posted September 17, 2009 04:40 PM         

i agree this composite is a bit unusual for a relationship.
on the one hand the moon/jupiter conjunction shows an interest in a serious relationship and the midpoints of venus/moon and venus/jupiter are square the ascendant indicating a loving feeling and emphacizing the awarness that this could be a serious relationship.

this unreasonable ,cynical criticism of the relationship[and you at times] is also shown by the chiron/moon and chiron/jupiter midpoints conjunct the descendant and square to the venus/monn and venus/jupiter midpoints.this elevates the level of criticism to include financial aspects and tends to show vastly different attitudes and priorities toward the spending on money.with the mars/pluto and uranus/pluto midpoint conjunct the ascendant,there is a underlying sexual dynamic that is very selfish and again disrepectful to love and emotional bonding and support.
the sun/neptune can give feeling of sympathy,compassion and nurturing but it can just as well be deceptive.and with the strong carnal influence of mars/pluto on the ascendant, i think he is after only one thing and it is not love.

but with the sun/neptune,i agree ,this can make motives and direction hard to fathom.with the mars/uranus conjunction, he seems to be exciting and unique but also desirous of his freedom.
i think this need for freedom will eventually be too much to overcome because th ecomposite shows the uranus/moon and uranus/juiter midpoints square to venus.a sign of emotional intensity but instabilty in relationships and an indicator of breakups.so i would expect that this relationship may be on again off agian in nature.
with the saturn/sun midpoint conjunct venus,there is an added feeling of devotion but chiron is opposed to venus.this can add an edgeness to the intimacy but it also shows that there is a certain cynicism and criticalness to the relationship.this often manifests as backhanded compliments or a tendencie to berate the relationship just when you feel a deep intimacy,as if he wants to keep you off balance.drawing you in and then pushing you away after he get what he wants emotional/physically.
the sun/neptune conjunction sextile the saturn/pluto conjunction is a compassion and caring aspect but in this situation this sextile forms a finger of god with chiron which again highlights the tendency to be harsh and critical at the most tender moments.actually this can be a very scathing emotional dynamic.

posted September 17, 2009 05:22 PM         

it is a very strange relationship. we've been together in four capacities over the last year. started as (basically) roommates, that turned into a relationship, then we broke up for three months and remained good friends and saw eachother a couple times a week and emailed every day, then we got back together as close friends who share intimacy. when we broke up, he told me that it was because he was confused about his feelings and had been for a few weeks, and had been lying to me about the intensity of his feelings. whereas the first few months he'd felt we were right for eachother. he is extremely skeptical and reserved, so for him to have said that we were right for eachother meant a lot. does not believe in soulmates and soforth. i just checked the transits for that time and three weeks before we broke up neptune began squaring his mercury, which i believe accounts for both the confusion and the deception.

we are extremely drawn to one another and share the most beautiful, warm, sweetest intimacy. i've never experienced anything as soothing and sweet as we share. we are very comfortable together and it is automatic.

however we both seem to have issues with codependency that are exacerbated by being together. as in, our codependencies 'fit' one anothers'. i've whittled this down to two primary aspects. his venus opposes his moon (both make plenty of aspects to my chart) and my chiron opposes his sun/pluto by one degree. so i find that this seems to fit with the venus chiron opposition. we both have a lot of heartache in our pasts (family issues) and at first we were just there for eachother and nurturing. we understood eachother and those dynamics. but over time we found we were constantly afraid we were hurting eachother and even though we actually weren't, the confusion became too much. the worst part is, we lost our incredible sense of lighthearted excited FUN that we shared for so many months before, that contributed enormously to our bond. that was replaced with this constant worry we each had that we were hurting one another (stemming from respective family dynamics).

in our sexual/intimate relationship of the past couple of months that pattern has creeped back in and the deep sense of fun we used to share has still not returned, or if it does start up again a little bit, it does not last because he will generally tend to worry that he's hurting or offending me when he is not! and then i'm afraid to be myself with him because i'm worried that he is interpreting things this way! and then we are both frustrated that this pattern persists and that we are unable to get out of it.

he is extremely stubborn and has never elaborated or clarified the reasons for his breaking up with me. he told me he was worried he was going to push me away because of his own issues with intimacy and was crying saying he did not want to because he felt so effing good and close to me, and then three days later he broke up with me. even while he was breaking up with me he said he sometimes felt he was in love with me and sometimes didn't. that the past few weeks when we were together he felt in love with me but when we weren't he second guessed himself (as he tends to do with everything!). am i right in assuming this is the effect of neptune squaring his mercury?

anyhow, i am still in love with him, but it is like i am in love with our past; who we were together before all the confusion set in, and our codependent patterns began to take hold. we are both extremely individualistic and i believe a lot of that is our own guarding against codependency (which is rampant in both our families; substance abuse and mental illnesses. we were both kind of the rocks who went inside ourselves to cope). i think this may be part of our mars/uranus conjunction. we really excited eachother and we were both big on maintaining our independence. our intimacy was extraordinarily sweet and loving, so we had a beautiful balance for a time that got lost when things began to get confusing.

the thing is that because he won't discuss why he broke up with me and won't give me closure and isn't really open to discussion i am feeling, suddenly, like i cannot really be close to him. i feel that he has no real basis for it, other than his confusion (which he's basically named as the culprit), but he is stubborn about it and says he does not have romantic feelings for me anymore. when he was breaking up with me, he said it just started feeling different, and not right anymore, about half the time. my feeling is that is because our fun got lost under the emotional BS of our pasts. part of me is very annoyed because he was very very serious about me and as he is one to mince words and keep his feelings underground, and is a VERY serious person, his saying things like 'i will never give up on you' and 'i have absolutely no intentions of letting you go because what we have is effing amazing' gave me the definite impression that we were equally devoted. and thus, that being the case, that he would not have just given up when things got confusing; that he would have realized the (self) work involved in deepening intimacy and maintaining a serious relationship.

