posted May 12, 2005 04:51 PM         

I just read your posts in Soul Unions and I will reply there to those in a minute. This decision pertains to that problem. On Tuesday he and I were talking about things and he was being very nonchalant about love. He said he loves me, but he really acts more like a friend. I decided to break things off with him-- it was very amicable and we were both sad, but continued with the dinner plans we had already scheduled for the evening, etc.

We're supposed to get together and talk on Saturday. I know that he is good for me in so many ways, and I don't want to sacrifice those things and our friendship. I think we bring out things in each other that would be latent otherwise. But... you know the rest. I'm trying to decide if it's best that I just cut my losses with him, or if this is a learning experience and I should stick with it. I am learning so much, but it is sometimes very painful. I know the biggest lessons often are. I guess what I'm really trying to do is figure out which way I should take things with us when we get together on Saturday. I feel like this is the wire that it's all coming down to.

posted May 12, 2005 08:56 PM         

I call it a possible plan. How would things work out if I did stay with him, but continued on my own path without trying to share that with him, but leaving it open to him to see for himself? Here's where I'm coming from. I have always felt like he and I have important karmic lessons to teach and learn from one another.

He is a center of the universe type, who doesn't even know how to begin to see someone else's point of view. (He very innocently believes that he is all there is, and his ideas/feelings,etc., are the only ones that exist.)

I, on the other hand, have an overabundance of empathy and tend to try to work out his problems for him before he's even realized he has a problem. I feel like I'm always the one pointing out what's special about us. I feel like I'm making this relationship and he's just showing up. And I do it at my expense. Like I don't want to move on without him because I wouldn't want to leave him behind. All the while I just get further from myself.

So... if I didn't hand everything to him, is it possible he may come around on his own? I don't know how you might do a reading on that, but if you can, this is what I want to know.

Geesh, I hope I don't sound crazy! Matters of the heart tend to bring out the fool in us all. Of course it is the fool who takes the risks and makes the miracles!

I know these posts are long, too. The feelings are just pouring out of me right now and I can't seem to stop them at the moment!

posted May 16, 2005 05:05 PM         

Sue~ I really liked your idea about pulling some cards for me after a week off. We had already planned on talking Saturday night, so I went ahead with the plan. The talk went well. What I really did not want to happen was a jumping back into the old relationship. I feel like that relationship has served its purpose and is over. I think a new relationship is beginning between us, but I'm not yet sure where it is going to go-- whether it is meant to be a friendship or something more. The important thing is that this time I'm focusing a lot more on ME, and I think it will be better for both of us in the long run.

Also... on Wednesday night I got out my tarot cards (I own two decks, but don't know how to read them.) Actually, it was a box of different decks of playing cards, card games, etc, that I had been meaning to go through and organize. When I finished, I realized that on top of both tarot piles was the seven of swords. I thought this was interesting, so I looked it up. I got different readings from each book. Maybe sometime if you get a chance you can tell me what it would have meant to you, but it's not really necessary. Just for fun if ya want to!

Thank you bunches! I have appreciated very much your help along the way.

posted May 22, 2005 08:27 PM         

I'm getting a strong psychic awareness that you're doing exactly what you're supposed to be doing. I don't know the whole story, but I feel like you need to let go of him completely. Get over him because he is not acting like relationship material, and you deserve much better. The seven of swords indicates he's running away from you, he is evading you, he doesn't want to face up to you in terms of a relationship. He's not ready to be in a relationship with you, and I feel like when he is it will be too late. You will get over him, and there is someone far greater than him out there than you realize. You need to be very patient, and most of all let him go and move on. One of the greatest lessons that we all have to learn is to let go of the people we love. We need to learn to stand alone, we need to learn to love ourselves, because a relationship can hurt you without your sense of identity. You love him differently than he loves you, you don't see eye to eye with each other. Like I said your lesson here is to let go, and to understand that these relationships are unhealthy and unreal even if you're soulmates. You must cut these unhealthy cords.

posted May 22, 2005 11:07 PM         

I just now checked back on this thread and didn't expect to see anything. But here you were telling me everything I already think I know.

Starlover~ that was pretty good. That's the feeling I'm getting, too. The only problem is that I know he is doing everything he can... he's pouring his heart into this, but it just isn't enough. And that's painful for both of us. How can you ask someone for more when they love you with everything they've got, ya know? It hurts me to see him trying so hard and still falling short.

