posted December 26, 2012 03:39 PM            

Hope all had a nice holiday/christmas.

My ex boyfriend (who broke my heart...twice and I have not heard from in one year and half).

He wished me Merry Christmas in a private facebook message. We are not friends on fb.

So strange but I guess holiday season can make people reflective....

BUT I have not responded, not sure what to say. If feels like he is iniating something....and unless I know the intention am not sure. I have been doing well, going on dates and moved on.

Him. 16/april/1984

I met someone new...(well have known him for years but not well, he and I had lunch last week...and well...perhaps perhaps... (26.April.1985).

I have been so ready to move and finally emotionally I have but seeing the message from my ex makes me feel....he does this whenever I am ok and doing good, he may FEEL it somewhere and it comes back...

Help please...dont wish to go down the same path...

posted December 26, 2012 04:06 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Haplesschild*:
He's either back for an ego boost or feels bad, either way the past is the past, dnt let him back in your life. Whatever he did, he shouldn't be given the opportunity to hurt you again.

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I agree 100%

posted December 26, 2012 04:18 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by LionFish:
I agree 100%

I think you should let things be with him (your ex) and focus on this possible new relationship. It's hard to move forward when you keep looking behind you

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Thanks I am curious to what my ex wants but I too thought it was three options: 1) he is bored, 2) no girlfriend right now, 3) has regrets.

Either way, I am doing better right now, and spent two years dealing with family stuff (still am...just getting through christmas with a complicated mother).

Have no clue what future holds but I DO know I deserved real, caring love.

posted December 26, 2012 04:27 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by SparklingSag:
Thanks I am curious to what my ex wants but I too thought it was three options: 1) he is bored, 2) no girlfriend right now, 3) has regrets.

Either way, I am doing better right now, and spent two years dealing with family stuff (still am...just getting through christmas with a complicated mother).

Have no clue what future holds but I DO know I deserved real, caring love.

Sparkling

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Curiosty always gets the best of me lol and it may not be a detrimental thing to find out what he wants, but that doesn't mean you have to let him back in.
It seems to me you still care for this person though, and that puts you in a dangerous position concerning matters of the heart.

If you can take whatever it is he has to say and treat it completely platonically, then answer him. But if not.. It's probably best to just leave it alone.

The part that I made bold... I'm so happy you know this!! Not everyone does and it breaks my heart to watch people suffer through relationships that are poisonous or hurtful to them.

posted December 26, 2012 04:38 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by LionFish:
Curiosty always gets the best of me lol and it may not be a detrimental thing to find out what he wants, but that doesn't mean you have to let him back in.
It seems to me you still care for this person though, and that puts you in a dangerous position concerning matters of the heart.

If you can take whatever it is he has to say and treat it completely platonically, then answer him. But if not.. It's probably best to just leave it alone.

The part that I made bold... I'm so happy you know this!! Not everyone does and it breaks my heart to watch people suffer through relationships that are poisonous or hurtful to them.

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Hey Lionfish..

Ha, didn't curiosity kill the cat?! Do I care for him? I did once, but not now, but I do want to know what he wants. It feels like someone knocking on the door you know? I doubt I could handle it platonically, he was someone who was hard to walk away from with my head held high, I cried far too many tears over him already. To find out what he wants, then be dissapointed? It also part of my ego too (leo moon here) to perhaps be cool, calm and collected. he told me once, he thinks people come back to him after year or two.

posted December 26, 2012 04:53 PM            

I completely understand the needing/wanting to know feeling. If it were me, it'd probably be eating a hole through the back of my skull until I found out the reason behind the contact. Hm, nice mental picture there, but it fits perfectly. But is the knowledge worth the possible hurt that goes with it? Do you want him to want you back? Even if it's just to be able to stand up and tell him no? And what if he did? Or maybe hoping for a friend?

quote:

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It also part of my ego too (leo moon here) to perhaps be cool, calm and collected. he told me once, he thinks people come back to him after year or two.

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posted December 26, 2012 05:29 PM            

Yes good mental images....hahaha. Knowledge and strength...I feel strong now (having also survived christmas with my heart and head feeling calm, I breathed through the anxiety! which I do feel, I had to work hard on my self last 18 months to recognise why I have the anxiety.

