain and eat ramen together (bizarre picture?).

posted November 13, 2008 01:27 PM         

I come from different culture and have lived in Europe, I am back to my birth country. I have gone through similar time phrase but before you.

This time phrase is to test what you believe in and whether what you believe is true or not. The trick isn't to feel mystified ( even if you do let it be, to find about your true self you would go thrugh a phase of uncertainity ) but enjoy both the worlds of east and west. Try to find out what are the main issues which you feel you have neglected in the past or you are unsure. Maybe some of your beliefs are old fashioned or needs to be changed. You might not feel Japanese or American nor people around you however you would have to be strong from inside to know what to believe and what not to.

Maybe it is your need to get an approval of beauty might be unnecessary and you have to love your ownself. OR Maybe you have been arrogant about your looks ? Saturn usually comes back with Karma

Maybe knowing what beauty really means to you ? or to the world might help you to understand yourself.

Try to find a common link between East and West. The bridge between 2.The cultural difference would be several but there would common things like people in East and West are still Human.They are ticked mostly in a same way.

Try to adapt....Try to understand why they are saying what they are saying....Saturn would also come with additional responsibilities which you might have neglected in the past. You would have to wisen up and maybe someone is trying to bring to your attention.