Thank you all for your responses. I'm getting closer to the realization that this is probably not going to work out. People in love will always pray for miracles, even when there is no hope. It's been a year for us this weekend. We've both come so far and learned so much. But, Starlover, you're right... it's largely an identity issue, and mine is suffering for some unknown reason.

Thank you.

posted May 23, 2005 12:42 PM         

Any insight into what his deal is?

posted May 25, 2005 04:19 PM         

Thank you both again for taking the time to respond to my post. I am really touched by gestures like this... when someone gives something of themselves to help a complete stranger. One of the nicest things about Lindaland!

posted May 31, 2005 08:02 PM         

Thanks again for taking the time to respond to this post. I sincerely appreciate your input.

Currently, we have come together once again. After our short time apart, we found within us the patience and understanding to really listen to one another and things are going well. I feel that the old relationship is over, and something new has developed. It's not like everything is perfect now, but we have each come a long way in working with one another.

Astrologically, our suns are squared, and I still feel this tension, but I am learning to work with it instead of against it. He feels more than ever like he's ready to take definite steps in his life so that we may start a life together, and I've learned to trust in myself more, eliminating the constant need for validation from him.

It's a process, and every day is new. But we've seen this "new" relationship in action and feel pleased with what is transpiring. We don't delude ourselves into thinking that everything is going to be sunshine from here on out, but we've learned more about each other.

Your feeling about him not being ready was right on. Nice work! And we're not exactly racing to the altar just yet, so you may yet prove to be right about us not being together as well. We have some other large obstacles in our way regarding my son's father and our careers. We've known about these issues from the beginning and we've always moved into these issues with caution and intention.

All I know right now is that our time together is not yet over. If nothing else, we still have much to teach and learn from one another.

Thanks again, StarLover for giving me your time and attention.

BTW... school must be out for you by now. Did you resolve your issues with your math teacher? I hope you're feeling better now!

posted May 31, 2005 08:23 PM         

One thing though...

Just remember, relationships don't change that easily, just becuase he's convinced you, doesn't mean things are different now. Relationships are hard, and I know you feel like you know what you're doing, I did too, but I wouldn't be surprised if he reverts back to his old ways. He will, as soon as he starts feeling comfortable once more. You will see everything there is to see in due time. Nonetheless, he will be with you for awhile, I can see that. So this information doesn't apply yet. But I strongly feel it will. He aint it, you can do so much better, the truth is you need to be patient, and stop fearing the loneliness.

I know I once mentioned that he's running away from you, I guess I was wrong about that, but perhaps I felt like he's not being the real him. He's not really showing you HIM, and he's being sneaky making you think one thing, but really it's another.

Remember, when I told you your lesson here is to let go, this relationship is leading you to a crucial point where you must learn to let go, and move forward with your life.

I have this thing about truth, and this is how I FEEL, sometimes I hurt peoples feelings when I tell them the truth, but then again I could be wrong which gives you the power to choose. So it's up to you in the end what path you want to take.

posted June 01, 2005 12:30 AM         

Your words strike a chord with me because they resonate with similar thoughts I've had myself. It is a very strange situation that I can't really explain.

Love was never the issue for us... the issue is something far deeper. I get a strong sense that he and I have some kind of karmic tie that we're living out today. And I don't generally place too much emphasis on karmic ties. Especially not lightly.

It's a strange tie, not rooted in "soul-mate" kind of love. Something else. Some kind of partnership that is transformational for each of us, but as individuals, not as a couple.

However, that is not to say that a strong love does not exist here. It feels like an unbreakable kind of love. We're freinds in the truest sense of the word. I've never experienced a friendship bond as strong as this one.

As far as the changes go, I don't feel like we've made changes to suit one another. I feel like we've both learned things that have resulted in a smoother relationship for both of us. I've not done anything "for him." I don't get the feeling that what he's changed has been "for me." But I can't deny your feeling that perhaps this is a facade for him. Not born of malicious intent, but of a fear that I will not love the "real" him.

I hope that you see my responses not as arguments to your statements, but as fusions of the information you're giving me and the information I hold.

It is true, I don't like what you're saying. But I don't attach the message to you. I have no fear of any truth that opposes my hopes. All I know for sure is that even if I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that he and I would not end up together, I would stay where I am now and have no regret in the future.

If my lesson is to learn to let go, I fear that my instinct to stay serves the purpose of allowing me to aquire everything I think I want and having to let go of everything at once. Like rock bottom. But I know that if I walk out the door now, the lesson will not be learned as it is meant to be learned.

Certainly some interesting food for thought. My thanks again.

posted June 01, 2005 01:33 PM         

-StarLover