posted March 01, 2011 01:47 AM            

I'm at a very low point these days, due to repeated disappointments on the job front and very slow progress in my love life. I am in a LDR with someone I've loved a long time but he's very slow at taking steps in our relationship due to past hurts, and it's trying every bit of patience I have left - I'm in my mid-30s and anxious to settle down and have kids before it's too late. My relationship seems to be waiting for me to get a job closer to him, while my job sitch is also stagnant.. I don't know how much longer I can take this continuing.

Can someone could kindly do a reading for me? I'd like to know if/when positive changes are forthcoming for me with regards to the job or the relationship situation.

posted March 10, 2011 09:19 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by sunshine9:
Dear knowflakes,

I'm at a very low point these days, due to repeated disappointments on the job front and very slow progress in my love life. I am in a LDR with someone I've loved a long time but he's very slow at taking steps in our relationship due to past hurts, and it's trying every bit of patience I have left - I'm in my mid-30s and anxious to settle down and have kids before it's too late. My relationship seems to be waiting for me to get a job closer to him, while my job sitch is also stagnant.. I don't know how much longer I can take this continuing.

Can someone could kindly do a reading for me? I'd like to know if/when positive changes are forthcoming for me with regards to the job or the relationship situation.

Thanks so much,
Sunshine

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Sorry no firm clear vibes yet on this.
I do feel though that you need a job change, and that is not necessarily anything to do with him.
Can he visit you?
Have you met in person yet?
You cannot rush him to become more involved or ready to settle down with you,
until and if he ever feels completely safe with you,
and feels you are the right one for him.
The wait could be much longer than you may be willing to take.
Since it is already testing your patience;
well you may have your answer there.
Perhaps it is time to lay your cards on the table.
Risk losing him, but tell him how you feel, what you want.
If he cannot deal with simply knowing how you feel and what you want;
even if you say no pressure, that you just wanted to be totally up front and honest with him.....
then;
Keep your eyes out for someone more ready and willing is my advice.
Additionally, how long is the long time you have loved him?
Does he know you love him?

posted March 13, 2011 01:28 PM            

We can and do visit each other and see each other at least once a month, if not more. We've known each other for 10 years now, having been in school together for a good part of that time. We've loved each other since a few months of meeting, and he does know I love him.. he seems not yet ready to tell me this time around, though I feel the vibes from him. I had let him down in a big way before, some 6 years ago (when he was sure of me & wanted to marry me & was the driving force in our relationship), and have been working very hard to make up for it. I realize I have to give him time to get over it, and I think he is finally getting there, but is still a little gun-shy on taking big steps toward commitment. I guess given what I had put him through, I should be glad he is continuing to be intent on making me happy, and making progress in slow & steady steps. The thing is, I'm now 34 and worry about being able to have kids with all these delays. He has always felt like the One for me and I just wish we could move it along a bit sooner. We got back together February last year and have been long-distance since last April, and he feels it would move sooner if we lived closer to each other. He is also the type to want to wait for opportunities to arise rather than create them, and that is causing some frustration for me. I would still rather be with him than anyone else so I guess I have to find a way of dealing with the situation.

That's a big reason for wanting a job closer, as also the fact that I'm over-worked and underpaid. Since starting the job, I've earned another degree but am still paid at the same rate, and having to travel 75% of the time, rather than the 25% I'd signed up for initially. I'm just staying the course right now, and keeping up with job applications, but I have a visa issue to contend with, which is causing me to lose several job opportunities in the Government that I could have otherwise gotten. Sigh.. I'll stop myself before I ramble on any more.

What do you think, Lexx? Thank you again for looking into this.. I'd be happy to do a horary for you sometime.

posted March 13, 2011 06:02 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by sunshine9:
Thank you for replying, dear LEXX; sorry I'd missed it before!

We can and do visit each other and see each other at least once a month, if not more. We've known each other for 10 years now, having been in school together for a good part of that time. We've loved each other since a few months of meeting, and he does know I love him.. he seems not yet ready to tell me this time around, though I feel the vibes from him. I had let him down in a big way before, some 6 years ago (when he was sure of me & wanted to marry me & was the driving force in our relationship), and have been working very hard to make up for it. I realize I have to give him time to get over it, and I think he is finally getting there, but is still a little gun-shy on taking big steps toward commitment. I guess given what I had put him through, I should be glad he is continuing to be intent on making me happy, and making progress in slow & steady steps. The thing is, I'm now 34 and worry about being able to have kids with all these delays. He has always felt like the One for me and I just wish we could move it along a bit sooner. We got back together February last year and have been long-distance since last April, and he feels it would move sooner if we lived closer to each other. He is also the type to want to wait for opportunities to arise rather than create them, and that is causing some frustration for me. I would still rather be with him than anyone else so I guess I have to find a way of dealing with the situation.

That's a big reason for wanting a job closer, as also the fact that I'm over-worked and underpaid. Since starting the job, I've earned another degree but am still paid at the same rate, and having to travel 75% of the time, rather than the 25% I'd signed up for initially. I'm just staying the course right now, and keeping up with job applications, but I have a visa issue to contend with, which is causing me to lose several job opportunities in the Government that I could have otherwise gotten. Sigh.. I'll stop myself before I ramble on any more.

What do you think, Lexx? Thank you again for looking into this.. I'd be happy to do a horary for you sometime.

Sunshine

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It sounds like you are doing the right things by keeping your communications with him alive.
Perhaps you need to do a plus/minus test.
I know that may sound silly but it might help you clarify to yourself what direction you want to go and or need to go with things.
List separately all the pros and cons of this relationship at the moment.
Then see which list is longer.
Then see which on the cons' list can be fixed or accepted.
10 years is a long time to love someone and to give up just yet.
However;
I cannot promise or predict if what you want and need will come of it.
Sorry.
However there seems to be great potential.
Keep the lines of honesty betwixt you and him and all cards on the table.
I feel that the Visa and job situation is actually the first priority at this time.
Take care of all that and I feel then you will feel more relaxed and the possibilities of your relationship improve or things become clearer to you.
Blessings and love to you Sunshine