posted December 11, 2009 06:20 PM         

I am only 21 and, apart from being a really emotional person anyway, I have had quite a few bad experiences with guys when I was younger which completely ruined my confidence. Since I was 16 I have been trying to work my way through these issues which I realise have had quite a bad affect on me. I think my self confidence has suffered quite a lot, but mostly I find it very hard to have any real trust in men now. Even those who I do feel I trust and prove themselves as worthy of that trust, there is still sometimes underneath which is sure they are going to run from me and abandon me. Everything I feel is bittersweet. I am the happiest I've been in a long, long time with someone right now - maybe ever. But the happier I feel with him, the more scared I am. It's as if in my head, I can't see the option of things ending well. It's as if I'm waiting for something bad to happen, so it's not that I don't trust him; it's that I don't trust my life or myself not to make him want to leave.

I am trying desperately to control this but the better I feel, the more it seems to be surfacing. My man is a Capricorn and though he is being lovely, I do know that I am wanting the same reassurances from him over and over and I don't know how much longer he can repeat himself before he feels as if he can't help. And I really don't want that.

It's not only about that side of my life - but obviously romantic things have a big toll on my sensitive feelings. I would say I try not to be over-dramatic just for the sake of it as much as I can, but when something really really upsets me, it's like it completely disables me. I'm a student and I find it so hard to concentrate on work even if I have a crucial deadline for the next day. I try, but my mind is just tangled and I start to cry.

I just wish maybe someone could help me understand what to do, or just tell me anything which could explain this to me.

This is me:

Thank you for reading this massive story and any insight you might want to share.