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Author Topic:   I Have a Case of Extreme Shyness
ScatterShock
Knowflake

Posts: 76
From:
Registered: May 2012

posted August 23, 2012 11:59 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for ScatterShock     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hello, everyone.

I would like to share something with you and ask for advice.

I joined this forum only a few months ago, and I was moderately active, considering that back then I didn't know what my completed chart was and that I was very hesitant to be too outspoken since I had only just gotten into Astrology. As of last month, however, I received great help in finding my correct chart. As ecstatic as I was, I only shared the news in the Astrology for Beginners forum. And even then, I wasn't very able to talk much about it.

Since then, I have almost completely moved back into lurker-space, where I would look around for interesting topics and read, but not feel comfortable to add anything. I would actually feel tired at the thought of attempting to talk, even if it was just to add a single sentence to a poll-type thread. Several times I had the desire to talk but then would feel extremely shy about doing so and would feel tired and overwhelmed. This is a recurring problem with me in terms of any type of social network.

I am afraid to step on any toes, I am afraid to show the depth of my ignorance in Astrology, I am afraid to ask questions, I am afraid to even show that I have opinions on things. But now, I finally am in a space where I've had enough of myself. I need to talk. And I hope that maybe some of you might be able to talk about this with me.

Does my chart show my shyness? I know that my chart shows inherent communication troubles with my Mercury's squares, but is there anything else? What do I do?

Please, help me.
----


In addition to these longitudinal aspects I have (in case any of these are relevant):

Sun contra-parallel Saturn
Moon contra-parallel Pluto
Mars contra-parallel Uranus
Jupiter contra-parallel Saturn
Jupiter contra-parallel Ascendant
Neptune parallel Ascendant
Saturn parallel Ascendant

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doommlord
Moderator

Posts: 855
From: israel
Registered: Dec 2011

posted August 23, 2012 12:16 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for doommlord     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
the most obvious to me is that your chart ruler is in the 12 house...and pluto nontheless...

also your saturn is in the 3rd and ive read once that many people with saturn in the 3rd often keep quiet and dont speak out

your chart ruler is also opposite your sun....meaning your appearance is against being seen and expression oneself

also lots of uneasy aspects with mars and pluto might make your emotional state quite tense or problematic...and you might retreat to "cool off"

tell me what you think about what i said...its important cause im still learning

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ScatterShock
Knowflake

Posts: 76
From:
Registered: May 2012

posted August 23, 2012 01:31 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for ScatterShock     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thank you, Doommlord.

Yes, I have talked to Ami Anne briefly about my Pluto being in 12th house- It's pretty overwhelming and I am going very slowly in trying to understand and accept it's effects in my life.

I am glad to read that you see my Saturn as being in the third house. Even with it sitting on the cusp I was still unsure if I should still read it as being in my 2nd house or not. That clears things up for me. Yes, I keep very closely to myself on instinct, even when I want to talk, because I want to feel ok to say what's on my mind. The thing is, I don't often feel that 'ok-ness', compared to the amount of thoughts I have about things. I can jump to conclusions a bit quickly at times and I deliberately hold myself back because of that tendency. When it comes to Saturn in Third issues, though, as much as I was always reluctant to talk (over the years I have had many teachers request that I participate more. *sigh*), I actually didn't have trouble learning things. I just couldn't easily relay the things I understood.

I still don't fully know how to understand my Sun/Pluto opposition, and I actually forgot that now I need to look at my Pluto as my chart ruler. Thank you for reminding me. I do try to hide my inner self personality-wise, but I didn't think that my appearance would also be kind of a screen. Hmm, I generally try to dress however I feel like, but I am very shy (whereas I am much more energetic when alone) and demure. I'll need to think on it some more...

Would the emotional tension from my Mars and Pluto aspects be because they are both in water signs and houses? I also wondered what it meant for me as a whole to have so much activity in my water signs and houses. But yes, I generally really need to back off and regroup whenever I find myself getting emotional about something (how long I need depends on what I am feeling).

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doommlord
Moderator

Posts: 855
From: israel
Registered: Dec 2011

posted August 23, 2012 01:57 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for doommlord     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by ScatterShock:
Thank you, Doommlord.

Yes, I have talked to Ami Anne briefly about my Pluto being in 12th house- It's pretty overwhelming and I am going very slowly in trying to understand and accept it's effects in my life.