i should point out that i was his first girlfriend. he feared ever getting involved because he hates to fail at anything and because he was always afraid of codependency.

so! so much of what you said is right! and though he is not exactly critical, there is definitely something that happens when we begin to get extremely intimate. we often share excruciatingly wonderful nights that are just so full of tenderness and meltingness and pure ecstacy. just the most wonderful feelings i've ever shared with anyone and he is right there with me! but then he will get cold and reserved and it's kind of like a slap in the face. he is major scorpio so i know his feelings are all on the inside, but still, it is almost insulting that he is so closed off, and that he closed off in the first place, because what we have is amazing. and it used to be a hundred times more amazing (we were both completely enthralled and full of gratitude and joy at how well we connected before all the crap!). so basically it amounts to not knowing what is what.

i gave up on it a couple of days ago because i realized i can't live in this lie with him. and the lie, for me, is that we are ignoring the connection we had. him because of his own issues, and me because i respect his independence so much and therefore cannot bring myself to grill him and get my answers. the other part of the lie is behaving in reaction to one another from the perspective of our fears. that is total crap. he cut himself away from me, and so now i feel i must cut myself away from him, even though i am in love with him.

this "to berate the relationship just when you feel a deep intimacy,as if he wants to keep you off balance.drawing you in and then pushing you away after he get what he wants emotional/physically." is definitely somewhat true. and is very confusing.. because i don't know if it's intentional or not.

posted September 17, 2009 05:51 PM         

this freaks me out! it seems to be very at odds with the nurturing and support we DID share, and that sense of things being very (potentially) serious. it is true he said he only wanted a sexual relationship with me the past couple of months. i sort of wonder sometimes if that is all he ever wanted, being he was so quick to toss everything when things got confusing.

'love' is such a strange thing but i just feel sour now on the fact that what we shared that we both considered LOVE has been lost in the strange elusiveness that began to take over. that it's like he refuses to acknowledge it. i sometimes feel like i was his practice girlfriend and that because i made myself so available he took the opportunity, and possibly for his own selfish reasons. i've made this kind of comment to him and it offends him. he says his feelings were true and he felt as strongly as he said/showed he did. but if that were the case i just don't see how he could throw it away so easily when a little confusion took hold!

sigh. thanks for all your help!

seems like it was always a matter of independence vs. intimacy. we had both but then the lines got muddled and we got so confused. right now i don't even want to be his friend but i still feel so bonded to him. i don't know what will happen in the future or whether i can even be his friend any more, unfortunately.

posted September 17, 2009 08:10 PM         

for (small) example, he's a singer in a hardcore punk band. i used to be really into punk when i was a teenager and worked at a punk venue for years. then a buncha crap happened in my early 20s and i had to start listening to gentler music cuz i just couldn't handle the noise for some reason. over the last few years (i'm 30) i've started getting into again , but it isn't all i listen to (it is for him, pretty much). well yesterday i got an old album i used to own and listen to that he really likes and i listened to it today and it all came back. and i love it! and i am just sad that we could not share that. it's like.. we were both shy to SHARE our inner selves but we never really had to make any efforts cuz we both DID share it, just without bringing attention to it, if that makes any sense. like we just had so much inate understanding between us and went with it. think that is part of the neptune too; i think we both started questioning if the ease and automacy of the understanding we shared was ACTUALLY real (it was), plus we are both kind of shy people (though really eccentric). we connected through our eccentricities, but it was like we spoke the same eccentric languages. and when we got through our shyness enough to talk about what mattered to us and our feelings, we were always on the same page even if we sometimes had different ways of saying it. it was colourful and fun, and always somehow just comfy and sweet too.

blah blah. right now i have to NOT have a friendship with him because our worry/codependence pattern became ridiculously set. even though we BOTH hated it and even though we both recognized it for what it was (ongoing discussion!), we just couldn't get out of it. i think we need to work through our stuff seperately if there is any hope for a friendship (based in being ourselves) in the future.

posted September 17, 2009 08:48 PM         

in answer to your question about gender assignment to the signs,i do not agree that one can not distinguish who is who in a composite.
USUALLY the gender assignments hold up in a composite with opposite sex couples.but if the the woman is agressive by nature in her chart,say she has a mars square uranus,then she might responf to the masculine role in the composite.but 90% of the time in opposite sew charts the passive/dominant cultural traits hold up.
this need to see who is dominant and is passive is more important in same sex relationships or mulitple composites.
one does have to be careful but genrally the gender of the symbols do follow the genders in the opposite composites.

posted September 21, 2009 06:39 PM         

it think your mutual interst in music is the saving grace as the composite sun/neptune symbolizes a artistic/creative relationship.

posted September 21, 2009 06:47 PM         

yes, my moon opposite uranus and saturn square neptune sum up a lot of my life. deep betrayals and extreme rejection by my own mother and family in general, and no stability whatsoever growing up, other than school, which was my true family. aside from my AMAZING paternal grandmother, who i was so fortunate to know and who planted a seed of stability and self worth and joy for life inside me, and made me realize how wonderful human beings can truly be.

"this confusdion in relationships is also shown by the venus/neptune midpoint conjunct your ascendant.this has given you a good nose for inconsistancies and deception."