posted November 15, 2008 06:50 PM         

Put it this way: my life seems to have been mostly constant chaos, but over the past year I have come across more than I can deal with. Firstly, I seem to have attracted people who are not very good for me (Scorpios and Leos), who are unfortunately in positions of authority - okay, I know what you're thinking - Pluto in Capricorn - all well and good - doesn't make my life any easier!

I have had Pluto opp my natal Mars for the last 2 years, also Pluto opposition Saturn (until Oct 2009) and I'm also undergoing Saturn CJ Asc. When Saturn moves into Libra next year I will also have a great time of Saturn CJ-ing my Pluto.

This year has been absolute hell. Mostly I seem to have been running round in circles with people in so-called authority saying "do this, do that". Never have I experienced a year where I have put so much into my work and got so little in return. Never, ever, ever. It's been constant criticism, rudeness and patronizing-ness, and going back to the drawing-board time and time again. I'm at the point now where I just can't work with my business partner any more, as he has promised celebrity introductions and all sorts of other wonderful things (I have done all the physical work), and has effectively contributed NOTHING - he even told me he "hated" some work I'd done on occasion. I mean, there's constructive criticism, and downright being insulting!

I have come to the conclusion he actually doesn't know what he's talking about, and will be requesting that we dissolve our company next week. It's got to the stage where I am mentally and creatively paralyzed because I have been oversaturated with various bods saying "do this, do that" and making out they are cleverer than me because they seem to need to justify their existence. I also wonder whether jealousy plays a part in their comments towards me. This year was supposed to have been superb careerwise for me but it's been an absolute nightmare. All the astrological advice I've read has advised me to be patient but in most situations this year it has been downright impossible. I am self-employed and have virtually no money coming in because of projects from last year that I have been winding up (that I was not paid any extra for). I have applied for about 50 jobs over the past 3 months, had 3 interviews, all without success. I don't really know what to do except make a clean break and retrain, but everything is so competitive and uncertain, especially given the current economic climate. One thing I do know is th

posted November 15, 2008 07:41 PM         

Here are the year's events in detail. The landlord I had at the beginning of the year (like the previous one) tried it on with me. Eventually I moved (in March of this year). I didn't know that the new house would be having 8 other people living there as the landlord didn't tell the truth at the time. All the appliances broke down as resources were overstretched and eventually I had a nervous breakdown because of the continuous building work, which stretched over months (I work from home and was experiencing constant interruptions with people going in my room/noise of other tenants). I am now moving again.

Careerwise, a designer I was working for criticized my work at the beginning of the year (7th Feb. eclipse - even though there was nothing wrong with it) and we had to part company. I had enrolled on an MA course in fashion, where the lecturers never turned up, never taught us anything and encouraged students to produce bodysuits stained with urine, faeces and menstrual blood. They also gave me a damning critique on the very same day that the designer had a go at my work, which was the beginning of the end from my point of view - I honestly did not see what I had done wrong.

Needless to say I complained and got my money back, and my business partner encouraged me to do so. However, no sooner had I left the course than he said he hated some work that I'd done (he obviously felt as though he had some control over me). He has done absolutely nothing towards the business except have meetings (at which he instructs me to do work, then when I bring it the next time, looks it over and says "hmmm, hmmm"), writing 10 lines for the website, and saying "oh, I told you so" when things don't work out - classic passive aggression - I am convinced he's like this because I've made it clear I wouldn't be open to sleeping with him (he makes sexual jokes which I rebuff, he has now got a young PA that he is supposed to be supporting in a similar way to myself, who wears lots of makeup and trails a cloud of very strong perfume behind her) and has asked on occasion: "Wouldn't you be open to romance - curling up beside a log fire?" to which I have vehemently answered: "NO!!!"

A guy from aforementioned course also sent me weird sexual text messages - at the time I didn't know who they were from so I reported his no. to the police. They issued him with a harassment order - turns out the course rep must have given him my number, as I certainly didn't - I was livid.

I had problems with the publishers of two books I am writing. I had written for them before, but the person I was liaising with went on maternity leave and was replaced by an idiot (a Cancer) who did not know anything and was consistently passive-aggressive. She has constantly requested that I do extra work on the books (which I am not being paid for) and I have had to complain to her superiors twice now. The graphic designer she employed was also a complete beginner and the first draft of the book had to be redesigned completely as it just wasn't up to scratch. For some bizarre reason the covers also have to be okayed by about 10 people for marketing purposes (they have spent approx. 6 months working on the covers. Can someone explain?)

