posted November 30, 2011 09:33 AM            

Please someone explain my mental illnesses.
Where are these things in my chart?
There is such a multitude of things wrong in my head but I can't resolve them because I don't exactly know what's going on most of the time.
If I'm not despairing in the depths of hell, I am tense and overflowing with nervous energy and I get so hyped up but have to repress.
I'm up-down-up-down-down-down at an incredible pace every day and it's mentally exhausting. My friends can't bear me. I can't bear me, I loathe myself.
I feel like my body is home to two souls - one the pathetic cancer housewife and the enthusiastic, rebellious man who takes no ******** .
One part of me is always bullying the other. I can't cope with my own insults.
I'm so torn in so many directions the only action I take is inaction.
My mother told me that she could tell I didn't want to be on this earth even when I was a newborn. Its true. I don't want to be here. I know I have no purpose on this planet. I just don't have the courage to end it all myself.

I can't see anything in my chart to explain any of this.
The only person I know who is in the same way as me has nothing astrologically in common with me other than an Aqua ascendant conj. mine.

posted December 03, 2011 12:17 PM            

Your Mercury is retrograde and is one of the worst degrees, a degree that incites depression.

South Node conjuncts Mars, Saturn is retro in Pisces. Mars is in a degree of wanton killing/genocide.
Huge negative karmas in past lifelines, plenty of excessive and illegal sex. Please do not think of suicide, that will only add more negative karmic debts.

Your Ascendant Sabian insists that you be a powerful innovator or entrepreneur. You have to strive to make your own money [how ever little], with a bit of speculative investment [Sun in 5th]. Jupiter trines your Sun. You have to do something and make some money, it will change everything to positive in your life. Even baking cakes or making pickles at home will do the trick, step by step.

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posted December 03, 2011 03:52 PM            

Does mercury Retro always indicate depression, pretty much, too, or was it just because it was on this degree of Cancer?

Thank you IQ

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posted December 03, 2011 07:56 PM            

Please too take care of yourself and remember your self-worth.

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*I use the whole sign system*

Personal Planets:
Sun, Mercury: Libra
Venus: Scorpio
Moon: Cancer
Mars: Capricorn

posted December 04, 2011 05:14 AM            

<<
Does mercury Retro always indicate depression, pretty much, too, or was it just because it was on this degree of Cancer?
>>
Not at all. Mercury Retrograde rules lateral thinking, spontaneous perversion, a bit of a crooked mind/twisted genius and unorthodox brilliance.

posted December 04, 2011 10:42 PM            

This seems to be true with Merc Retro.

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posted December 06, 2011 06:03 PM            

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posted December 07, 2011 05:40 PM            

Nice meeting you!

I’m sorry, but I’m not an expert in Astrology, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have some observations on what you’ve said that I’d really like to share with you.

First of all, I’m really glad you’ve used the word Help in the title of your topic. That means you want to be here in this world, but you also want to be and feel better, and that is wonderful and absolutely valid.

Secondly, don’t use the phrase Mental Illnesses, please. You’re insulting yourself unnecessarily. Have you ever been diagnosed as a mentally ill person? If you haven’t, don't do that to yourself. Maybe all you’re thinking and doing is the result of something you’re perceiving and experiencing now that is upsetting you and overwhelming you, which doesn’t mean in any case you’re mad. You’re just having a bad time. So lay down this burden.

I can see you do know about what is happening to you. You have given us a clear insight, which is good too. It means you’re aware of this problem, and that you’re also aware of your wish to resolve it.

I’d sincerely like to know a little bit more about the reasons why these two women in your head can’t be friends, and since when they became bully and victim.

Let me tell you that you don’t sound weird or crazy to me at all. You sound like a smart girl that is growing up and is learning to integrate these two types of women that are living together inside her.

I’m sorry if this sounds kind of arrogant, but I can feel where you’re coming from - maybe because I’m a Pisces, and I tend to identify with everybody –, the difference is that in my case I have a big group of people congregated inside me that are constantly talking about how they want things done, and sometimes they fight one another, and sometimes they party as if nothing had happened.

There’s something else I’d like to tell you. Don’t take what your mother said to you into account ever again. As a newborn you couldn’t know about all the things you’re going through right now. Put that aside. Plus it’s obvious you want to be in this world, but you want to be and feel better, as I said before, and I totally agree with you on that.

Best for you, and I’ll be awaiting for your answer.

posted December 09, 2011 09:37 PM            

Mr Mojo Risin - My mother probably said that because I have always been the one half - the victim; soulless, pathetic and deeply melancholic from the day of my birth.
It was only around age 11 that I developed the bully personality as well.
I'm not entirely sure I want to get better, I just want to know the reasons behind all this. The bully likes to know I'm hurting, I want to see myself destroyed because I know I deserve it.

Bringing it all back to karma - I find myself repulsive and loathesome for reasons I don't even know. But I do know there isn't enough pain in the world that I can inflict upon myself to ever make it better.

posted December 12, 2011 12:46 PM            

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posted December 14, 2011 11:52 AM            

Even the great Buckminster Fuller felt just this way when he was 32 but he skipped suicide and went on to become a matchless innovator and thinker.

I will exhort you to study the life of Nick Vujicec: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nick_Vujicic

This man's life will inspire you like no other.

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posted December 14, 2011 04:41 PM            

Well, IQ is right. You’re very honest, which I thank you for, and I also thank you for answering me.

There is something that caught my attention. You said this: “I can't find a single reason to keep going but I can't stop”.

When you say you can’t stop, what comes to your mind? What do you think of when saying that?

By the way, maybe I’m wrong, but you have an astrological aspect that seems to be difficult, which is Venus Square Saturn. People with this aspect have a hard time learning to love themselves and feeling worthy of love from others.

However, hard aspects are there to make us learn. Yes, they won’t spray your life with perfume as long as you don’t learn to get along with them.

I hope I can read you soon.

Best.