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Author Topic:   I am hurting a lot - Don't know what exactly happened. Please reply
lovestruck
Knowflake

Posts: 37
From: los angeles, ca usa
Registered: Sep 2012

posted September 18, 2012 07:23 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for lovestruck     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I found this site by accident a few days ago.
It has helped relieve some pain.

Just to write about what and how I feel, makes me feel a little better.

I was leading a very happy life until about May 2012.
A girl who has been working in the same office since January 2011 is the source of my pain.
I had seen her a few times but never knew who she was until she started to flirt with me. It was only then I found out which department she worked in, what her name was and how long she had been working for the same company.

Found out that she is 35 with 2 kids and divorced for 5 years. I am 51 Never Married.
We started talking/e-mailing.
In the last 2 months, we exchanged over 200 e-mails - about life etc.
We both became so close that we shared a lot of our life experiences with one another.
After about 3 months of knowing her,I asked her out.
And to my delight, she accepted ! and said she was very happy that I asked her out.
She was busy the weekend in question.
I asked her again a few days later via e-mail.
She replied by saying that in the last couple of months she has been trying to get to know someone else and that both of them had decided to start dating !!!
This happened in last week of August.
This broke my heart !

However, on Sept 7 I celebrated her birthday in the office by getting a cake and sandwiches for about 25 people and giving her a nice gift. She expressed how happy she was for all this.

Until yesterday, we were still in touch.

I sent her 2 e-mails - She Never replied back
Anytime she needed me,I made myself available - Like giving ride to her kids etc.
I am/was the only one she would talk to about her life etc.
We both have so much in common that she seemed to be my soul mate.
We both liked same things: Playing Tennis, Art, visiting Museums, white wine, large dogs as pets, nature, travel etc.

Was she leading me on or was I not seeing things properly ?

Can some female tell me what goes on in a Female's mind?
Thanks in advance.

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Belage
Knowflake

Posts: 1081
From: USA
Registered: Apr 2009

posted September 18, 2012 07:25 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Belage     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I am sorry to hear you're in so much pain.

This is an astrological forum. Why don't you post your natal chart?

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lovestruck
Knowflake

Posts: 37
From: los angeles, ca usa
Registered: Sep 2012

posted September 18, 2012 07:30 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for lovestruck     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Belage:
I am sorry to hear you're in so much pain.

This is an astrological forum. Why don't you post your natal chart?


Here it is:

Planet Sign Position House House
Sun Aquarius 21°Aq15' 01st 01 12°Aq42'
Moon Leo 21°Le34' 07th 02 23°Pi14'
Mercury Aquarius 12°Aq59' 01st 03 28°Ar50'
Venus Capricorn 17°Cp34' 12th 04 27°Ta03'
Mars Scorpio 09°Sc15' 09th 05 21°Ge03'
Jupiter Aries 12°Ar14' 02nd 06 14°Ca44'
Saturn Libra 14°Li43' R 08th 07 12°Le42'
Uranus Cancer 10°Ca28' R 05th 08 23°Vi14'
Neptune Libra 21°Li37' R 08th 09 28°Li50'
Pluto Leo 20°Le19' R 07th 10 27°Sc03'
Midheaven Scorpio 27°Sc03' 11 21°Sg03'
Ascendant Aquarius 12°Aq42' 12 14°Cp44'

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Gray
Knowflake

Posts: 234
From:
Registered: Aug 2012

posted September 18, 2012 07:32 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Gray     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I don't want to be the bearer of bad news, but honesty is the best policy in this situation, and really this question doesn't require astrology to answer it, so you don't need to post any charts.

She's interested in someone else. This is coming from another female. She was honest and upfront about it and just told you the truth. Sure, she seemed happy about the gifts you gave her, but that's because...she's probably greedy...LOL. A little levity there, but it's true - just because you gave her gifts and she liked receiving them isn't the same thing as being interested in someone.

My advice? Find someone else. And it's not hard to do in a world with literally billions of women in it. She's just one. You'll do fine if you just put yourself out there and see what happens, and you'll probably find someone who is a better match for you than she would've been anyway.

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Ami Anne
Moderator

Posts: 37235
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010

posted September 18, 2012 07:34 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I am sorry, Lovestruck

------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal


http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/

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Belage
Knowflake

Posts: 1081
From: USA
Registered: Apr 2009

posted September 18, 2012 07:34 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Belage     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Where are your North Node and Chiron?

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C1ND3R
Knowflake

Posts: 1183
From: Dorsia
Registered: Aug 2012

posted September 18, 2012 07:35 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for C1ND3R     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Sounds like you were friendzoned and maybe "TOO" available (which is something i personally don't believe in). I think you put yourself in a vulnerable position..

She got lemons and so she made lemonade.

