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Author Topic:   Need some perspective, please..
Adriana
Knowflake

Posts: 78
From: Norway
Registered: Nov 2008

posted March 15, 2009 02:42 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Adriana     Edit/Delete Message
This is a long story, really, but in short there is this guy I like. When his last relationship broke he started comming on to me. He knows I like him, and he has also expressed that he has feelings for me, but that he don't know what he wants. But there is also another girl involved, they are sleeping together. Just before christamas I told him about my feelings. I didn't know about her at that time, but he tried to get me into bed and said that we couldn't now anything unless we tried.. But he thought we would be to different for a long term relationship. But I didn't sleep over. And for about two months ago he said something that I don't really know how to interpret. He said that a guy will go for the best possible girl from what is available, but if something better (better looking)shows up, he will try to go for her instead. And if he is together with the better looking girl he will still try to have the less good looking one (cheating that is). And he said: "Girls on the other hand goes for guys that correlates with how good she THINKS she looks herself. I am sharming, arn't I?" Because of the situation, I don't really know if he said this to insult me (aka: she is better looking than you, you just think you look good), or to give me some kind of diplomatic compliment(you look down on yourself, and if we were together I would cheat on you with her!). Difficult situation, but this is bothering me. I asked him, but he said that he didn't mean it personal.. But I don't really believe him. Can anyone see anything about this? Did he mean it insulting, or reaasuring? I probably come of as very self- conscious right now, but this is bothering me a lot.. Tanks

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sunshine9
Knowflake

Posts: 1260
From: Chapel Hill, NC, USA
Registered: Feb 2005

posted March 15, 2009 05:10 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for sunshine9     Edit/Delete Message
Adriana,

What I'm about to say isn't from the perspective of a reading, but is just born out of my concern after reading what you've written here. It sounds like this guy's trying to pull a fast one on you. What he says isn't right - a guy who's loyal and sincere to the person he's with wouldn't be looking around constantly for the next better-looking thing that comes along, and I know very many solid men like that! Apparently that is his own attitude, and his attitude is very disrespectful to women, and toward you. It's a good thing you didn't let him con you into bed. I have a friend who's let herself get conned before (I can't believe there are players who actually try to justify cheating in such smooth terms!), unfortunately, and guys like that dump you once they get what they want; there is no mystery left and you've given them all of yourself. Be very careful with him if you have to interact with him at all - your standards should be much higher!! You deserve someone who will be loyal to you and appreciate what you have to offer.

I hope this doesn't come across as harsh; like I was saying, I'm just concerned for you. I've been there to pick up the pieces with my friend who's been in similar circumstances, and it is painful even from where I am.


Sunshine

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katatonic
Knowflake

Posts: 1209
From: ca, usa
Registered: Jan 2008

posted March 15, 2009 06:08 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for katatonic     Edit/Delete Message
speaking from a looking-back perspective of many years, adriana, why do you "like" this guy? if what he said is not enough to make you barf then consider that it is a test.


if you fall for his "charm" when he has said something like that, then he will consider you are not worth respecting and furthermore don't care that he IS GOING TO FIND SOMEONE better-looking eventually. look around you. there are many stunning women in this world, but that doesn't guarantee them love. there is ALWAYS someone better-looking because beauty is in the eyes of the beholder!

and beware, because if you DON'T "fall" for it THIS time, he may presume that you just need more wearing down. but the main point is NO ONE IS THE BEST-LOOKING woman in the world, so going with someone like this is just setting yourself up for being put down.

he sounds just like "shallow hal" before his makeover! but in real life how can you ever trust someone like this - even if he DOES come to his senses/mature, how will you know he is not just playing you?

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Adriana
Knowflake

Posts: 78
From: Norway
Registered: Nov 2008

posted March 16, 2009 03:33 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Adriana     Edit/Delete Message
Thanks for the replies.
I read what I wrote over again. This time I just felt sorry for myself! And I hope that what I wrote didn't make me look conceited, or something. Of course I know that there are a lot of better looking girls out there than me, but I didn't think he would compare me to that other girl right in my face just some weeks after I told him I had feelings for him! I didn't even know about her. Maybe I just needed a reassurance or something, but I know now that he was indeed insulting me, and that it was intentional. And even if he didn't mean her, he would go for another better looking girl. I am avoiding him now, but we go to the same school, so when we meet it just feels very akward. I try to think that this says more about him than it does about me. I needed a wake up call, I think. I think he knows I am very insecure about myself, so he is probably using it against me.

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MyVirgoMask
Knowflake

Posts: 3071
From: Florida for now
Registered: Sep 2008

posted March 16, 2009 08:47 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for MyVirgoMask     Edit/Delete Message
Adriana, I am sorry to hear you had to go through this. This guy sounds like a real ass.
If I may, I have a somewhat yucky story about a man I dated *very* briefly (about a month). I had never been with anyone who ever remotely put down my looks, but I was not in a good place, and this guy saw it and tried hurt me. I quipped that he wasn't such a prize himself, which made him draw back. He was a total jerk. With me, he tried to tell me that if a younger and better-looking woman came along, he would cheat. I kicked him to the curb, but not before telling him that if a younger, more attractive woman came along and he even considered that, then he'd have to compete with me seducing her first LOL. Naturally this appealed to his warped nature, but I was done with him, and disgusted.
About a month later he resurfaced with a confession which made me want to throw up: That he was used to women with a low self-esteem, who would fall for him. That he'd spend hours dismantling them (his words 'deconstructing' them) on every level - sexually, emotionally, mentally - and by the end of the night, they'd feel VERY happy that he was willing to sleep with them because they were so down on themselves by the time he was done with them.
I literally wanted to kill him. This guy was a predator, and wasn't even ashamed of it. He confessed it, openly.

Stay away from guys like this, Adriana. I've seen your picture in the other forum. You're a very pretty girl. You're also a sweetheart. You don't need someone like this. This guy is just testing you, trying to see what he can get away with. Don't let him get to you - and don't get together with him. Please. Don't

I'm sorry this isn't a reading. I am just VERY concerned and needed to voice this to you.

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Adriana
Knowflake

Posts: 78
From: Norway
Registered: Nov 2008

posted March 22, 2009 03:44 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Adriana     Edit/Delete Message
MyVirgoMask: That man you wrote about shouldn't even be allowed to walk around on this planet! What a jerk!! And what you told him was pretty cool I don't think the guy I was talking about is as horrible as he was, but I am actually going to confront him about it.

Thanks for the compliment MVM I have also seen your pictures, and I think you are very beautiful

Now I just want to meet someone that respects me, and treats me like a lady

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