posted June 14, 2009 09:59 PM         

I feel like I've been on the most horrific rollercoaster ride in my entire life. I don't want to get out of bed. I don't want to leave my apartment. I don't want to see sunlight. I've lost almost all interest in all my hobbies, cooking, reading, writing, church...

I'm sinking in unimaginable grief for my mama...I miss her so very much...I hate the thoughts of starting over once again in a new job, not to mention trying to FIND a job here....and depression is swallowing me whole.

Can anyone, anyone, do a reading for me to give me insight into my future? I just don't feel like anything good is ever going to happen to me and I'm growing very tired of being lent out to evil by God for their entertainment and punching bag, least that is how I'm feeling. I'm also tired of people telling me my mama is better off, not in pain blah blah because I know all that, but it doesn't dispell the fact that I miss the hell out of her and would move heaven and earth to have her back in my arms...selfish of me? Yes...I'm selfish...but my heart is killing me.

posted June 15, 2009 10:38 AM         

This isn't a reading but I do have a few words of wisdom.

From an ancient literary epic, I learned that any being that was once here cannot cease to exist because it's true they were here, not just a figment of our imagination. Therefore, her embodied self or spirit is still around you.
I read a book written by a psychic medium, she states that our loved one does not want to see us in pain, depression, grief, sorrow, etc for an extended period of time. Your mother wants to see you happy and move forward, to live your life, making her happy in return. If your sad shes sad, if your happy shes happy. You see the connection?

She doesn't want you to be sad, she wants you to thrive, to keep her legacy and learn from the experiences. It's ok to reminisce and miss her, but do it in a positive, productive way. You're her seed, her shining light. Make her happy, let her know you're getting through this and that you will not crumble under any circumstance.

Evil spirits are very powerful and God is just showing you that our body can always be attacked, used for a higher purpose.

It's the force of pluto coming in, tearing things up possibly in your 3rd, 4th,or 7th, 8th or 10th house since it may represent your mother(I'm fairly new to studying the houses) in the sign of capricorn, which will force you to be cautious and careful in the way you transform.

Though some aspects may lead you to other means of dealing with your sorrows, like depression, confusion, etc. which sometimes tends be a capricorn characteristic, or pisces/neptune.

I would like to know your DOB with time, and place of birth.

Yes, you may fall, but you must pick yourself up. Get out of bed, slowly, cautiously, listening to yourself of what needs to be done now and DON'T fake as if you're doing ok. Take your time.

posted June 15, 2009 05:22 PM         

My birth information is as follows...

December 16, 1970
1:58pm
Roanoke Virginia and I still live here..never have left.

posted June 16, 2009 04:33 PM         

I looked at your progressed chart you have

prSaturn opposite nSun >> low vitality, depression
prChiron conj Mars opposite nVenus >>> disheartenment and disappointment in love and being hurt by an ultra aggressive, hostile man

in 2008/09 solar return chart I see solar Pluto conj Lilith conj Sun conj Mars all around your natal Sun >> this stellium on your Sun have probably made your life such a mess, the planets are 'hard and heavy' and could cause, especially all together, such pain you are currently going through

you still have to go through some challenging aspects like tr Saturn and Uranus forming a T-square to your natal Sun which will be exact in middle September so you'll need lots courage and strength to through this, next year you are going to have solar Saturn conj ASC opposite solar Chiron conj DSC, which may mean that you will feel repressed and hurt in your relationship. I also think you will find someone new within the next year, you are going to have pr Venus conj Sun sextile nodes these are very potent aspects and chances are you will meet your true love.

I also want to point out that natally you have Sedna conj ASC which must be very hard to deal with - Sedna in your chart is a spot in your life where it is like you are walking around in the dark, stumbling into the furniture. It is the place where because we lack a base of knowledge to work from, we are blind. We can not put into perspective the issues Sedna touches off in our chart. With work, we can transmute our understanding of this area, but it will always be a place where we experience loss and betrayal.
And ASC represents how we face the world, it's a mysterious window on our world and our Self.

I have a thread about Sedna if you are interested to know more about her: http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum1/HTML/015260.html

Please take my interpretation with a grain of salt because I am not a professional astrologer so my reading may not be accurate, I also wish you best of luck and lots of love and light, it is always darkest before the dawn!

I hope ClingyGemini or someone else could give you more insights into your situation than I.

posted June 27, 2009 03:49 AM         

And Peri, thank you SO very much for taking the time to do a reading for me. I have read it several times, but for some reason reading it just now has provided a lot of insight to me. I know who the hostile aggressive man is. I find it interesting that in middle September I will need courage, as A LOT of very important things in my life, romantically and emotionally (not just with loves either) have happened in the month of September. I've noticed this trend since 2001 but it could have been longer and I just never paid attention. Well, I take that back, I met my now husband on September 24, 1992...since then though I never paid attention to the month until 2001.

I don't know what to say about finding a new love...I will DEF keep you posted if anything arises in my marriage/possible relationships in the coming year!

I've never heard of the Sedna but I will take the time to look at your thread about it.

Very interesting and I will bookmark this page, so as I can update the thread if needed from time to time....

thank you again, thank you thank you from the bottom of my heart.

posted August 02, 2009 10:22 PM         

I don't think I will see next year to find a true love. because I no longer believe in it. I'm tired. I'm tired of being hurt, I'm tired of the Universe instructing me to wait, for years I've waited and for what. All I've received are deception and heartache. My grief is beyond control now.

posted August 05, 2009 09:47 PM         

Before you go to sleep at night, ask for your Mama to come to you in your dreams. Ask for it every night. She might just listen.