She didn't lead you on.. You might've led yourself on with expectations and hopes; it's still unknown as to whether the two of you had discussed any possibility of romance or if she felt the same.

If she was "playing the field", yes, i do believe she was maybe testing waters on both ends.

Some people would be more than happy to find someone willing to be as open as i'm assuming you may have been and those may be more disposed to appreciate it.

If you would like to find out more, post a synastry chart between you two or just your natal if you can.

Otherwise, i believe this topic may be moved to another category by a moderator.

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Belage
Knowflake

Posts: 1081
From: USA
Registered: Apr 2009

posted September 18, 2012 07:46 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Belage     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
You're 51, never married.

Your Venus is in your 12th house, so there are things about relationships and the opposite sex that you have difficulty understanding. The 12th house is the house of the unconscious, some also say the house of suffering. You were leading a happy life until you started your involvement with this woman.

You said the two of you shared a lot by email, but one thing she didn't tell you was that she was also getting involved with someone else. So I don't quite agree with those who say that she didn't lead you on. But it's okay, she did come clean at some point and told you that she would be seeing someone else. Yes you were helpful to her, and helping her with her kids, and she probably took advantage of you in that way, but if you did it with the expectation that she would be your girlfriend, then it was not a selfless act.

You know, those types of things are not personal. Either people click, or they don't. Either people have karma that will make them be together or they don't. It's really not personal. Release this woman, and move on to being happy again.

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C1ND3R
Knowflake

Posts: 1183
From: Dorsia
Registered: Aug 2012

posted September 18, 2012 07:51 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for C1ND3R     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Also, at 51 you're undergoing your Chiron return.

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lovestruck
Knowflake

Posts: 37
From: los angeles, ca usa
Registered: Sep 2012

posted September 18, 2012 07:52 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for lovestruck     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thanks for all the replies.

Yes, I am heartbroken and the fact is that I will be bumping into her 2-3 days a week.
This will cause more pain.
I wish she had never started to flirt with me - I was very happy the way my life was going and I was planning to tour several countries
with a male friend of mine starting Nov 2012.
I just can not do it now.

She did mention that I was very nice, caring and generous person and it will be her loss not to go out with me.

Yes, I do believe that 'She' found out my weakness and took advantage of it.
Last time I was in love was over 10 years ago.

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Randall
Webmaster

Posts: 21904
From: Saturn next to Charmainec
Registered: Apr 2009

posted September 18, 2012 07:53 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Moving to Personal Readings.

------------------
"Never mentally imagine for another that which you would not want to experience for yourself, since the mental image you send out inevitably comes back to you." Rebecca Clark

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Belage
Knowflake

Posts: 1081
From: USA
Registered: Apr 2009

posted September 18, 2012 07:59 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Belage     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
By the way, your Venus in Capricorn is natally squared by Saturn, Neptune and loosely by Jupiter. So you need to be really grounded and clear eyed when dealing with women in reomantic relationships.

Take your time before giving your heart away. Don't assume things unless they have been clearly stated. Beware of mixed signals. Give your best, but do it for the fun of it, not with expectation of getting something in return.

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lovestruck
Knowflake

Posts: 37
From: los angeles, ca usa
Registered: Sep 2012

posted September 18, 2012 08:02 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for lovestruck     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Belage

I do not know what you are trying to say.
Please explain .
Thanks

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Belage
Knowflake

Posts: 1081
From: USA
Registered: Apr 2009

posted September 18, 2012 08:04 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Belage     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Tell me exactly what was confusing to you, so I can explain.

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lovestruck
Knowflake

Posts: 37
From: los angeles, ca usa
Registered: Sep 2012

posted September 18, 2012 08:07 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for lovestruck     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Belage:

I do not understand what you mean by this:

your Venus in Capricorn is natally squared by Saturn, Neptune and loosely by Jupiter. So you need to be really grounded and clear eyed when dealing with women in reomantic relationships.

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Belage
Knowflake

Posts: 1081
From: USA
Registered: Apr 2009

posted September 18, 2012 08:14 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Belage     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by lovestruck:
Belage:

I do not understand what you mean by this:

your Venus in Capricorn is natally squared by Saturn, Neptune and loosely by Jupiter. So you need to be really grounded and clear eyed when dealing with women in reomantic relationships.



In your chart, the planet of love, Venus, is receiving a challenging/difficult aspect from the planet of stability, Saturn, from the planet of unconditional love and illusions, Neptune, and the planet of good luck and also of excess, Jupiter. Those are oversimplifications for the sake of keeping things readable, but I hope you get the gist. Translation: your love nature (Venus) tend to be unbalanced (you were doing a lot for her and it was not really reciprocated), prone to illusions (you thought she was really interested in having a relationship with you), and you are probably feeling rather unlucky in love at the moment. That's why I said you need to be clear headed in your relationships and not fall prey to illusions. If something is not clear, don't assume, ask.

