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Author Topic:   Loner Forever!
missneptune
unregistered
posted December 03, 2008 09:07 PM           Edit/Delete Message
It seems like others have posted similar topics, but I feel

like my situation will never change. Ever since I was about

nine years old I have been a perpetual loner. I've had a

few close friends, but I've never had a social life, let alone

a boyfriend. I am friendly and open to people now, but

still I have not made a new friend in the past 3 years or

so.

I'm around people all the time, and still when I attempt to

to befriend someone, it turns into another acquaintance

and nothing more. Even if you were to look at my chart, it

doesn't appear that I would be such a loner -but I am, and

its really hard for me to relate to others my own age!

If your interested: http://i28.photobucket.com/albums/c223/missneptune/Natalchart.jpg


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Sun - Leo
Moon - Pisces
Ascendant - Sagittarius

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PeaceAngel
Moderator

Posts: 1481
From: peace.angel@live.com.au
Registered: Apr 2009

posted December 03, 2008 09:19 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for PeaceAngel     Edit/Delete Message
You really touched me with what you said. Because I can relate to you. That's actually why I came to LindaLand, because I felt terribly lonely.

I'm a real loner too, just by nature. I need a lot of time to myself. But I also love the company and stimulation of other people. I don't really have what I would call close friends in day-to-day face-to-face life. Plenty of acquaintances and people to wave hello to, but no-one close. So I empathise with you.

I have found that starting here and making friends here has helped build my confidence and believe in myself that carries into my outside world every day now. Maybe that could be for you too. Maybe you could start by starting here and feeling so good about you that it emanates into your outside world.

May I make a suggestion to you? Since you can't answer immediately, I'll go ahead anyway. There is a Forum on LL titled "Know Two Are Alike". Start your own thread there. Talk about yourself, let others get to know you. I'll be there.

I think there's not too much worse than loneliness. And there's too many people in this world for anyone to be lonely.

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Scorpionic Web
Knowflake

Posts: 50
From: Philadelphia
Registered: Apr 2009

posted December 03, 2008 09:22 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Scorpionic Web     Edit/Delete Message
Pluto in the 11th does it, in my opinion.

These people often feel like others are keeping a distance, that there are depths that they refuse to show. And this works vice-versa, with the 11th house often being the house of "love received", friends/acquaintances will always see something hidden, reserved, or inaccessible about the one with Pluto in the 11th, which can be a road block when elevating friends/acquaintances to the level of more intimate relations.

A friend of mine has this position, and she always feels like real connection is out of reach and that friends/acquaintances/lovers continue to misunderstand and under-estimate her. But the irony is that people see her as not committing to the depth necessary for her to understand them, and they give up on her easily, because they feel she gives up on them.

*Edit: Scorpio Pluto also makes a square to your Leo Sun. This is an extremely potent square, being tight, applying, and with the Sun and Pluto in their powerful "home" signs... I believe it is the culprit behind your problem.

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Aste*risk
Knowflake

Posts: 4
From: U.S.
Registered: May 2009

posted December 03, 2008 09:48 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Aste*risk     Edit/Delete Message
Couldn't it also be that Saturn retro? I've heard that makes one grow a very hard shell.

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missneptune
unregistered
posted December 03, 2008 10:05 PM           Edit/Delete Message
I don't have a hard shell, maybe if Saturn weren't conjunct Uranus, this would be true.

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Scorpionic Web
Knowflake

Posts: 50
From: Philadelphia
Registered: Apr 2009

posted December 03, 2008 10:11 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Scorpionic Web     Edit/Delete Message
Hmm, Saturn Retro rising, in applying opposition to Venus in the 7th... interesting...

I'm sticking with Scorpio Pluto in the 11th because of how I've seen it manifest in a few people. I've actually seen this exact social problem twice before with 11th House Pluto people. Then considering this tight applying square to Leo Sun in the 8th...

...however, many astrologers will say that aspects in a chart will corroborate each other, as astrology is holistic study. So a Saturn Rx (1st) Opp. Venus (7th) could certainly corroborate the aspect that I'm focusing on.

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Deliverance
Knowflake

Posts: 47
From: The real world
Registered: Apr 2009

posted December 03, 2008 10:11 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Deliverance     Edit/Delete Message
Missneptune

I would say Venus opposite Saturn/Uranus is a big factor in the way that you feel.