I have had enough and I am fed up with all the continuous aggro, getting nowhere or going round in circles, having to continuously explain myself to people and getting absolutely no help whatsoever from anybody. Can anyone see ANY positive signals in my chart at all, because I feel very broken right now and totally invisible. I can't trust anyone any more. I don't understand what on earth it is I'm doing wrong, I've tried to keep upbeat and I've tried every avenue but I've been hit down again and again, and, as I said, I feel both mentally and creatively unable to move - I do actually have great ideas but I need to get away from people that have negative and controlling influences on me (mostly Leo/Scorp influences, I hasten to add). The only people that have been good
to me during my blackest time have been my father (a fellow Aries who experienced similar in his working life), a Gemini, and curiously enough, a Leo and a Scorpio (although they must be exceptions).

Any advice greatly appreciated!

Love,

Xena

posted November 16, 2008 12:16 AM         

We all feel like that every once in a while, I wouldn't want to look at charts to look for signs then give you advice, I love astrology but I use it to understand people's psychology.

I think the whole thing is a test of will for us all not just you, no one said you have to trust anyone really except for a select few because from my own experience I have come to learn that people tend to always put you down or not live to your expectations maybe it's just me but I do have high standards and expect the same from losers I deal with (To me everyone is a loser until they prove otherwise lol)that may sound cold but it is the sad reality of the world we live in, trust in yourself and love yourself and everything else will fall into place.

Regarding work and you sound so passionate about your work which is a very good thing, I suggest you should definitely dissolve your partnership and look for more professional people to associate with, that will boost your confidence in yourself and drive healthy competitiveness and that will usually yield you good results.

I know you are frustrated but you will be amazed how stronger this entire experience will make you in the future.

Criticism should not be taken personally, if I were you I'd look into it and use it to better myself (Only if it makes sense though)

I am optimistic for you, your plate is full but with all the good stuff, that's how I see it so just hang in there and dont get overwhelmed.

Your personal shrink, VirgOh lmao

posted November 16, 2008 01:17 AM         

Hang in there, ... really I know its hard. But you signed up for this lifepath, so you must be strong enough to live it.
Seems like you are a very strong person, but you are tired, really tired of this life right now and you have been putting up with alot for a lllooonnggg time, more than you even let us know here.
Keep turning inward Xena, the answers are inside you, and your own personal connection to the Divine. Ground yourself, meditate, eat healthy and exercise. And remember what goes up must come down, and in this case what went down must come back up. Discipline is tough, none of us like it, times of trials always seem longer than times of rewards. Just remember Xena that without the trials our rewards would mean nothing. Just keep on living in the moment, and taking each one as they come along.

And remember Xena, that now more than ever is a time for you to be thankful. For what? For everything that you do have, and surely you can find ways that you have been and are still being blessed.....
These thoughts can help light your path so it doesnt seem so dark, and the rocks dont seem so slippery, and the mountains become hills, and the rivers, streams .....

posted November 16, 2008 05:52 AM         

I believe the Moon was almost conj your Saturn/Mars when you started this post -- I could understand the emotional frustration at having to deal with the gas-pedal and the brake all the time, back and forth I bet that tPluto trine nSun has been responsible for the massive changes in your life, and people need time to adapt to new situations/surroundings.
I daresay a tiny bit of impatience might imbue your character and others here have spoken of the resulting depression from high expectations not coming to fruition. But I feel in your case that things will get much better in a year or so and that the enormous effort you've been expending will start to bring its rewards. Give the world econony a chance to regain its footing -- and your fellow humans time to regain our sanity and jobs, and lose/drive-out our anxiety and the demons of this particular decade of enormous swings of the world pendulum.
You've got grit, Xena -- you have what it takes to succeed and make it thru a long period of challenge. tSaturn crossing Asc and into the first has been fabulous for me -- a real help at restructuring what I need for ME and what I need to take with me (or learn) in the coming 7 years before the next Saturn Test arrives.

We will be here with shoulders to cry on and hugs for the asking

posted November 16, 2008 12:33 PM         

Your name number should be changed to a 6, preferably to 24.

You should avoid business partners in the future, only business relationships with outright profit sharing or commissions. Aries click when they HEAD their own business. Librans will click easier in partnerships.