I am glad to read that you see my Saturn as being in the third house. Even with it sitting on the cusp I was still unsure if I should still read it as being in my 2nd house or not. That clears things up for me. Yes, I keep very closely to myself on instinct, even when I want to talk, because I want to feel ok to say what's on my mind. The thing is, I don't often feel that 'ok-ness', compared to the amount of thoughts I have about things. I can jump to conclusions a bit quickly at times and I deliberately hold myself back because of that tendency. When it comes to Saturn in Third issues, though, as much as I was always reluctant to talk (over the years I have had many teachers request that I participate more. *sigh*), I actually didn't have trouble learning things. I just couldn't easily relay the things I understood.

I still don't fully know how to understand my Sun/Pluto opposition, and I actually forgot that now I need to look at my Pluto as my chart ruler. Thank you for reminding me. I do try to hide my inner self personality-wise, but I didn't think that my appearance would also be kind of a screen. Hmm, I generally try to dress however I feel like, but I am very shy (whereas I am much more energetic when alone) and demure. I'll need to think on it some more...

Would the emotional tension from my Mars and Pluto aspects be because they are both in water signs and houses? I also wondered what it meant for me as a whole to have so much activity in my water signs and houses. But yes, I generally really need to back off and regroup whenever I find myself getting emotional about something (how long I need depends on what I am feeling).


glad you anwsered

if you have issues with planets on cusps remember this....in my opinion cusps like the 2nd/8th house cusps are similiar to me like the 1st/7th asc/dsc cusp...people tell you that planets from the 6th house that are VERY close to the dsc counts like being in the 7th...so why wouldnt planets on the cusp of the third be counted like being in it?

i wasnt refering to the element of your planets....i saw pretty uneasy spects from pluto and mars....pluto in the 12 is putting all that power and rage into you....and having mars conjuncting the south node means that your anger is keeping you from developing and that you would have to let it go to move on...

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ScatterShock
Knowflake

Posts: 76
From:
Registered: May 2012

posted August 24, 2012 04:23 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for ScatterShock     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Ah, I see now, thanks.

Doommlord, could you please talk to me some more about my chart?

...And, anyone who also feels inclined to talk?

I had complied a lot of information from Scribd about the house and sign placements of my planets, and I'm slowly putting together my responses to everything I'm reading, but I think that I would do better to actually talk to people about what my chart says, especially to impartial eyes.

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MillyX
Knowflake

Posts: 233
From: canada
Registered: Feb 2012

posted August 24, 2012 04:28 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for MillyX     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
((Hugs)) another person suffering from extreme shyness. I know how you feel. I too have my chart ruler in the 12th house & my 12th house ruler is also in my 1st house =\ I'm not sure but I think that a lack of air in a chart could lead to shyness...I'm not an astro expert but most of my friends are shy too & I noticed how we all have a lack of that element in our charts.

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doommlord
Moderator

Posts: 855
From: israel
Registered: Dec 2011

posted August 24, 2012 04:33 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for doommlord     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
do you have anger issues?

do they cause you any pain and problems in your life?

do you feel like your anger and resentment is a deep part of yourself thats damaging you but you are not sure how to deal with it?

do you repress yourself fearing sometimes that your intensity and depth will hurt others?

i think that we should start a conversation to see where are we going with this....

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ScatterShock
Knowflake

Posts: 76
From:
Registered: May 2012

posted August 24, 2012 05:28 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for ScatterShock     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
*Returns Hug* Thank you, MillyX!

Wow, I totally didn't think about my Air Singleton- and it being Saturn probably doesn't help matters at all. *sigh*
---

I am going to need a little while to think over these questions, Doommlord- I'll likely post my replies later today. But in regards to starting a conversation... do you mean one more in-depth than the thread allows?

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doommlord
Moderator

Posts: 855
From: israel
Registered: Dec 2011

posted August 24, 2012 05:30 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for doommlord     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by ScatterShock:
*Returns Hug* Thank you, MillyX!

Wow, I totally didn't think about my Air Singleton- and it being Saturn probably doesn't help matters at all. *sigh*
---

I am going to need a little while to think over these questions, Doommlord- I'll likely post my replies later today. But in regards to starting a conversation... do you mean one more in-depth than the thread allows?


i mean that we should fixate on one topic the troubles you instead of several small ones...probably gives us better anwsers....but if you want to talk outside this forum feel free to ask

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Desiring Shadows
Moderator

Posts: 1519
From: UNITED STATES, BABY
Registered: Jan 2012

posted August 24, 2012 10:35 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Desiring Shadows     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I spy mercury square neptune.