I have a similar signature (Venus opposite Saturn & both squared by Uranus).

This signature could mean that although you might not have lots of friends, the ones that you do make will be good quality compadres who will really care about you.

My Venus - Saturn opposition came into play when I was 20ish, before then I had LOADS of friends. Soon after this point, I started to drift apart from people & felt that I could not relate to people that I had coincided my friends.

I am now a bona fide loner, but I don't mind, I find it quite peaceful really.

But I know that loneliness is a hard feeling to deal with.

Perhaps you could join book clubs or clubs where older people frequent.

The Venus-Saturn/Uranus opposition could actually mean you make friends with older people in a group! That Venus in Gemini suggests the groups could be focussed on writing/communication & the Uranus points to - Astrology!!!

I think PeaceAngels suggestion is a great one. Im sure you will find lots of like minded people here on LL.

Keep your chin up.....that's better x.x.x

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Aste*risk
Knowflake

Posts: 4
From: U.S.
Registered: May 2009

posted December 03, 2008 10:17 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Aste*risk     Edit/Delete Message
Sorry, maybe hard shell is not what I meant. It's probably better that you see what I mean.

If you're interested, check out this article.
http://www.throughnightsfire.com/LoveandSaturnRetrograde.html

The beginning may not be exactly what you're talking about here, but near the end of the article, it starts referring to more characteristics of a Saturn Retro that you seem to be having problems with. I also have a Saturn retrograde and I felt very, very alone for years.

If it's just the fact that making friends is difficult for you, then I agree with Scorpionic Web.

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enchantress299
Knowflake

Posts: 26
From:
Registered: May 2009

posted December 03, 2008 10:37 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for enchantress299     Edit/Delete Message
I agree with them about the Pluto 11th house with the Saturn contact.

I myself have Pluto in the 11th conjunct Saturn in the 12th, and I've always felt like it was hard for me to make friends. There was a time when I was a teenager when I didn't have any friends and was teased terribly. When you're that age, you learn to buy into the crap that other people spew at you, and I did. It really hurt my confidence as a person. I constantly wondered what was so wrong with me since I was always alone, even though I was a perfectly nice person... I bought into that stuff for years.

Then, once I got into college, there were a few really awesome people that befriended me even when I tried to push them away. I found genuine people who reciprocated my friendship and didn't judge me for petty things.

Oddly, because of my Pluto/Saturn contact, I have actually had deeper, more long lasting friendships as a result. All the people who were the fake happy little fluff acquaintances usually couldn't handle me and would drift away, but the people who were really genuinely interested in me as a person, who were loyal, fun, and interesting, always hung around, and still do to this day.

Missneptune- Think of it this way, when you do finally make friends with people who really mean something to you and who are actually on your level, you'll appreciate them so much more! I certainly do. My current friends are like my second family.

The trick to making friends is this... You have to be willing to put yourself out there and be a friend to others first. When you portray yourself as happy, confident, and willing to exert just a little more effort to really get to know another person, other people usually react in a positive manner. Not always, but usually.

Also, it helps to put yourself into classes, groups, or hobbies that involve things you are interested in. You meet a lot more people who are interested in the same things as you are and it's easier to make friends when you have a common goal or interest.

quote:
But the irony is that people see her as not committing to the depth necessary for her to understand them, and they give up on her easily, because they feel she gives up on them.

I did that for the longest time too, and didn't even realize I was doing it. It was easier for me to be the one to give up on others first before they could give up on me, and then when they did give up on me, it would be a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Anyway, Missneptune, I wish you the best of luck in learning how to make friends. It really and truly is a learning process.

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Virgo Sun/Aries Moon/Scorpio Rising

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Scorpionic Web
Knowflake

Posts: 50
From: Philadelphia
Registered: Apr 2009

posted December 03, 2008 10:48 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Scorpionic Web     Edit/Delete Message
Oops, enchantress, I deleted your quotation of me from my post, I felt I was getting too wordy. But I'll paste it back in there so other readers have the context. I must stop editing so much.

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enchantress299
Knowflake

Posts: 26
From:
Registered: May 2009

posted December 03, 2008 10:51 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for enchantress299     Edit/Delete Message
Hee hee... YOU'RE not wordy. I'M wordy. lol. Can't help it. I have a lot to say.