I have some seriously useful notes on financial abundance, not new agey airy fairy stuff, seriously effective material that has helped thousands.

The Law of Attraction and "The Secret" etc do not work when you have unreleased emotional blocks. One clue is colour.
Do you have too much of:
Navy Blue
Deep/Dark Red-Black combos
Dark Olive Green
Dark Green
Dark Orange
Mustard Yellow
Lime Green
in your wardrobe, curtains or surroundings?

If so, the simplest changes to pastel will help alleviate the mood and bring in some fortune. Next would be release of the expereinces to prevent them from occuring again.

Also check out the Vaastu-Feng Shui of your home/room/office.
You cannot afford to keep the North East or North cluttered. This one change added more than $10,000 to my father's net worth OVERNIGHT. I dont know how it works but it sure works. Feng Shui speaks of a wealth corner, many sites speak of it. This works too.

Step by step, eveyrthing will click.
Astrology will help after these basics are done.

posted November 16, 2008 03:05 PM         

VirgOh - I'm reminded of Linda Goodman's quote that Virgo doesn't expect too much from people anyway. Perhaps that's a better stance to take! I always have a bit of a deep-seated hope that people will turn out to be good but - yeah, they need to prove themselves.

I do feel as though I am much stronger and my learning has increased exponentially through the past year - a lot of stuff has come up that I thought I had outgrown or was immune to, and I couldn't ever imagine myself experiencing it.

I have difficulty having "fun" (in fact a Cap b/f last year pinpointed that I don't know how to have fun), because I am obsessed with my work. Even so-called leisure pursuits I treat as work, and I aim to achieve the best outward manifestation of my inner visions that I can.

Zala, what do you think about the potential oppositions of Saturn to my Sun, Merc & Chiron - + conjunction to my Uranus + Pluto(I know that's a long way off yet, but poss in the next 3-4 years - I can imagine those will be tough transits too!). Plus we also have Pluto moving into Cap, which will be square my natal Pluto. Is the world just going to suck me up and spit me out? Will I go completely ga-ga? Saturn seems to be worst in a Mutable sign - actually wasn't so bad in Gem, but I seem to remember the Saturn in Pisces transit was awful as it squared most of my planets at one point or another.

A few more transits I was looking at:
Mars Opp Pluto + Saturn Opp Pluto where Pluto is tr. through 4th House - career- + home-related problems.
Pluto Sq Venus - challenging for relationships
NN Sq Saturn - inhibited social life, depression & dissatisfaction, min 1 month.
Asc CJ Saturn - depression, frustration, elimination of old structures. Getting clear about who we are.
Asc Opp Uranus - Finding self, able to respond & enter into relationships with renewed sense of love and compassion. Breakthroughs (rather than breakdowns, we hope!).

Iqhunk, feng shui looks interesting. Why change my name number to a 6 though, out of interest? It doesn't feel quite right LOL I have lots of repeating 11s, 9s and 7s in my name/birthdate. My Christian name is an 11, my middle and last names are 7, and my full name adds up to a 7 - new house number is also a 7!!

I had had a business adviser before and regretted it because they actually ended up losing me a sale. Over the last 2 years I have ended up making mistakes I swore I would never make again. Like: going to fashion college. Getting a business adviser. Etc. etc. I am currently in a 60:40 directorship (of which I own the larger part) of the company.

Don't have a lot of colours you mention in wardrobe or surroundings. In summer I wear a lot of white, brights such as hot and clear pinks, yellows, beige, girly stuff. Now winter's here I wear black (with white as a contrast, mainly) and have a lot of sweaters, again in clear, bright colours and pastels. I do have a lot of grey in my wardrobe - I like it but perhaps it is greying my aura.

How do I release experiences?

I'll also bear in mind about the NE. I don't have much space in my new place for books and they have to go there for the time being...but I'll see what I can do.

I am actually very fed up with the accepted "norms" of most commercial design, and feel that I want to explore the spiritual side of myself more through my art. I read from time to time about certain symbolisms but I also want to find a way to transcend those symbolisms, since they are after all a part of human invention. I want my art to come from the heart more - rather than to sit down at a desk in front of a blank sheet of paper with the sole intention of producing a design of sorts. Most of my art has been figurative and I kind of want to break away from that and forge my own identity, so that I am not simply derivative.

Love,