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ScatterShock
Knowflake

Posts: 76
From:
Registered: May 2012

posted August 25, 2012 03:54 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for ScatterShock     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
These questions are pretty scary for me to write about. Please don't quote this.
quote:
Originally posted by doommlord:
do you have anger issues?


Yes, I do. I had spent a lot of time trying not to show it when I am angry at anything (resulting in buried and repressed feelings that I still deal with) and only in recent years have I begun to accept that sometimes I can be annoyed or angry easily and that I have to own my feelings. However, I still keep my anger relatively well hidden when interacting with people I don't know well. I don't like being angry but it's a regular feeling. So, yea, I think I do.
quote:
Originally posted by doommlord:

do they cause you any pain and problems in your life?


Certainly. On top of sometimes feeling like I just can't let some things go quickly enough, I am annoyed at myself whenever I have a bad mood and feel like I get irritated too easily.
quote:
Originally posted by doommlord:

do you feel like your anger and resentment is a deep part of yourself thats damaging you but you are not sure how to deal with it?


Yes, and it makes me think that I can't let my guard down. I don't want to scare anybody away and I don't know how to face my feelings without them becoming visible, which scares me away from trying to.
quote:
Originally posted by doommlord:

do you repress yourself fearing sometimes that your intensity and depth will hurt others?


I don't see myself and deep or intense, but then again, I have a hard time seeing myself... Maybe I am deep and I just don't know it. I do repress myself when it comes to my opinions and ideas because I don't want to have to get into arguments about them. I am terrible at debate- if I am arguing against an idea that I actually am against, I tend to get too into it. I also don't like how emotional I'll become when trying to talk about ideas that I'm attached to in some way so I mostly avoid talking about them.
quote:
Originally posted by doommlord:

i mean that we should fixate on one topic the troubles you instead of several small ones...probably gives us better anwsers....but if you want to talk outside this forum feel free to ask


Oh, ok! Yes, I would rather focus on this topic- my shyness and social anxieties are a really big deal for me.

---
Hello Desiring Shadows!

Thank you for pointing my Mercury/Neptune square out. I've read here and there that it can make it more difficult for me to speak logically about things- which I would consider has long been an issue for me (I don't want to talk if I don't feel confident and since I didn't often feel that confident...), but is that what connects to shyness elements in my chart?

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doommlord
Moderator

Posts: 855
From: israel
Registered: Dec 2011

posted August 25, 2012 05:37 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for doommlord     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
well your anger is a life theme in your chart....but if you look closely to the planets that are causing your anger...you will see that they are making a grand trine...if im not mistaken

im sure you can take that bad energy and put it into good use if you will find the courage

look deeply into the meanings of the water houses and see if you can connect to a theme found in all 3 of them...thats might be the area you will need to focus on to use your energy right

self development will not be easy for you...but its never easy....you will have to deal with your anger and shyness and pain but after that you will be better and more at peace with your emotions

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ScatterShock
Knowflake

Posts: 76
From:
Registered: May 2012

posted August 30, 2012 11:44 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for ScatterShock     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
When I first read this, I was somewhat disheartened. The idea that I would have to wrestle with anger, awkwardness, and painful feelings over the course of my life makes me want to give up and stay disengaged from others. Even though I know that it wouldn't do any good, I would rather stay stagnant than have to struggle forward toward a seemingly ever-moving goal. I have been stagnant in a number of ways for a long while now, hoping that there would be an answer or set of instructions for me to move toward being the person I think I should be. The problem with that is that I don't actually know who I think I "should be", I just feel like I should be different.

I have to accept that trying to understand the connection between my Moon, Mars, and Pluto is going to be difficult. Truthfully, as new as I am to astrology, it's probably going to be a long time before I can really get deep into my chart, much less the wider world of astrology itself. I am not that great at research, either.

Thinking about what I currently know about the water signs and houses, it seems like the key to feeling comfortable with my emotions and my self lay in the very things that I've internally turned away from as I grew up- which makes me think about how much harder this journey will be. I don't know how I'll be able to reclaim those missing pieces after what feels like so long without them. Hopefully when I shore up my knowledge a bit, I can begin to work on this stuff.

Thanks again, Doommlord.

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