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Virgo Sun/Aries Moon/Scorpio Rising

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sd09
unregistered
posted December 03, 2008 11:18 PM           Edit/Delete Message
miss neptune are u my sister,

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GemLover
unregistered
posted December 03, 2008 11:35 PM           Edit/Delete Message
I don't usually make close friends either, and I just happen to be an 11th house Pluto, squaring Saturn in 7th. The friends I do make in real life are more like 'sociable acquaintances' that sometimes I do share important things with, but it's never a really close bond. But I'm not bothered by it. I like my private space a lot (my Scorpio moon is also in the 11th) and I don't really feel like I'm missing out on anything, most of the time. My most trusted and only ACTUAL CLOSE FRIEND is still my ex (it's mutual) and I think it'll always be that way - I think that's a big part of where the Saturn in 7th influence comes in.

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taurean_scorpion
unregistered
posted December 03, 2008 11:49 PM           Edit/Delete Message
missneptune, I don't know the astrological reason for this and there could be more/less that we could find but like you said, those leo placements wouldn't make a loner I would think...
We're around the same age and I can very much relate to you. I actually had a thread about 3-4years back about my being a loner and being depressed. Anyway turns out there are so many people like us.
btw, I think you're gorgeous

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missneptune
unregistered
posted December 04, 2008 12:47 AM           Edit/Delete Message
"But the irony is that people see her as not committing to the depth necessary for her to understand them, and they give up on her easily, because they feel she gives up on them".

This quote resonates with me!

I've always read about 11th house Scorpio and speculated

that the Sun square Pluto could be factor in being a loner.

Steppenwolf by Herman Hesse is one of my favorite books,

it depicts loneliness so well, that even if you've never fully

experienced it, you will in this book. This is a bit off topic

but I relate to Herman Hesse books so much, and I was

surprised to find out that he had the same moon and

ascendant as me. Its strange how you can be drawn to

people that are similar to you.

I totally agree with what you were saying enchantress299

about superficial friendships just not working out.

I'm the same way, the friends I have are always very close

and intense friendships, and the ones that aren't as

intense die out quickly. I believe that I tend to be a bit

impatient sometimes, and must realize if I want quality

friendships verses quantity, then it will take a while to

establish them. Thank you all for your insights, its very

reassuring to know that others are going through or have

gone through loneliness and aren't afraid to admit it!


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Iqhunk
unregistered
posted December 04, 2008 02:44 AM           Edit/Delete Message
Loneliness has a peculiar reason called "Emotional Isolation". It's first stage is curable in 10 minutes using an NLP exercise named "The Autobiography Exercise" along with the Universal Laws of:
'Like attracts Like'
'As you sow, so you reap'
'Love yourself if others are to love you'

A useful tip is "Continuous Mild Internal Narciccism and Copious External Self-Lessness with a genuine heart". It is handy to eliminate guilt and self-judegment through negative internal dialogue once and for all. This negative internal dialogue with our heads looking down, that is quite an enemy.

I am willing to guide anyone through this right on these forums provided they promise to do the exercises.

My Aries Ascendant makes me thump my chest and proudly say that I "converted" dozens of introverts to extroverts in the past 3 years.
[ However, all of them were guys, so this will be a new challenge... ]

A prelimnary exercise is to kiss the mirror right now, 10,15, 20 or even 100 times if you have the time, repeating the affirmation by looking between the eyes "I am always loved and I am always popular".

------------------
http://www.tamsoft.co.in/articles.html

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Virgo/Leo Cusp
Knowflake

Posts: 3
From:
Registered: Apr 2009

posted December 04, 2008 02:45 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Virgo/Leo Cusp     Edit/Delete Message
Miss Neptune......

Wow this post sounds exactly like me......I can't seem to strike up any real friendships.....I mostly just skim the surface with people and the hard I try to really make friends and really get to know people......but it just doesn't work and well my life so far and since I was little has been pretty lonely although I do keep myself busy....but it can get hard

I had posted awhile back on another forum and similar question as yours.....wording was different but this post is very much like my post.......and well someone mentioned my Sun in the 8th house..which I noticed that you have.....I don't have pluto in scopio but my Pluto is in Libra

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GemLover
unregistered
posted December 04, 2008 03:12 AM           Edit/Delete Message
Iqhunk, now that sounds interesting! Seriously - I'm getting into affirmations and changing my mindset, so I'm curious about this.