Good point about him coming back...it is not a simple merry christmas message when it ended the way it did, especially after so long. Christmas is an easy cover to contact someone again, my birthday was 26/11 so last month. No message then.

Plus have been discovering new guys (had a mini fling with one who I knew was not really relationship material but it gave me a boost, I kind of saw it as a practice run!), and then had a couple of dates with some others. Then this one from last week (taurus, he is calm and mellow....and he has a lovely effect on me...I like firey or aqua usually but there is a lot of good in calm and mature.

Hmmmm, even in writing this...I see myself moving forward. I can gain a certain level of satisfaction from ignoring my ex (after all he ignored me plenty after breaking my heart), no mercy there for sure. Cool hard aries ice.

I think also, with email, facebook, etc it is so EASY to push a button and reply to someone, but it may not be right thing to do.

posted December 26, 2012 09:59 PM            

One ex did exactly tt on my fb page n wished me Merry Christmas. I return the wishes by wishing him Merry Christmas too. Cos deep down i know i hv no more feelings for him thn greeting a stranger happy holidays out of courtesy

posted December 26, 2012 10:03 PM            

That way it looks like your not asking him to now reply to ur email.

He could just be thinking back with fond memories and thought, it would be nice to see how she's doing, and nothing more. So, I think if you don't answer it, you might look like u do have feelings for him.....in his eyes.

quote:

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Originally posted by lilithpluto:
I feel for u.

One ex did exactly tt on my fb page n wished me Merry Christmas. I return the wishes by wishing him Merry Christmas too. Cos deep down i know i hv no more feelings for him thn greeting a stranger happy holidays out of courtesy

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posted December 26, 2012 10:40 PM            

It's pretty much guaranteed he's just being a combination of lonely, curious and wanting to see if you're still into him. Some people like ego boosts thus contact their exes. Don't reply. If you do, you look like you actually give a crap about him, when what you should do is actually showing that him messaging you is just "meh" and you don't feel a thing. When my ex from 2 and half + years back still occasionally contacts me, I don't respond. (This is after me blocking him on everything, telling him repetitively in frustration to leave me alone as the msg wasn't getting through to him AND changing my number).

Some people are just not worth the energy. Silence speaks volumes. Show him he can't mess with you again. It's really not about grudge holding, I don't feel a thing for my ex and I've forgiven him, but no way am I *ever* going to allow him to mind fck me again.

posted December 26, 2012 10:49 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by cherful24:
If you do answer him, say something like "hope all is well"

That way it looks like your not asking him to now reply to ur email.

He could just be thinking back with fond memories and thought, it would be nice to see how she's doing, and nothing more. So, I think if you don't answer it, you might look like u do have feelings for him.....in his eyes.

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I don't agree. It's actually the opposite, if you do respond, it shows you care enough to use that energy to actually respond. Regardless of what you say (it could be 3 words or a 1 minute conversation), you still took time to reply or pick up the phone.

Silence suggests otherwise. Nobody likes to be 'forgotten.'

posted December 27, 2012 10:27 AM            

At least for me. All my ex knows that - if they let me go,they are never let back in again.

I just want to add tt if u don't care anymore, what he is trying to do by msging you, his intentions all does not matter. Whether you are sending signals that may boost his ego matters none cos you are now in a good place and great time. All it matters is you.

posted December 27, 2012 02:31 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Haplesschild*:
Of course she cares, but that's not the point- he hurt her twice, obviously getting tangled up with him again is a bad idea.

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I have libra venus and mars so friendship is important to me...but some people are in your life who make it better, and others not. This guy led me to learn a lot about myself...but through pain and tears and a little love. But it was not enough.

A platonic response would be fine from me as long as I carry on as normal. He let me down when we broke up and ignored my email. So I dont see why I should give him the same courtesy. Do I really want to begin 2013 with contact with him.

posted December 27, 2012 04:17 PM            

More important to hold my head high and move forwards....

posted December 27, 2012 04:22 PM            

You're decided there is no going back - so leave the door firmly closed on that. Friendship is important to you - if I were you, I'd write him a short note back, thanking him for the wishes & wishing him in turn, but no more. If he tries to pursue it further, make it clear you're not ready for another round, ever. You deserve a chance at true love, so if he wants to try being "friends" (often times that's how exes try to start things up again), let him know that you're not ready to revisit a relationship with him.

posted December 27, 2012 05:44 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by sunshine9:
Sag,

You're decided there is no going back - so leave the door firmly closed on that. Friendship is important to you - if I were you, I'd write him a short note back, thanking him for the wishes & wishing him in turn, but no more. If he tries to pursue it further, make it clear you're not ready for another round, ever. You deserve a chance at true love, so if he wants to try being "friends" (often times that's how exes try to start things up again), let him know that you're not ready to revisit a relationship with him.