ETA: and it is rather difficult for you to see all that because your Venus is located in the dark recess of your chart, in the hidden 12th house. Things that are there are very difficult for the person to understand.

Astrology can be a great way to understand yourself, though it is not a substitute for therapy. Welcome to this site, stick around, learn as much as you can.

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lovestruck
Knowflake

Posts: 37
From: los angeles, ca usa
Registered: Sep 2012

posted September 18, 2012 08:23 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for lovestruck     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Belage:

Thanks

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Belage
Knowflake

Posts: 1081
From: USA
Registered: Apr 2009

posted September 18, 2012 08:39 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Belage     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
You're welcome, lovestruck.

I hope you do get to go on that trip and enjoy yourself.

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Ariehnox
Knowflake

Posts: 232
From:
Registered: Jan 2011

posted September 18, 2012 11:04 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ariehnox     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hi there Lovestruck,

I'm sorry you're in pain. I really understand how it all feels.

quote:
Was she leading me on or was I not seeing things properly ?

Having said that, I believe we don't need to answer any of your questions. Your first one shouldn't really matter, and the second one, I believe you already know the answer to.

About the former, if she indeed has led you on... What would you do? How would you feel? Would you really have it in your heart to have contempt for her? ...It would only prolong the process of healing. You will harbor negative feelings for her, which is actually just a projected image of your own self-loathing for falling into that kind of 'trap'. You will just mentally beat yourself up, and will only have a hard time opening yourself up to love again... To someone who deserves you better, or maybe even to her love, if she really is the right one for you.

And if she hasn't led you on... again, what would you do? Would you continue this game of chase where she seems not too keen on participating? Would you continue revolving your world around her whereas she's not, and is on the process of doing so with another man? How do you feel about that?

...forgive yourself.

Have self-respect.

Rediscover the things you love in life.


Remember the time when she was the first one to approach you? It's probably because you are very attractive in the sense that you have control over your life... And that's really very sexy to a woman. You used to have everything within you, until you fell head over heels with her. And then she pulled away. I'm not saying that it's a bad thing to feel that way, what's bad is that you lost yourself along the process. Don't give yourself away when you're not mutually exclusive. I know you care so much for her, and would devastate you to see her hurt in any way... but also realize your intentions and expectations. Do you care for her selflessly? Or do you care for her because you want to be in a relationship with her someday? ...There's a very fine line in between, so have a deep conversation with your self and see where your own intentions are. As an Aquarian, it's our gift to be able to detach ourselves from certain situations, lay everything on the table, and look at things objectively. You can do it. You've always had, in your life. (I have Leo Sun, Aqua Moon and Asc)

To care for someone selflessly means no attachments. No hidden intentions. Just pure compassion for someone as a human, as a friend. It also doesn't necessarily mean that you'd be there at their beck and call, as there are things that you can and cannot do. Things that are out of your control. But heck, there might've been times where she is not even calling out for you, and you're already there, at her service, without any actual warrant. That's a turn-off. Would you find yourself attracted to a woman who was like that? Don't worry... forgive yourself if you found yourself in one of these situations. Life goes on, and it's never too late to repair things. Rekindle your Leo pride and carry yourself out with dignity.

You can still turn things around if you really want her back into your life. You know her far better than we do, and you're the only one to know if she's really someone worth it... you are your best counsel.

Now in your situation, you've made yourself too available, but you could definitely use that to your advantage at this point. You just got to have a steel grip on yourself. Being a Fixed-Cardinal combo, it could be easy for you.

All you have to do is pull back.

Just like what she's doing right now.

Love is like a dance. You put one foot in front, and she should put hers once you pull it back. It's a give and take. A beautiful balance. If you ever felt like you aren't getting what you've been putting out, ask yourself if all you've ever done is giving your all. If you've been stepping in front continuously, did she even have the chance to act her part? Of course, all she could do is back away... Give her the space she needs to do her part. You cannot force it on her, just continue on with your life, and if she's a good woman for you, she will definitely dance back.

Don't call her. Don't text. Don't email. You don't even have an 'obligation' to her. You might consider yourselves good friends, and friends respect boundaries, so it's normal. THEN she'll start to wonder why you suddenly disappeared. It's classical conditioning in Psychology. (takes the romanticism out of it though ) If you've been living a fun life during that time in between, she'll definitely want to be a part of it. You are your own happiness, afterall. Then she'll dance.

Another advice is to DEFINITELY take that tour with your male friend in November. It does miracles. Seriously. Don't second-guess. Just do it. Ask your friend to drag you out if you have to.