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darkdreamer
unregistered
posted December 04, 2008 03:15 AM           Edit/Delete Message
Miss Neptune,

I`m sorry that you feel that way.

I`m similiar in some way. Cause I do have some really close friends with whom I share my innermost thoughts and feelings without ever feeling of needing to withhold any, because I know they love me the way I am.

But I seem to be plainly incapable of making aquaitances; either it turns into a deep friendship or it will completely dissolve. But the thing is one also needs those aquaitances.

And how many really close friends can you have anyway?
So, there are not THAT many in my life, but those who are t here, have been there for many years.

I think to make friends with someone, there has to be a certain chemistry between the two of you, and you have to be able to be open and listen to them as well as being able to share something about yourself.

but of course I know it`s never that easy. But most importantly you don`t have to stay a loner all your life.
I mean I think there is nothing wrong in being introvert or more on the quiet side. It doesn`t equal loneliness or sadness. It just means you`re probably looking more within yourself and others than only skimming the surface; at least that skimming the surface wouldn`t be enought for you to make you feel content.

But about making new friends I think one important part is to go out and give them the chance to get to know you.
And know that there is nothing wrong with you; you`re great the way you are, a unique loveable and loved human being.

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Seeing Stars 7.21
Knowflake

Posts: 54
From:
Registered: Apr 2009

posted December 04, 2008 04:05 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Seeing Stars 7.21     Edit/Delete Message
I think I can relate the best to how missneptune feels.

I was born a week or so before you so I have alot of the same things. I have alot of aquaintences but not many "friends" and even the friends I do have.. they are usually have been stripped away by different circumstances.. and many of the people my age I dont really click with.. and I cant really relate on a deep level with. I feel like they are all the same.. I get along especially well with old people.. just more wise mature individuals i think is my cup of tea.

that sucks you have never had a bf .. but Im sure when you do you should make it really special and I think if you get the right guy he will cherish you.. because you are a diamond in the rough.


I think once the transit saturn moves away you should start getting better things from life..

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missneptune
unregistered
posted December 04, 2008 06:19 PM           Edit/Delete Message
I just realized that loneliness peaks when my Sun transits the 12th house. Also when the moon is in Pisces, I feel exceptionally emotional!

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Libralove09
unregistered
posted December 04, 2008 06:22 PM           Edit/Delete Message
oh im the same miss neptune, i don't think were loners, i think maybe us kind of people take friends more seriously, like close friends.

to me, a friend and an acquaintances is a big difference.

i find it easy to make them, but close friends i find harder.

i only have a few of those, i had more in the past but lost them.

i have venus square or oppose basically everything in my chart. my saturn is in capricorn conjunction uranus and neptune in capricorn in the 5thouse, with the 5th house in sag.

i definitely cope, but don't like it.


in any case, don't give up, im sure everyone like us will make more close friends!

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ScrpnBliss
unregistered
posted December 05, 2008 08:15 PM           Edit/Delete Message
"I am willing to guide anyone through this right on these forums provided they promise to do the exercises."

I'm willing to do them Iqhunk! A lot of things have been holding me back and I'm so so tired of it. Being a loner is one of them!

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aquaspryt69
unregistered
posted December 05, 2008 09:20 PM           Edit/Delete Message
Miss Neptune~
Yet another with Pluto in H11 virgo
Retro Saturn opposing Ven and square Mars
Moon in Pisces
What's interesting also is our planets aren't in the same sign, but in the same element and some even the same houses (Moon in H4). Tell me I don't relate to what you're saying, thinking and feeling.

One of the best things I have started doing is volunteer work. Hospitals, soup kitchens, salvation army, food banks, assisted living homes, all can use help, especially this time of year. Tis the season!
Get the focus off of you and help others is the best advice I can give ya. I've met a lot of great people this way.

Aste*risk~ great article

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aquaspryt69
unregistered
posted December 05, 2008 09:28 PM           Edit/Delete Message
IQhunk~I'd like to join you & ScrpnBliss. How many times a day does one kiss the mirror 20/40/60 times and for how many days does one do this?

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