Good luck to you & happy holidays!
Sunshine

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Thanks Sunshine! Lovely words...yes TRUE LOVE and took me soooo long to figure out what I deserve. A polite note I could do... I still did not forget the times he ignored my heartfelt messages to him, he was cold and callous. Everyone has been in this position right? Ex's come back...I would like to be friends with ex's but guess some are too toxic to do that with.

I do not wish to start 2013 with him even in contact in my life...2013 is for new people and the ones I love and care for now.

Happy holidays to you too!

Sparkling

posted December 28, 2012 02:58 PM            

Weird huh?
He made the choices to hurt us and me and I am the one making sure he is ok. This was also his 3-4th time in a relationship, but my first.

I feel if anyone should have been checking up and apologizing it should be him.

Anyway, he did apologize and wish me luck.
He said he thought of me from time to time. : /

And wondered if he scarred me.

We exchanged a few emails, but I got the feeling he didnt want to talk to me so...I closed that profile for good.

I feel more at peace. I suppose, it becomes etched into our heads that we cannot force someone to get things and see things.

This helped me see that. It was not the response I would have ideally wanted, but then the relationship was never ideal, how he treated me wasnt either, what he said was not, so why then did I expect something grand from this?

We play our own mind games.

In your case, please dont get your hopes up.

Unless he has had some serious event in his life that helped him see or change him completely....he is hte same mean person who broke your heart.

I would be guarded. I wouldnt bring up the past. Just act and talk like it never mattered...that it wasnt that good anyway.

Fake it til you make it girl. That really helps as ridiculous as it sounds.

Dont let him ask you if you are seing anyone. DOnt even be clear about it. Let him have a murky picture. No, this is not to entice him back...because the last thing you want is emotional drama...and to go through all that pain again.
You should be unclear and vague because he doesnt *deserve* to know what is going on in your life. Of all the people in the world the person who breaks your heart when you are offereing it to him so genuinely.....is the one who really doesnt deserve to know.

I would to get myself over him and ease my pain...use him..
talk to him like a random online stranger. Just when you are bored talk about nothing.

Eventually you will feel empowered enough.

posted December 29, 2012 12:12 PM            

If you already found and have had your closure from that relationship. Theres no point in responding. Why fake nice, politeness when you have moved on. I agree with you that 2013 is about new peoople and the ones that love you.

He is too late, you have moved on so let it be in the past.

posted December 29, 2012 12:14 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Junethird:
Hey sparkling,

If you already found and have had your closure from that relationship. Theres no point in responding. Why fake nice, politeness when you have moved on. I agree with you that 2013 is about new peoople and the ones that love you.

He is too late, you have moved on so let it be in the past.

Good luck and happy 2013!

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posted December 29, 2012 12:26 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Junethird:
Hey sparkling,

If you already found and have had your closure from that relationship. Theres no point in responding. Why fake nice, politeness when you have moved on. I agree with you that 2013 is about new peoople and the ones that love you.

He is too late, you have moved on so let it be in the past.

Good luck and happy 2013!

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Hello Junethird,

Wishing you a happy start to 2013! If I had truly thought contact with him would bring me happiness, I would not hesitate to reply but it just feels like a pattern. There is no point in thinking what if? I feel he would abandon me eventually anyway at some point. There is closure in me having the power in choosing IF I wish to reply.

He IS too late. This has been ongoing since 2009 with long breaks in between. I would like to tell the universe what I DO want, and that's what I have been working on and indeed the types of guys I have been meeting recently are nice, decent guys.

There is that tiny part of me....that whispers to me, I should see what my ex wants, but that is only a tiny part, and is really the insecurity. I'll stay strong.

I am writing a to-do list for 2013, things I want to do and accomplish and focus on the future.