Again, I definitely understand how you feel... as I'm currently going through the same experience. (This post may also be a subconscious need of mine for my own reaffirmation; as everything is easier said than done) I feel so much liberated after being true to what my strengths and weaknesses are. There are things that you really have no control over, and it's relieving to know that sometimes you just have to lean back and let life do its own work. As you begin to find happiness and love in yourself, everything else follows.


Good luck, and don't let negative feelings get the best of you! It may look the easier route in order to cut cords from someone, but in the end, the only thing you really need is acceptance and forgiveness. It's hard to carry such heavy feelings and dismiss it as if it was not there. Heal yourself thoroughly. Learn what you have to, and go on from there. There's an abundance of love around you, just open yourself up to it and let it flow within you.


Love and light,
Ari

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Yin
Moderator

Posts: 2940
From:
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posted September 19, 2012 10:29 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Yin     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Wow, Ariehnox, I needed to hear that as well.

Thank you for your inspiring post.

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lovestruck
Knowflake

Posts: 37
From: los angeles, ca usa
Registered: Sep 2012

posted September 19, 2012 10:41 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for lovestruck     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hi Ariehnox:

Thanks for your reply, I really appreciate it.

What you wrote is true - yes, I always made myself available for her and would go out of my way to do things for her.

You are right about not to send her e-mails etc. I sent two e-mails and never heard back from her.
Yet, I checked my e-mail every 5 minutes to see if she replied back.
I have been home for the last few days and have gone crazy over her.

I will be returning to work tomorrow and will make it a point not to get in touch with her anymore.
Once again, thanks for your reply.

Lovestruck

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lovestruck
Knowflake

Posts: 37
From: los angeles, ca usa
Registered: Sep 2012

posted September 19, 2012 11:27 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for lovestruck     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Ariehnox:

I have read your post over 5 times now.
You make a lot of sense.

I am feeling a little better now and feel so stupid that I made myself available each and every time.

Believe it or not, I have not even taken a shower in 4 days now - I am kind of person who showers Twice a day .

I lost my mind.

I was checking my e-mail every few minutes. I do hope I get over her soon and start enjoying my life once again.

Once again, THANK..

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Yin
Moderator

Posts: 2940
From:
Registered: Apr 2009

posted September 19, 2012 11:54 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Yin     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
lovestruck, you are the type of guy I would be head over heels for. It's guys like you that give me hope that love is real and it could happen to everyone.

Keep doing what you're doing and don't despair. The right one always comes when you least expect them.

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Ariehnox
Knowflake

Posts: 232
From:
Registered: Jan 2011

posted September 19, 2012 12:08 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ariehnox     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
@Yin: You're very welcome Yin. ♥ I'm glad I'm able to ease someone's troubles, even for just a bit. Much love to you!

----------

To Lovestruck,

I truly understand! We Leos tend to put our partners on a pedestal when we're in love, to treat him/her like the royalty that he/she is in our lives. I experienced the same, making myself too available... going crazy about unreplied messages, etc... this went on for months... arguably almost a year. Going crazy by myself, with no one knowing, it's hard... to see him almost everyday of the week... all you could do is put a smile on every single time, and just let the tears quietly spill down as you go home.

However, as I slowly regained my interests, met new people, busied myself over work... I managed to recover faster than I expected. You could do the same. Chin up, lion! There are so many things to catch up on after having your focus on one person. Other areas of your life are getting jealous, they also need some attention.

I also wanted to say this quote from a queer tarot deck: "It is not what you do that counts, it is where your head is at." http://www.sleepbot.com/morgan/card/headisat.html

If you feign ignorance, while expecting her to come back, keeping this anxiety within you... I tell you, it will only back fire. You have to be comfortable at the idea that she might NOT, in order for it to really work. So try and move on, and create a relationship with yourself first. In the midst of exploring things and getting back to your life, you might even meet someone so much better than you could ever realize. No one could ever really know the future, so take the present for what it is and work with it.

If you experience pangs of doubt and pain, feel free to vent here. LL is a very warm and wonderful community, as well as multitudes of threads to busy yourself out. I know I did, and it helped tremendously. Hope it does for you.

Good luck, and here's to healing hearts! *cheers*

P.S. I hope my post made you want to take a shower now. haha enjoy life!

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lovestruck
Knowflake

Posts: 37
From: los angeles, ca usa
Registered: Sep 2012

posted September 19, 2012 12:23 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for lovestruck     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Ariehnox:

Thanks again.

Yes, I am planning on taking a shower today.

You are right, LL has helped me a lot.

I will be going back to work starting tomorrow.
I know it will be hard - especially if I happen to bump into her.

I do realize that I started doing so much for her.
What bothers me is that if I was sick etc, she would send e-mails wishing me well and if I did not reply in due time, she would send more e-mails and ask my friends how I was doing etc.
Anyways, enough about my story - I am GLAD that you are here to help and listen.
I feel a lot better already.
Thanks again !

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